142: Barbara - This American Life

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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #142 | October 15, 1999 142: Barbara Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.

00:00 00:00 文字记录分享此美国生活生活伙伴如何收听剧集推荐关于概述员工公告奖学金工作音乐在路上制作电台常见问题解答提交商品联系我们我们的其他节目商品关注我们生活伙伴订阅我们的时事通讯整集切换音频和文字记录同步文字记录 | 内容第 142 集 | 1999 年 10 月 15 日 142：芭芭拉注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。

If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.

如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。

Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.

文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。

Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.

请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。

Prologue Ira Glass People really were different back in the '60s.

序言 Ira Glass 六十年代的人们真的很不一样。

Here is something that it is impossible to imagine any politician saying today-- any successful, mainstream, big-time politician anyway.

这是今天任何政治家都无法说出的话——无论如何，任何成功的、主流的、重要的政治家都会说这样的话。

Listen to the President of the United States, June 4, 1965.

1965 年 6 月 4 日，听听美国总统的讲话。

Perhaps most important is the breakdown of the Negro family structure.

也许最重要的是黑人家庭结构的崩溃。

For this, most of all white America must accept responsibility.

为此，美国大多数白人必须承担责任。

It flows from centuries years of oppression and persecution of the Negro man.

它源于几个世纪以来对黑人的压迫和迫害。

In 1965, black single mothers became a national political issue, a national symbol, for the very first time.

1965年，黑人单亲母亲首次成为一个国家政治问题、一个国家象征。

And it was the Democrats who put the issue on the table.

正是民主党把这个问题摆到了桌面上。

A young Assistant Secretary of Labor named Daniel Patrick Moynihan submitted a report to President Lyndon Johnson calling for national action, to do something about the large number of black single mothers.

一位名叫丹尼尔·帕特里克·莫伊尼汉的年轻助理劳工部长向林登·约翰逊总统提交了一份报告，呼吁全国采取行动，对大量黑人单亲母亲采取行动。

When large numbers of men grow up in homes without strong male authority, the report said, it leads to chaos, crime, violence, and unrest.

报告称，当大量男性在没有强大男性权威的家庭中长大时，就会导致混乱、犯罪、暴力和动乱。

Black single mothers, the report declared, were at the center of quote "a tangle of pathology in the black community." Black leaders, including the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior, did not take too kindly to all this.

报告宣称，黑人单亲母亲是“黑人社区中一团病态”的核心。包括小马丁·路德·金博士在内的黑人领袖对这一切并不太友善。

They said that all this talk of black pathology had unfortunate racist overtones, and the issue dropped from the national scene for years.

他们说，所有这些关于黑人病态的讨论都带有不幸的种族主义色彩，这个问题多年来一直从全国舞台上消失。

Then the Republicans picked it up.

然后共和党人接手了它。

Ronald Reagan talked about welfare queens.

罗纳德·里根谈到了福利女王。

Dan Quayle said the LA riots happened mainly because of a breakdown in traditional family structure.

丹·奎尔表示，洛杉矶骚乱的发生主要是因为传统家庭结构的崩溃。

For two decades, the entire national debate over welfare reform has often seemed like it's really just a referendum on inner city single mothers, which brings us to Barbara Clinkscales.

二十年来，整个全国关于福利改革的辩论常常看起来就像是对内城区单身母亲的公投，这让我们想到了芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯(Barbara Clinkscales)。

We gave Barbara Clinkscales a cassette recorder.

And for seven months, she taped her family's life.

在七个月的时间里，她录下了家人的生活。

And the story we bring you today, her life in her own words, it isn't that it completely contradicts everything in the national debate over single mothers, though sometimes it does contradict that debate.

我们今天为您带来的故事，用她自己的话说，她的生活并不是完全与全国范围内有关单身母亲的辩论相矛盾，尽管有时确实与该辩论相矛盾。

It's more that when you hear her talk, the national policy discussion somehow seems irrelevant and off the point.

更重要的是，当你听到她的讲话时，国家政策的讨论在某种程度上似乎是无关紧要的、离题的。

It's as if the policymakers have no real picture of what a life like hers is really like.

就好像政策制定者根本不了解像她这样的生活到底是什么样的。

Today, we devote our entire program to her story.

今天，我们的整个节目都在讲述她的故事。

From WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life.

来自芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台的《This American Life》。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Like most African-American single mothers, like 77% of them, Barbara Clinkscales works for a living.

与大多数非洲裔美国单身母亲（其中 77%）一样，芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯 (Barbara Clinkscales) 靠工作谋生。

She has a job in the new information economy as a data entry operator.

她在新信息经济中担任数据输入操作员的工作。

And she's so committed to seeing that her kids graduate high school that when her son, Gerald, cut some classes, she started escorting him to class herself, telling his classmates, "My name is Barbara.

她非常致力于帮助她的孩子们高中毕业，以至于当她的儿子杰拉尔德逃了一些课时，她开始亲自护送他去上课，并告诉他的同学，“我的名字是芭芭拉。

I think we'll be seeing a lot of each other from now on."

我想从现在开始我们会经常见面。”

Before we start her story, some quick statistics to put all this in perspective.

在我们开始她的故事之前，我们先来一些快速的统计数据来正确地看待这一切。

Barbara's family is not unusual at all.

There has been a radical shift in American family structure.

美国的家庭结构发生了根本性的转变。

The number of children born to black single mothers has risen from 17% in 1950 to 70%, seven zero, in 1994.

黑人单亲母亲所生孩子的数量从1950年的17%上升到1994年的70%，即七个零。

The number of white children born to single mothers has risen even faster, from 1.7% in 1950 to 25% in 1994.

单亲母亲所生的白人儿童数量增长得更快，从 1950 年的 1.7% 上升到 1994 年的 25%。

Here, then, is the story of one single mother told in her own words.

那么，这是一位单亲母亲用她自己的话讲述的故事。

OK.

好的。

Hi, I know we late.

嗨，我知道我们迟到了。

I'm sorry.

对不起。

Yeah, it's my fault this time.

是啊，这次是我的错。

Let me introduce myself.

让我自我介绍一下。

My name is Barbara.

我叫芭芭拉。

Hi baby, good morning.

嗨宝贝，早上好。

I'm a single mom.

我是一个单亲妈妈。

I have three kids, Angie, Tess, and Gerald.

我有三个孩子，安吉、苔丝和杰拉尔德。

Good morning.

早上好。

Barbara Clinkscales Good morning.

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯早上好。

Angie's 25.

安吉25岁了

Tess and Gerald are 17.

苔丝和杰拉尔德今年 17 岁。

They are twins.

他们是双胞胎。

They're in high school, in the 11th grade.

他们正在上高中，11年级。

Hi, my name is Barbara Clinkscales.

大家好，我叫芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯。

Everybody knows me.

每个人都认识我。

Yeah, I know that name from somewhere, Clinkscales.

是的，我从某个地方知道这个名字，Clinkscales。

Yeah, I always bring him to school.

是的，我总是带他去学校。

And I stand here while he goes up to his locker, and he comes back.

当他走向储物柜时我站在这里，然后他回来了。

Every morning, I take Gerald to school.

If I don't take him to school, he'd get up, get dressed, and he'd just sit there.

如果我不送他去学校，他就会起床，穿好衣服，然后就坐在那里。

He won't go.

他不会去。

In order to take him to school, I have to go a half hour out of my way in the opposite direction of my workplace.

为了送他去学校，我得绕着工作地点的反方向走了半个小时。

Then after I leave his school, it takes me another 50 minutes to an hour back past my house before I get to work.

然后，当我离开他的学校后，我又花了 50 分钟到一个小时才经过我家才去上班。

Altogether, it takes me an hour and a half to two hours to get to work in the morning.

总共，我早上上班要花一个半小时到两个小时。

But I'm sorry, Mr. Maybaum.

但我很抱歉，梅鲍姆先生。

Mr. Maybaum That's OK, everyone's right out here.

Maybaum 先生：没关系，大家都在这儿。

Last week, almost every afternoon-- I'm going to go get my book-- he did not come to my afternoon classes.

上周，几乎每天下午——我要去拿书——他没有来参加我下午的课。

Let me go get my book.

让我去拿我的书。

I was at school.

我当时在学校。

Barbara Clinkscales You stayed in school, but you just didn't go to his class?

Barbara Clinkscales：你留在了学校，但你只是没有去上他的课？

That doesn't sound like it makes any sense, does it, Gerald?

这听起来没有任何意义，是吗，杰拉德？

Where did you go if you stayed in school?

如果你留在学校你去哪儿了？

The twins don't go to school in the neighborhood we live in.

双胞胎不在我们住的社区上学。

I had to borrow my coworker's address to get them into Bogan High School because I feel Bogan High School is a real good school.

我不得不借用同事的地址让他们进入博根高中，因为我觉得博根高中是一所真正的好学校。

They really care about the kids, and they work with you.

他们真的很关心孩子，并且会和你一起工作。

Like Gerald's teacher, Mr. Maybaum.

He cares about Gerald as if Gerald was his own child.

他关心杰拉德，就像关心自己的孩子一样。

Where have you been going?

Come on.

快点。

You might as well tell us.

No big, dark secret, is it?

Where you been going?

你去哪儿了？

Where did you go last week?

Gerald, are those hickies on your neck?

No. Barbara Clinkscales Yes, they are.

What a-- Turn around.

什么——转过身来。

You see that, Mr. Maybaum?

你看到了吗，梅鲍姆先生？

What's that?

那是什么？

Barbara Clinkscales That's what he's probably doing.

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯（Barbara Clinkscales）：他可能就是这么做的。

Those are the love passion marks, hickies.

Could be.

可能是。

Could be.

可能是。

Barbara Clinkscales If I hit you upside your head, you'll know what they are.

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯如果我打你的头，你就会知道它们是什么。

Right now, all I can focus on is the twins and getting them through high school.

现在，我能集中精力的就是双胞胎并帮助他们完成高中学业。

Get them through high school.

让他们读完高中。

Now we're walking him down to the other end of the school to the counselor's office, Mr. Ware, where he'll have to reinstate Gerald because of those two cuts.

现在我们正陪着他走到学校的另一端，韦尔先生的辅导员办公室，由于那两次的裁员，他必须在那里恢复杰拉德的职位。

When I talk to them about graduating, I always tell them, when they walk across that stage, I'm going to do a cartwheel.

当我和他们谈论毕业时，我总是告诉他们，当他们走过那个舞台时，我要做一个侧手翻。

And my best girlfriend, she says, she's going to do a split.

我最好的女朋友，她说，她要分手了。

And the twins look at us and laugh.

And they say, they want to see this.

And I say, well, I better start practicing because I know you guys are going to walk across that stage.

我说，好吧，我最好开始练习，因为我知道你们会走过那个舞台。

OK, what I was doing, that moment of silence, I was writing my name and the time, signing in, on the sign-in sheet in Room 102.

好吧，我在做什么，那一刻的沉默，我在102房间的签到表上写下我的名字和时间，签到。

I'm sitting here next to Gerald waiting.

我坐在杰拉德旁边等着。

I always dreamed about going on a prom, all the senior activities that the seniors do when they graduate from high school.

我一直梦想着参加舞会，参加高年级学生高中毕业时所做的所有高级活动。

I didn't get a chance to go on a prom because when I was graduating from high school, I had my own apartment.

我没有机会参加舞会，因为当我高中毕业时，我有了自己的公寓。

I had been out on my own ever since I was 16 years old.

我从16岁起就一直独自外出。

So I had to play grown-up.

所以我必须扮演成年人。

But I can live some of my dreams through them.

That's why I feel the way that I feel, that nothing is going to get in my way, nothing.

这就是为什么我有这样的感觉，没有什么能妨碍我，没有什么。

You really think you're smart, Gerald, don't you?

你真的认为自己很聪明，杰拉德，不是吗？

You really think you're getting away with something, don't you?

你真的认为你能逃脱惩罚，不是吗？

Do you think I'm going to give up?

Huh?

啊？

Do you think I'm going to give up?

你认为我会放弃吗？

Gerald, I'm talking to you.

I'm going to kill you, Gerald, and sit up in jail before I let you be out there on them streets, no education, a dymie, trying to deal drugs to have some money.

I will take your life and sit up in jail gladly.

我会取走你的生命，然后高兴地坐在监狱里。

Because I'm not going to live day to day, knowing my only son is a failure.

因为我不会日复一日地生活，因为我知道我唯一的儿子是个失败者。

All right?

好的？

[SOUND OF A BASS LINE AND GLASSES CLINKING]

[低音线和眼镜叮当声]

My landlord is playing his music.

我的房东正在播放他的音乐。

I'm standing here just holding the mic.

我站在这里只是拿着麦克风。

I have a portable bar because I like to collect pretty glasses.

我有一个便携式酒吧，因为我喜欢收集漂亮的眼镜。

And that's just how the music is vibrating through the floor.

这就是音乐在地板上振动的方式。

Really, noise don't bother me.

真的，噪音不会打扰我。

When you grow up in the projects, noise just don't bother you.

当你在项目中长大时，噪音就不会打扰你。

You can live with it.

你可以忍受它。

And my apartment is real big.

而且我的公寓真的很大。

I have three bedrooms, living room, dining room, a nice long hallway.

我有三间卧室、客厅、餐厅、一个漂亮的长走廊。

And I'm walking into Gerald's room now.

我现在正走进杰拉尔德的房间。

And you get-- why?

I can't come in here?

我不能进来吗？

Well, they can't see you.

好吧，他们看不到你。

Gerald Clinkscales But it's going to be on the radio, though.

杰拉尔德·克林斯凯尔斯：不过，它会在广播中播出。

Well, you should keep it clean if you don't want nobody to know your room is dirty.

好吧，如果你不想让别人知道你的房间很脏，你就应该保持房间干净。

People will be hearing it?

人们会听到吗？

Barbara Clinkscales Yes.

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯是的。

Everything we talk about from now on, your whole life, is going to be on the radio.

从现在起我们谈论的一切，你的一生，都将在广播中出现。

People are going to know how you don't want to go to school, how your momma have to take you to school every day, watch you go in your classroom.

人们会知道你如何不想去上学，你妈妈如何每天必须送你去学校，看着你走进教室。

So I'm in my living room now.

所以我现在在我的客厅里。

And I'm having company tomorrow, so we going to clean up tonight.

明天我有客人，所以今晚我们要打扫卫生。

And I can't wait for Tess to come home because I worry about her being out at night.

我等不及苔丝回家了，因为我担心她晚上出去。

But I can't stop her from doing the things that she want to do.

但我无法阻止她做她想做的事。

But I really don't have no peace until she walk through that door.

但直到她走进那扇门，我才真正平静下来。

And then I feel better.

然后我感觉好多了。

OK.

好的。

I guess I'll start cooking them tacos.

我想我会开始做炸玉米饼。

I promised that I'd cook tacos for dinner.

我答应我晚餐会做炸玉米饼。

[SOUND OF THREE GUNSHOTS] Barbara Clinkscales Oh god, did you just hear that?

[三声枪响] 芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯天哪，你刚刚听到了吗？

They're shooting.

Oh god, don't let that be Tess.

天哪，别让那是苔丝。

Oh god, I hope Tess is not outside.

天哪，我希望苔丝不在外面。

Gerald, get away from the windows.

杰拉尔德，远离窗户。

[SOUND OF TWO GUNSHOTS] Gerald, just come in the hall.

[两声枪响] 杰拉尔德，快到大厅来。

Come in the hallway, Gerald.

到走廊来吧，杰拉尔德。

What?

什么？

Barbara Clinkscales Where are you at?

芭芭拉·克林克凯尔斯你在哪里？

Oh god, I hope Tess is not out there.

天哪，我希望苔丝不在外面。

Oh god.

天啊。

Crime and drugs is everywhere, but I know my block is the crack block.

犯罪和毒品无处不在，但我知道我的街区是破解街区。

Just wait, Gerald.

Wait 'til the shooting stops.

等到射击停止。

I always lived in the area.

我一直住在该地区。

But I moved right on the worst block.

但我直接搬到了最差的街区。

I just moved smack dab in the middle of hell, pick-up hell.

And he put me right in the middle.

他把我放在中间。

That's my block.

Gerald, is that the police or ambulance?

杰拉德，那是警察还是救护车？

Do you see anything?

你看到什么了吗？

No. Barbara Clinkscales Oh god.

不，芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯天哪。

It sounded like somebody coming up the steps.

听起来好像有人走上台阶。

That's probably Tess.

[SOUND OF THREE KNOCKS]

Oh god, it's Tess.

And they just got through shooting, so that means she had to be getting off the bus on 79th Street.

Tess, did you hear the shooting?

苔丝，你听到枪声了吗？

When?

什么时候？

Barbara Clinkscales They was just finished shooting.

For what?

为了什么？

Barbara Clinkscales They was outside just shooting.

I didn't hear it.

我没听到。

Barbara Clinkscales Father, thank you again.

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯父亲，再次感谢您。

She was praying for me?

Barbara Clinkscales Yeah, I was praying.

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯是的，我在祈祷。

They was just shooting.

他们只是在射击。

You could have got caught up in that.

你可能会陷入其中。

Where are you just coming from?

你刚从哪里来？

The library.

图书馆。

Barbara Clinkscales Come up close.

芭芭拉·克林克凯尔斯走近一点。

I can't hear you.

我听不到你说话。

Doing research on Thurgood Marshall for me English class.

Oh, OK.

哦，好吧。

Tess and Gerald are twins, but they are totally opposite, like night and day, sweet and sour.

Tess is the dominant twin.

苔丝是双胞胎中的主导者。

She knows what she want, and what she have to do to get it.

Tess was on the cheerleaders.

苔丝是啦啦队成员。

She was on the swim team.

她是游泳队的成员。

She worked at Seaway Bank.

她在Seaway银行工作。

I never, never had to take Tess to school.

我从来、从来都不需要送苔丝去学校。

I don't have to wake you up.

我不需要叫醒你。

Tess Clinkscales No.

So you get up on your own?

那你自己起来吗？

Tess Clinkscales Give me a Tasmanian alarm clock.

That's what I want.

这就是我想要的。

OK, her name is Tess.

And they call her Taz.

他们叫她塔兹。

So she loves Tasmania, anything with Tasmania.

所以她喜欢塔斯马尼亚，喜欢塔斯马尼亚的一切。

If you come over and you see her room, she have Tasmania posters, Tasmania blankets, pillows, clothes.

Underwear, socks, pictures.

内衣、袜子、图片。

Barbara Clinkscales Tess have so many of my ways.

She eat like me.

She think like me.

She dress like me.

And these are things that just come natural, not things that I teach her.

It just come natural.

Is this for me?

这是给我的吗？

Barbara Clinkscales Yeah, no, wait 'til you eat.

芭芭拉·克林克斯凯尔斯是的，不，等你吃完再说。

Now what about your diet?

现在你的饮食怎么样？

Forget my diet.

Everybody like me the way I am.

每个人都喜欢我本来的样子。

Oh Lord.

哦主啊。

First, she was all depressed.

首先，她整个人都很沮丧。

She said her arms was too fat.

她说她的手臂太粗了。

They still is.

他们仍然是。

Look, I still want to get my arms sucked.

瞧，我还想吸我的胳膊。

Some boy done told her that she looked good, so she don't care about-- she want liposuc-- what you call that?

My arms sucked.

我的手臂很烂。

I don't know what it's called.

我不知道它叫什么。

I think it's called liposuction.

我认为这就是所谓的吸脂术。

But I just want to get my arms sucked.

但我只想让我的手臂被吸住。

Oh, OK.

哦，好吧。

Go turn that skillet off.

去关掉那个煎锅。

I'll go and cook the tacos.

我去煮玉米饼。

People always ask me, do I have picks with my kids, who I like the most.

And people always tell me, I know you're proud of Tess.

I know that's your pick.

But you know, Tess is not my pick.

但你知道，苔丝不是我的选择。

I don't have a pick.

我没有选择。

Angie's not my pick.

安吉不是我的选择。

Gerald is not my pick.

杰拉德不是我的选择。

I love my kids the same.

我也同样爱我的孩子。

They all special in they own way.

他们都有自己独特的方式。

Angie, I had Angie at 15.

安吉，我15岁时就有了安吉。

And I was a baby having a baby.

我还是个正在生孩子的婴儿。

I was 15.

那年我15岁。

I didn't know nothing about raising kids.

我对抚养孩子一无所知。

I knew nothing about life.

我对生活一无所知。

But I was determined to stay in school and to graduate and to raise Angie.

And it was just me and her against the world.

只有我和她与世界对抗。

And I did it.

我做到了。

Even though she dropped out of school and had babies and everything, but she's still a good person.

She's my first born.

她是我的第一个孩子。

And Gerald is mommy's man.

杰拉德是妈妈的男人。

That's my son.

那是我的儿子。

All my life, I never had a father.

我一生中从未有过父亲。

I never had a brother.

我从来没有过兄弟。

And so only time I ever loved a man was in a relationship.

And when my son was born, that's a man who loves me unconditionally.

His love is just because I'm his momma.

他的爱只是因为我是他的妈妈。

It's not because he wants something from me.

并不是因为他想从我这里得到什么。

It's not because he wants sex or something.

这并不是因为他想要性什么的。

A man finally loved me for me.

终于有一个男人为了我而爱我了。

And Tess, she's a carbon copy of me.

还有苔丝，她是我的翻版。

In other words, she's a young me.

换句话说，她就是年轻的我。

And you would think she's my pick, but she's not.

Come on, let's make a toast.

来吧，我们干杯吧。

Hen 2 To the Hens.

母鸡 2 致母鸡。

To the Hens.

给母鸡。

Hen 2 Everlasting, never-ending sisters.

Hen 2 永远的姐妹。

The Hens are a group of ladies that's been friends since high school.

We do all kind of stuff together.

我们一起做各种各样的事情。

We laugh, we talk, we watch movies, we get in trouble.

OK, wait a minute.

好的，请稍等。

It spells out something.

它说明了一些事情。

What do it spell?

它拼什么？

H-E-N-S.

H-- hens.

H——母鸡。

Some of the most fun we have is when we go away.

我们最有趣的事情就是当我们离开的时候。

We leave the kids, the husbands, the job.

我们留下孩子、丈夫、工作。

We leave everybody.

我们离开所有人。

Rent a room, and eat, laugh, and talk, and just don't do nothing.

And our next big trip is to Jamaica.

我们的下一次重要旅行是去牙买加。

And we have been planning and paying for this trip since October of last year.

And whenever the Hens are sitting around, talking about our trip to Jamaica, we end up talking about our fantasies, and what we're going to do when we get there.

Every Hen has a different fantasy about Jamaica and what they want to do.

My fantasy is on the beach, a big, black piano, with this man in a white jacket, and I name him Sam, playing the piano, playing love songs.

Y'all know this?

你们都知道这个吗？

And me leaning over it with a exotic drink.

我俯身喝着一杯异国情调的饮料。

And me constantly saying, "Play it again, Sam."

我不断地说：“再玩一遍，萨姆。”

When I go out with my girlfriends, and I meet men, and we go out, especially on one of those hoochie mama nights-- hoochie mama can mean a lot of things.

Sometimes we'll call ourselves, yeah, we're going to be hoochie mamas tonight.

有时我们会自称，是的，今晚我们要成为“hoochiy mamas”。

That mean we going to dress sexy.

这意味着我们要穿得性感。

We don't overdo it, just show a little cleavage, a little legs, something with a split.

And I go out, and I meet men, they just love me.

当我出去时，我遇到了男人，他们就是爱我。

They just all over me.

他们就在我身上。

But they don't know that that's the evil twin, my evil twin.

Everybody know about my evil twin.

每个人都知道我邪恶的双胞胎。

One of my coworkers found out about my evil twin, and he laughed because they know Barbara the hard worker, the mom, the grandmother.

我的一位同事发现了我邪恶的双胞胎，他笑了，因为他们知道芭芭拉是一个勤奋的人，一个母亲，一个祖母。

But every now and then, the evil twin will slip out at work.

But when I go out, the men meet the evil twin.

但当我出去时，他们遇到了邪恶的双胞胎。

The night we get to Jamaica, I'm going to get out on the balcony.

And then I'm going to let all them Jamaican men know that I'm there.

And I'm going to do the Xena yell.

我要发出西娜的叫喊声。

You do that Xena yell, and they're running away.

你照西娜的喊叫，他们就会逃跑。

No, baby, not that Xena yell.

不，宝贝，不是西娜的叫声。

Barbara standing out on that balcony in that gown, and my hair flowing in the wind, no, baby, nuh-uh.

芭芭拉穿着那件礼服站在阳台上，我的头发在风中飘扬，不，宝贝，呃呃。

But when they get to know me, when they see that evil twin was just that personality for the moment, that night, out partying, dancing, living.

And then they get to know the serious me, the mom, the hard worker, the grandmother, they get kind of turned off.

And they constantly refer back to the night we met, that personality.

他们不断地回想起我们见面的那天晚上，那种个性。

What's yours, Tiny?

小小，你的是什么？

Tiny Mine's is dirty.

小矿井很脏。

It ain't clean, huh?

Tiny It ain't clean.

很小，不干净。

I know when I talk to them on the phone after we have met.

当我们见面后我通过电话与他们交谈时我就知道了。

And they call me up, and I try to have decent conversations with them.

他们给我打电话，我尝试与他们进行体面的交谈。

And they want to know, "How do you make love?

他们想知道，“你如何做爱？

What's your favorite position?

你最喜欢什么位置？

How often do you like to make love?" I'm like, "That's none of your business." I'm like, "Do you have kids?

你喜欢多久做爱一次？”我说：“这不关你的事。”我说：“你有孩子吗？

Where you work at?

你在哪里工作？

Are you religious?" I want to talk about these things, and they get turned off.

你有宗教信仰吗？”我想谈论这些事情，但他们却被拒绝了。

They don't want to talk anymore.

他们不想再说话了。

Leah, what's your fantasy?

莉亚，你的幻想是什么？

Leah When we go to Jamaica?

利亚我们什么时候去牙买加？

Oh, just to make wild, passionate love.

哦，只是为了进行狂野而热烈的爱情。

My girlfriend, Peaches, she's going through the same thing I'm going through.

我的女朋友桃子，她正在经历和我一样的事情。

And we said, we have PhDs in heartbreak.

我们说，我们有心碎方面的博士学位。

We can write a book on "No, that's not it." And we just sit up and we laugh and we talk.

我们可以写一本关于“不，不是这样的”的书。我们只是坐起来，边笑边聊天。

And we always tell each other, "Well, one day, we going to be at each other's wedding.

我们总是告诉对方，“好吧，有一天，我们会参加彼此的婚礼。

We going to be standing up there, looking at each other walk down the aisle in love and happy."

我们将站在那里，看着对方，带着爱和幸福走在过道上。”

And so why are we here?

那么我们为什么在这里？

We sit up and talk about our PhDs.

我们坐下来谈论我们的博士学位。

And we add a new chapter to our book.

我们为我们的书添加了新的章节。

It just doesn't seem to fail.

它似乎并没有失败。

I don't know.

我不知道。

Come on, Rosetta.

来吧，罗塞塔。

Rosetta Oh no, mine's is too, too, too outrageous.

I don't have nice things like that.

我没有那样好的东西。

I have great fantasies, great fantasies.

我有伟大的幻想，伟大的幻想。

Just a walk on the beach.

只需在海滩上散步即可。

Rosetta They cannot be told.

罗塞塔他们无法被告知。

It's Monday morning.

现在是星期一早上。

Tess has gone to school.

苔丝去上学了。

We're running late, so I called a cab.

我们快迟到了，所以我叫了一辆出租车。

I called the livery.

我叫了制服。

It's like a person owning his own car, and he drive it as a cab.

这就像一个人拥有自己的汽车，而他把它当作出租车来驾驶。

These cab companies only work throughout the black neighborhood.

这些出租车公司只在黑人社区运营。

Gerald, did you get you a bus pass?

杰拉德，你拿到公交车票了吗？

Your school ID?

Did you ever find your school ID?

你找到你的学生证了吗？

OK.

好的。

Did you lock those bars?

你锁上了那些酒吧吗？

You turn off the iron?

你关掉熨斗了吗？

So I'm going to go downstairs and wait on the cab.

所以我要下楼等出租车。

They said, four minutes.

A grate leaking.

Come on, Gerald.

I'm in the living room with Gerald.

我和杰拉德在客厅里。

I'm just getting home from work.

我刚下班回家。

He was watching TV, so I thought I'd talk with him.

No. Barbara Clinkscales Do you still hate that school?

不。 Barbara Clinkscales 你还讨厌那所学校吗？

People start so much stuff.

人们开始做很多事情。

Barbara Clinkscales What kind of stuff do they start?

Barbara Clinkscales 他们开始做什么样的事情？

They be talking stuff.

他们正在谈论一些事情。

If I do talk back, they act like they about to jump on me.

Would they be thinking about jumping you outside?

他们会考虑把你跳到外面吗？

Yeah.

是的。

They kill people.

他们杀人。

Barbara Clinkscales I know.

我认识芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯。

Just for talking back?

Gerald Clinkscales Yeah.

What do they say to you?

他们对你说什么？

Gerald Clinkscales They just be starting stuff.

Gerald Clinkscales 他们才刚刚开始。

Like what?

比如什么？

Just out of the-- Gerald Clinkscales Like they call you names.

And I call them back.

And they be like-- they jump hard, and I jump hard back.

Five more guys come up on me, telling me, what y'all want to do then?

This means they-- you know-- Barbara Clinkscales They ready to fight?

Yeah.

是的。

Barbara Clinkscales Jump hard mean they jump up to you with their fists up in--

Yeah, they want to pull it.

是的，他们想拉它。

That mean they want to fight you.

这意味着他们想与你战斗。

They want to pull it.

Gerald Clinkscales Yeah, that's slang for they want to fight you.

That's why I was cutting a few classes.

这就是为什么我逃了几节课。

Because if I did when I went to school, I probably would have been beat up by now.

[SOUND OF SOMEONE MAKING A TELEPHONE CALL]

[有人打电话的声音]

Hello?

你好？

Barbara Clinkscales May I speak to Marvin?

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯我可以和马文通话吗？

How you doing?

你好吗？

Marvin.

马文.

I met Marvin through my Auntie Susie's boyfriend, Grantey.

Grantey is from Jamaica And he's been telling me about his nephew, Marvin, and Jamaica for a long, long time.

He always told me that Marvin would be the perfect, perfect man for me.

But I never paid him any attention.

但我从来没有关注过他。

And one Sunday morning, Grantey called me around 7 o'clock in the morning, saying, he just got back from Jamaica, and he had pictures and a phone number, and his nephew wanted me to call him.

And I laid in bed, and I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't.

I couldn't go back to sleep.

我无法回去睡觉。

That's your favorite picture of me?

那是你最喜欢我的照片吗？

You have it with you?

OK.

好的。

So I called him.

所以我打电话给他。

And when I heard his voice, I went into a trance.

It was like I knew him all my life.

就好像我一生都认识他一样。

This was the man for me.

Yeah, I love that song.

Ooh, I used to cry over that song.

哦，我曾经因为那首歌而哭过。

You do?

你做？

Well, I got to play it.

嗯，我得玩一下。

I want to see you cry.

我想看到你哭。

After talking to Marvin for about a week, he asked me to come to Jamaica.

和马文谈了大约一周后，他邀请我去牙买加。

And I got real scared because talking to him on the phone is a security blanket because we're on the phone.

我真的很害怕，因为通过电话与他交谈是一种安全毯，因为我们正在打电话。

We're not in person.

我们不是一个人。

And I'm older than him.

而且我比他大。

Marvin, he's 28.

马文，他28岁了。

I'm 41.

我41岁了。

And being an older woman, being full-figured, and what if I get there, and he don't like me because I'm older, because I'm a full-figured woman?

作为一个年长的女人，身材丰满，如果我到了那里，他不喜欢我，因为我年纪大，因为我是一个身材丰满的女人怎么办？

Those songs make you cry just like they make me cry.

这些歌曲让你哭泣，就像它们让我哭泣一样。

When I tell him these things, he know how I feel.

当我告诉他这些事情时，他知道我的感受。

But he says, it don't matter.

但他说，没关系。

He fell in love with my personality, the way I think, and the things that I believe in.

他爱上了我的个性、我的思维方式以及我所信仰的事物。

He said, it really don't matter.

他说，其实没关系。

So it's time.

所以是时候了。

I'm going to Jamaica.

我要去牙买加。

It's June 6.

现在是 6 月 6 日。

I love you too, baby.

我也爱你，宝贝。

Yeah.

是的。

Bye.

再见。

Here, Gerald, get the keys.

杰拉德，拿钥匙。

I forgot the flowers.

我忘了送花。

What's that, Gerald?

那是什么，杰拉尔德？

Where the flowers?

花在哪里？

The bag is on the microwave that-- Gerald.

袋子放在微波炉里——杰拉德。

What you gonna do?

你要做什么？

Barbara Clinkscales We getting ready to go see Gerald go on his girlfriend's prom.

芭芭拉·克林克凯尔斯我们正准备去看杰拉德参加他女朋友的舞会。

I never want to prom because I couldn't afford it really.

我从来不想参加舞会，因为我真的负担不起。

I really couldn't afford it.

我实在是买不起。

That's the dog that bite me.

就是那只狗咬了我。

Barbara Clinkscales Yeah, that dog gonna bite you.

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯是的，那只狗会咬你的。

Now get in the car.

现在上车吧。

I always wanted it.

我一直想要它。

I said, my kids is going to do the things that I didn't do.

我说，我的孩子会做我没有做过的事情。

And when Angie didn't graduate from high school, it hurt me so bad.

当安吉高中没有毕业时，我非常伤心。

I was like, oh God, my kid's going to follow in my footstep.

我当时想，天哪，我的孩子会追随我的脚步。

And then with Tess and Gerald, and I made a pact with them, and I made a pact with God that they going to do this.

然后我与苔丝和杰拉尔德达成协议，我与他们达成协议，我与上帝达成协议，他们将这样做。

They going to do it for me, and they going to do it for them.

他们会为我做这件事，他们也会为他们做这件事。

What's wrong, Gerald?

怎么了，杰拉尔德？

You nervous?

你紧张吗？

Huh, Gerald?

哈，杰拉德？

Look how he holding the flowers like they're a little, bitty baby.

看他捧着花的样子，就像捧着一个小婴儿一样。

You nervous, Gerald?

你紧张吗，杰拉德？

Because I told Tess, I said, your prom dress is going to be rent.

因为我告诉苔丝，我说，你的舞会礼服将被租用。

Your shoes gonna probably be the phone and light bill.

你的鞋子可能是电话费和电费单。

We're not going to have any food that month, and we might have to live in a shelter.

那个月我们将没有任何食物，我们可能不得不住在避难所里。

Because I'm not paying no bills when it come time for her to go to prom.

因为当她去参加舞会时我不会不付任何账单。

Angie and her friends are talking about crashing the prom, take pictures of Gerald sitting at the table, take pictures of Gerald dancing on the floor, take pictures of Gerald taking pictures.

安吉和她的朋友们正在谈论参加舞会，拍摄杰拉德坐在餐桌旁的照片，拍摄杰拉德在地板上跳舞的照片，拍摄杰拉德拍照的照片。

We're so excited.

我们很兴奋。

It's not even his prom.

这甚至不是他的舞会。

But we're going to live our dreams through the twins.

但我们将通过双胞胎实现我们的梦想。

OK.

好的。

We're standing outside of Keisha's house.

我们站在凯莎的房子外面。

Gerald's ringing the doorbell.

杰拉德正在按门铃。

Gerald's going to get dressed at her house.

杰拉德要去她家穿衣服。

He don't have his tux on.

他没有穿礼服。

I fantasize about Gerald being a man all the time, being a father, working.

我一直幻想杰拉德成为一个男人，成为一名父亲，工作。

I have these pictures in my mind, what he's going to look like when he's 30.

我脑子里有这些照片，他30岁的时候会是什么样子。

I don't do this with Angie.

我不会和安吉做这种事。

I never did this with Tess.

我从来没有对苔丝做过这样的事。

But I wonder all the time about Gerald, what he's going to be like when he's a man.

但我一直想知道杰拉德，当他成为一个男人时会是什么样子。

Give her your tux and stuff, Gerald.

杰拉德，把你的礼服和其他东西给她。

Don't smash your flower.

别打碎你的花。

Give her your tux.

把你的礼服给她。

Uh-oh.

呃哦。

Pick your jacket up, Gerald.

拿起你的夹克，杰拉尔德。

Come on now.

现在来吧。

Don't let it hit the ground.

别让它掉到地上。

Gerald don't have a will like Tess do.

杰拉德不像苔丝那样有遗嘱。

Sometime I think Tess took it all from him.

有时我觉得苔丝夺走了他的一切。

But I know somewhere down the line, Gerald's gonna fool me.

但我知道杰拉德迟早会愚弄我。

I know it.

我知道这。

She's coming down.

她要下来了。

Gerald Clinkscales One more, hurry up.

杰拉尔德·克林斯凯尔斯再来一张，快点。

OK.

好的。

Now she can come down.

现在她可以下来了。

Oh my goodness.

哦，我的天啊。

Oh God, she's so pretty.

天哪，她真漂亮。

OK, hold it, Gerald.

好吧，坚持住，杰拉德。

OK, how you gonna pose?

好吧，你要摆什么姿势？

Come on.

快点。

Come on, Gerald.

来吧，杰拉德。

Put your-- yeah, like that.

把你的——是的，就像那样。

OK, open your-- yeah, yeah, go-- Oh, look at my baby.

好吧，打开你的——是的，是的，去——哦，看看我的宝贝。

Oh, look at him.

哦，看看他。

Oh, look at my baby.

哦，看看我的宝贝。

Hold it again.

再坚持一下。

Hold it again, Gerald.

再坚持一下，杰拉德。

Quickly, hold it like that.

快点，就这样握着。

Open your-- relax, Gerald.

打开你的——放松，杰拉德。

Your hands, relax, there you go.

你的手，放松，就可以了。

Wait, fix his jacket, fix his jacket.

等等，修好他的夹克，修好他的夹克。

Close your jacket in.

把你的外套关上。

OK, there you go.

好的，就这样吧。

OK, now you go.

好的，现在你走了。

Relax.

放松。

There you go, Gerald, relax.

好了，杰拉德，放松点。

OK.

好的。

One day I'm going to look up, and Gerald's going to outdo Tess.

有一天，我抬头一看，杰拉德将会超越苔丝。

And I'm going to go, "Hey, mommy's man, look at you, boy.

我要去，“嘿，妈妈的男人，看看你，孩子。

You go, boy.

你走吧，男孩。

That's mommy's man, hey."

那是妈妈的男人，嘿。”

This is not happening to me.

这没有发生在我身上。

This is a movie.

这是一部电影。

I'm dreaming.

我在做梦。

Somebody pinch me.

有人掐我一下

Wake me up.

叫我起床。

This don't happen to me, no. I don't supposed to be at this moment.

这不会发生在我身上，不。我不应该在这个时刻。

I shouldn't be this happy and this here proud.

我不应该这么高兴，这么自豪。

I know it.

我知道这。

One day, he's going to really fool me.

总有一天，他会真的愚弄我。

I claim it in your name, God.

我以你的名义要求它，上帝。

In your name, Lord, I claim it.

主啊，以你的名义，我要求它。

[SOUNDS OF BARBARA LAUGHING AND CRYING AT KEISHA'S HOUSE]

[凯莎家里芭芭拉的笑声和哭声]

Oh, look at that.

哦，看看那个。

I'm home.

我到家了。

My girls came and picked me up from the airport.

我的女儿们来机场接我。

And I haven't woke up from this dream yet.

而我还没有从这个梦中醒来。

So maybe it's not a dream.

所以也许这不是梦。

It's late.

现在已经晚了。

Let me look at the time.

让我看看时间。

It's like 2:00 AM.

好像是凌晨 2:00。

So I've been laying here for about an hour and a half, thinking about the last 11 days of my life in Jamaica with Marvin.

我在这里躺了大约一个半小时，想着我和马文在牙买加生活的最后 11 天。

Marvin Malcolm Craig.

马文·马尔科姆·克雷格。

Marvin.

马文.

He's 29 years old.

他今年 29 岁。

Yes, and I'm 41.

是的，我41岁了。

When I saw the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back, I made my daughter Angie promise she wouldn't date over a certain age, and I wouldn't date under a certain age because we would never bump heads dating.

当我看电影《斯特拉如何找回她的魅力》时，我让我的女儿安吉保证她不会在一定年龄以上约会，我也不会在一定年龄以下约会，因为我们永远不会碰头约会。

And who breaks the promise?

谁违背了诺言？

Me.

我。

I can't believe it.

我简直不敢相信。

My daughter will be 26 in November.

11 月我女儿就 26 岁了。

And March-- let's see, November, December, January, February, March.

三月——让我们看看，十一月、十二月、一月、二月、三月。

So he's a year and four months older than my daughter.

所以他比我女儿大一岁零四个月。

No, two years, four months.

不，两年零四个月。

Oh boy.

噢，孩子。

Well, I don't care.

好吧，我不在乎。

On my way there, I was so nervous.

在去那里的路上，我非常紧张。

I was so nervous.

我很紧张。

I was so scared.

我很害怕。

But soon I walked out of the airport, I went over there to him, and he just grabbed and hugged me.

但很快我走出机场，走到他身边，他抓住了我，拥抱了我。

And that was the beginning of my new life.

这就是我新生活的开始。

Oh my God, Barbara, what have you done?

天哪，芭芭拉，你做了什么？

He proposed to me, and I said, yes.

他向我求婚，我说，是的。

He had one of his rings melted down, and made into an engagement ring, and asked me to marry him.

他熔化了其中一枚戒指，制成了订婚戒指，并向我求婚。

And he inscribed "Love MC" and the date that he proposed.

他还写下了“Love MC”和他求婚的日期。

Oh God.

天啊。

I am so lucky.

我很幸运。

God, thank you.

天哪，谢谢你。

I know.

我知道。

I used to write letters to God.

我曾经给上帝写信。

And I would put them in a Bible, praying for a man because I was tired of the dating.

我会把它们写进圣经里，为一个男人祈祷，因为我厌倦了约会。

And every time I write a letter, God will give me what I wanted.

每次我写信时，上帝都会给我我想要的东西。

And I said, oh Lord, I should have been more specific.

我说，主啊，我应该更具体一些。

I left out something.

我遗漏了一些东西。

I got to think about this.

我必须考虑一下这个问题。

I got to think about this letter.

我必须考虑一下这封信。

OK, I don't want him to do drugs.

好吧，我不想让他吸毒。

OK, drink to be sociable.

好吧，喝酒是为了社交。

And my coworker, Doris Kelly, she said, "God will give you what you want.

我的同事多丽丝·凯利说：“上帝会给你你想要的。

So if you want him to look a certain way, write it down there." I'm like, "Oh, I can do that?" She's like, "Yeah, it's OK."

所以如果你想让他看起来像某种样子，就把它写下来。”我想，“哦，我能做到吗？”她说：“是的，没关系。”

OK, I wrote down there what I want him to look like.

好吧，我在那里写下了我想要的他的样子。

And I always would leave something out.

我总是会遗漏一些东西。

And you know what I left out this time?

你知道我这次遗漏了什么吗？

I forget to put down, "God, please let him be in the same country.

我忘了写下：“上帝啊，请让他在同一个国家。

And God, can you let him be kind of close to my age?"

老天爷，你能不能让他和我年纪差不多一点？”

So ladies, when you write a letter to God, you can't leave anything out.

所以女士们，当你给上帝写信时，你不能遗漏任何东西。

And I always leave something out.

我总是遗漏一些东西。

But that's OK, Father.

但没关系，神父。

I'm up for this challenge.

我已经做好迎接这个挑战的准备了。

There's so much.

有这么多。

There's so much.

有这么多。

Oh God.

天啊。

And the hardest thing was Marvin and I was laying in the bed.

最难受的是马文和我躺在床上。

And I usually take my shower first.

我通常先洗澡。

But Marvin took his shower first.

但马文先洗澡了。

And he said, "Come, Barbara.

他说：“来吧，芭芭拉。

Come get in the shower." I did not want to do that.

快来洗澡吧。”我不想那样做。

Because I would not let him see me without my clothes on because I feel my body was so ugly, stretch marks from having kids, being a full-figured woman.

因为我不会让他看到我没穿衣服，因为我觉得我的身体太丑了，有孩子的妊娠纹，是一个身材丰满的女人。

I know, look at your beautiful body, breasts sit up all perfect.

我知道，看看你美丽的身材，胸部坐起来都很完美。

And I sat there, holding my stomach, holding my breath.

我坐在那里，捂着肚子，屏住呼吸。

And he called me, "Are you coming, Barbara?

他打电话给我，“你来吗，芭芭拉？

What's wrong, honey?

怎么了，亲爱的？

Honey, what's wrong?" I took a deep breath, and I undressed and got in the shower.

亲爱的，怎么了？”我深吸了一口气，脱掉衣服，走进淋浴间。

And he just took the towel, and he just soaped it up, and washed me.

他只是拿起毛巾，涂上肥皂，然后给我洗澡。

And I stared at him.

我盯着他。

I kept trying to see his face, see his eyes.

我一直想看他的脸，看他的眼睛。

And all my fears and insecurities went away.

我所有的恐惧和不安全感都消失了。

He took those fears away.

他消除了那些恐惧。

And I just keep asking myself, why me?

我只是不断地问自己，为什么是我？

And everyone like, Barbara, why not?

每个人都喜欢，芭芭拉，为什么不呢？

Why not?

为什么不呢？

Coming up, things take a turn for the worst in a minute from Public Radio International when our program continues.

接下来，当我们的节目继续进行时，国际公共广播电台的情况在一分钟内就会发生最糟糕的转变。

It's This American Life.

这就是美国生活。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Today, we are devoting our entire program to one story.

今天，我们将整个节目奉献给一个故事。

Barbara Clinkscales is a single mother living in Chicago.

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯 (Barbara Clinkscales) 是一位住在芝加哥的单亲母亲。

Over the course of seven months, she recorded her family's life.

在七个月的时间里，她记录了家人的生活。

In this half of the show, her story continues.

在节目的这半部分，她的故事仍在继续。

Oh boy.

噢，孩子。

I'm sitting in my bedroom on the end of my bed.

我坐在卧室的床尾。

I stayed at work 'til about 7:00, 7:30.

我一直工作到 7:00、7:30 左右。

I didn't want to come home.

我不想回家。

I just didn't want to deal with this problem, deal with this-- I was praying I didn't have to go through this.

我只是不想处理这个问题，处理这个——我祈祷我不必经历这个。

So I'm just sitting here.

所以我就坐在这里。

Thought I'd just pick the mic up and talk about it.

我想我应该拿起麦克风来谈谈它。

I'd call Gerald in, and we can talk about it.

我会打电话给杰拉德，我们可以谈谈。

Tess called me, and she had Keisha on the phone, Gerald's girlfriend.

苔丝给我打电话，接电话的是杰拉德的女朋友凯莎。

And did Tess tell me she was pregnant, or did Keisha tell me she is pregnant?

是苔丝告诉我她怀孕了，还是凯莎告诉我她怀孕了？

I think it was Tess said that Keisha was pregnant.

我想是苔丝说凯莎怀孕了。

I can't remember.

我不记得了。

I went into shock.

我震惊了。

I didn't say anything for about 10 minutes 'til Tess got scared.

大约有十分钟我什么也没说，直到苔丝害怕了。

And she kept saying, "Momma, momma, momma are you there?

她不停地说：“妈妈，妈妈，妈妈你在吗？

Momma, momma?" I went into shock.

妈妈，妈妈？”我震惊了。

I went into total shock.

我完全震惊了。

I felt sick and dizzy.

我感到恶心和头晕。

And then I just started praying.

然后我就开始祈祷。

And that's when I heard Tess say, "Momma."

就在那时我听到苔丝说：“妈妈。”

How do this feel?

这感觉如何？

I'm trying to sum it up in words.

我试图用语言来概括它。

How do this feel?

这感觉如何？

I want to cry.

我想哭。

I want to scream.

我想尖叫。

Oh God.

天啊。

Last night, I went and picked Angie up from work.

昨晚，我去接安吉下班。

And on my way out the door, Gerald stopped me.

当我走出门时，杰拉德拦住了我。

And he was on the phone.

他正在打电话。

And he said, "Momma, I have a friend, and he's named after his dad.

他说：“妈妈，我有一个朋友，他以他父亲的名字命名。

If he have a son, would his son be the second or the third?"

如果他有儿子的话，他的儿子是老二还是老三？”

So I used Gerald as an example.

所以我用杰拉尔德作为例子。

I said, "Well, Gerald, you're a junior.

我说：“好吧，杰拉德，你是一名大三学生。

Your dad is senior.

你爸爸年纪大了

He's Gerald Louis Clinkscales, number one.

他是杰拉尔德·路易斯·克林克凯尔斯，排名第一。

You're number two.

你是第二名。

And if you had a child, your son would be Gerald Louis Clinkscales the third."

And I just walked my happy-go-lucky butt on down the steps, went out the door, got in the car.

And I started up the car, and something said, I hope that fool haven't got some girl pregnant, and he was talking about himself.

我启动了汽车，有人说，我希望那个傻瓜没有让某个女孩怀孕，他在谈论他自己。

Then I look at the time, I'm like, oh Lord, it's 9:50, I better get out of here.

And it left me.

它离开了我。

I haven't thought anything else about it until the phone call.

在接到电话之前，我并没有考虑过任何其他事情。

Oh my heart hurts so bad.

哦，我的心好痛。

My stomach hurts so bad.

我的肚子好痛。

Oh Father, in the name of your son, Jesus Christ, I don't want to go through this.

I just want to get them through one more year of high school, get them across that stage, Father, please.

So now I have to call him in here, and talk to him, and deal with this, talk about this.

What am I going to say?

我要说什么？

What am I going to say?

我要说什么？

Oh God, forgive me for this, but I don't want to deal with it.

I want to act like it's not happening.

我想表现得好像这件事没有发生一样。

Because I am so tired.

因为我太累了。

I'm so tired of dealing with things.

我已经厌倦了处理事情。

OK, Barbara, take a deep breath.

好吧，芭芭拉，深吸一口气。

Blow it out.

吹掉它。

Call Gerald, and just say what the first thing on your mind.

OK, I'm going to do this.

好的，我要做这个。

Gerald.

杰拉尔德.

Get off that phone, and come here.

放下电话，到这里来。

I'm ready to talk about it now.

我现在准备好谈论它了。

Tell him to call you back tomorrow.

告诉他明天给你回电话。

Or you may not receive any phone calls 'til you grown.

21, and I'm not talking about 18.

21岁，我说的不是18岁。

Have a seat.

请坐。

So why your eyes red?

那你的眼睛怎么红了？

You been crying?

你一直在哭吗？

Sinuses.

鼻窦。

Barbara Clinkscales Your sinuses.

芭芭拉·克林克 (Barbara Clink) 为您的鼻窦清洁。

So I went over to Keisha's house.

于是我就去了Keisha的家。

She says she don't want this baby.

她说她不想要这个孩子。

She don't want to keep it.

她不想保留它。

So how you feel about that?

那么你对此有何感想？

I feel kind of bad because I don't believe in killing babies like that.

I should take care of my responsibility.

我应该承担起我的责任。

And that's it.

就是这样。

No, that ain't it.

不，不是这样的。

How you gonna take care of your responsibility with a McDonald's job?

You got to go to summer school.

你必须去暑期学校。

You gonna probably have to go to night school next year to get you out on time.

Oh God, help me here.

哦上帝，请帮助我。

Lord, give me strength.

主啊，赐予我力量吧。

I can do this.

我可以做到这一点。

If you don't understand how important school is, what do you know about being a father?

I can read the book.

我可以看书。

I can get a book about it.

我可以得到一本关于它的书。

I have to take you to high school, Gerald.

我得送你去高中，杰拉德。

I'm going every day.

我每天都会去。

That's what I'm doing it for this time.

这就是我这次要做的事情。

I was lazy back then.

那时我很懒。

You want Keisha to get an abortion?

你想让凯莎堕胎吗？

I'm not going to make that decision.

我不会做出那个决定。

I don't know.

我不知道。

All I know is I'm not ready for you to have a baby.

I wish this was a dream.

我希望这是一个梦。

I wish it'd never happen.

我希望它永远不会发生。

I wish y'all was playing a joke on me.

我希望你们都在跟我开玩笑。

I'm not going to say that.

我不会这么说。

But no, I don't want y'all to have a baby.

但不，我不想让你们生孩子。

You're not ready.

你还没准备好。

She's not ready.

她还没准备好。

Do you think you're going to be with her the rest of your life?

你觉得你会和她一起度过余生吗？

Didn't I ask you to be a better man?

我不是要求你成为一个更好的人吗？

Do not bring a child into this world that you was not able to love, raise, and marry the mother.

And y'all raise this child together as a family.

你们一家人一起抚养这个孩子。

Didn't I ask you that?

我不是问过你了吗？

Don't make the same mistakes your dad made.

不要犯你父亲犯过的同样的错误。

Be a better man.

做一个更好的人。

That's what I'm trying to do.

这就是我正在努力做的事情。

[MUSIC - "IF I COULD" BY CELINE DION]

[音乐 - 席琳·迪翁的《如果我可以》]

I really love this song.

我真的很喜欢这首歌。

Sometimes I put the CD player on repeat, and I play it over and over again.

I was at work.

我当时正在工作。

And I called Gerald.

我给杰拉德打了电话。

And I asked Gerald, "Have you talked to Keisha?

我问杰拉德：“你和凯莎谈过了吗？

What's going on?

发生什么事了？

Is she going to have an abortion?" And he told me, "No, she's going to keep the baby."

她要堕胎吗？”他告诉我，“不，她会留下这个孩子。”

And I just laid back in my chair at work.

我只是躺在椅子上工作。

And I think I did it for at least 40 minutes.

我想我至少做了 40 分钟。

I just laid there.

我只是躺在那里。

My son, Gerald, he's going to be a father.

我的儿子杰拉德，他将成为一名父亲。

Not someone else's son.

不是别人的儿子。

My son, Gerald.

我的儿子，杰拉德。

OK, I failed.

好吧，我失败了。

My son is not ready.

我儿子还没有准备好。

I can fight with him, getting him through school, getting Gerald to realize how important a career and education is.

我可以和他一起奋斗，让他完成学业，让杰拉德意识到职业和教育的重要性。

But now I got to fight with him being a father.

但现在我必须与他作为父亲进行斗争。

And I know he knows nothing, nothing about being a father.

我知道他对做父亲一无所知。

Angie told me that they was out in J.

安吉告诉我他们在 J 外出。

C.

Penney, and Gerald saw this little jacket.

And Gerald went, "Oh man, Angie, look, won't my little shorty look good in this jacket?" And Angie said, "Mom, I couldn't do nothing but cry." She said, "My brother's going to have a baby." And I didn't think it was cute, "my shorty." He's all proud.

杰拉德说道：“天哪，安吉，你看，我的小矮子穿这件夹克好看吗？”安吉说：“妈妈，我除了哭什么也做不了。”她说：“我弟弟要生孩子了。”我不认为这很可爱，“我的矮子。”他都很骄傲。

I just don't want to go through this again.

我只是不想再经历一次。

I just can't do it.

我就是做不到。

I don't have the money.

我没有钱。

I don't have the strength.

我没有力气。

I don't have time.

我没有时间。

I'm tired.

我累了。

I am so tired.

我好累。

Because all my life, it's been struggling to do this and do that.

因为我一生都在努力做这做那。

And I can give up.

我可以放弃。

But I don't want to give up on my kids.

但我不想放弃我的孩子。

I don't want them to be like they had a life like me.

我不希望他们过着和我一样的生活。

Hello?

你好？

Yeah, my mom told me to record something.

是的，我妈妈让我录点东西。

So I'm kind of shy.

所以我有点害羞。

So I might not say a lot of stuff.

所以我可能不会说很多话。

I'll just talk about me and Keisha.

我只谈谈我和凯莎。

I had got her pregnant, I think before prom.

我想是在舞会之前，我让她怀孕了。

Everybody was just mad.

每个人都疯了。

My mom was just mad.

我妈妈简直生气了。

Her parents, they got mad.

So they don't want me to call the house no more.

所以他们不想让我再给家里打电话了。

So like that.

就这样。

So my mom's staying home.

所以我妈妈呆在家里。

We talked about it.

我们讨论过。

She told me, what did I think.

I was like, I wanted to have it, but her know already I ain't be going to school.

我当时想，我想拥有它，但她已经知道我不会去上学了。

Hey, block that out.

嘿，阻止它。

Shh.

嘘。

Don't tell my momma.

别告诉我妈妈。

Block that out.

阻止它。

I don't want the world to know I'm not going to school.

我不想让全世界都知道我不去上学。

But I'll change now, seeing as I got a kid on the way.

但现在我要改变了，因为我即将生一个孩子。

I just need a job.

我只需要一份工作。

That's what I need.

这就是我需要的。

But it's hard.

但这很难。

They be thinking I'm not trying.

Ma, don't think I'm not trying this hard because my girl, Keisha, she type me up some resumes.

妈，别以为我没有这么努力，因为我的女儿凯莎给我打了一些简历。

Shoot.

射击。

So I went out there, I gave them the resumes.

And they acting like they bored.

So I'm like, man.

所以我就像，伙计。

I'm calling back like, "You checked over my application or whatever?"

我回电话时会说：“你检查过我的申请还是什么？”

He's like, "Yeah, I'll call you.

I'll call you.

我会打电话给你。

I'll call you back next week." And hear you, I'll be two weeks later, calling back.

I'll call you back next week."听你说，我会在两周后回电话。

So that's it.

就是这样。

It's messed up for me right now.

People are acting like they don't want to help nobody and stuff, acting all shisty.

人们表现得好像他们不想帮助任何人或事物，表现得很阴郁。

It's hot in here.

这里很热。

It's 90, almost 100 degrees.

Hot, sweaty, talking on microphones, stomach hurt, feel like I'm about to throw up.

热，出汗，用麦克风说话，胃疼，感觉我快要吐了。

Talking to you about my personal life.

I'm really messed up.

我真的很乱。

But I messed up.

但我搞砸了。

Now I got to pay the price.

But I just messed up.

但我只是搞砸了。

It'd be different if I didn't have no kid on the way.

如果我路上没有孩子的话，情况会有所不同。

It's just messed up for me.

The bar is open.

酒吧营业。

Barbara Clinkscales Today is my bridal shower.

All the Hens are coming.

所有的母鸡都来了。

My family, my mom is coming.

我的家人，我的妈妈来了。

My aunt, her sister, their friends.

Hey Caroline, hey girl.

嘿卡罗琳，嘿女孩。

My nieces, my daughter's friends are coming to my bridal shower, and Rambo.

我的侄女们、我女儿的朋友们和兰博都会来参加我的新娘送礼会。

Y'all got your dollars ready?

Your 5's and 10's?

你的5岁和10岁？

Rambo is the stripper.

兰博是脱衣舞娘。

He's coming all the way from Atlanta, Georgia.

他从佐治亚州亚特兰大远道而来。

And he comes out in this expensive Armani suit, walking around, eyeballing the women, and talking business to them.

他穿着这套昂贵的阿玛尼西装走出来，四处走动，打量着女人们，并与她们谈论生意。

So everybody, we've been practicing, "Rambo, Rambo, Rambo." Then we going to do the Xena yell, "La-la-la-la."

所以大家，我们一直在练习，“兰博，兰博，兰博。”然后我们会像西娜那样大喊“啦啦啦啦”。

So this is Jeri Bello.

这是杰里·贝洛。

And I invited Jeri today to pray over this, to pray for my sister to be happy with her new husband.

我今天邀请杰里为此祈祷，为我的妹妹与她的新丈夫幸福祈祷。

So that's why I invited Jeri here today.

这就是我今天邀请杰里来这里的原因。

Now I'm going to turn it over to Jeri Bello.

现在我要把它交给杰里·贝洛。

God bless everybody here.

愿上帝保佑这里的每个人。

Well, I give honor to God today and to the future bride, the future groom in his absence.

好吧，我今天将荣耀归给上帝，也归给未来的新娘，未来的新郎（在他缺席的情况下）。

I just want to share a word, and it's on marriage.

我只想分享一句话，就是关于婚姻。

A sacrament is an act instituted by God for us to observe, so that we, the people, can receive divine strength.

圣礼是上帝设立的一项行为，让我们遵守，以便我们人民能够获得神圣的力量。

[SOUND OF THE XENA YELL] Barbara Clinkscales Come on, y'all.

[XENA YELL 的声音] Barbara Clinkscales 来吧，你们。

Rambo.

兰博。

Rambo.

兰博。

Rambo.

兰博。

Rambo.

兰博。

Rambo.

兰博。

Tell me what you think about your baby and the pictures.

告诉我你对你的宝宝和照片的看法。

I have ultrasound pictures of Gerald's baby.

我有杰拉尔德宝宝的超声波照片。

It's a girl.

这是一个女孩。

Gerald's going to have a little girl.

杰拉德将会有一个小女孩。

Who's she look like to you?

你眼中的她像谁？

Gerald Clinkscales People saying that she look like me by the nose and the lips.

杰拉尔德·克林斯凯尔斯人们说她的鼻子和嘴唇很像我。

She sure do.

她当然会。

She's big.

她很大了。

You can see her head, her nose, and her lip.

你可以看到她的头、鼻子和嘴唇。

And she look like she got fat cheeks.

而且她看起来脸颊很胖。

How you feel about having a baby girl on the way?

对于即将生下一个女儿，你有何感想？

It feel OK.

感觉还可以。

Barbara Clinkscales I have to say, I'm kind of excited.

Barbara Clinkscales 我不得不说，我有点兴奋。

I'm not so depressed like I used to be when I thought about Gerald being a father.

当我想到杰拉德成为一名父亲时，我不再像以前那样沮丧。

I guess with babies, when you see the babies, it makes it all right.

我想对于婴儿来说，当你看到婴儿时，一切都会好起来的。

So what are you going to do?

那么你要做什么？

How you going to be a father?

你要怎样当父亲？

What type of father are you going to be?

你会成为什么类型的父亲？

A good father.

一个好父亲。

Barbara Clinkscales What is your definition of a good father?

芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯你对好父亲的定义是什么？

To be there for my baby like a father should do.

像父亲应该做的那样陪伴我的孩子。

What should a father do?

父亲应该做什么？

You tell me.

你告诉我。

What should a father do?

父亲应该做什么？

I don't know.

我不知道。

Like the fathers on TV, I guess.

我猜，就像电视上的父亲们一样。

I don't know yet.

我还不知道。

I told Gerald when I get some extra money, I'm going to take him shopping and get things, so he can feel good about himself.

我告诉杰拉德，当我赚到一些额外的钱时，我会带他去购物，买东西，这样他就能自我感觉良好。

Because he kind of lost it the other day.

因为前几天他有点失去了它。

Kind of scared me too, the way he was crying.

他哭的样子也让我有点害怕。

Because he is no longer in the STEP program.

因为他已经不再参加STEP计划了。

He's in regular classes because his test scores were so high.

他在普通班上课，因为他的考试成绩很高。

And he says, "The classes are too hard.

他说：“课程太难了。

They're too hard.

他们太难了。

I can't do it.

我做不到。

I got a baby on the way.

我在路上生了一个孩子。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I don't think I'm a dummy." And he was just going on and on and just scaring the hell out of me.

我不认为我是一个假人。”他一直在说个不停，简直把我吓坏了。

Are you scared?

你害怕吗？

Gerald Clinkscales I don't know.

杰拉尔德·克林克凯尔斯我不知道。

I still like that.

我还是喜欢这样。

I'm kind of ready though.

不过我已经准备好了。

But I let him know that everybody goes through that.

但我让他知道每个人都会经历这个。

And he's going to make it.

他会成功的。

All he had to do was study harder and don't give up.

他所要做的就是更加努力地学习，不要放弃。

And I know he's going to turn out to be a good father.

我知道他会成为一个好父亲。

When you look at those pictures, what do you think?

当你看到这些照片时，你有什么感想？

I can't wait.

我等不及了。

That's what I think.

我就是这么认为的。

I can't wait 'til the baby comes.

我等不及孩子的到来了。

And I told him, "I got your back.

我告诉他：“我支持你。

I'm gonna do what I can.

我会尽我所能。

Don't worry.

别担心。

Momma got your back."

妈妈给你撑腰了。”

That story was recorded by Barbara Clinkscales and was produced by Elise Spiegel with funding from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

这个故事由芭芭拉·克林斯凯尔斯 (Barbara Clinkscales) 录制，由埃莉斯·斯皮格尔 (Elise Spiegel) 在公共广播公司的资助下制作。

Gerald is currently speaking with Keisha's family again.

杰拉德目前正在再次与凯莎的家人交谈。

They're sitting here in the studio with me as I say these words.

当我说这些话时，他们和我一起坐在录音室里。

She looks great.

她看起来很棒。

Her baby is due the first week of the new millennium.

她的孩子预产期是新千年的第一周。

[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] If you'd like to buy a cassette of this program, call us here at WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380, or listen for free at our website, www.thislife.org.

[致谢] 如果您想购买该节目的磁带，请致电芝加哥的 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380，或在我们的网站 www.thislife.org 免费收听。

This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.

《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。

[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who makes this sound at the end of every show:

[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督，他在每场演出结束时都会发出这样的声音：

[SOUND OF THE XENA YELL] I'm Ira Glass.

[XENA 喊叫声] 我是 Ira Glass。

Back next week with more stories of This American Life.

下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。

This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.

《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。