136: You Are Here - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #136 | August 6, 1999 136: You Are Here Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 136 集 | 1999 年 8 月 6 日 136：你在这里 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Amy McGuiness flies people to the North Pole, tourists who pay thousands of dollars for the privilege.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 艾米·麦吉尼斯 (Amy McGuiness) 带领人们前往北极，游客们为此支付了数千美元。
It's a six-hour flight in a prop jet.
这是乘坐螺旋桨飞机的六个小时的飞行。
And for most of that time, if you look out the window, all you see is ice.
大多数时候，如果你向窗外看，你看到的都是冰。
When you get to the Pole, it looks exactly like all the other ice you've been staring at for hours.
当你到达极地时，它看起来和你已经盯着看几个小时的所有其他冰块一模一样。
So the tourists climb out of the plane.
于是游客们就从飞机上爬了出来。
They're only given half an hour at the Pole.
他们只在极点停留了半个小时。
And what do most of them do with the time?
他们中的大多数人都用时间做什么？
Take pictures.
拍照。
And most of them have brought these little global positioning devices, GPSs.
他们中的大多数人都带来了这些小型的全球定位设备，GPS。
And they spend their time looking at the devices which tell them that yes, this is, in fact, the North Pole.
他们花时间查看设备，这些设备告诉他们，是的，这实际上是北极。
Here's Amy McGuiness.
请听艾米·麦吉尼斯的报道。
Getting out of the plane and looking around, there'd be nothing to tell you that you're at the North Pole.
下飞机环顾四周，没有任何东西可以告诉你你已经到了北极。
They can usually verify it by just powering up the GPS.
他们通常只需打开 GPS 电源即可验证。
I realize, actually, as we talk, I have no picture in my head of what would be at the North Pole except what you would see in a kid's cartoon, which is a barber pole sticking out of the ground.
我意识到，事实上，当我们谈话时，我脑子里对北极的情况一无所知，除了你会在儿童卡通片中看到的，那就是一根伸出地面的理发杆。
But there's no such a thing, right?
但不存在这样的事情，对吧？
No, and it seems ridiculous, and I laugh, but I've had passengers ask, "Where's the barber pole?"
不，这看起来很荒谬，我笑了，但有乘客问我，“理发店的杆子在哪里？”
Oh really?
哦真的吗？
Amy Mcguiness Yeah.
艾米·麦吉尼斯 是的。
But we usually, with the groups, we take up some kind of a fake barber pole and stick it in the ice somewhere, just for pictures' sake.
但我们通常会和团体一起拿起某种假理发杆，把它插在冰里的某个地方，只是为了拍照。
There are the people who always want to know where they are in the world.
有些人总是想知道自己在世界的哪个位置。
They move through the world checking their position.
他们环游世界检查自己的位置。
And there's a kind of travel that we all do sometimes that's all about that moment of "You are here." You check where you are.
我们有时都会进行一种旅行，那就是“你在这里”的那一刻。你检查一下你在哪里。
You check your position on the map.
您检查您在地图上的位置。
You take a snapshot.
你拍一张快照。
You move on.
你继续前进。
The North Pole is just an extreme example.
北极只是一个极端的例子。
Because, of course, there's nothing there, no one to meet, you're only there for half an hour.
因为，当然，那里什么也没有，没有人可以见面，你只在那里呆了半个小时。
It costs $30,000 per person.
每人花费30,000美元。
And, until recently, a regular civilian would have no way to confirm that they were at the North Pole since normal compasses, like the one on the airplane that Amy McGuiness flies--
而且，直到最近，普通平民还无法确认他们是否在北极，因为普通的指南针，就像艾米·麦吉尼斯驾驶的飞机上的指南针一样——
Because we're so close to the magnetic North Pole that it basically tips in the jar it's sitting in and is unreliable.
因为我们离磁北极如此之近，以至于它基本上会在它所在的罐子里翻倒，而且不可靠。
It'll be 60 degrees off the proper heading.
它将偏离正确航向 60 度。
It tips as if to say, "Oh, forget it."
它提示好像在说：“哦，算了。”
Yeah, exactly.
是的，完全正确。
Ira Glass And then there's this sort of person who kind of enjoys the moment when the compass stops working, the moment when there's no way to tell exactly where you are, and no global positioning system to help you figure it out.
Ira Glass：还有一种人喜欢指南针停止工作的那一刻，那一刻无法准确告诉你你在哪里，也没有全球定位系统来帮助你弄清楚。
The good and bad thing now that everyone has GPS-- because in a way, it's certainly nice to know where you are.
现在每个人都有 GPS，这有好处也有坏处——因为从某种程度上来说，知道自己在哪里当然是件好事。
And it takes away a bit of the panic factor.
它消除了一些恐慌因素。
It doesn't matter what part of the world you're in.
您位于世界的哪个部分并不重要。
But there is something lost there in always knowing exactly where you are.
但总是准确地知道自己在哪里，就会失去一些东西。
Well, in a way, it's the opposite of adventure.
嗯，在某种程度上，这与冒险相反。
Sure, sure.
当然，当然。
And adventure, it becomes sort of an art when it comes to finding out or thinking of where you are and where you want to end up.
而冒险，当它发现或思考你在哪里以及你想要到达哪里时，它就变成了一门艺术。
On today's radio program, three stories, three people, three sets of maps.
在今天的广播节目中，三个故事，三个人，三套地图。
And what it's like to be lost, how we all struggle in that moment not to give ourselves over to fear, and, hopefully, try to enjoy it.
迷路是什么感觉，在那一刻我们如何努力不让自己屈服于恐惧，并希望尝试享受它。
From WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Act One of our program today, Ishtar Days, Arabian Nights.
我们今天的节目第一幕，伊什塔尔日，天方夜谭。
A man tries to lose himself completely, leave the places charted on maps.
一个人试图完全迷失自己，离开地图上标出的地方。
And what happens to you, and what you find when you try to leave the known world like this and succeed.
当你试图像这样离开已知的世界并取得成功时，你会发生什么，以及你会发现什么。
Act Two, The Game.
第二幕，游戏。
Writer David Sedaris finds himself in a room full of people in a foreign city.
作家大卫·塞达里斯发现自己在一个外国城市的一个房间里挤满了人。
He doesn't speak the language.
他不会说这种语言。
He doesn't know anyone.
他谁也不认识。
And he has one simple, simple mission, a mission that you, yourself, may be capable of.
他有一个非常非常简单的使命，一个你自己也许有能力完成的使命。
Act Three, When You Can Snatch The Pebble From My Hand, Grasshopper, Then You Can Leave.
第三幕，当你能从我手里抢走鹅卵石时，蚱蜢，你就可以离开了。
One low-paid office worker tries to operate a global positioning apparatus on the map of her entire life.
一名低薪上班族试图在她一生的地图上操作一台全球定位装置。
Stay with us, my friend.
和我们在一起吧，我的朋友。
Act One, Ishtar Days, Arabian Nights.
第一幕，伊什塔尔日，一千零一夜。
Back when he was 21, John Bowe decided to visit a friend of his who was in the Peace Corps in Mali, in Africa.
21 岁时，约翰·鲍 (John Bowe) 决定去拜访一位在非洲马里和平队工作的朋友。
But he chose, I have to say, the most difficult possible route to get there.
但我不得不说，他选择了最困难的路线到达那里。
He decided to hitchhike across the Sahara Desert.
他决定搭便车穿越撒哈拉沙漠。
And not just hitchhike, but hitchhike using a remote route 1,000 miles long that most hitchhikers avoid.
而且不仅仅是搭便车，而是使用大多数搭便车者都避开的 1,000 英里长的偏远路线。
He brought no special gear, carried a small bag filled mostly with books, one change of clothes.
他没有带什么特殊装备，只带着一个小包，里面装满了书和一套换洗的衣服。
He wanted to go to places on the map with fewer and fewer roads.
他想去地图上道路越来越少的地方。
And I don't know.
我不知道。
When you travel a lot, when you're traveling and just sort of drifting around, you spend a lot of time looking at the map.
当你经常旅行时，当你在旅行中四处漂泊时，你会花很多时间看地图。
And you exoticize it.
然后你把它变得异国情调。
And you get this weird relationship to it, where you start just thinking, "Well, god, this was cool getting to this remote area.
你会发现这种奇怪的关系，你开始想，“好吧，上帝，来到这个偏远地区真是太酷了。
I bet you it would be cooler to get to that area because it's that much more remote." You want to go off the map.
我敢打赌，到达那个地区会更凉爽，因为那里更加偏远。”你想离开地图。
You want to go off the map?
你想离开地图吗？
You want to go off the map, meaning you want to go off the area where the roads are on the map?
您想要离开地图，这意味着您想要离开地图上道路所在的区域？
Right.
正确的。
But you want to go off the map in a more metaphorical sense, too.
但你也想从更隐喻的意义上走出地图。
You want to get off of the grid of American life, the grid of the modern world.
你想要摆脱美国生活、现代世界的束缚。
You want to get totally away from white people and American techno living that's defined world culture.
你想要完全远离白人和美国科技生活，这是世界文化的定义。
How easy or how hard was it to get off the map?
从地图上消失有多容易或多难？
Well, that's one of the really interesting things.
嗯，这是非常有趣的事情之一。
You can hop on a plane from anywhere to anywhere, hop on another little plane or train or something else, and then walk 20 feet and be in the middle of nowhere, which is one of the weirdest things about the modern world.
你可以从任何地方跳上飞机到任何地方，再跳上另一架小飞机或火车或其他东西，然后步行 20 英尺，就到了一个荒无人烟的地方，这是现代世界最奇怪的事情之一。
You could take a plane probably from New York to Manaus in Brazil, and take a boat, and immediately be lost in the middle of the rainforest.
你可能可以从纽约乘飞机到巴西的马瑙斯，然后乘船，然后立即迷失在雨林之中。
And it would take you all of a day to get there.
你需要一整天的时间才能到达那里。
So the idea was to hitchhike across the Sahara Desert.
所以我们的想法是搭便车穿越撒哈拉沙漠。
And at first, I had had this idea because of my trusty Michelin map.
起初，我有这个想法是因为我值得信赖的米其林地图。
They indicated that there was still a camel caravan that goes back and forth between southern Morocco and Timbuktu.
他们表示，仍有一支骆驼商队在摩洛哥南部和廷巴克图之间来回穿梭。
And I kept asking people around, "Is there still a camel caravan that does this thing?" And people were kind of saying, yes, but only the people who were trying to sell me stuff, like, "Yeah, well, but you're going to need a lot of stuff for the journey.
我不断地问周围的人，“还有骆驼商队做这种事吗？”人们会说，是的，但只有那些想卖给我东西的人，比如，“是的，好吧，但你在旅途中需要很多东西。
Why don't you buy this $300 worth of stuff?" So it's like, "Well, let me just make sure there's a caravan first."
你为什么不买这个价值300美元的东西呢？”所以这就像是，“好吧，让我先确保有一辆大篷车。”
And then it's funny because, later, I found out about some German kid who had actually bought $1,000 worth of gear.
这很有趣，因为后来我发现有一个德国孩子实际上购买了价值 1,000 美元的装备。
And they said, "Oh yeah, just be here." They sold him a camel.
他们说：“哦，是的，就在这里吧。”他们卖给他一头骆驼。
And just wait here.
就在这里等吧。
John Bowe Right.
约翰·鲍 对。
Be here on the second Sunday of every month, and the guys all come.
每个月的第二个星期天，大家都会来。
You can start your journey then.
然后你就可以开始你的旅程了。
So that seemed like it wasn't going to happen.
所以这似乎不会发生。
So then I went to Algeria, down to Tamanrasset, which is about a third of the way across the desert.
然后我去了阿尔及利亚，一直到塔曼拉塞特，大约有三分之一的路程穿越沙漠。
And then the plan was to hitchhike from there for the rest of the way.
然后计划是从那里搭便车走完剩下的路。
And it's weird flying over the desert because, at least this day, there were no clouds.
飞越沙漠很奇怪，因为至少这一天没有云。
You just see what it is you're getting into.
你只需看看你正在进入什么。
It's just sand.
这只是沙子。
And maybe 30 miles over to the right of the plane, there might be a little oasis with just this little cluster of trees around it.
也许在飞机右侧 30 英里处，可能有一个小绿洲，周围只有这一小簇树木。
And maybe 50 miles over to the left, there might be another one.
也许在左边 50 英里处，可能还有另一个。
But on the ground, that's 80 miles step by step in this 130 degree environment.
但在地面上，在130度的环境下一步一步走就是80英里。
So it's frightening.
所以这很可怕。
John Bowe It's completely frightening.
约翰·鲍（John Bowe）：这太可怕了。
At that point, when you're still in the safety of an airplane, you're still on the map.
那时，当您仍然安全地坐在飞机上时，您仍然在地图上。
You're still on the grid.
你还在网格上。
But you definitely got the sense of the place that this is sort of the last stop on the grid.
但你肯定能感觉到这是赛道上的最后一站。
So I get to the outskirts of town.
于是我就到了城郊。
And of course, on the Michelin map--
当然，在米其林地图上——
I'm foraging.
我正在觅食。
OK, here we go.
好的，我们开始吧。
Now the way the Michelin map marks roads is sort of arbitrary.
现在米其林地图标记道路的方式有点随意。
In fact, you might even say capricious if your life depended on it, which, pretty soon, mine was going to.
事实上，如果你的生活依赖于此，你甚至可以说反复无常，而很快，我的生活也会如此。
Because they make these things look like roads.
因为他们让这些东西看起来像路。
But you don't realize until you get there, all they are are tracks in the sand.
但直到你到达那里你才意识到，它们只是沙子里的痕迹。
Will the sand just blow over them, and then there's just nothing?
沙子会不会被风吹过，然后就什么都没有了？
Right.
正确的。
And there are dust storms frequently in this area.
而且该地区沙尘暴频繁发生。
Tamanrasset is located in this place called the Hoggar, which they filmed a lot of commercials there.
Tamanrasset位于这个叫Hoggar的地方，他们在那里拍摄了很多广告。
Whenever they're doing those commercials where someone says, "We went to the harshest environment on Earth to test--" whatever, DieHard batteries or whatever, that's where they go.
每当他们在做那些广告时，有人说，“我们去了地球上最恶劣的环境来测试——”无论什么，DieHard 电池或其他什么，他们都会去那里。
So anyway, so I got to the outer part of town.
无论如何，我到达了城镇的外围。
And I'm looking for what appears on the map to be a road.
我正在寻找地图上显示的道路。
I've got my Michelin map, and I've got this faulty compass that it just would spin around and never be consistent.
我有我的米其林地图，还有这个有问题的指南针，它只会不停地旋转，而且永远不会保持一致。
Really?
真的吗？
John Bowe Yeah, it was a really bad thing in a compass, right?
John Bowe 是的，指南针里的东西真的很糟糕，对吧？
Describe the compass, please.
请描述一下指南针。
John Bowe I can't remember much about it.
约翰·鲍（John Bowe） 我不太记得了。
It was a little cheap, $2 or $3 compass.
指南针有点便宜，2 或 3 美元。
This was the whole problem with the trip in so many ways is I just deliberately outfitted myself as poorly as possible.
从很多方面来说，这就是这次旅行的全部问题，我只是故意把自己打扮得尽可能糟糕。
Anyway, so you're there.
无论如何，所以你就在那里。
John Bowe OK.
约翰·鲍 好的。
So I'm there, and my compass is spinning around, not even wildly.
所以我就在那里，我的罗盘在旋转，甚至不是疯狂的。
It's just lazily spinning around.
它只是懒洋洋地旋转着。
And I couldn't find any paved road.
我找不到任何铺好的路。
There were just these tire tracks radiating out in all directions from the town.
只有这些轮胎印从城镇向四面八方辐射。
There's no sense.
没有任何意义。
There's no such thing as signs, saying, Denver, this way, Amarillo, that way.
没有这样的标志，说，丹佛，这边，阿马里洛，那边。
I don't stop for a minute to think, "Well, this is kind of stupid." I have a liter of water, no provisions of any kind, and I'm talking about heading across 1,000 miles of desert.
我一刻不停地想：“好吧，这有点愚蠢。”我有一升水，没有任何补给，而我正在谈论穿越 1,000 英里的沙漠。
It just didn't enter my head the degree of stupidity of what I was doing.
我只是没有想到我所做的事情有多愚蠢。
What was in your head?
你脑子里在想什么？
What were you thinking?
你在想什么？
You think you're being plucky rather than stupid.
你认为你是勇敢而不是愚蠢。
You're just looking at the goal of trying to get lost.
你只是在寻找迷失的目标。
Well, this is cool, but there's a city here.
嗯，这很酷，但是这里有一座城市。
And you can always go further and further off the map.
而且你总是可以在地图上越走越远。
Oh, I bet you no one's ever done this.
哦，我敢打赌，从来没有人这样做过。
And in fact, there's something prideful about this is so stupid that no one else would dare to do this.
事实上，这是值得骄傲的事情，愚蠢到没有人敢这样做。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
I bet you no one else has ever set off to cover 1,000 miles of desert with a quart of water in their pocket.
我敢打赌，从来没有人在口袋里装着一夸脱的水就出发穿越 1,000 英里的沙漠。
So I start walking.
所以我开始走路。
And again, it's 120 degrees, 125.
再说一遍，120度，125度。
It's heat waves everywhere.
到处都是热浪。
And you start walking down the road.
然后你开始沿着路走。
And after a mile or two, a truck came along.
一两英里后，一辆卡车开了过来。
So I hop in with this guy who turned out to be named Kurumi.
所以我和这个名叫狂三的人一起跳了进去。
And we're cruising along.
我们正在航行。
It's so incredibly desolate.
真是令人难以置信的荒凉。
Every once in a while, a lizard would scurry across the road.
每隔一段时间，就会有一只蜥蜴急匆匆地穿过马路。
But you got the sense that if you were out here in this heat, lost, you would be gone in a second.
但你有一种感觉，如果你在这么热的天气里迷路，你很快就会消失。
On my route, in the end, I found out stuff like if your car broke down from the heat, you were dead.
最后，在我的路线上，我发现了一些事情，比如如果你的车因热而抛锚，你就死定了。
You were just dead.
你刚刚死了。
Because there were so many days in a row when cars didn't go by at all.
因为连续很多天都没有车经过。
And the nomads would eventually come and pick your car clean.
游牧民族最终会来把你的车清理干净。
And you'd just be screwed.
而你只会被搞砸。
So I woke up in the morning, and we drove the rest of the way and got to this town, Timiawin, in the afternoon.
所以我早上醒来，我们开车走完剩下的路，下午到达蒂米亚温这个小镇。
And I walked over to what was the border post.
我走到边境哨所。
And it was just the only place in town with a flag flying over it.
这是镇上唯一一个飘扬着旗帜的地方。
And there was this guy who seemed to be the head official who was just loafing around on a mattress, on a bed stand, in the street, outside the border post, just sitting around in the shadows, picking his nails.
还有一个似乎是首席官员的家伙，他只是在床垫上、床架上、街上、边防哨所外闲逛，只是坐在阴影里，抠指甲。
And I said, "Hi." I'm all bright and shiny still, like, "Hi, can I get my passport stamped?" And he said, "Well, why don't you sit down?" So I said, "OK." So he was just sort of-- he was talking.
我说：“嗨。”我仍然精神焕发，就像，“嗨，我可以在护照上盖章吗？”他说：“那么，你为什么不坐下来呢？”所以我说：“好吧。”所以他只是——他在说话。
And finally, after a while, I said, "So do you think you could stamp my passport?" Or no, he said, actually, "OK, well, I'm ready to stamp your passport now.
最后，过了一会儿，我说：“那么你认为你可以在我的护照上盖章吗？”或者不，他说，实际上，“好吧，好吧，我现在准备好在你的护照上盖章了。
Will you hand it to me." And I looked around, and I looked around, and I couldn't find it.
你能把它交给我吗？”我环顾四周，环顾四周，却找不到它。
And I said, "Well, I think I must have given it to you, right?
我说：“好吧，我想我一定已经把它给你了，对吧？
Didn't I give it to you before?" And he said, "Yeah, but I gave it back to you."
我之前不是给过你吗？”他说：“是的，但我把它还给了你。”
And I looked through my stuff again.
我又看了一遍我的东西。
And I said, "No, it must be somewhere.
我说：“不，它一定在某个地方。
I think you have it because I don't have it." And he said, "Well, you better check again because if you don't find the damn thing, I can't stamp it, and you're going to be stuck here in Timiawin.
我认为你有它，因为我没有它。”他说：“好吧，你最好再检查一下，因为如果你找不到那该死的东西，我就无法在它上面盖章，你就会被困在蒂米亚温这里。
And so I check one more time.
于是我又检查了一遍。
And I'm getting completely sweaty.
我已经满头大汗了。
And then he just starts smiling, and he lifts his leg.
然后他开始微笑，抬起腿。
And it's been hiding under his leg the whole time.
而且它一直藏在他的腿下。
And he goes, "Ah, got you." That's your usual border post official behavior.
他说：“啊，明白了。”这是边防哨所官员通常的行为。
It's so interesting that if you are a border guard, there's one joke that you can enact on every customer.
这很有趣，如果你是一名边防警卫，你可以对每一位顾客开一个玩笑。
And that is the ancient joke.
这就是古老的笑话。
That joke dates back centuries.
这个笑话可以追溯到几个世纪前。
As long as there were people and borders, there could be that joke.
只要有人、有国界，就可能有这样的笑话。
It's been passed down from a long line of prankster border guards.
它是从一长串恶作剧的边防卫兵那里流传下来的。
So he tells the joke, and then he says, "Ha, ha, ha." And we're good friends by then.
所以他讲了这个笑话，然后他说：“哈，哈，哈。”到那时我们就是好朋友了。
And this Peugeot pickup truck arrives at the border post.
这辆标致皮卡车抵达边境哨所。
And it's these Tuareg nomads, maybe six, seven, eight of them.
就是这些图阿雷格游牧民族，大概有六、七、八个人。
Now explain a little bit about the Tuareg nomads.
现在解释一下图阿雷格游牧民族。
OK, the Tuareg are really, really, really interesting.
好吧，图阿雷格人真的非常非常有趣。
They call them "l'homme bleu" in French, which means "the blue men." And that's because they have these veils dyed of indigo.
他们在法语中称他们为“l'homme bleu”，意思是“蓝色的人”。那是因为他们的面纱是用靛蓝染成的。
And the indigo gets into the pores of their skin.
靛蓝会进入他们皮肤的毛孔。
So even when they take off their veils, their skin has this purple tone.
所以即使他们摘掉面纱，他们的皮肤也是紫色的。
Some of the women tattoo their gums with some indigo thing, so that they have these weird purple gums.
有些女性在牙龈上纹上一些靛蓝的东西，这样她们就有了奇怪的紫色牙龈。
It's actually really cool looking.
它实际上看起来真的很酷。
And they've been in the desert for centuries.
他们已经在沙漠里呆了几个世纪了。
Yeah, they were controlling the whole salt trade back during the Medieval ages when Europe was getting their salt from Africa and stuff like that.
是的，他们在中世纪时期控制了整个盐贸易，当时欧洲从非洲获取盐之类的东西。
And they made a hell of a lot of money.
他们赚了很多钱。
They lived very well.
他们生活得很好。
And they have this very regal bearing.
他们有一种非常高贵的气质。
They used to have their very own slave tribe called the Bella.
他们曾经有自己的奴隶部落，称为贝拉。
And my friend, the friendly border post guy, started mumbling to them and pointing over to me.
我的朋友，那个友好的边境哨所工作人员，开始对他们咕哝着，并指着我。
And then he came over to me, and he said, "Oh good, they're going to take you.
然后他走过来对我说：“哦，太好了，他们会带走你的。
I did you a favor.
我帮了你一个忙。
Get in the car." And so before I knew it, I was bounding out of town in the back of this pickup truck.
上车吧。”就在我意识到之前，我已经开着这辆皮卡车的后座驶出了城镇。
Some of them were sitting in the back of it.
其中一些人坐在后面。
They had a few big bags of figs or something back there.
他们那里有几大袋无花果什么的。
So we go taking off.
所以我们就出发了。
And after about 10 or 15 minutes, they stop the truck.
大约 10 或 15 分钟后，他们停下了卡车。
And they whip out these mats, and they face Mecca, and they start praying.
他们拿出这些垫子，面向麦加，开始祈祷。
So you hang back and shut up.
所以你退缩并闭嘴。
And then they finished up after a few minutes.
几分钟后他们就完成了。
Then they piled back into the truck.
然后他们又挤回卡车里。
And they realize, oh yeah, the truck doesn't start.
他们意识到，哦，是的，卡车无法启动。
We need to push truck to start.
我们需要推卡车才能启动。
So they said, "Oh, will you help?" And I helped.
于是他们说：“哦，你愿意帮忙吗？”我也帮忙了。
So we push start the truck, and we get going again.
于是我们推动卡车启动，然后我们又出发了。
And then after another few minutes, they stopped the truck again.
又过了几分钟，他们再次拦住了卡车。
And I'm thinking, "I really wish that we would just haul ass and get to the next place." And they stop the truck, and they explain to me, "Oh yeah, this truck isn't so good." I'm like, "Oh, OK, well, that's no problem.
我在想，“我真的希望我们能够奋力前进，到达下一个地方。”他们停下了卡车，并向我解释说：“哦，是的，这辆卡车不太好。”我想，“哦，好吧，那没问题。
It's just the Sahara Desert.
这只是撒哈拉沙漠。
It's no big deal."
没什么大不了的。”
So they get out their tools to fix the truck.
于是他们拿出工具来修理卡车。
And what they have is a beaten-up screwdriver and pliers.
他们拥有的是一把破旧的螺丝刀和钳子。
And they get under the truck, and I can hear this smashing around and grunting and swearing.
他们钻到了卡车下面，我能听到他们的撞击声、咕哝声和咒骂声。
At one point, they asked me to come down and help look underneath the car to see if I can help fix it.
有一次，他们让我下来帮忙看看车底，看看我是否可以帮忙修理。
So I get underneath the car with them.
所以我和他们一起钻到车底下。
And I realize that they don't have any more idea than I do what they're doing.
我意识到他们对他们正在做的事情的了解并不比我多。
They're just taking this screwdriver and this rusty, old pliers and fussing around with stuff.
他们只是拿着这把螺丝刀和这把生锈的旧钳子，到处乱搞东西。
So it started dawning on me, wow, this is a really bad place to be haphazard about this kind of stuff.
所以我开始意识到，哇，这是一个非常糟糕的地方，不能随意处理这类事情。
And I didn't want to be a pain in the ass and start saying to them, "Gee, guys, this is scary." Here it is, it's about 170,000 degrees.
我不想成为一个令人讨厌的人并开始对他们说：“哎呀，伙计们，这太可怕了。”在这里，大约是170,000度。
And are you worried?
你担心吗？
That's what makes them be them.
这就是他们成为他们的原因。
They don't worry.
他们不担心。
And so you're kind of boiling over inside, but you don't want to be a baby about it.
所以你内心有点沸腾，但你不想对此表现得像个婴儿。
And I also just thought, it's not their business to look after me.
我也只是想，照顾我不关他们的事。
Meanwhile, I'm trying like hell.
与此同时，我正在拼尽全力。
I want to guzzle my water.
我想狂饮我的水。
I want to have a sip of water every minute.
我想每分钟喝一口水。
But I'm already 2/3 of the way through my water.
但我已经喝了 2/3 的水了。
So I have 1/3 of a liter left.
所以我还剩下 1/3 升。
So we start up the truck again.
所以我们再次启动卡车。
And we go.
我们就出发了。
And this is going on just for hours now.
现在这种情况只持续了几个小时。
It gets into the afternoon.
时间已经进入下午了。
Again, this whole routine continues of just stopping the car every few minutes.
再次，整个程序继续每隔几分钟就停下来。
We stop to pray, stop to fix the car, and I'm starting to go crazy.
我们停下来祈祷，停下来修车，我开始发疯了。
And I realize it really doesn't take long to go from a stressful situation to outright insanity.
我意识到，从压力很大的情况到彻底的精神错乱真的不需要很长时间。
It only takes a little while.
只需要一点时间。
Because I start running out of water.
因为我开始缺水了。
Oh, OK, I also should mention they had a baby with them.
哦，好吧，我还应该提到他们有一个孩子。
And the baby that they have is just sitting there, getting more and more and more sickly.
他们的孩子就坐在那里，病情越来越严重。
And I start just focusing on this baby, as I'm watching it die.
我开始只关注这个婴儿，因为我看着它死去。
It looks like, for sure, this baby's within a day or two of death.
看起来，这个婴儿肯定会在一两天内死亡。
And the baby is all wrapped up, so it can't move its hands or feet.
而且宝宝全身都裹着，手脚都动不了。
And its poor face is just sitting there, sticking out its mom's back, looking at me.
它可怜的脸就坐在那里，伸出妈妈的背，看着我。
And its eyes are getting all crusty with all this goo.
它的眼睛因这些粘液而变得硬皮。
And all these flies are coming around and circling around its eyes, sucking at the goo.
所有这些苍蝇都围着它的眼睛转来转去，吮吸粘液。
And these flies are just sucking and sucking.
这些苍蝇只是吸啊吸。
You just realize any available moisture in this environment gets sucked out.
您只会意识到该环境中的任何可用水分都会被吸走。
And that's what the nature of a desert is.
这就是沙漠的本质。
And it just starts making you think any tenderness just gets sucked out.
它开始让你觉得任何温柔都会被吸走。
And you just start getting completely crazy, just thinking, that's what life is all about.
你开始变得完全疯狂，只是想，这就是生活的全部。
So one time we stop, and we're sitting there for half an hour fussing around.
有一次我们停下来，坐在那里闲逛了半个小时。
And these other nomads arrive seemingly out of nowhere on camel-back.
这些其他游牧民族似乎骑着骆驼突然来到这里。
And they say, "Hey guys, are you in trouble?
他们说：“嘿伙计们，你们遇到麻烦了吗？
Because for some money, we could probably help you out." And our guys yelled at them.
因为只要一些钱，我们也许可以帮助你们。”我们的人对他们大喊大叫。
And you could tell they were swearing, and they were getting into a fight.
你可以看出他们在咒骂，并且正在打架。
And then the new nomads, the new arrivals came up to me and said, "These guys look like losers.
然后新的游牧民、新来的人走到我面前说：“这些人看起来像失败者。
Where are you going?" I said, "Oh, I'm going to Aguel'hoc." And they said, "Well, for--" I don't know how many dollars, I think it was like $70-- "we'll give you a ride there."
你要去哪里？”我说，“哦，我要去阿盖尔霍克。”他们说，“好吧，因为——”我不知道多少钱，我想大概是 70 美元——“我们送你一程。”
I guess I was tied-- I wanted to get the hell out of there and maybe live, for example.
我想我是被束缚了——例如，我想离开那里，也许还能活下去。
But I also felt tied to these guys, and I didn't want to ditch out on them.
但我也觉得和这些人有联系，我不想抛弃他们。
So I said, "No, no, thanks." And they said, "Well, OK, good luck." And they rode off, and I was just killing myself for not-- I just thought, "Oh god, you really should have gone with these guys because these Beverly Hillbillies Tuareg that you're with are really not happening."
所以我说：“不，不，谢谢。”他们说：“好吧，祝你好运。”他们骑走了，我简直要自杀了——我只是想，“天哪，你真的应该和这些家伙一起走，因为和你在一起的这些贝弗利山人图阿雷格人真的不会发生。”
So we just keep having these breakdowns literally every 10 minutes.
所以我们几乎每 10 分钟就会发生一次这些故障。
They say, "Well, I think we better just put up for the night here." So we break camp.
他们说：“好吧，我想我们最好就在这里过夜。”所以我们就离开营地了。
And they whip all this stuff out of the back of the truck.
他们把所有这些东西从卡车后部拿出来。
And they have all these blankets.
他们有所有这些毯子。
And they make a fire.
他们生火。
And how are you feeling at this point?
此时您感觉如何？
Because, after all, at this point, you have gotten your wish.
因为，毕竟，此时此刻，你已经如愿以偿了。
You're off the grid.
你脱离了电网。
You're off of every kind of grid.
你脱离了各种网格。
You have left the map completely.
你已经完全离开了地图。
Right.
正确的。
It all came to a head right in this night.
一切都在这个夜晚达到了紧要关头。
Because they all go to bed.
因为他们都去睡觉了。
And they're clustered up in this big ball together.
他们聚集在这个大球里。
And I'm all alone out there.
而我独自一人在外面。
And the second they're asleep and I'm all alone-- as I just sat there staring at the fire, and the wind is picking up and making all this noise.
他们一睡着，我就只剩下我一个人了——我只是坐在那里盯着火，风刮了起来，发出了所有的噪音。
And you're incredibly lonely and incredibly alone, wandering around there, picking up the stuff, I realize there is not a sentient being, if you exclude these people who are asleep a few hundred yards over there, there is not a sentient being for hundreds of miles probably.
你非常孤独，非常孤独，在那儿闲逛，捡起东西，我意识到没有一个众生，如果你排除这些在几百码外睡着的人，可能数百英里之外都没有一个众生。
I am the only one wandering around here.
我是唯一一个在这里徘徊的人。
And it's just incredibly lonely.
这真是令人难以置信的孤独。
And that's around the time I heard this click.
就在那时我听到了咔哒声。
I don't know how well I can put this.
我不知道我能把这个表达得怎样。
It was just finally, I all of a sudden got the sense of yeah, you are really off the map.
直到最后，我突然意识到，是的，你真的脱离了地图。
You are so far off the map.
你离地图太远了。
You've never been this far off the map.
你从来没有离开过地图这么远。
And I started imagining, for example, what would happen if you died out here?
例如，我开始想象，如果你死在这里会发生什么？
You would just be gone forever.
你就会永远消失。
You would be swallowed up.
你会被吞没的。
There'd be no memory, no record whatsoever of whatever had happened to you.
不会有任何记忆，也不会记录发生在你身上的任何事情。
No one who ever knew you would be able to find you.
认识你的人都找不到你。
You wanted to lose control, and now you've lost control.
你想要失去控制，现在你已经失去控制了。
But you just catch this little click that the whole universe makes.
但你只是捕捉到了整个宇宙发出的轻微的咔哒声。
It's this silent, little chick that says, "Oh, you've passed the point of no return." There are no words you could use to describe what that feeling is like of, oh, I'm so naive, oh, the world is so cruel, oh my god, this is what you wanted, this is what you've got.
正是这个沉默的小女孩在说：“哦，你已经过了无法回头的地步了。”无法用言语来形容那种感觉，哦，我太天真了，哦，世界如此残酷，哦天哪，这就是你想要的，这就是你得到的。
Oh, I could die here.
哦，我可能会死在这里。
John Bowe I could die here.
约翰·鲍 我可能会死在这里。
I could die today, now.
我今天可能会死，现在。
It could happen right now.
它现在就可能发生。
And so it's just that feeling of you played yourself.
所以这就是你自己扮演的感觉。
You did it.
你做到了。
You kept going further and further out on a limb, and now it just broke.
你在一根树枝上越走越远，现在它就断了。
And you're like Wile E.
而你就像怀尔·E。
Coyote.
郊狼。
You're above the two-mile-deep chasm, just waiting to fall.
你就在两英里深的峡谷上方，等待坠落。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I think there just was this very arrogant taunt of saying, "Well, dear world, you have to kill me or tell me what's interesting about you." Or something.
我认为这是一种非常傲慢的嘲讽，“好吧，亲爱的世界，你必须杀了我，或者告诉我你有什么有趣的地方。”或者什么。
Yeah, give me something to believe in, or kill me.
是的，给我一些信仰，否则杀了我。
Right.
正确的。
Dear God, give me what I want, or I'm going to go shop elsewhere.
亲爱的上帝，请给我我想要的东西，否则我就要去别处购物了。
And you don't do that.
而你不这样做。
That's really arrogant.
真是太嚣张了。
You don't demand answers like that and just get them.
你不需要这样的答案，然后就得到它们。
And I think the answer that I got was, "No, thanks.
我想我得到的答案是：“不，谢谢。
We're just going to make you profoundly unpleasant.
我们只会让你感到非常不愉快。
I'm just going to scare the hell out of you, and then we'll let you live."
我只是想把你吓个半死，然后我们就让你活下去。”
John Bowe is now a writer in New York.
约翰·鲍现在是纽约的一名作家。
After a day with the Tuareg nomads, a truck came by, which put him in motion toward Mali and, much later, towards home.
与图阿雷格游牧民族度过了一天后，一辆卡车驶过，载着他前往马里，很久以后，他又回到了家。
[MUSIC - "LET'S GET LOST" BY CHET BAKER]
[音乐 - 切特·贝克的《让我们迷失吧》]
Coming up, David Sedaris plays a game pretending he's lost, plays it over and over, plays, and plays, and plays.
接下来，大卫·塞达里斯假装输了，玩了一个游戏，一遍又一遍地玩，玩，玩，玩。
Until one day, he experiences the real thing and does not much like it.
直到有一天，他经历了真正的事情，却不太喜欢它。
That's in a minute from Public Radio International when our program continues.
一分钟后，国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, invite a variety of people to bring you stories on that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，邀请各种各样的人为您带来有关该主题的故事。
Today's program, You Are Here, stories of people getting lost and how people react to getting lost.
今天的节目《你在这里》讲述了人们迷路的故事以及人们对迷路的反应。
Some people seek it.
有些人寻求它。
Some people are scared by it.
有些人对此感到害怕。
We've arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。
Act Two, The Game.
第二幕，游戏。
Yes, it can be frightening to get lost.
是的，迷路可能会很可怕。
But what if you could adapt the thrill of getting lost, the pleasure of getting lost to safe parameters?
但是，如果您能够将迷路的快感和迷路的乐趣调整到安全的范围内呢？
Confine it, just get a little, tiny bit lost?
限制它，只是迷失一点点？
Is that even possible?
这可能吗？
Or is that playing with fire, and you're sure to get burned?
还是说这是在玩火，你肯定会被烧伤？
Well, writer David Sedaris has made the attempt himself.
好吧，作家大卫·塞达里斯（David Sedaris）自己也做了这样的尝试。
And so, of course, you don't have to.
所以，当然，你不必这样做。
Whenever I find myself in a strange or unusual situation, I like to play this little game.
每当我发现自己处于奇怪或不寻常的情况时，我就喜欢玩这个小游戏。
To begin with, I have to pretend that a part of my brain has been asleep for exactly one year, while the rest of my body has been answering the phone and carrying on as usual.
首先，我必须假装我的大脑的一部分已经睡了整整一年，而我身体的其余部分却一直在接电话并像往常一样继续生活。
Now I've suddenly woken up, and I can't leave this spot until I gathered clues and figured out exactly where I am.
现在我突然醒了，在收集线索并弄清楚自己到底在哪里之前，我无法离开这里。
The game is generally played during those moments when people tend to pinch themselves as a reminder of the dramatic turn their life has taken.
这个游戏通常是在人们倾向于掐自己以提醒他们的生活发生了戏剧性转变的时刻玩的。
An example from a trip given as a reward for my college graduation.
一个作为我大学毕业奖励的旅行的例子。
I'm standing in a grim cinder block building, looking out over rows of porcelain toilets arranged across the concrete floor much like the seats in a movie theater.
我站在一栋阴森的煤渣砖建筑里，望着水泥地板上排列着的一排排陶瓷厕所，就像电影院里的座位一样。
Men are sitting on these toilets, some of them talking or reading the newspaper and others just staring ahead.
男人们坐在这些厕所里，有些人在说话或看报纸，另一些人只是盯着前方。
There's a 1/2 inch of water on the floor, and a bottle cap floats by followed by a plastic spoon.
地板上有 1/2 英寸深的水，一个瓶盖漂浮在上面，后面跟着一个塑料勺子。
I probably came in to use the urinal, but rather than get my shoes wet, I'm deciding that maybe I'll just hold it and try someplace else.
我可能是来使用小便池的，但为了不弄湿鞋子，我决定也许我会拿着它并尝试其他地方。
I turn to leave, but I can't.
我转身想要离开，但我不能。
The game has begun.
比赛开始了。
And now, according to the rules, I'll have to stay in this bathroom until I either hear or read the name of this particular town.
现在，根据规则，我必须呆在这个浴室里，直到我听到或读到这个特定城镇的名字。
At this point, the exercise becomes more of an obsession than a game.
此时，练习变得更像是一种痴迷，而不是游戏。
It's not particularly fun to stand on your toes in an unventilated public toilet.
在不通风的公共厕所里踮起脚尖并不是特别有趣。
But I'm powerless to leave until the person I was one year ago has figured out where he is.
但在一年前的我弄清楚自己在哪里之前，我无力离开。
"OK," I think, "let's break this down."
“好吧，”我想，“让我们把这个问题分解一下。”
The people in the bathroom are speaking Spanish.
浴室里的人说的是西班牙语。
They appear to be Mexican, but that's not good enough.
他们看起来是墨西哥人，但这还不够好。
They could be-- I don't know-- on vacation or something.
他们可能——我不知道——在度假什么的。
In the far corner of the room, a teenage boy is playing a radio, and that's probably my best bet.
在房间的远角，一个十几岁的男孩正在播放收音机，这可能是我最好的选择。
I'm hoping that sooner or later the announcer might mention the call letters, adding that his is the number one station in wherever it is I happen to be.
我希望播音员迟早会提到这些呼号，并补充说他的电台是我所在的地方的第一电台。
Unfortunately, the radio is currently broadcasting what appears to be the Spanish equivalent of "American Pie." I'm waiting and waiting for the song to end when a man enters the bathroom carrying a shopping bag.
不幸的是，该电台目前正在播放西班牙语版的“美国派”。我正等啊等这首歌结束，一个男人拎着购物袋走进了浴室。
I read the name of the store followed by the words "Mexico City." And only then am I free to rush outdoors, where my traveling companion says, "Jesus, what took you so long?"
我读到了商店的名字，后面写着“墨西哥城”。只有那时我才能自由地冲到户外，我的旅伴说：“天哪，你怎么花了这么长时间？”
I take pleasure in the game partly because my life so rarely takes a dramatic turn.
我喜欢玩游戏，部分原因是我的生活很少发生戏剧性的转变。
To put it mildly, I am a reluctant traveler, my preferred phrase being, "You go ahead.
温和地说，我是一个不情愿的旅行者，我最喜欢的一句话是：“你继续吧。
Someone needs to stay behind and take care of the cat." My hatred of travel is partially what makes the game so rewarding.
需要有人留下来照顾这只猫。”我对旅行的厌恶是这款游戏如此有价值的部分原因。
I like the dreamlike quality of waking up in a strange place and the clinical way in which I'm forced to view my surroundings.
我喜欢在一个陌生的地方醒来时的梦幻般的感觉，以及我被迫以冷静的方式看待周围的环境。
The game is never arranged in advance.
比赛从来都不是提前安排的。
It just kicks in on its own, usually prompted by a combination of visual elements I can only define as astonishing.
它只是自行发挥作用，通常是由我只能定义为令人惊讶的视觉元素组合推动的。
When played in pleasant circumstances, the effect is narcotic.
当在愉快的环境中演奏时，其效果是麻醉性的。
Another example.
另一个例子。
I come to, and I find myself sitting in a cafe, admiring a corkscrew made out of a deer's foot.
我醒过来，发现自己坐在一家咖啡馆里，欣赏着用鹿脚制成的开瓶器。
Something suggests that it probably belongs to me.
有迹象表明它可能属于我。
I've always loved functional taxidermy, as it downplays the sportier aspects of hunting and makes shooting animals seem comically practical.
我一直很喜欢功能性动物标本剥制术，因为它淡化了狩猎的运动性，并使拍摄动物显得滑稽实用。
I imagine someone rising at dawn and buttoning up his camouflaged vest.
我想象有人在黎明时分起床，扣上迷彩背心的扣子。
His corkscrew has broken, so now he'll have to go out and kill a deer.
他的开瓶器坏了，所以现在他必须出去杀一头鹿。
The object sits before me on a table alongside a shaver made from an antler.
这个物体放在我面前的桌子上，旁边还有一把用鹿角制成的剃须刀。
A waitress appears, saying, "You must have been over to Terry's place down by the river.
一位女服务员出现了，说道：“你肯定去过特里在河边的住处。
Oh, he makes such lovely things." The woman speaks English in an accent I can't quite identify except to say that she probably recognizes the authority of a queen.
哦，他做的东西真可爱。”这个女人说英语的口音我不太清楚，只能说她可能承认女王的权威。
She sets down the cup of tea I had apparently ordered, and I thank her.
她放下了我显然点了的那杯茶，我向她表示感谢。
At the next table, an infant is crying, and I watch as a young mother fills the baby's bottle with Coca-Cola.
邻桌的婴儿正在哭泣，我看着一位年轻的母亲给婴儿的瓶子里装满了可口可乐。
In looking from one person to the next, I realize that I have the best teeth in the room.
从一个人到另一个人，我意识到我的牙齿是房间里最好的。
I have never in my life been in such a situation, and I proceed to take full advantage of it.
我一生中从未遇到过这样的情况，我将充分利用它。
I'm grinning like an idiot when my boyfriend, Hugh, enters the room and takes a seat beside me.
当我的男朋友休走进房间并坐在我旁边时，我笑得像个白痴。
He's not in on the game.
他没有参加比赛。
But even if he were, it wouldn't do me any good.
但即使他是这样，对我也没有任何好处。
It's against the rules to ask anyone where I am or to lead the conversation in that general direction.
询问任何人我在哪里或将谈话引向那个大方向是违反规则的。
It's times like this when I notice the difference between the way people talk in real life and the way they speak in the sorts of movies that heap on the exposition in order to cut to the chase.
每当这样的时候，我就会注意到人们在现实生活中的说话方式与他们在电影中的说话方式之间的差异，这些电影为了切入正题而大量进行阐述。
The movie version-- "Christ, BW, we've been waiting on the corner of 8th Avenue and 51st Street in the Hell's Kitchen section of New York City for over an hour and 45 minutes." Real-life version-- "I'm tired."
电影版——“天哪，BW，我们已经在纽约市地狱厨房区第 8 大道和 51 街的拐角处等了一个多小时 45 分钟了。”现实版——“我累了。”
Hugh mentions a pair of taxidermied owls he's seen in a little shop down the street.
休提到他在街上的一家小商店里看到了一对猫头鹰的标本。
This eliminates any doubt that we might possibly be in the United States, a country which forbids the mounting of its owls regardless of the circumstances.
这消除了我们可能身处美国的任何疑问，这个国家无论在什么情况下都禁止猫头鹰的骑乘。
Even if one drops dead of a heart attack, you're not allowed to stuff it with straw or turn it into something useful like a desk clock.
即使一个人死于心脏病，你也不可以用稻草塞满它，也不可以把它变成像台钟这样有用的东西。
"You can buy owls here in Scotland," he says.
“你可以在苏格兰买到猫头鹰，”他说。
"The only problem would be getting it back home." He lifts his tea cup, adding, "Is there something wrong with your mouth?"
“唯一的问题是把它带回家。”他端起茶杯，又道：“你的嘴有问题吗？”
My smile fades.
我的笑容渐渐消失。
He said the magic word, "Scotland," though I wish he hadn't because now the game is half over.
他说出了那个神奇的词“苏格兰”，尽管我希望他没有这么做，因为现在比赛已经结束了一半。
I'm enjoying this little cafe with its views of the darkening street.
我很喜欢这家小咖啡馆，可以看到昏暗的街道的景色。
And although Hugh's presence has ended my brief reign as holder of the room's finest teeth, I want to take my time and play at a leisurely pace.
虽然休的出现结束了我作为房间里最好的牙齿持有者的短暂统治，但我想慢慢来，以悠闲的节奏玩。
We sit for a few minutes before the waitress swoops in and formally ends the game.
我们坐了几分钟，然后女服务员突然进来并正式结束了游戏。
"So," she says, "are you enjoying yourself here in Pitlochry?" It's a conspiracy.
“那么，”她说，“你在皮特洛赫里玩得开心吗？”这是一个阴谋。
She and Hugh get to talking and within two minutes, she's mentioned the street, the country, everything, but the compass points.
她和休开始交谈，不到两分钟，她就提到了街道、乡村、一切，除了罗盘指向。
Check, please.
请检查。
I've played the game since my first trip to summer camp.
自从我第一次参加夏令营以来，我就开始玩这个游戏了。
And in all that time, I never acknowledged its inherent safety net.
在那段时间里，我从未承认过它固有的安全网。
While the David I pretended to be was shocked to find himself in Rome, Valencia, or Gastonia, the David I was at the time knew very well that he was in Italy, or Spain, or spending two weeks at Camp Cheerio.
虽然我假装的大卫惊讶地发现自己身处罗马、巴伦西亚或加斯托尼亚，但当时的我很清楚自己在意大利或西班牙，或者在 Cheerio 营地待了两周。
It's basically just a simulation exercise like one of those emergency procedure drills enacted by astronauts in training.
这基本上只是一种模拟演习，就像宇航员在训练中进行的紧急程序演习之一一样。
I never realized what a joke it was until recently, when I found myself playing the game for real, and I panicked.
我从来没有意识到这是一个多么大的玩笑，直到最近，当我发现自己真的在玩这个游戏时，我惊慌失措。
It went like this.
事情是这样的。
I'm in a grocery store, but aside from the plastic wrapped meats and vegetables, I'm not finding much that I can hold onto.
我在一家杂货店，但除了塑料包装的肉类和蔬菜之外，我没有找到太多可以拿住的东西。
It isn't that they're selling anything remarkably exotic.
这并不是说他们出售任何非常奇特的东西。
It's just that I can't read the labels.
只是我看不懂标签。
Here, each word includes no less than 15 letters.
这里，每个单词包含不少于15个字母。
And every box and can seems to picture a strapping family unit, smiling broadly for no apparent reason.
每个盒子和罐头似乎都描绘着一个身材魁梧的家庭，无缘无故地微笑着。
It's 6 o'clock in the evening, and the store is crowded with well-dressed professionals on their way home from work.
现在是晚上六点，店里挤满了穿着考究的上班族下班回家的路。
I'm standing in what smells to be the soap and shampoo section when a young woman approaches, pushing her shopping cart with her chin.
我正站在闻起来像肥皂和洗发水的地方，这时一位年轻女子走过来，用下巴推着购物车。
Her shiny, chestnut-colored hair hangs in front of her face until she flicks her head, and the hair resettles about her shoulders.
她闪亮的栗色头发垂在脸前，直到她轻轻摇头，头发重新披在肩上。
The woman wears a knee-length skirt and a knit, sleeveless blouse and has no arms whatsoever.
这名女子穿着及膝裙子和针织无袖衬衫，没有任何手臂。
She stands beside me, and then she slips off one of her loafers and reaches for a plastic bottle with her bare foot.
她站在我旁边，然后脱下一只乐福鞋，赤脚伸手去拿一个塑料瓶。
There is no awkwardness to this moment.
这一刻没有任何尴尬。
Her leg moves gracefully, and her foot works no differently than a hand.
她的腿动作优雅，脚的动作与手没有什么不同。
It's even decorated like a hand.
它甚至被装饰得像一只手。
Her nails are painted, and there's a gold bracelet around her ankle.
她涂了指甲油，脚踝上戴着一条金手镯。
And she's wearing a wedding band on one of her toes.
她的一个脚趾上戴着一枚结婚戒指。
I'm curious as to how she might pay for her groceries, but we get separated at the registers.
我很好奇她如何支付杂货费用，但我们在收银台分开了。
I realize then that the more important question is how I will pay for my groceries.
然后我意识到更重要的问题是我将如何支付我的杂货费用。
I understand neither the currency nor the language, so my best bet will be to hand the cashier the largest bill I've got and hope that's enough to cover it.
我既不懂货币，也不懂语言，所以我最好的选择就是把我手上最大的钞票交给收银员，并希望这足以支付费用。
There are only a few items in my basket, a tube of what is hopefully toothpaste, but possibly a vaginal lubricant, a cigarette lighter in the shape of a genie, and five tins of cat food.
我的篮子里只有几样东西，一管有望是牙膏的东西，但也可能是阴道润滑剂，一个精灵形状的打火机，还有五罐猫粮。
I've emptied my items onto the belt when I notice that everyone around me is caring an empty canvas sack in which to pack their groceries.
当我注意到我周围的每个人都在照顾一个空帆布袋来装他们的杂货时，我已经将我的物品倒在了皮带上。
I, myself, have no sack.
我自己，没有解雇。
The cashier offers me no plastic bag.
收银员没有给我提供塑料袋。
And so after paying with my large bill, I stuff the lighter, cat food, and toothpaste into my pockets, pretending that this is the way I prefer to carry my groceries home from the store.
因此，在付完大笔账单后，我将打火机、猫粮和牙膏塞进口袋，假装这是我更喜欢从商店把杂货带回家的方式。
It's difficult to walk properly with both my front and back pockets stuffed tight with cat food.
我的前后口袋都塞满了猫粮，走路都困难。
I'm ready to return to my hotel, but then I notice the armless woman walk out with a bag held between her teeth.
我正准备返回酒店，但随后我注意到那个没有手臂的女人嘴里叼着一个袋子走了出来。
And then the game begins in earnest.
然后游戏就正式开始了。
I'm looking up and down the busy street, hoping to read the name of this city on a shop window, when I suddenly realize, I have absolutely no idea where I am.
我在繁忙的街道上上下打量，希望能在商店橱窗上读到这座城市的名字，当我突然意识到，我完全不知道自己在哪里。
I'd recognize the name if I saw it written down.
如果我看到它被写下来，我就会认出这个名字。
But other than that, I haven't got a clue.
但除此之外，我没有任何线索。
My first instinct is to throw up my hands and scream like a girl.
我的第一反应是举起双手，像个女孩一样尖叫。
And it is only with great effort that I manage to silence myself.
我费了很大的劲才让自己保持沉默。
I know for a fact that I am in Germany, but I honestly can't remember where in Germany.
我确实知道我在德国，但老实说我不记得在德国的哪个地方。
I'm here on a promotional tour, eight cities over the course of a week.
我来这里进行促销之旅，一周内去了八个城市。
Monday was Berlin.
星期一是柏林。
Tuesday was Stuttgart, followed by Mannheim.
周二是斯图加特，其次是曼海姆。
But where am I today?
但我今天在哪里？
It's a half-hour walk back to my hotel, but that doesn't worry me.
步行回酒店要花半个小时，但这并不让我担心。
I can locate the hotel.
我可以找到酒店。
I just can't locate myself.
我就是找不到自己的位置。
Neither can I leave this block and return to the hotel before the game is finished.
我也不能在比赛结束之前离开这个街区并返回酒店。
And this presents a problem as my hosts will be picking me up in a little less than an hour.
这就带来了一个问题，因为我的主人将在不到一个小时内来接我。
Yes, it's just a game.
是的，这只是一个游戏。
And yes, it's just a rule.
是的，这只是一条规则。
But if, like me, you're just a compulsive maniac, you know that games and rules are everything.
但如果你像我一样，只是一个强迫性的疯子，你就会知道游戏和规则就是一切。
I'm thinking I might return to the grocery store and see if they've got a magazine rack.
我想我可能会回到杂货店看看他们是否有杂志架。
But no, I can't walk in because my pockets are full of cat food, and they might very reasonably mistake me for a shoplifter.
但不，我不能走进去，因为我的口袋里装满了猫粮，他们很可能会误认为我是商店扒手。
A shoe store, a bakery, a record shop.
一家鞋店、一家面包店、一家唱片店。
One stand selling flowers and another selling sausages.
一个摊位卖鲜花，另一个摊位卖香肠。
Through their windows, I see nothing that can help me.
透过他们的窗户，我看不到任何可以帮助我的东西。
I tell myself that sooner or later, a bus will come along, bearing the city's name in bright, easy-to-read letters.
我告诉自己，迟早会有一辆公共汽车过来，上面用明亮易读的字母写着这座城市的名字。
20 minutes pass before I'm able to narrow things down a bit and deduce that wherever I am, it is definitely not on a bus route.
20 分钟过去了，我才能够缩小范围并推断出无论我在哪里，它绝对不在公交车路线上。
I'm racing up and down the block, desperate for evidence, when I suddenly start thinking about Hugh Downs.
当我突然开始想起休·唐斯时，我在街区里跑来跑去，急切地寻找证据。
I'd seen him once when we shared a flight from Phoenix to New York.
当我们乘坐从菲尼克斯飞往纽约的航班时，我曾见过他一次。
He moved through the airport minding his own business, and I'd followed along behind him, watching as people rushed forward to say, "Hey, you're Hugh Downs.
他穿过机场，忙着自己的事，我跟在他身后，看着人们冲上前说：“嘿，你是休·唐斯。
What are you doing in Phoenix, Arizona?" He did nothing to provoke this response and was courteous even when the goons at the x-ray scanner stopped him for an autograph, saying, "Well, if it isn't Hugh Downs, host of 20/20.
你在亚利桑那州凤凰城做什么？”他没有采取任何行动来激起这种反应，甚至当 X 光扫描仪前的暴徒拦住他索要签名时，他也表现得很有礼貌，说道：“好吧，如果不是《20/20》的主持人休·唐斯的话。
What are you doing here in Phoenix?"
你来凤凰城做什么？”
For him, the game would be a snap.
对他来说，这场比赛简直就是小菜一碟。
Should he develop Alzheimer's disease, all he'd have to do is walk out the door and willing strangers would tell him everything he needed to know.
如果他患上阿尔茨海默氏症，他所要做的就是走出家门，心甘情愿的陌生人会告诉他他需要知道的一切。
"You used to host The Today Show." "You're Hugh Downs.
“你曾经主持过《今日秀》。” “你是休·唐斯。
What are you doing here in--" fill in the blank.
你在这里做什么——”填空。
Due to his television celebrity, he benefits from what I now refer to as The Downs Syndrome.
由于他的电视名人，他受益于我现在所说的唐氏综合症。
The man couldn't get lost if his life depended on it.
如果这事关乎他的性命，那人就不能迷路。
In my mind, it was now me against him.
在我看来，现在是我在对抗他。
And he had it easy.
他过得很轻松。
This sense of competition spurred me on, and, within minutes, I was rifling through the corner trash can, cursing Hugh Downs' name with every used Kleenex and disposable diaper.
这种竞争感激励着我，几分钟之内，我就翻遍了角落里的垃圾桶，用每一张用过的面巾纸和一次性尿布咒骂着休·唐斯的名字。
Eventually, amidst the crumpled flyers and crushed paper cups, I came across a discarded ATM receipt.
最终，在皱巴巴的传单和压碎的纸杯中，我发现了一张被丢弃的 ATM 收据。
And there it was.
就在那里。
There I was, safe and victorious.
我就在那里，安全而胜利。
I retracted all the mean things I'd thought about Hugh Downs, took a moment to gloat, and then, arm in arm with the person I used to be, I walked back to my hotel room in the German city of Cologne.
我收回了我对休·唐斯的所有卑鄙想法，花了一点幸灾乐祸的时间，然后，和以前的我手挽着手，走回德国科隆市的酒店房间。
Writer David Sedaris.
作家大卫·塞达里斯。
[MUSIC - "FLY INTO MYSTERY" BY JONATHAN RICHMAN AND THE MODERN LOVERS]
[音乐 - 乔纳森·里奇曼和现代恋人的“飞入神秘”]
Act Three, Snatch The Pebble From My Hand, Grasshopper, And Then You Can Leave.
第三幕，蚱蜢，从我手里抢走鹅卵石，然后你就可以离开了。
There's a class of people in certain professional fields called assistant.
在某些专业领域有一类人称为助理。
I had a friend who was the assistant for NPR's Daniel Schorr, then the assistant for NPR's Nina Totenberg, then for a New Yorker magazine writer, then for a New Yorker editor.
我有一个朋友，他是 NPR 丹尼尔·肖尔 (Daniel Schorr) 的助理，然后是 NPR 尼娜·托滕伯格 (Nina Totenberg) 的助理，然后是《纽约客》杂志作家的助理，然后是《纽约客》编辑的助理。
And in all of those years, as this went by, as she watched her 20s ebb away, it seemed impossible to her to ever break the yoke of assistant-hood.
这些年来，随着这一切的流逝，当她看着自己二十多岁的岁月渐渐流逝时，她似乎永远不可能摆脱助理的束缚。
The skills to do the job of assistant-- answering phones, faxing beautifully, were entirely different than the skills needed for the jobs that all assistants really want, that is, those of the people that they assist.
助理工作的技能——接听电话、漂亮地传真——与所有助理真正想要的工作（即他们所协助的人的工作）所需的技能完全不同。
It's a trap.
这是一个陷阱。
Nicole Graev is an assistant to an editor at a publishing house at Simon & Schuster.
妮可·格雷夫 (Nicole Graev) 是西蒙与舒斯特出版社的编辑助理。
She finds herself lacking a map to her own life because of her very assistant-hood.
由于她的助理身份，她发现自己缺乏自己的生活地图。
She needs a map to where she's going.
她需要一张她要去的地方的地图。
She's lost.
她迷路了。
She does not know where she is, and she is not happy about all this.
她不知道自己在哪里，她对这一切并不高兴。
And she set out to find some map to give her a sense, a sense of "You are here."
她开始寻找一些地图来给她一种感觉，一种“你在这里”的感觉。
When I was in school, I majored in what is arguably the least useful subject in the English-speaking world, English.
当我在学校时，我主修的专业可以说是英语世界中最无用的科目，英语。
And yet, I always saw my future as this vast, sunny stretch of infinite possibilities.
然而，我始终将自己的未来视为广阔、阳光明媚、充满无限可能性的领域。
And the night before I started my first job as an editorial assistant at Simon & Schuster, I couldn't fall asleep.
在我开始担任西蒙与舒斯特编辑助理的第一份工作的前一天晚上，我无法入睡。
In just hours, I'd be hitting it, that glorious horizon I'd been speeding towards my entire life.
在短短几个小时内，我就会到达那个我一生都在加速迈向的辉煌地平线。
The thing about the wide and limitless future that no one warns you about, once you get there, it ceases to be wide and limitless.
关于广阔无边的未来，没有人警告你，一旦你到达那里，它就不再是广阔和无限的。
The millions of possibilities suddenly crystallize into one choice, one present, one single five-by-five cubicle.
数以百万计的可能性突然凝结成一种选择、一种存在、一个五乘五的小隔间。
With one swift move, I'd narrowed a world of options down to four foam-core walls and a file cabinet, though I often get to leave to visit the photocopier.
通过一个迅速的举动，我将选择的范围缩小到四个泡沫芯墙和一个文件柜，尽管我经常离开去参观复印机。
In school it's always clear how to succeed.
在学校里，如何取得成功总是很清楚的。
As long as you work hard, get good grades, you move ahead.
只要你努力，取得好成绩，你就会前进。
But in this job, I felt like I'd hit a dead end.
但在这份工作中，我感觉自己走进了死胡同。
The gap between assistants and editors seemed unbridgeable.
助理和编辑之间的鸿沟似乎无法逾越。
We never saw them cut deals, never watched them make decisions, never heard them talking to their authors.
我们从未见过他们达成交易，从未见过他们做出决定，从未听过他们与作者交谈。
On my one-year anniversary at Simon & Schuster, I received a commemorative pen which I used the next day to clear a paper jam.
在西蒙与舒斯特工作一周年之际，我收到了一支纪念笔，第二天我就用它来清除卡纸。
I decided to track down some of the people who'd started off right where I am now, in the same job, the same company, same building, same floor, to see if anything became of them, if this job actually leads anywhere.
我决定追踪一些和我现在一样的人，在同样的工作，同一家公司，同一栋大楼，同一层楼，看看他们是否发生了什么，这份工作是否真的会带来任何结果。
They could show me where I was headed and give me the map I wanted to get myself there.
他们可以告诉我要去哪里，并给我一张我想要到达那里的地图。
I began just 20 steps from my own desk.
我从距离自己的办公桌仅 20 步的地方开始。
Michael Korda, Simon & Schuster's editor-in-chief, started here as an editorial assistant in 1958, just 41 short years ago.
Simon & Schuster 的主编迈克尔·科达 (Michael Korda) 于 1958 年在此开始担任编辑助理，距今仅 41 年。
Well, I'm not sure that I'm the very best example of what you're talking about.
好吧，我不确定我是不是你所说的最好的例子。
I came into book publishing without any particular impulse to be in book publishing.
我进入图书出版行业时并没有任何特别的冲动。
I'd fought in the Hungarian Revolution in 1956, having left Oxford to do so.
1956 年，我离开牛津参加了匈牙利革命。
Michael went on to list the multitude of ways in which I'm nothing like him.
迈克尔接着列出了我在很多方面与他不同的地方。
His father won Academy Awards.
他的父亲获得了奥斯卡金像奖。
His mother and aunt were famous actresses in Europe.
他的母亲和姨妈是欧洲著名的女演员。
His uncle directed his first feature film at the age of 20.
他的叔叔在20岁时执导了他的第一部故事片。
At 20, my dad was pumping gas on the outskirts of Syracuse.
20 岁时，我父亲在锡拉丘兹郊区加油。
Fortunately for me, there were a number of things that were in my favor.
对我来说幸运的是，有很多事情对我有利。
I am a stupendously fast reader and always have been.
我的阅读速度非常快，而且一直如此。
I can read in at least three languages fluently and two languages with a little bit more difficulty.
我可以流利地阅读至少三种语言和稍微困难一点的两种语言。
Where exactly did foreign languages fit into my position anyway?
外语到底在哪里适合我的职位呢？
As Michael talked more about his time as an assistant, it dawned on me.
当迈克尔更多地谈论他作为助理的时光时，我恍然大悟。
His job hadn't been the same one as mine at all.
他的工作和我的完全不一样。
He was an assistant back in the days when American companies still had a job called "secretary." Now in publishing, as in so many businesses, there aren't many secretaries.
在美国公司还有“秘书”这个职位的时候，他是一名助理。现在，在出版业，就像在许多行业一样，秘书并不多。
Instead, they hire college grads like me, pay us less money, wave vague promises in front of us, and trick us by calling us assistants, a misleading title that makes it seem like we're actually on the map, heading somewhere.
相反，他们雇用像我这样的大学毕业生，付给我们更少的钱，在我们面前做出含糊的承诺，并通过称我们为助理来欺骗我们，这是一个误导性的头衔，让我们看起来好像我们实际上在地图上，正在前往某个地方。
I pressed Michael for advice, and he gave me a few of the usual suggestions.
我向迈克尔寻求建议，他给了我一些常见的建议。
Work hard, read a lot, maintain a sense of purpose.
努力工作，多读书，保持目标感。
"But the most important thing I could do as an assistant," he told me, "was to find some way to make myself stand out."
“但作为一名助理，我能做的最重要的事情，”他告诉我，“就是找到一些方法让自己脱颖而出。”
In my experience, with very few exceptions-- I am, as it happens, one of the exceptions-- the one thing that most editors don't want to do is edit.
根据我的经验，除了极少数例外（碰巧我就是例外之一），大多数编辑不想做的一件事就是编辑。
It's not nearly as conducive to a successful career as having lunch out with important agents or going to meetings where you get noticed.
对于成功的职业生涯来说，这远不如与重要经纪人共进午餐或参加引起注意的会议那么有利于成功的职业生涯。
So my guess is that almost any editor would just as soon leave the editing to somebody else if he or she were certain that the editing would be done in a way not to cause problems.
所以我的猜测是，如果任何编辑确信编辑工作不会引起问题，他或她都会尽快将编辑工作交给其他人。
That, to me, is the way ahead for any editorial assistant.
对我来说，这就是任何编辑助理的前进方向。
I took his advice and dropped in on my boss, Geoff Kloske, while he was editing a manuscript.
我听取了他的建议，并在我的老板杰夫·克洛斯克（Geoff Kloske）编辑手稿时拜访了他。
How's it going?
怎么样了？
It looks like there's a lot there, huh?
看起来那里有很多吧？
Yeah.
是的。
Nicole Graev If you want, I can take that over later.
Nicole Graev 如果你愿意的话，我可以稍后接手。
I mean, if you want to get out of here at some point, I can stay late and-- I don't know-- do a few pages, edit a few pages.
我的意思是，如果你想在某个时候离开这里，我可以呆到很晚——我不知道——写几页，编辑几页。
If that's-- I mean--
如果那是——我的意思是——
Huh?
啊？
I'm not going anywhere.
我哪儿也不去。
Nicole Graev Oh.
妮可·格雷夫哦。
OK, well, if you change your mind--
好吧，好吧，如果你改变主意——
Yeah.
是的。
Jenny Blum Well, it was a surprise to me how much secretarial things I was doing-- typing, and fetching and carrying.
珍妮·布卢姆 嗯，令我惊讶的是我做了这么多秘书工作——打字、取东西和搬运。
From 1984 to 1988, Jenny Blum worked as the assistant to an editor who sits just two offices down from me.
从 1984 年到 1988 年，珍妮·布鲁姆 (Jenny Blum) 担任一位编辑的助理，她的办公室距离我只有两个办公室。
I thought her experience would be closer to mine.
我以为她的经历会更接近我。
And it was.
确实如此。
Like me, she'd lived in a small Manhattan apartment that she shared with roaches.
和我一样，她也住在曼哈顿的一间小公寓里，与蟑螂住在一起。
She'd answered someone else's phone.
她接了别人的电话。
She knew what a fax machine was.
她知道传真机是什么。
But then her life turned around.
但随后她的生活发生了逆转。
Well, I married an author from Simon & Schuster.
嗯，我嫁给了西蒙与舒斯特公司的一位作家。
So I met him in the lobby at Simon & Schuster, where I went to get him to bring him in.
所以我在西蒙与舒斯特公司的大厅里遇见了他，我去那里让他带他进来。
[UNINTELLIGIBLE] traded the [UNINTELLIGIBLE] I got.
[无法理解]交易了我得到的[无法理解]。
Tony, you cannot do trades with Anna because she's much younger than you.
托尼，你不能和安娜做交易，因为她比你年轻得多。
Their kids are now four, five, and seven, Danny, Anna, and Tony, the oldest.
他们的孩子现在分别是四岁、五岁和七岁，丹尼、安娜和托尼是最大的。
When I went to Jenny's house in Connecticut, the three of them and a playmate were running around a large sunny breakfast room about to be picked up for a swimming lesson.
当我去康涅狄格州珍妮家时，他们三个人和一个玩伴正在一间阳光明媚的大早餐室里跑来跑去，准备去上游泳课。
It seemed wonderful.
看起来棒极了。
I wanted to stay for dinner.
我想留下来吃晚饭。
My early 20s were like rungs on a ladder, editorial assistant, assistant editor, associate editor, editor, senior editor, just like that, dot, dot, dot, dot.
我20岁出头就像梯子上的梯级，编辑助理，助理编辑，副编辑，编辑，高级编辑，就像那样，点，点，点，点。
I assumed I would be able to have it all.
我以为我能够拥有这一切。
I was gonna have the job, and I was gonna have the kids, and I was gonna make it all work.
我要找到工作，要生孩子，我要让这一切顺利进行。
When I just had Tony, when I just delivered him, I literally made calls to the office from the hospital.
当我刚刚生下托尼时，当我刚刚接生他时，我确实从医院给办公室打电话。
I didn't want to be disconnected from working.
我不想脱离工作。
I think there is such a thing as maternal instinct.
我认为有一种东西叫做母性本能。
And I think it kicks in.
我认为它开始起作用了。
Even more than wanting to be at the office, I really wanted to be with this little baby.
比起去办公室，我真的更想和这个小宝宝在一起。
I don't know, Nicole.
我不知道，妮可。
I think I'm really lucky with who I am and what I've done.
我认为我对自己和所做的事情感到非常幸运。
And I don't think professionally I'm completely happy.
而且我认为从职业角度来说我并不完全快乐。
If I died like John F.
如果我像约翰·F.
Kennedy when I'm 38, am I going to say, "Started a career, bagged it?" I hope not.
肯尼迪，当我 38 岁的时候，我会说，“开始了自己的职业生涯，并取得了成功吗？”我希望不会。
I hope I'll have something else.
我希望我还能有别的东西。
I think that's something you're going to have to grapple with.
我认为这是你必须解决的问题。
So do you think of me somewhat as doomed?
那么你认为我注定要失败吗？
It's almost like I'm on a path only by virtue of being a woman.
就好像我仅仅因为是一名女性就走上了一条道路。
And I can't change that path.
我无法改变这条路。
Yes.
是的。
You are doomed by your biology if you're gonna do, to my mind, the greatest thing you can do as a woman and have a child.
在我看来，如果你想做一个女人能做的最伟大的事情并生孩子，那么你的生物学就注定了你的命运。
You are doomed in a certain way.
你在某种程度上是注定要失败的。
I think that's true.
我认为这是真的。
And I didn't understand it.
我不明白。
And I still have a hard time with it.
我仍然很难接受。
I do feel that it's unfair.
我确实觉得这不公平。
I wish I could have my job back.
我希望我能恢复工作。
Doomed?
注定？
Not exactly the word I'd wanted to hear.
这不完全是我想听到的词。
The whole idea of preparing for a family somehow seems so distant and unreal.
为家庭做准备的整个想法在某种程度上似乎是那么遥远和不真实。
I'm 22.
我22岁了。
A family hurt my head to think about.
一家人想想就头疼。
A family thew my map off the map.
一家人把我的地图从地图上抹掉了。
As I stood over the copying machine the next day, I tried to forget everything Jenny told me.
第二天，当我站在复印机前时，我试图忘记珍妮告诉我的一切。
I spoke with a few more former assistants.
我又与几位前助理进行了交谈。
Laurie Chittenden, who became an editor at 25 when she discovered a book that became a New York Times best seller.
劳里·奇滕登 (Laurie Chittenden) 25 岁时发现一本书成为《纽约时报》畅销书，随后成为一名编辑。
She told me to stay 'til midnight every night.
她告诉我每天晚上都要呆到午夜。
Brooke Newman, who left Simon & Schuster in the late '60s to fly to Europe with a man she'd met the day before, told me, "Carpe diem." None of this helped me see a map for my own life.
布鲁克·纽曼 (Brooke Newman) 在 60 年代末离开西蒙与舒斯特 (Simon & Schuster)，与前一天认识的一个男人飞往欧洲，她告诉我“及时行乐”。这些都没有帮助我看到自己的生活地图。
In fact, one former assistant, who seemed to have it made, Saul Anton, he's now a freelance magazine writer with a sunny duplex apartment in the West Village.
事实上，索尔·安东 (Saul Anton) 曾是一位前助理，他现在是一位自由杂志作家，在西村拥有一套阳光明媚的复式公寓。
He told me he's looking for the exact same thing I am.
他告诉我他正在寻找与我完全相同的东西。
I really want somebody to give me a map.
我真的希望有人给我一张地图。
Usually, this person is my shrink.
通常，这个人是我的心理医生。
And twice a week, I go in there, I say, "Look, can I just have the map, please?" And my shrink says, "I don't have a map to give you.
每周两次，我都会去那里，我说，“看，可以给我一张地图吗？”我的心理医生说：“我没有地图可以给你。
You have to write that map." I say, "But I don't want to write the map.
你必须写那张地图。”我说：“但我不想写地图。
If I'm going to have to write the map, I'm going to have to make the map, then I don't need a map."
如果我必须写地图，我就必须制作地图，那么我就不需要地图了。”
At Simon & Schuster, it was all exciting.
在西蒙与舒斯特，这一切都令人兴奋。
I end my story with Phyllis Levy, who had everything I ever wanted out of Simon & Schuster.
我以菲利斯·利维 (Phyllis Levy) 来结束我的故事，她拥有我想要从西蒙与舒斯特 (Simon & Schuster) 那里得到的一切。
She started there in 1955.
她于 1955 年开始在那里工作。
She had the storybook publishing experience, what English majors all across this great nation have always dreamed it could be.
她拥有故事书出版经验，这是这个伟大国家的英语专业人士一直梦想的。
There were people who first published D.H.
有人首先发表了 D.H.
Lawrence.
劳伦斯.
There were people who started sentences with, "As my old friend Clarence Darrow used to say--" It was quite a world to be put in.
有些人的开头是这样的：“正如我的老朋友克拉伦斯·达罗曾经说过的那样——”这是一个相当值得置身的世界。
Everyone was involved.
每个人都参与其中。
You could come into Jack's office at the end of the day.
你可以在一天结束时进入杰克的办公室。
Nobody chose to go home because it was much more fun to be there.
没有人选择回家，因为在那里更有趣。
He had a bar in his office.
他的办公室里有一个酒吧。
Everyone came in, sat down, had a drink, and just sat, and talked about books and things.
每个人都进来了，坐下来，喝了一杯酒，然后就坐下来谈论书本和事情。
It was nothing to do with publishing today, absolutely nothing.
这与今天的出版无关，绝对无关。
It was total fun.
真是太有趣了。
Allow me to provide some context.
请允许我提供一些背景信息。
Editorial assistants these days don't even get to attend editorial meetings, so you can imagine my surprise when Phyllis told me this little story.
现在的编辑助理甚至不能参加编辑会议，所以你可以想象当菲利斯告诉我这个小故事时我有多惊讶。
One day, Malcolm Cowley, who was a consulting editor and who taught writing at the University of California, appeared in my doorway.
有一天，马尔科姆·考利出现在我家门口，他是一名顾问编辑，在加州大学教授写作。
He had come to visit.
他是来拜访的。
And he handed me a manuscript and said, "What do you think of this?" He gave it to me because I was only person under 60 in the editorial staff.
他递给我一份手稿并说：“你对此有何看法？”他把它给了我，因为我是编辑人员中唯一一个60岁以下的人。
And I took it home that night.
那天晚上我把它带回家了。
And it was Ken Kesey's One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
这就是肯·凯西的《飞越疯人院》。
Well, I came in the next day and went to the editorial meeting.
嗯，第二天我就来参加编辑会议了。
I'd sat through all the previous editorial meetings in total silence, not daring to say a word.
之前的所有编辑会议我都是默默地坐着，一句话也不敢说。
And I just said, "I've read the great American novel, and I don't care what any of you say.
我只是说：“我读过这部伟大的美国小说，我不在乎你们说什么。
We have to publish this book." The way a kid would do.
我们必须出版这本书。”就像一个孩子会做的那样。
It was given to me, and I was the editor of that book then, just as an assistant editor.
这是给我的，当时我是那本书的编辑，只是助理编辑。
Quick.
快的。
Reality check.
现实检验。
My real job this week--
这周我真正的工作是——
[SOUND OF A PHONE BUZZING] Nicole Graev Yeah.
[电话铃声] Nicole Graev 是的。
Do we have any light bulbs?
我们有灯泡吗？
Nicole Graev Light bulbs?
妮可·格雷夫 灯泡？
It's kind of dark in here.
这里有点暗。
Nicole Graev I don't-- I can check the supply closet, I guess.
Nicole Graev 我不知道——我想我可以检查一下供应柜。
OK.
好的。
So there was Phyllis, schmoozing with literary icons, editing the great American novel.
菲利斯就这样与文学偶像闲聊，编辑这部伟大的美国小说。
But the most amazing thing about her?
但她最令人惊奇的事情是什么？
She didn't even want the fate she ended up with.
她甚至不想落到这样的下场。
We're talking 1950s.
我们正在谈论 20 世纪 50 年代。
I was programmed really-- we all were then-- to think of work as not very important and something you did to have a good time for a while until Mr. Perfect came along.
我真的被编程了——我们当时都是这样——认为工作不是很重要，只是为了享受一段美好时光而做的事情，直到完美先生出现。
Never mind.
没关系。
I'm not going to get into that.
我不打算讨论这个。
There were actually two Mr. Perfects, and both of them broke my heart.
实际上有两个完美先生，他们都让我心碎。
And that's that story.
这就是那个故事。
Phyllis became a magazine editor.
菲利斯成为一名杂志编辑。
She worked in Hollywood for a while, jetting across the country, reading manuscripts.
她在好莱坞工作了一段时间，飞越全国，阅读手稿。
Now she's the books editor for Good Housekeeping.
现在她是《好管家》的图书编辑。
I looked at her, composed, elegant, sparkling, and thought about how much she'd been through, how much more she'd been through than me.
我看着她，平静、优雅、闪闪发光，想着她经历了多少，她比我经历了多少。
My whole life up until this point has been school.
到目前为止，我的一生都是在学校。
And in school, you always know that you're in the right place because when you're 15 years old, there's nowhere else you're supposed to be except high school.
在学校里，你总是知道自己在正确的地方，因为当你 15 岁的时候，除了高中，你没有其他地方可以去。
And you always feel like you're on this motorcycle, and you see the horizon in front of you, and it's the future.
你总感觉自己骑在这辆摩托车上，看到地平线就在你面前，那就是未来。
I always felt like hitting that horizon, like hitting that future was going to be like flying, like soaring.
我总是觉得想要触及那个地平线，就像触及那个未来就像飞翔一样，就像翱翔一样。
And I guess--
我猜——
Life is not like that.
生活不是这样的。
That's a very young person's idea of life.
这是一个非常年轻的人的生活理念。
It's just not like that.
事实并非如此。
There's not an epiphany.
没有顿悟。
There's not something you know at the beginning that's your pa-- not at all.
没有什么东西你一开始就知道那是你的——一点也不。
You take each step where it leads you.
您按照它引导您迈出的每一步。
And if you follow your heart with as much practicality as you have to have-- you have to have that.
如果你以尽可能多的实用性追随自己的内心——你就必须拥有这一点。
But I've always been someone who followed my heart.
但我一直是一个追随自己内心的人。
And probably if I've said, well, if you had it ever to do over again, would you change this, would you change that?
也许如果我说，好吧，如果你可以重来一次，你会改变这个，你会改变那个吗？
And the thing is, to quote Hemingway, "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
问题是，用海明威的话说，“这样想不是很好吗？”
I've even said to myself about the two great loves of my life, who, if I'd only chosen other people, I could've had families and children, blah, blah, blah.
我什至对自己说过，我一生中最挚爱的两个人，如果我选择其他人，我就可以拥有家庭和孩子，等等，等等。
If I were given those same choices again, even knowing, even knowing that they ended badly, I would make those same choices again.
如果再次给我同样的选择，即使知道，即使知道他们的结局很糟糕，我也会再次做出同样的选择。
Because I believe in following your heart, and that's what I do.
因为我相信追随你的心，这就是我所做的。
And it's worked out just fine.
效果很好。
I've had an awfully good time.
我过得很愉快。
I thought over Phyllis's words later on, at the copier.
后来我在复印机旁思考了菲利斯的话。
The problem with following your heart is that the heart is not a compass.
跟随你的心的问题在于心不是指南针。
It spins around and around, sometimes pausing, wobbly, landing nowhere in particular for very long.
它不停地旋转，有时会停下来，摇摇晃晃，很长一段时间都没有着陆。
My heart swept half-circles to California, swung back to going to grad school, and plunked down in front of the TV, not wanting to bother with either.
我的心在加利福尼亚转了半圈，又回到了读研究生的方向，然后坐在电视机前，不想理会这两件事。
My heart once landed on a guy named John, whose heart landed on a woman in Belize.
我的心曾经落在一个名叫约翰的人身上，他的心落在伯利兹的一个女人身上。
And then my heart didn't do much of anything for a while.
然后我的心有一段时间没有做任何事情。
But then it started back up again.
但随后又开始恢复。
It always does.
总是如此。
Well, our program was produced today by Alex Blumberg and myself, with Susan Burton, Julie Snyder, and Nancy Updike.
好吧，我们今天的节目是由亚历克斯·布隆伯格和我本人以及苏珊·伯顿、朱莉·斯奈德和南希·厄普代克制作的。
Contributing editors Jack Hitt, Paul Tough, Margy Rochlin, Alix Spiegel, and Consigliere Sarah Vowell.
特约编辑 Jack Hitt、Paul Tough、Margy Rochlin、Alix Spiegel 和 Consigliere Sarah Vowell。
Production help from Todd Bachmann, Starlee Kine, and Sylvia Lemus.
Todd Bachmann、Starlee Kine 和 Sylvia Lemus 为制作提供帮助。
Musical help from Marika Partridge.
玛丽卡·帕特里奇 (Marika Partridge) 提供音乐帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] If you'd like to buy a cassette of this program, call us here at WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380.
[鸣谢] 如果您想购买该节目的磁带，请致电我们芝加哥的 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380。
Or you know you can listen to most of our programs for absolutely free.
或者您知道您可以完全免费收听我们的大部分节目。
Free, free, free on the internet at our website, www.thislife.org.
免费，免费，免费在我们的网站 www.thislife.org 上上网。
That's thislife, one word, no space.
这就是此生，一个字，没有空间。
Thanks to Elizabeth Meister who runs the site.
感谢运营该网站的伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister)。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who wanders every day through WBEZ's hallways, saying,
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由托里·马拉蒂亚 (Torey Malatia) 负责监督，他每天都在 WBEZ 的走廊里徘徊，他说：
There is not a sentient being for hundreds of miles probably.
方圆数百里恐怕都没有一个众生。
I am the only one wandering around here.
我是唯一一个在这里徘徊的人。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
Dear God, give me what I want, or I'm going to go shop elsewhere.
亲爱的上帝，请给我我想要的东西，否则我就要去别处购物了。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。