129: Advice - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #129 | May 14, 1999 129: Advice Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 129 集 | 1999 年 5 月 14 日 129：建议 注意：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Jamie used to ask for Adam's advice.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 杰米常常向亚当寻求建议。
But he didn't want Adam's advice.
但他不需要亚当的建议。
Back in high school, they would go on these long walks, and Jamie would tell Adam, his best friend, about his various crushes.
回到高中时，他们会进行长途散步，杰米会告诉他最好的朋友亚当，他的各种迷恋。
The crushes were usually on girls who shared two particular qualities.
迷恋的对象通常是具有两种特殊品质的女孩。
Number one, they were usually really, really pretty.
第一，她们通常非常非常漂亮。
And number two, they had no interest in Jamie, whatsoever.
第二，他们对杰米没有任何兴趣。
He'd say like, God, I spent the weekend with Jung.
他会说，天哪，我和荣格一起度过了周末。
And I kept on wanting to kiss her.
我一直想吻她。
But I couldn't kiss her.
但我无法吻她。
And every time I thought I could go and kiss her, she'd say, you know, I really think I want to go out with Hampton.
每当我想我可以去吻她时，她都会说，你知道，我真的想和汉普顿出去。
And he would say, what should I do?
他会说，我该怎么办？
She wants me to go this party next week.
她要我下周去参加这个聚会。
Should I go?
我应该去吗？
I would have nothing to say.
我无话可说。
I wouldn't know what in the world to say.
我不知道该说什么。
And so he would say, I don't want advice from you.
所以他会说，我不需要你的建议。
I want advice from Yakov.
我需要雅科夫的建议。
Yakov was a commando in the Israeli army, which meant that for years, in his job, he was dropped from a helicopter into the Mediterranean.
雅科夫是以色列军队的一名突击队员，这意味着多年来，他在工作中经常从直升机上空投到地中海。
He would swim ashore, usually into Lebanon, break into a building, rescue hostages.
他会游上岸，通常是进入黎巴嫩，闯入建筑物，营救人质。
That was his job.
那是他的工作。
Adam got to know him one summer at Israeli summer army camp.
亚当在以色列夏令营的一个夏天认识了他。
He was the idealized vision of manhood.
他是男子气概的理想化形象。
I mean, I remember specifically, in the Golan, which is the beautiful mountainous region in the north of Israel, we were hiking.
我的意思是，我记得特别清楚，在以色列北部美丽的山区戈兰高地，我们正在徒步旅行。
And we were talking about different musicians in America.
我们谈论的是美国不同的音乐家。
And my friend said, what do you think of Billy Joel?
我的朋友说，你觉得比利·乔尔怎么样？
And Yakov said, he's soft.
雅科夫说，他很软。
I mean, up till that second, I really liked Billy Joel.
我的意思是，直到那一刻，我真的很喜欢比利·乔尔。
I think I owned every one of his albums.
我想我拥有他的每一张专辑。
I probably knew all of his songs by heart.
我可能背诵了他所有的歌曲。
And literally, from that second to right now, I can't listen to Billy Joel.
从字面上看，从那一刻到现在，我都听不到比利·乔尔的歌了。
Every time I listen to it, I'm like, that is so soft, man.
每次我听它的时候，我都会想，这真是太温柔了，伙计。
Why is he so soft?
他为什么这么软？
Anyway, so Jamie would ask me advice as Yakov.
不管怎样，杰米会以雅科夫的身份向我寻求建议。
And it would be a switch this fast.
而且转换速度会这么快。
He'd say, what should I do?
他会说，我该怎么办？
I'd be like, I don't know, man.
我会说，我不知道，伙计。
And then he'd say, well, I want to hear from Yakov.
然后他会说，好吧，我想听听雅科夫的消息。
And right away, I would just say, listen, Jung wants a man, and you're playing like a child.
我马上就会说，听着，荣格想要一个男人，而你却像个孩子一样玩耍。
So until you show her a man, how will she want you?
那么，在你向她展示一个男人之前，她会如何想要你呢？
He would say, listen, this party is coming on Saturday.
他会说，听着，这个聚会将于周六举行。
What you are doing is telling Jung, ask her, am I going with you, or I'm just coming to the party?
你正在做的是告诉荣格，问她，我是和你一起去，还是我只是来参加聚会？
If she says, you're just coming to the party, you say, listen, Jung, I like you.
如果她说，你只是来参加聚会，你就说，听着，荣格，我喜欢你。
I want to be with you.
我想和你在一起。
So you must be very specific, why are you there and why are you wanting to be there.
所以你必须非常具体，你为什么在那里以及为什么你想在那里。
And then it is very simple.
然后就很简单了。
It's a transaction, just a man, a woman, what you want, what she wants, end of story.
这是一场交易，只是一个男人，一个女人，你想要什么，她想要什么，故事结束。
And I would just become Yakov.
我就会成为雅科夫。
These weren't things I could say.
这些都不是我能说的。
They weren't things I knew.
它们不是我所知道的。
I didn't know about being a man or not being a man.
我不知道什么是男人，什么不是男人。
I didn't know about what women wanted at that point in my life.
在我生命的那个阶段，我不知道女人想要什么。
Wait.
等待。
You are saying that not only would you do his voice, but he was actually giving advice that you, yourself, would be unable to give?
你是说你不仅会为他代言，而且他实际上也在提供你自己无法提供的建议？
Yeah, the kinds of things that Yakov would say, I don't think I knew.
是的，雅科夫会说的那些话，我想我不知道。
I certainly wasn't acting like I knew it.
我当然没有表现得像我知道的那样。
But even though Adam would give this advice, even though he would become another person, channel the voice and personality of an Israeli commando for Jamie, even though he did all of that, Jamie still would not take the advice.
但即使亚当会提出这个建议，即使他会变成另一个人，为杰米传递以色列突击队的声音和个性，即使他做了这一切，杰米仍然不会接受这个建议。
Which raises the question, what does it take?
这就提出了一个问题，这需要什么？
Who among us, my friend, has not had someone who begged them for advice.
我的朋友，我们当中谁没有向他们寻求建议的人呢？
And we gave them the advice.
我们给了他们建议。
And in fact, everyone we knew gave them the same advice, and still they did not act.
事实上，我们认识的每个人都给了他们同样的建议，但他们仍然没有采取行动。
Think of the advice that you have given in your life, my friend.
我的朋友，想想你在生活中给出的建议。
When we give advice we witness the puniness of reason when compared with the vastness of human desire and emotion.
当我们提供建议时，我们会看到与人类欲望和情感的浩瀚相比，理性是多么的微不足道。
Well, from WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life.
嗯，来自芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台，这就是《美国生活》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program, most of it was recorded in front of live audiences in Seattle, Washington, and Aspen, Colorado, thanks to public radio station KUOW in Seattle and to HBO's US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen.
今天的节目大部分是在西雅图、华盛顿和科罗拉多州阿斯彭的现场观众面前录制的，这要感谢西雅图公共广播电台 KUOW 和 HBO 在阿斯彭举办的美国喜剧艺术节。
Today on our program, advice, stories of people trying to give each other advice and why advice is so rarely taken.
今天在我们的节目中，建议、人们试图互相提供建议的故事以及为什么建议很少被采纳。
Act One, Sleepless in Seattle.
第一幕，西雅图不眠夜。
Writer Sarah Vowell breaks a number of deeply held personal beliefs, and does something she generally tries to avoid.
作家莎拉·沃威尔打破了一些根深蒂固的个人信念，并做了她通常试图避免的事情。
She asks other people for advice, in this case about insomnia.
她向其他人寻求建议，这次是关于失眠的建议。
Act Two, Advise and Consent.
第二幕，建议和同意。
Some thoughts on why people hardly ever take each other's advice.
关于为什么人们几乎不采纳彼此建议的一些想法。
And Seattle's own Dan Savage has advice for everyone that may save lives.
西雅图的丹·萨维奇 (Dan Savage) 为每个可能拯救生命的人提供了建议。
We hope it does.
我们希望如此。
Act Three, Guided Meditation.
第三幕，引导冥想。
Cheryl Trykv helps us all unlock the sap that is contained in our inner tree.
谢丽尔·特里克夫 (Cheryl Trykv) 帮助我们所有人释放内在树中所蕴含的汁液。
Also throughout this hour, music from the Black Cat Orchestra, who are with us on stage in Seattle.
在整个这一小时里，还有黑猫管弦乐团的音乐，他们与我们一起在西雅图的舞台上表演。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Sleepless in Seattle.
第一幕，西雅图不眠夜。
So what happens if you actually take the advice people give you, all of it?
那么，如果你真的采纳了人们给你的所有建议，会发生什么呢？
Sarah Vowell recently conducted a personal experiment where she did exactly that.
莎拉·沃威尔（Sarah Vowell）最近进行了一项个人实验，她确实做到了这一点。
She is the author of the book Radio On and a contributing editor to our program.
她是《Radio On》一书的作者，也是我们节目的特约编辑。
I'm holding a baby picture in my hand, the portrait kind from Sears.
我手里拿着一张婴儿照片，西尔斯的肖像画。
It's me and my twin sister, Amy.
这是我和我的双胞胎妹妹艾米。
And we're maybe three, dressed alike.
我们大概是三个人，穿着相似。
She's crying.
她在哭。
Amy is this flashing light, blond hair, blue eyes, white tears.
艾米就是这个闪烁着光芒的人，金色的头发，蓝色的眼睛，白色的泪水。
And I have one distinguishing characteristic that makes me different from any baby in any picture I've ever seen, dark circles under my eyes.
我有一个显着特征，使我与我见过的任何照片中的任何婴儿都不同，那就是我的黑眼圈。
As if I was holding down the swing shift at the tire factory in addition to my official duties as a baby.
就好像我除了婴儿时期的公务之外，还在轮胎厂按着轮班。
My mother says that when I was small, she'd wake up in the middle of the night and find me calmly playing with my toys.
我妈妈说，当我很小的时候，她会在半夜醒来，发现我平静地玩着玩具。
Once when I was 18 months old, she got up to check on me and panicked when she saw the front door swinging open.
有一次，当我 18 个月大的时候，她起身来看望我，当她看到前门打开时，她惊慌失措。
She found me outside, crawling around the pasture, giggling.
她在外面发现了我，我正在牧场周围爬行，咯咯地笑。
I continued to sneak out as a sleepless teenager.
作为一个不眠青少年，我继续偷偷溜出去。
Most nights I would go for a walk around 3:00 AM, which was lovely and starlit and safe in Bozeman, Montana.
大多数晚上，我都会在凌晨 3:00 左右去散步，蒙大拿州博兹曼的天气非常美丽，星光灿烂，而且很安全。
Now I live in Chicago, a city which proudly just edged out New York's murder rate.
现在我住在芝加哥，这座城市的谋杀率刚刚超过了纽约。
Don't call us the Second City.
不要称我们为第二城市。
So the 3:00 AM joy walks aren't an option anymore.
因此，凌晨 3:00 的欢乐散步不再是一种选择。
Not that I mind being up at all hours.
我并不介意全天候起床。
It's the exhaustion that gets to me.
这是我的疲惫。
And so recently, I decided enough.
最近，我决定了。
I'm not the advice seeking, therapy going, professional help getting kind, working under the theory that I know my problems and I am unwilling to change.
我不会寻求建议、进行治疗、获得友善的专业帮助，也不会在“我知道自己的问题并且不愿意改变”的理论下工作。
But to overthrow insomnia, I'd break my personal declarations of independence and ask for help.
但为了克服失眠，我会打破我个人的独立宣言并寻求帮助。
I'd give it five days, I thought, a work week.
我想，我会给它五天，一个工作周。
I am can do when a job is involved.
当涉及到工作时我可以做。
Day one, Mom.
第一天，妈妈。
The last time I took advice from my mother I was in high school.
上次我听取母亲的建议是在高中。
She forced me to take a typing class, arguing it might come in handy in later life.
她强迫我参加打字课程，认为这可能会在以后的生活中派上用场。
And I've never quite forgiven her for being right.
我从来没有完全原谅她是对的。
But she's a bit an insomniac herself.
但她自己也有点失眠。
I called her up, and asked for suggestions on how to handle it.
我给她打电话，询问如何处理这件事。
As I have gotten older, I've learned to drink my herbal tea.
随着年龄的增长，我学会了喝花草茶。
So far so good.
到目前为止，一切都很好。
Herbal tea, sensible, basic, the boiling of water, Maybe this advice thing isn't as scary as I thought.
花草茶，理智，基本，水的沸腾，也许这个忠告的事情并没有我想象的那么可怕。
But Mom's just getting warmed up.
但妈妈才刚刚热身。
First of all, first of all, do some real serious soul searching.
首先，首先，进行一些真正认真的灵魂反省。
Oh, god.
哦，上帝。
I have a policy about that word, soul.
我对灵魂这个词有一个政策。
It is strictly prohibited, except in cases of conversations having to do with okra recipes and Marvin Gaye.
严格禁止，除非与秋葵食谱和马文·盖伊有关的对话。
My mom doesn't observe these simple, common sense restrictions.
我妈妈不遵守这些简单、常识性的限制。
You're supposed to get rid of anything that might be bothering you.
你应该摆脱任何可能困扰你的事情。
I'm talking about things that you need to let go of, things that, in the past, that maybe have upset you or hurt you, that you're still hanging on to.
我说的是那些你需要放弃的事情，那些过去可能让你心烦意乱或伤害你的事情，但你仍然紧抓着不放。
You know what I'm saying?
你知道我在说什么吗？
No, you mean in the new-agey sense, like emotional problems?
不，你是说新时代意义上的，比如情感问题？
No, Sarah, I don't think you have an emotional problem.
不，莎拉，我不认为你有情感问题。
Translation, yes, Sarah, I do think you have an emotional problem.
翻译，是的，莎拉，我确实认为你有情感问题。
Normally, any soul searching on my part is purely accidental.
通常，我的任何灵魂探索纯属偶然。
And it's always brought on by a liquid other than herbal tea.
它总是由花草茶以外的液体引起的。
So I brew some chamomile, telling myself that, in the right light, it looks a lot like Scotch.
所以我酿造了一些洋甘菊，告诉自己，在合适的光线下，它看起来很像苏格兰威士忌。
I sip three cups and search my soul for deep thoughts.
我喝了三杯，在灵魂中寻找深刻的想法。
I got nothing.
我什么也没得到。
So I try something else.
所以我尝试别的东西。
I put on a Billie Holiday song called "Why Was I Born?" Two minutes and 48 seconds later, I realize that perhaps I'm confusing introspection with depression.
我放了一首比莉·哈乐黛的歌曲，名叫“Why Was I Born？”两分四十八秒后，我意识到我可能把内省和抑郁混为一谈了。
Soul searching, how do you even know if you're doing it right?
自我反省，你怎么知道你做得对吗？
I mean, how searched is searched?
我的意思是，如何搜索？
I try another approach.
我尝试另一种方法。
John Ehrlichman's obituary was just in the paper.
约翰·埃利希曼的讣告刚刚登在报纸上。
And I decide to take a personal inventory by comparing my soul with his.
我决定通过将我的灵魂与他的灵魂进行比较来进行个人盘点。
Guess what?
你猜怎么着？
I come out on top.
我名列前茅。
Now do the math with me.
现在和我一起算一下吧。
The occasional late payment on my college loans, Watergate.
我的大学贷款偶尔逾期还款，水门事件。
Periodic participation in obnoxious public radio pledge drives, secret bombing of Cambodia.
定期参加令人讨厌的公共广播宣誓活动，秘密轰炸柬埔寨。
I can't sleep, he can't breathe.
我无法入睡，他无法呼吸。
And I fall into sleep immediately, and drift off into the sleep of the just.
我立刻就睡着了，渐渐地进入了正义的睡眠。
But the depressing thing is, I wake up four hours later and never get back to bed.
但令人沮丧的是，我四个小时后醒来，再也没有回到床上。
So I cross soul searching and herbal tea off the list.
所以我把自我反省和花草茶从清单上划掉了。
Sorry, Mom.
对不起，妈妈。
Day two, the doctor.
第二天，医生。
I seek professional help from a doctor at the University of Chicago's sleep disorder lab, one Wallace Mendelson, professor of psychiatry and medicine.
我向芝加哥大学睡眠障碍实验室的一位医生寻求专业帮助，他是精神病学和医学教授华莱士·门德尔森。
Well, there's, depending on exactly how you divide things up, 30 or 40 different basic kinds of illnesses of sleep.
嗯，具体取决于你如何划分，有 30 或 40 种不同的基本睡眠疾病。
Among the many causes of insomnia is a condition that's sometimes called psychophysiological or conditioned insomnia.
失眠的原因有很多，其中有一种有时被称为心理生理性或条件性失眠。
I don't know if he is a good doctor.
我不知道他是不是一个好医生。
But I can tell you this.
但我可以告诉你这一点。
If his patients want him to help them get to sleep, all they have to do is sit him down with a tape recorder, and ask him to say a few words about his job.
如果他的病人希望他帮助他们入睡，他们所要做的就是让他拿着录音机坐下来，让他说几句关于他的工作的话。
Anyway, though he refuses to give me any personal advice, arguing that I'm not his patient, I do manage to squeeze a few pointers out of him for someone, maybe one of those psychophysio-whatchamacallits.
不管怎样，尽管他拒绝给我任何个人建议，辩称我不是他的病人，但我确实设法从他那里为某人提供了一些建议，也许是那些心理生理学什么的。
For that particular subgroup of people, one of the things that can be helpful is to try to strip the bed and the bedroom of any associations, except for sleeping and loving.
对于这一特定人群来说，有帮助的事情之一就是尝试剥夺床和卧室的任何关联，除了睡眠和爱之外。
Loving?
爱吗？
Somehow he makes that word sound so dirty.
不知怎的，他让这个词听起来很肮脏。
But that night, I take Dr. Mendelson's advice and clear everything out of my bedroom, half of which contains my bed, the other half of which just so happens to function as my office.
但那天晚上，我采纳了门德尔森医生的建议，清理了卧室里的所有东西，其中一半是我的床，另一半恰好是我的办公室。
And I'll be precise now, because this is science.
我现在要准确地说，因为这是科学。
I remove 78 books, stacking them in front of the closet in the other room.
我取出 78 本书，将它们堆放在另一个房间的壁橱前。
I transport 15 pens, a turntable, a transistor radio, a tape recorder, and 23 magazines.
我携带 15 支笔、一个转盘、一台晶体管收音机、一台录音机和 23 本杂志。
I take away dozens of scraps of paper, some of which were handily stored on and in the bed, itself.
我拿走了几十张纸片，其中一些很方便地存放在床上和床上。
I unplug the computer and the fax machine, and lug them out.
我拔掉电脑和传真机的插头，然后把它们拔出来。
And clearing away all this dusty stuff takes two Kleenex filled hours.
清除所有这些灰尘的东西需要两个小时的纸巾。
Then I get into bed-- in the nude, because the stacks of books are blocking the closet where I keep my pajamas-- and I think about what a mess the living room is, and how I'm going to have to haul all that crap back in here tomorrow.
然后我赤身裸体地上床睡觉，因为成堆的书挡住了我放睡衣的壁橱，我想着客厅是多么的混乱，以及明天我将不得不把所有这些垃圾拖回这里。
And I never get more than about 30 minutes straight of sleep, though somewhere in there I managed to have a dream in which my bedroom is empty because I got robbed.
我的睡眠时间从来没有超过 30 分钟，尽管我在某个地方做了一个梦，梦见我的卧室因为被抢劫而空了。
Day three, the internet.
第三天，上网。
Doctors and mothers and friends, so old-fashioned, so 20th century.
医生、母亲和朋友，如此老式，如此20世纪。
If I want an insomnia-free future, I must look to the future, to the World Wide Web.
如果我想要一个没有失眠的未来，我必须展望未来，展望万维网。
It promises so much.
它承诺了这么多。
I do a search on insomnia.
我搜索了有关失眠的内容。
The first thing I find is sponsored by the National Institutes of Health.
我发现的第一件事是由美国国立卫生研究院赞助的。
It posits the three main causes of insomnia are old age, depression, and female gender.
它认为失眠的三个主要原因是老年、抑郁和女性。
Well, no wonder I can't solve my little problem.
好吧，难怪我解决不了我的小问题。
Then I log on to something called the Virtual Hospital at www.vh.org.
然后我登录到名为“虚拟医院”的网站 www.vh.org。
In the insomnia advice section, one of its suggestions is, don't engage in stimulating activity before bed.
在失眠建议部分，其建议之一是，睡前不要从事刺激性活动。
Examples include playing a competitive game of cards or watching an exciting program on television.
例如，玩纸牌竞技游戏或观看令人兴奋的电视节目。
I decide to take this advice and avoid exciting programs on television.
我决定采纳这个建议，避免观看令人兴奋的电视节目。
Which means one thing, turn on the Tonight Show.
这意味着一件事，打开《今夜秀》。
Jay Leno's monologue features innovative humor about airlines and Viagra and Linda Tripp.
杰·雷诺的独白以关于航空公司、伟哥和琳达·特里普的创新幽默为特色。
A hilarious skit called "Presidential Jeopardy" pits Abe Lincoln and George Washington against president Clinton, who scores big in the Hooters waitresses category.
一个名为“总统危机”的滑稽短剧让安倍·林肯和乔治·华盛顿与克林顿总统展开对决，后者在猫头鹰餐厅女服务员类别中得分很高。
Then one of those animal guys comes out with a tiger.
然后其中一个动物家伙带着一只老虎出来了。
The conversation goes like this.
谈话是这样的。
Jay Leno, these must be pretty endangered.
杰·雷诺，这些肯定非常濒临灭绝。
Animal Guy, yeah, they are.
动物盖伊，是的，他们是。
I am asleep before the musical guest comes out.
在音乐嘉宾出来之前我已经睡着了。
This advice is working the best so far.
到目前为止，这个建议效果最好。
I stay asleep for five whole hours.
我整整睡了五个小时。
Does everyone know about this, that maybe this is the reason Leno's ratings are better than Letterman's?
大家都知道吗，也许这就是莱诺收视率比莱特曼好的原因？
Day four.
第四天。
A day without caffeine is like-- I'm sure I could come up with a good analogy, but I'm just too tired.
没有咖啡因的一天就像——我相信我能想出一个很好的比喻，但我太累了。
Consensus, or should I say, conspiracy?
共识，或者应该说，阴谋？
Every last one of my sources-- my mom, my friend, the doctor, the web-- advises against caffeine, which is a problem in that I have been addicted to coffee since I was 15.
我的每一个消息来源——我的妈妈、我的朋友、医生、网络——都建议不要摄入咖啡因，这是一个问题，因为我从 15 岁起就对咖啡上瘾了。
I no longer drink nearly as much as I used to.
我不再像以前那样喝酒了。
But still, my motto, sine coffea nihil sum, without coffee, I'm nothing.
但我的座右铭是，sine coffea nihil sum，没有咖啡，我什么都不是。
So today I'm planning on nothing.
所以今天我没什么计划。
I go cold turkey, starting with a brisk pot of peppermint tea at 8:30.
我会彻底戒掉，从 8:30 喝一壶清凉的薄荷茶开始。
By 10:15, I'm splayed on the couch with a cardigan sweater wrapped around my eyes.
10点15分，我躺在沙发上，眼睛上蒙着一件开衫。
My head throbs.
我的头一阵阵抽痛。
And the phone rings every 15 minutes.
电话每 15 分钟响一次。
One of the calls is from a telemarketer, who somehow makes me cry.
其中一个电话是一位电话推销员打来的，不知怎么的，他让我哭了。
At 12:38, I crawl over to the cabinet where I keep the coffee can and sniff its contents.
12点38分，我爬到放咖啡罐的柜子前，闻了闻里面的东西。
It is a very long day.
这是非常漫长的一天。
And guess what?
你猜怎么着？
It doesn't work.
这不起作用。
Thank god.
感谢上帝。
What if I had to do this again?
如果我必须再次这样做怎么办？
I'm up all night watching the clock, waiting for morning, when I can make coffee.
我整夜没睡，看着时钟，等待早晨，那时我可以煮咖啡。
At 5:00 AM, I tell myself, close enough, and suck down six cups before 5:15.
凌晨 5:00，我告诉自己，足够近了，在 5:15 之前喝下六杯。
Now that reason is restored, I come to this conclusion.
现在理性恢复了，我得出这个结论。
If there is anything worse than insomnia, it's taking advice about insomnia.
如果有什么比失眠更糟糕的话，那就是接受有关失眠的建议。
Being up in the middle of the night is kind of nice, actually.
事实上，半夜起来是件好事。
It's quiet and dark, and the phone doesn't ring.
周围很安静，很黑，电话也没有响。
You can listen to records and weirder movies are on TV.
你可以听唱片，电视上播放更奇怪的电影。
I've never known another life, and now I'm not so sure I want to.
我从未了解过另一种生活，现在我也不确定自己是否想要了解。
One of my earliest memories is listening to my dad in the middle of the night.
我最早的记忆之一就是半夜听爸爸说话。
He'd be opening and closing kitchen cabinets, stirring bicarbonate of soda into a glass.
他会打开和关闭厨房橱柜，将碳酸氢钠搅拌到玻璃杯中。
I was awake.
我醒了。
He was awake.
他醒了。
And he seeing no need to fix it.
他认为没有必要修复它。
In the middle of the night, lying in bed, he invents these machines I don't pretend to understand.
半夜，躺在床上，他发明了这些我并不假装理解的机器。
I'm kind of working on a spoke-duplicating lathe.
我正在操作一台复制辐条车床。
It's really cool.
真的很酷。
I drew a picture this morning when I woke up.
今天早上起床后我画了一张图。
You just feel sorry for those people that slept all night and didn't accomplish anything.
你只是为那些睡了一夜却一事无成的人感到遗憾。
We are flawed creatures, all of us.
我们所有人都是有缺陷的生物。
Some of us think that means we should fix our flaws.
我们中的一些人认为这意味着我们应该纠正我们的缺陷。
But get rid of my flaws, and there would be no one left.
但除掉我的缺点，就没有人了。
If I looked in the mirror someday and saw no dark circles under my eyes, I'd probably look better.
如果有一天我照镜子，发现我的眼睛下面没有黑眼圈，我可能会看起来更好。
I just wouldn't look like me.
我只是不会看起来像我。
Thank you.
谢谢。
Sarah Vowell.
莎拉·沃威尔。
Coming up, breezy advice pretending to be serious, serious advice pretending to be breezy.
接下来，假装严肃的轻松建议，假装轻松的严肃建议。
Will you be able to tell the difference?
你能分辨出其中的区别吗？
That is in a minute, from Public Radio International, when our program continues.
稍后，国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, and invite a variety of writers and performers and reporters to tackle that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，并邀请各种作家、表演者和记者来探讨该主题。
Today's program, Advice.
今天的节目，建议。
A show recorded in front of live audiences in Aspen and Seattle.
在阿斯彭和西雅图的现场观众面前录制的节目。
We have arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经进入了计划的第二幕。
Act Two, Advise and Consent.
第二幕，建议和同意。
Let's go to the tape.
我们去看磁带吧。
There are the times that people give each other advice, and then there are the times that people actually take advice.
有时人们会互相提供建议，有时人们会真正采纳建议。
And they are very different times.
他们是非常不同的时代。
And so let us now sort out one from the other.
现在让我们来区分一下其中一个。
Let us create a taxonomy.
让我们创建一个分类法。
Let us name the different species of advice, so we do not confuse ourselves as we go forward from this day.
让我们列出不同种类的建议，这样我们从今天起就不会感到困惑。
For help with this, I turned to someone who is an expert on advice, someone who has devoted her entire life to solving other people's problems, my mother.
为了解决这个问题，我向一位提供建议的专家寻求帮助，她一生都致力于解决别人的问题，那就是我的母亲。
That's the cheapest joke I have ever made in public.
这是我在公共场合开过的最廉价的玩笑。
Suddenly I'm like Shecky Greene up here.
突然间我就像这里的谢基·格林一样。
My mom is actually a clinical psychologist, publishes original research, is quoted in newspapers and magazines, until recently, did the advice column for America Online.
我妈妈实际上是一名临床心理学家，发表原创研究，被报纸和杂志引用，直到最近，还在美国在线发表建议专栏。
And she tells this story.
她讲述了这个故事。
Well, I had a patient that loved Susan Forward when she was big on the radio.
嗯，我有一个病人，当苏珊·福沃德（Susan Forward）在广播中大放异彩时，她很喜欢她。
This is a radio therapist.
这是一名放射治疗师。
Shirley Glass Right.
雪莉·格拉斯 对。
And this patient was just making a mess out of her life, just doing everything that was not in her interest.
而这个病人只是把她的生活搞得一团糟，做着一切不符合她兴趣的事情。
So I said, well, let's do a role reversal.
所以我说，好吧，我们来换个角色吧。
I'll be you and you be Susan Forward.
我是你，你是苏珊·福沃德。
And so I presented the problem from the patient's point of view.
所以我从病人的角度提出了这个问题。
And the patient, as Susan Forward, could tell me exactly what she should be doing.
病人，苏珊·福沃德，可以准确地告诉我她应该做什么。
And then the lights go on.
然后灯就亮了。
And then she says, well, I know what I should do.
然后她说，好吧，我知道我应该做什么。
But obviously, I'm having trouble doing it, which is at the core.
但显然，我在做这件事时遇到了困难，这是核心问题。
People have trouble taking advice.
人们很难接受建议。
The whole process of therapy is the long process of getting people to the point where they can actually take the advice that any reasonable person would give them.
整个治疗过程是一个漫长的过程，让人们能够真正接受任何有理智的人给他们的建议。
There's one thing that is very interesting about giving advice.
提供建议有一件非常有趣的事情。
And there's been some research to support this, that people who give advice feel terrific afterwards, and the people who receive the advice, particularly when it's unsolicited, feel terrible.
有一些研究支持这一点，即提供建议的人事后感觉很棒，而接受建议的人，尤其是不请自来的建议，感觉很糟糕。
So what we've learned from this research is that advice is really terrific for the advice giver.
所以我们从这项研究中了解到，建议对于提供建议的人来说确实很棒。
And it's not so good for the advice receiver.
这对于接受建议的人来说不太好。
Either way, giving them the right advice has nothing to do with whether or not they will take the advice.
不管怎样，给他们正确的建议与他们是否会接受建议无关。
This is garden variety advice.
这是花园品种的建议。
Then there's the advice provided by our nation's burgeoning advice industry, which includes therapists, self help books, advice columns in newspapers.
然后是我们国家蓬勃发展的咨询行业提供的建议，其中包括治疗师、自助书籍、报纸上的建议专栏。
And so in preparation for today's show, I talked to Dan Savage, who has been an advice columnist for eight years in The Stranger, here in Seattle and around the country.
因此，在准备今天的节目时，我与丹·萨维奇进行了交谈，他在西雅图和全国各地的《陌生人》杂志上担任了八年的建议专栏作家。
And he is going to be out here in person in a few minutes.
几分钟后他就会亲自到这里来。
But when we talked on tape a few weeks ago, he expressed this cheerful view of his chosen profession.
但几周前我们在录音中交谈时，他表达了对他所选择的职业的乐观看法。
Dan, when you write the column, do you think people take the advice?
丹，当你写专栏时，你认为人们会接受建议吗？
Not usually.
通常不会。
No. But most of the time, I don't think people take advice from anybody.
不。但大多数时候，我认为人们不会听取任何人的建议。
People seek advice to sort of suss out all the possibilities, all their possible choices, and then very often just do what they would have done to begin with, without asking anyone for advice.
人们寻求建议是为了弄清楚所有的可能性，所有可能的选择，然后通常只是做他们一开始就会做的事情，而不询问任何人的建议。
So no, I think most of the time people don't take my advice.
所以不，我认为大多数时候人们不会接受我的建议。
They don't take anyone's advice.
他们不接受任何人的建议。
Well, if people don't take advice, then why put yourself in a job where you're giving advice for a living?
好吧，如果人们不接受建议，那为什么要让自己从事一份以提供建议为生的工作呢？
Because it pays well.
因为它报酬丰厚。
Ira Glass Advice columns, Dan says, are not, not, not about giving advice.
丹说，艾拉·格拉斯的建议专栏不是、不是、不是提供建议。
And when you think about it, one person sent in a question.
当你想一想时，有人提出了一个问题。
But the column is being read by millions of other people who didn't ask the question, who aren't in that situation, who don't have that problem.
但该专栏正在被数以百万计的其他人阅读，他们没有问过这个问题，他们没有处于那种情况，他们没有这个问题。
Why are those millions of other people reading?
为什么还有数百万人在阅读？
Schadenfreude or they're reading for pleasure.
幸灾乐祸或者他们只是为了乐趣而读书。
They're reading because other people's problems are entertaining.
他们阅读是因为其他人的问题很有趣。
They are reading to be titillated.
他们读书是为了兴奋。
And if you write a good advice column, you do do all those things.
如果你写了一篇好的建议专栏，你就会做所有这些事情。
So in one way, it's not a racket, if you focus on what an advice column actually does, which is not give advice.
因此，从某种意义上说，如果你关注建议专栏的实际作用，而不是提供建议，那么它就不是一个骗局。
Dan, I have to say, was unrelenting on this point.
我不得不说，丹在这一点上是毫不留情的。
I asked him, is he happy when he comes up with some right, good advice for somebody?
我问他，当他为某人提出一些正确的、好的建议时，他会高兴吗？
No. He's happy when he thinks of something funny to say in the column.
不。当他想到专栏中要说一些有趣的事情时，他就会很高兴。
OK.
好的。
Why does he quote actual experts in the column if he's not trying to give people actual advice?
如果他不想给人们提供实际的建议，为什么他要在专栏中引用真正的专家的话呢？
His answer, to give the column the appearance of an advice column.
他的回答是，让该专栏看起来像一个建议专栏。
I pretend to write an advice column, is how I feel about it.
我假装写一个建议专栏，这就是我的感受。
And there are times when I'm pretending to write my advice column where it sounds a lot like an advice column.
有时我假装写我的建议专栏，听起来很像建议专栏。
He also told me this one incredible thing about the advice column business, about the letters that people send in asking for advice.
他还告诉我关于建议专栏业务的一件令人难以置信的事情，关于人们寄来寻求建议的信件。
When you write an advice column, one of the secrets of the genre is the letter will include the advice that, ultimately, you give.
当您撰写建议专栏时，该类型的秘密之一是信件将包含您最终给出的建议。
The letter will say, here's my problem.
这封信会说，这是我的问题。
And I don't know what to do.
我不知道该怎么办。
This is what I think I should do.
这就是我认为我应该做的。
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
巴拉，巴拉，巴拉，巴拉，巴拉。
And so you have to cut that paragraph.
所以你必须删掉那一段。
Otherwise, you're just going to repeat it.
否则，你只会重复它。
Because very often, the person knows exactly what they have to do.
因为很多时候，这个人确切地知道他们必须做什么。
They do have to leave their husband, or they do have to turn their kid in to the cops, or they do have to get their nipples pierced, or whatever.
她们必须离开自己的丈夫，或者必须把孩子交给警察，或者必须刺穿乳头，或者诸如此类。
And how often does that happen, that they actually include the answer in their letter?
他们在信中实际包含答案的情况多久发生一次？
Like 25% of the time.
大约 25% 的时间。
Ira Glass But there's another category of advice to include in our little taxonomy.
Ira Glass：但是我们的小分类中还包含另一类建议。
In the last year, on two different occasions, I've turned to my father to ask for advice.
去年，我曾两次向父亲寻求建议。
And these are two of the first times that I have actually turned to him for direct advice, really, since I was a kid.
自从我还是个孩子的时候，这是我第一次向他寻求直接建议。
So the first of these times, I asked for advice about whether or not to buy or lease a car.
所以第一次，我询问是否购买或租赁汽车的建议。
And the second time, I needed advice on setting up a 401(k).
第二次，我需要有关设立 401(k) 的建议。
And my dad is this business guy.
我爸爸是个商人。
He is an accountant.
他是一名会计师。
He gives people advice like this all day long.
他整天给人们这样的建议。
And each time, he sat at his desk in his office.
每次，他都坐在办公室的办公桌前。
And he asked me some questions.
他问了我一些问题。
And he ran some numbers.
他计算了一些数字。
And then he told me what to do.
然后他告诉我该怎么做。
And I did it.
我做到了。
And each time there was this very real intimacy to it.
每一次都有这种非常真实的亲密感。
They were intimate conversations.
他们是亲密的谈话。
There is a real intimacy to real advice, when it actually happens.
当真正的建议真正发生时，会有一种真正的亲密感。
There is something about putting your fate in someone else's hands, and saying, I need help.
把自己的命运交到别人手里，然后说：“我需要帮助”，这是有道理的。
I need your help.
我需要你的帮助。
Help me.
帮我。
Help me.
帮我。
Here I am.
我在这里。
I need you.
我需要你。
And you were going to him for advice about this thing that didn't have anything to do with emotional life, yours or his.
你向他寻求关于这件事的建议，这件事与你或他的情感生活没有任何关系。
Yet it affected your emotional life in a real way.
然而它确实影响了你的情感生活。
Yeah.
是的。
Dan Savage And that's what is moving about it, actually.
丹·萨维奇（Dan Savage） 事实上，这就是它的动人之处。
And it's very male, I think, very hetero male, that you were able to have an emotional bond with your father, but you had to have this sort of MacGuffin to bond over that had nothing to do with feelings, just numbers.
我认为，这是非常男性化的，非常异性恋的男性，你能够与你的父亲建立情感联系，但你必须有这种麦高芬才能建立联系，这与感情无关，只是数字。
Yeah, but I think it points to the power of what advice is.
是的，但我认为这表明了建议的力量。
I mean, it kind of doesn't matter what it is about.
我的意思是，它的内容并不重要。
It could be about anything.
它可以是关于任何事情。
That's true.
这是真的。
Ira Glass See, but this whole idea of the intimacy of giving advice, like in a personal setting, that you would actually turn to somebody and say, I don't know what to do.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：看，但是提供建议的亲密性的整个想法，就像在个人环境中一样，你实际上会转向某人说，我不知道该怎么做。
Help me out.
帮帮我吧。
The intimacy of that is so powerful, that I feel like, in a way, the difference between that act and what happens in an advice column is the same thing as the difference between, you know, having sex with somebody in private and what happens in a porno film.
这种亲密感是如此强大，以至于我觉得，在某种程度上，这种行为和建议专栏中发生的事情之间的区别，就像私下与某人发生性关系和色情电影中发生的事情之间的区别一样。
I think that's absolutely true.
我认为这绝对是真的。
An advice column is a public performance of a private act.
咨询专栏是私人行为的公开表演。
And just as appearing in pornos betrays something about the person appearing in it-- if you're the kind of person who appears in pornos, it tells people things about you, good and bad.
就像出现在色情片中会背叛出现在其中的人的一些东西一样——如果你是那种出现在色情片中的人，它会告诉人们关于你的事情，无论好坏。
I think also being the kind of person who seeks advice out in a public format tells the listener or the reader something about you, good or bad.
我认为，作为那种以公开形式寻求建议的人，可以告诉听众或读者一些关于你的事情，无论是好还是坏。
I certainly think when I've heard Dr. Laura's show, I think who are these idiots who would call this woman?
我当然认为当我听到劳拉博士的节目时，我想这些会称呼这个女人的白痴是谁？
Well, now to give advice to all of us in a public forum, whatever it is that makes us, author of the advice column "Savage Love" and the book made for those columns, please welcome Dan Savage.
好吧，现在在公共论坛上向我们所有人提供建议，无论是什么使我们成为建议专栏“野蛮之爱”以及为这些专栏编写的书籍的作者，欢迎丹·萨维奇。
Usually it goes like this.
通常情况是这样的。
You're watching some drunk in a bar scream at his date.
你正在酒吧里看到一个醉汉对他的约会对象尖叫。
His face is red.
他的脸红了。
He's standing, she's sitting, it's ugly.
他站着，她坐着，很难看。
And you look.
你看。
You can't help it.
你无能为力。
And suddenly, he sees you seeing him.
突然，他发现你在看他。
And then he asks, what are you looking at?
然后他问，你在看什么？
You can be from another country.
你可以来自另一个国家。
You can be a very young child.
你可以是一个很小的孩子。
And still, the first time you're asked this question, you know it's a trick question.
尽管如此，当你第一次被问到这个问题时，你就知道这是一个棘手的问题。
What are you looking at?
你在看什么？
It's a baboon thing to do, really, a way for an insecure monkey to reassure himself that he's the alpha male.
事实上，这是狒狒所做的事情，这是一只缺乏安全感的猴子向自己保证自己是雄性领袖的一种方式。
He's challenging you, smaller and weaker monkey, to see if you have the guts to tell him, bigger and drunker monkey, the truth.
他正在挑战你，更小、更弱的猴子，看看你是否有勇气告诉他，更大、更醉的猴子，真相。
You're looking at a jerk.
你在看一个混蛋。
Deep down, he knows he's a jerk.
在内心深处，他知道自己是个混蛋。
And now he knows you know.
现在他知道你知道了。
He was attracting attention to himself acting like a jerk.
他像个混蛋一样吸引了人们的注意。
That's what you were looking at.
这就是你所看到的。
"What are you looking at" can have an added element of terror at times for gay men, because sometimes we look at guys who aren't acting like baboons.
“你在看什么”有时会给男同性恋者带来更多的恐惧，因为有时我们会看到那些表现得不像狒狒的人。
Sometimes we just look.
有时我们只是看看。
And sometimes a guy, who might not want to be looked at, will catch us looking.
有时，一个可能不想被人看的人会发现我们在看他。
In these circumstances, what are you looking at usually equals I saw what you were looking at, faggot.
在这种情况下，你在看什么通常就等于我看到了你在看什么，基佬。
Instead of him knowing you know he's a jerk.
而不是他知道你知道他是个混蛋。
You know he knows you're a fag.
你知道他知道你是个基佬。
And you blame yourself, of course, vestigial shame.
当然，你会责怪自己，残留的羞耻感。
You got sloppy checking out some straight guy's butt, and you got caught.
你在检查某个异性恋者的屁股时马虎了，结果被抓住了。
It's not even the looking so much that gives us away, but the nervousness, this fear of getting caught, that makes our looks different and distinguishable from the looks that straight men give each other.
甚至不是外表让我们暴露了我们的身份，而是紧张，这种对被抓住的恐惧，使我们的外表与异性恋者彼此的外表不同并有区别。
Of course, not all straight men mind being looked at by gay men.
当然，并不是所有直男都介意被男同性恋看。
Some find our attentions flattering, hipsters, porn stars, public radio personalities.
有些人觉得我们的关注很讨人喜欢，比如潮人、色情明星、公共电台名人。
But violence so often follows this kind of "what are you looking at" that even when it doesn't, you still get the adrenaline shock and the adrenaline hangover and the adrenaline flashbacks.
但暴力往往伴随着这种“你在看什么”，即使它没有，你仍然会感到肾上腺素冲击、肾上腺素宿醉和肾上腺素闪回。
It's like a conditioned response.
这就像条件反射一样。
I expect that Matthew Shepard was asked what he was looking at by the two straight guys that beat him to death.
我估计马修·谢泼德被两个把他打死的异性恋者问他在看什么。
Now in some places you can safely assume all the men are gay.
现在在某些地方你可以放心地假设所有男人都是同性恋。
Health clubs, Manhattan, Ikea.
健身俱乐部，曼哈顿，宜家。
You can look just as much and just as obviously as you like.
您可以随心所欲地观看。
But in most places, self preservation requires you to assume that all the guys are straight.
但在大多数地方，为了自我保护，你需要假设所有的人都是异性恋。
High school, Wyoming, Sears.
高中，怀俄明州，西尔斯。
If you're going to check the guys out at Sears, you need to look straight yourself.
如果你想看看西尔斯百货的员工，你需要直视自己。
And you need to look like you ain't looking.
而且你需要看起来好像你没有在看。
One of the ways gay men spot each other in straight land is by waiting for the glance, the look that looks without looking.
男同性恋者在异性恋中发现对方的方式之一就是等待对方的目光，即不看也不看的眼神。
If a straight guy at Sears wants to look at you, he'll just turn and face you.
如果西尔斯的一个直男想看你，他就会转身面对你。
No nerves, no sidelong glances.
没有紧张，没有斜视。
He just looks.
他只是看着。
But a gay guy who wants to look at a guy at Sears-- who he thinks might be gay, but isn't sure about since he is at Sears-- he won't turn.
但是一个同性恋者想要看看西尔斯公司的一个人——他认为这个人可能是同性恋，但由于他在西尔斯公司所以不确定——他不会转身。
He keeps his head straight as he passes.
他经过时始终保持着头部正直。
His eyeballs, however, follow you as you walk by, moving into their far corners.
然而，当你走过时，他的眼球会跟着你，移到远处的角落。
But he doesn't turn his head.
但他没有转过头。
If you're gay, you do the same.
如果你是同性恋，你也会这样做。
Your eyeballs follow his, but you keep looking straight ahead as you pass.
你的眼球追随他的脚步，但经过时你仍保持直视前方。
Actually, this is a complicated dynamic.
事实上，这是一个复杂的动态。
And I'd like to demonstrate.
我想证明一下。
Can I have a volunteer from the audience?
我可以从观众中请一名志愿者吗？
Bring up the lights for a second.
把灯打开一秒钟。
This theater seats about 1,600.
该剧院可容纳约 1,600 个座位。
And according to the actuarial tables for public radio crowd this size, there should be one straight man.
根据公共广播电台人群精算表，应该有一个直男。
Did you raise your hand, sir?
先生，您举手了吗？
Now how lucky for us, he is in the front row.
现在我们多么幸运，他坐在前排。
Why don't you come right up here?
你为什么不直接到这里来？
It's you, darling, sweetheart.
是你，亲爱的，甜心。
Come on.
快点。
The show's--
节目的——
OK.
好的。
We're going to do this look, just you and me.
我们要做这个造型，只有你和我。
It's going to be very special.
这将是非常特别的。
What's you're name?
你叫什么名字？
This is--
这是——
Michael.
迈克尔.
Dan Savage Do you pledge to public radio?
丹·萨维奇（Dan Savage） 你承诺加入公共广播电台吗？
I do now.
我现在就这么做了。
Dan Savage You do now.
丹·萨维奇 你现在就这么做。
Can I have your credit card?
我可以要你的信用卡吗？
We'll just return it after-- go stand right there.
我们会在之后归还它 - 站在那里。
Turn around.
回转。
No, show them your butt, not me your butt.
不，让他们看看你的屁股，而不是给我看你的屁股。
OK.
好的。
Straight guys are always so quick to show you their ass.
直男总是那么快地向你展示他们的屁股。
It's the great forbidden straight guy zone, that once the opportunity presents itself.
这是一个伟大的直男禁区，一旦机会出现。
Don't look at me.
别看我。
We're at Sears.
我们在西尔斯。
We're going to walk past each other.
我们将互相擦肩而过。
We're both gay.
我们都是同性恋。
Just pretend.
只是假装。
We're walking past each other.
我们擦肩而过。
Our eyes meet.
我们的目光相遇。
Right?
正确的？
Our heads don't turn.
我们的头不转。
Our eyes meet, our eyes meet, our eyes meet.
我们的目光相遇，我们的目光相遇，我们的目光相遇。
When we get past each other, our eyes hurt.
当我们擦肩而过时，我们的眼睛都痛了。
Eye strain, eye strain.
眼睛疲劳，眼睛疲劳。
And then we turn and look.
然后我们转身看。
Only after passing each other, do you turn and look.
只有经过对方之后，你们才会回头看。
All gay men do this.
所有男同性恋者都会这样做。
We do it all the time.
我们一直这样做。
If the guy you're walking by doesn't lock eyes and doesn't turn once you've passed him, you know he is not gay.
如果你走过的那个人在你经过他身边时没有对视，也没有转身，你就知道他不是同性恋。
If the guy looks once you have passed him, it means he's gay, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he's interested.
如果你一经过他身边，他就看了他一眼，这意味着他是同性恋，但这并不一定意味着他感兴趣。
He could just be checking to see if you're checking him out.
他可能只是想看看你是否在检查他。
You might be doing the same, checking to see if he is checking you out, when you're not interested, which means that you could both be looking, but neither of you are actually interested.
当你不感兴趣时，你可能会做同样的事情，看看他是否在打探你，这意味着你们可能都在看，但你们实际上都不感兴趣。
Now imagine doing this every day whenever you pass a man for the rest of your life, whether you're interested in him or not.
现在想象一下，在你的余生中，无论你是否对他感兴趣，每天每当你经过一个男人时都会这样做。
Eye strain is basically 80% of the gay lifestyle.
眼睛疲劳基本上是同性恋生活方式的80%。
Now checking out a guy you're pretty sure is straight is a lot riskier.
现在去和一个你确信是异性恋的人打交道是要冒很大风险的。
Some straight men, though, you've got to look at.
不过有些直男，你得看看。
They're too pretty.
她们太漂亮了。
Asking for it.
要求它。
It's true.
这是真的。
But I recently discovered something that allows me to check out straight guys without risk, without fear.
但我最近发现了一些东西，可以让我无风险、无恐惧地结识异性恋者。
And it works every time.
而且每次都有效。
I offer it here today as a public service.
我今天在这里将其作为一项公共服务提供。
I am an advice columnist, and as my regular readers know, I'm interested in just one thing, helping others.
我是一名建议专栏作家，正如我的老读者所知，我只对一件事感兴趣，那就是帮助别人。
And this is advice that could help save lives.
这是可以帮助拯救生命的建议。
Gay men, carry this thing wherever you go, and guys will assume you're straight always.
男同性恋者，无论走到哪里都带着这个东西，男人们会认为你总是异性恋。
You could be in a supermarket wearing a dress and clogs, filling your grocery cart with butter flavored Crisco.
你可能穿着裙子和木底鞋在超市里，把黄油味的 Crisco 装满你的购物车。
But if you've got this thing with you, you are straight.
但如果你随身带着这个东西，你就是直的。
I speak, of course, of the human infant.
当然，我说的是人类婴儿。
My boyfriend, Terry, will walk out on stage now and strap a baby backpack, filled to the brim with baby, to my back.
我的男朋友特里现在将走上舞台，将一个装满婴儿的婴儿背包绑在我的背上。
You'll scare the prop.
你会吓到道具的。
He can't see you.
他看不到你。
Sh.
什。
My boyfriend and I adopted a baby about 11 months ago.
大约 11 个月前，我和男朋友收养了一个孩子。
This is not our baby.
这不是我们的孩子。
I would not exploit my baby like this.
我不会这样剥削我的孩子。
This is an actor.
这是一名演员。
This baby has a SAG card and made more money this year than you did.
这个宝宝有一张 SAG 卡，今年赚的钱比你多。
Now after we adopted the baby, I don't remember when I realized that the baby, in addition to being the best thing that ever happened to us, the apple of our eyes, also functions as a get out of gay bashing free card.
现在，在我们收养了这个孩子之后，我不记得什么时候我意识到这个孩子除了是我们遇到过的最好的事情、我们的掌上明珠之外，还可以作为一张摆脱同性恋攻击的免费卡。
But I realized it soon after we brought him home.
但我们带他回家后不久我就意识到了这一点。
And I realized it at the supermarket.
我在超市意识到了这一点。
Picking through the produce with the baby strapped to my back, I paused to check out a guy a little ways down the aisle.
我把婴儿绑在背上，挑选着农产品，停下来看看过道上不远的地方有一个人。
He turned, caught me looking, and before I could look away, he smiled.
他转过身来，发现我在看我，在我把目光移开之前，他笑了。
He wasn't gay.
他不是同性恋。
He had a girl hanging on him.
他身上挂着一个女孩。
There was red meat and beer in this cart.
这辆车里有红肉和啤酒。
And he didn't give me a nervous glance.
他并没有紧张地看我一眼。
He just turned and looked.
他只是转身看了看。
I didn't know what to make of him.
我不知道该怎么看待他。
He kept smiling at me.
他一直对我微笑。
Was he bisexual?
他是双性恋吗？
Beer, red meat, well dressed, no. Not bisexual.
啤酒、红肉、衣冠楚楚，不。不是双性恋。
Then it hit me.
然后它击中了我。
He assumed I was straight too.
他以为我也是直的。
And he smiled to be polite.
他微笑着表示礼貌。
He thought we met in straight land somewhere-- at school or at work-- and he couldn't remember where he knew me from.
他以为我们是在某个地方认识的——在学校或在工作场所——但他不记得他是在哪里认识我的。
But to be on the safe side, and so as not to offend me, he smiled and nodded.
但为了保险起见，也为了不冒犯我，他微笑着点了点头。
Hey, how are you doing, he said, instead of, what are you looking at?
嘿，你好吗，他说，而不是，你在看什么？
Hey, how ya' doing is never a trick question.
嘿，你怎么样从来都不是一个棘手的问题。
It's straight guy--
是个直男——
So many people have this impulse to put their hands over my mouth.
很多人都有这种把手捂住我嘴的冲动。
I don't understand.
我不明白。
Small children.
小孩子。
Hey, how ya' doing is never a trick question.
嘿，你怎么样从来都不是一个棘手的问题。
It's straight guy code for you are one of us.
这是直男代码，因为你是我们中的一员。
The next time I was at the supermarket with the baby, it happened again.
下次带宝宝去超市的时候，又发生了这种事。
I looked, got caught, got smiled at.
我看了看，被抓住了，被嘲笑了。
Pretty soon, I wasn't sneaking peeks anymore.
很快，我就不再偷看了。
I was checking out straight guys on the street, in airports, in restaurants.
我在街上、机场、餐馆里观察异性恋者。
So long as I had the baby on my back, I could look at straight guys as boldly as any straight guy would look at a straight guy.
只要我背着孩子，我就可以大胆地看直男，就像任何直男看直男一样。
I suffer no more eye strain.
我不再感到眼睛疲劳。
And it's all, hey, how ya' doing, and never, what are you looking at?
就是，嘿，你好吗，从来没有，你在看什么？
I mean, admit it.
我的意思是，承认吧。
Don't I look straight?
我看起来不直吗？
Straighter now than when I first walked on stage?
现在比我第一次走上舞台时更直了吗？
I will now put on a pink tutu.
我现在要穿上粉红色的芭蕾舞短裙。
Even in a pink tutu, don't I look straight?
即使穿着粉红色的芭蕾舞短裙，我看起来也不直吗？
I quickly progressed from checking out straight guys to flirting with straight guys.
我很快就从结识异性恋者发展到与异性恋者调情。
It became a game.
它变成了一场游戏。
They assumed I was straight because I had this baby, this monstrous, rotten, awful, stinking baby.
他们认为我是异性恋，因为我生了这个孩子，这个可怕的、腐烂的、可怕的、发臭的孩子。
They assumed I was straight because I had this baby with me.
他们认为我是异性恋，因为我带着这个孩子。
OK.
好的。
How far could I take this?
我能走多远？
How gay could I act and still be thought straight?
我怎样才能表现得像个同性恋，却仍然被认为是异性恋？
Could I ask him what gymnasium he attended?
我可以问他在哪个体育馆吗？
Yes.
是的。
Could I compliment his shirt?
我可以赞美他的衬衫吗？
Yes.
是的。
Could I work the original cast recording of Stephen Sondheim's A Little Night Music into conversation and still be thought straight?
我可以将史蒂芬·桑德海姆的《小夜音乐》的原始录音带入对话中，并且仍然被认为是直接的吗？
Yes.
是的。
Ironically, when I'm with the baby, the only people I get what are you looking at attitude from are other gay men.
讽刺的是，当我和孩子在一起时，我唯一能从其他男同性恋者那里得到你在看什么态度。
Sometimes I'll see a cute little fag boy, forget the baby is on my back, give him the walk past, turn, look, look.
有时我会看到一个可爱的小基佬男孩，忘记了婴儿在我背上，让他走过去，转身，看，看。
Like the straight guys at the supermarket, the gay men on the street assume I'm straight.
就像超市里的异性恋一样，街上的男同性恋也认为我是异性恋。
And if they catch me looking, they assume I'm a closet case, and the most contemptible kind, married, kids, out cruising for sex with the baby.
如果他们发现我在看，他们就会认为我是一个秘密案件，而且是最可鄙的一类，已婚，有孩子，外出与婴儿发生性关系。
But take my advice, guys.
但请听听我的建议，伙计们。
You want to pass, get a baby.
想要过关，就生个孩子吧。
It works everywhere.
它在任何地方都有效。
We live near a park-- me and my boyfriend, and our useful baby-- and a couple of high school soccer teams practice and play games at the park near our house.
我们住在公园附近——我和我的男朋友，还有我们有用的宝宝——还有几支高中足球队在我们家附近的公园训练和比赛。
But before the baby came, I wouldn't stop and stare.
但在孩子出生之前，我不会停下来凝视。
But now, I sit in the stands, baby on my back, and I watch them play.
但现在，我坐在看台上，背着孩子，看他们比赛。
The baby babbles, the sun sets-- the other dads, some of them not too hard on the eyes, themselves-- turn to me.
婴儿的牙牙学语，太阳的落山——其他的爸爸们，其中一些人的眼睛并不那么难看，他们自己——转向我。
They smile, they nod.
他们微笑，点头。
I'm one of them.
我是其中之一。
I smile back.
我回以微笑。
Hey, I say, how you doing?
嘿，我说，你好吗？
Thank you.
谢谢。
Dan Savage.
丹·萨维奇.
[MUSIC - "RECORDED LIVE IN SEATTLE" BY BLACK CAT ORCHESTRA]
[音乐 - 黑猫乐团“西雅图现场录制”]
The Black Cat Orchestra.
黑猫乐团。
Act Three, Guided Meditation.
第三幕，引导冥想。
To send us all out of here with a moment of reflection, a time for us to pause and look inside, and think about some of what we've learned, please welcome writer and performer Cheryl Trykv.
为了让我们所有人离开这里，进行一次反思，让我们停下来审视内心，思考我们所学到的一些东西，欢迎作家兼表演者谢丽尔·特里克夫 (Cheryl Trykv)。
We all here tonight live on planet Earth.
今晚我们都生活在地球上。
Now that's a fact.
现在这是事实。
And when we move the letter H off the end of that planet Earth, and put it back at the top where it belongs, what have we got?
当我们将字母 H 从地球的末端移开，并把它放回到它所属的顶部时，我们得到了什么？
Heart.
心。
Now let me ask you this, on the solar map, who are Earth's immediate neighbors?
现在我问你，在太阳图上，谁是地球的近邻？
Mars and Venus.
火星和金星。
What does that tell us?
这告诉我们什么？
That we've got war on one side, and on the other side love.
我们一方面有战争，另一方面有爱。
So you see, we actually want to move away from Mars, not toward it.
所以你看，我们实际上想远离火星，而不是靠近它。
NASA doesn't seem to see it that way.
NASA 似乎并不这么认为。
NASA thinks Mars is the next big thing.
美国宇航局认为火星是下一个大事件。
But why should it be?
但为什么会这样呢？
Let me tell you something.
让我告诉你一件事。
NASA is run by a bunch of meat-eaters.
美国宇航局是由一群肉食者管理的。
Tonight, I'd like you to join me in an exercise designed to help us release these terror-torial hostilities created by the meat eaters, and rather embody the virtues of Venus.
今晚，我希望你和我一起参加一项演习，旨在帮助我们释放这些由肉食者制造的恐怖敌对行动，并体现金星的美德。
Blabbidy, blabbidy, blah, blah, blah.
胡言乱语，胡言乱语，废话，废话，废话。
So let's take a deep breath.
让我们深吸一口气。
Fill your lungs.
填满你的肺。
Hold it.
握住它。
And release all the day's negativity.
并释放一整天的消极情绪。
Maybe you couldn't be comped to be here tonight and had to pay full ticket price.
也许您今晚无法被邀请来到这里，并且必须支付全额票价。
Release that resentment.
释放那种怨恨。
Take another deep breath.
再深吸一口气。
Hold it.
握住它。
And release.
并释放。
Maybe you parked illegally outside, and yours is [UNINTELLIGIBLE] they will tow.
也许你在外面非法停车，而你的车[难以辨认]他们会拖走。
Don't worry.
不用担心。
They will.
他们会的。
Release that canker worm of care.
释放护理溃疡虫。
Take a final deep breath.
最后深吸一口气。
Hold it.
握住它。
Maybe you had to share the dressing room with a sex pervert.
也许你不得不和一个性变态共用更衣室。
Mirror hog.
镜子猪。
And release.
并释放。
Now, I'm going to count from one to 8,000.
现在，我要从一数到八千。
And by the time I reach 7,011, you're going to find yourself in a very deep sleep.
当我到达 7,011 时，您会发现自己处于深度睡眠状态。
Are you ready?
你准备好了吗？
One, you are relaxing.
一、你很放松。
Two, becoming more and more relaxed.
二是越来越放松。
Three, terribly, terribly relaxed.
三、非常非常放松。
Four, so relaxed it's uncanny.
四、如此放松，令人难以置信。
Five, [MUTTERS] 7,998, terribly, terribly relaxed.
五，[MUTTERS] 7,998，非常非常放松。
7,999, barely a pulse.
7,999，几乎没有脉搏。
8,000.
8,000。
Good.
好的。
Now let's navigate the psychic arena that templates every day reality.
现在让我们探索一下塑造日常生活现实的心灵领域。
So let's find ourselves at the sideshow carnival.
那么，让我们一起来看看杂耍嘉年华吧。
Conjure the image.
想象图像。
That's right.
这是正确的。
And as we fight our way through the crowd of teen runaways and raving drag queens whacked out on fen-phen, perhaps you'll notice that all the players in the scene are facets of ourselves.
当我们在一群离家出走的青少年和被芬芬殴打的狂欢变装皇后中奋力杀出一条血路时，也许你会注意到场景中的所有玩家都是我们自己的不同侧面。
And perhaps you'd like to ask yourself, where is that screaming coming from?
也许你想问自己，尖叫声从何而来？
For an answer, let's move over to the pig man's tent.
为了找到答案，让我们前往猪人的帐篷。
Conjure the image.
想象图像。
See the mystic horror as the pig man wipes his odd little tail with the sleeve of his Burberry shirt.
当猪人用博柏利衬衫的袖子擦拭他奇怪的小尾巴时，看看神秘的恐怖。
See the pig man's fat little hands, his scrambly fingers.
看看猪猪侠那双胖乎乎的小手，他那乱乱的手指。
Perhaps his feet are a little like your own.
也许他的脚有点像你的脚。
Don't look away.
别把目光移开。
Meet your inner guide.
认识你的内在向导。
Now ask the pig man whatever you'd like, but be prepared, he may reveal something you don't want to hear.
现在问猪人任何你想要的东西，但要做好准备，他可能会透露一些你不想听到的事情。
Listen carefully.
仔细听。
Beneath the squealing gibberish-- that's right-- is a message just for you.
在尖叫的胡言乱语之下——没错——是一条专门给你的信息。
[PIG SQUEALING] Eat more fish.
[猪叫]多吃鱼。
More fish, eat it.
鱼多了，吃吧。
As we exit the tent and make our way back to the midway, please stay with the group.
当我们离开帐篷并返回中途时，请留在队伍中。
Now is not the time to wander off by yourselves.
现在可不是你们一个人闲逛的时候。
Perhaps you're looking for a private retreat to visit, so you can contemplate the possible, if any, meaning of your personal journey.
也许您正在寻找一个私人隐居地参观，这样您就可以思考您的个人旅程的可能意义（如果有的话）。
Fine.
美好的。
We'll all go.
我们都会走。
Find inside a beautiful, secret garden.
找到一个美丽的秘密花园。
Take a moment to conjure the image.
花点时间想象一下这个画面。
Secret garden, that's right.
秘密花园，没错。
Lush.
郁郁葱葱。
Feel free to be as detailed as possible.
请尽可能详细。
[LAUGHS] Oh, those hydrangea make me laugh.
[笑]哦，那些绣球花让我笑了。
Who put those there?
谁把那些放在那里？
Oh, look.
哦，看。
A babbling brook.
一条潺潺小溪。
Why, it won't shut up.
为什么，它不会闭嘴。
Our talkative little friend needs to be dammed.
我们爱说话的小朋友需要被诅咒。
See yourself consulting with your own engineers, drawing up plans for your own inner barrier, your own private Hoover Dam.
想象一下你自己咨询你自己的工程师，为你自己的内部屏障、你自己的私人胡佛水坝制定计划。
See your own workers walking the scaffold high above voluminous vats of wet concrete.
看看您自己的工人在大量湿混凝土上方的脚手架上行走。
Perhaps you'd like to ask yourself, are my workers union?
也许你想问自己，我是工会吗？
Now let's just sit for a moment and enjoy all we've created.
现在让我们坐下来享受我们所创造的一切。
Gradually, we begin to discover, perhaps to our surprise, what a glorious, all-purpose secret garden this is.
渐渐地，我们开始发现，也许令我们惊讶的是，这是一个多么辉煌、多用途的秘密花园。
But let's just sit, contemplate, give thanks.
但让我们坐下来沉思、感恩。
All right.
好的。
Let's go.
我们走吧。
Keep it moving.
保持移动。
Now, I'm going to count backwards from 8,000 to one.
现在，我要从 8,000 倒数到一。
And when you hear the number one, you will awake.
当你听到数字一时，你就会醒来。
And intuitively, you will want to eat more fish.
直觉上，你会想吃更多的鱼。
And our numbers will grow and form a huge block of voting power.
我们的人数将会增长，并形成一个巨大的投票权群体。
Are you ready?
你准备好了吗？
8,000, coming up slowly.
8000，慢慢来。
7,999, slowly now.
7,999，慢慢来。
Don't hurt yourselves.
不要伤害自己。
7,998, slowly, I'm not joking.
7998，慢慢来，我不是开玩笑。
[MUTTERS] Three, two, and one.
[嘀咕]三，二，一。
Thank you.
谢谢。
Ms. Cheryl Trykv.
谢丽尔·特里克女士。
Credits Ira Glass Well our program was produced today by Alix Spiegel, Julie Snyder, and myself with Nancy Updike.
感谢艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 我们的节目今天由阿利克斯·斯皮格尔（Alix Spiegel）、朱莉·斯奈德（Julie Snyder）以及我和南希·厄普代克（Nancy Updike）共同制作。
Contributing editors, Paul Tough, Jack Hitt, Margy Rochlin, and Consigliere Sarah Vowell.
特约编辑 Paul Tough、Jack Hitt、Margy Rochlin 和 Consigliere Sarah Vowell。
Production help from Jorge Just, Todd Bachmann, and [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
Jorge Just、Todd Bachmann 和 [无法理解] 为制作提供了帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] Our stage crew includes [?
[致谢]我们的舞台工作人员包括[？
David Saxton, ?] [?
大卫·萨克斯顿，？] [？
Emmett Kaiser ?], [?
埃米特·凯撒？]，[？
Amy McGill, ?] [?
艾米·麦吉尔，？] [？
Jonathan Saltz, ?] and Steve [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
乔纳森·萨尔茨，？]和史蒂夫[无法理解]。
Our signers, [?
我们的签名者，[?
Ann Delvecchio ?] and [?
安·德尔维奇奥？] 和 [？
Molly McQuire.
莫莉·麦奎尔。
?] The Black Cat Orchestra, Don Crevie, Lori Goldston, Scott Granlund, Kyle Hanson, Russell Meltzer, Matthew Sperry, [?
？] 黑猫乐团，唐·克里维，洛里·戈德斯顿，斯科特·格兰伦德，凯尔·汉森，拉塞尔·梅尔策，马修·斯佩里，[？
Joseph Saenz ?].
约瑟夫·萨恩斯？]。
To buy a cassette of this program or any of our shows, call us back home at WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380.
要购买该节目或我们任何节目的磁带，请致电我们位于芝加哥的 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380。
Or you can listen to most of our programs for free on the internet at our website, www.thislife.org.
或者，您可以在我们的网站 www.thislife.org 上免费收听我们的大部分节目。
Thanks to Elizabeth Meister, who runs the site.
感谢该网站的运营者伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister)。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who asks--
[资金来源] Torey Malatia 负责 WBEZ 管理监督，他要求——
Admit it.
承认吧。
Even in a pink tutu, don't I look straight?
即使穿着粉红色的芭蕾舞短裙，我看起来也不直吗？
I'm Ira Glass, back next week, with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。