119: Lockup - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #119 | May 5, 2006 119: Lockup Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 119 集 | 2006 年 5 月 5 日 119：Lockup 注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Ed Ryder plays the trumpet.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯·艾德·莱德吹小号。
He was sentenced to Graterford Penitentiary in Pennsylvania for 20 years for a murder it was later shown he did not commit.
他因谋杀罪被判处在宾夕法尼亚州格拉特福德监狱服刑 20 年，后来证明他并没有犯下谋杀罪。
He played jazz when he was in prison.
他在监狱里时演奏爵士乐。
He played jazz when he got out.
他出来后演奏了爵士乐。
And he says that it is a completely different experience playing jazz to inmates.
他说，给囚犯演奏爵士乐是一种完全不同的体验。
Oh.
哦。
Inmates are the most critical people in the world.
囚犯是世界上最挑剔的人。
They criticize anything you do.
他们批评你所做的一切。
And you know, you try to play for these guys, but you know, nothing's pleasing to them.
你知道，你尝试为这些人打球，但你知道，没有什么能让他们满意。
If you can play for a Graterford audience, you don't even look for an applause.
如果你能为格拉特福德的观众演奏，你甚至不会寻求掌声。
Just as long as they don't boo you, you're all right.
只要他们不嘘你就没事。
Well, you know, in prison, you have a lot of musicians.
嗯，你知道，监狱里有很多音乐家。
After all, musicians, they don't make no money.
毕竟，音乐家，他们不赚钱。
So I guess the first place you find them at is in prison.
所以我猜你第一个发现他们的地方就是监狱。
But, Ed Ryder says, musicians and jazz fans in prison, their take on jazz gets warped.
但是，艾德·莱德说，监狱里的音乐家和爵士乐迷，他们对爵士乐的看法被扭曲了。
In a world where everybody's wary, everyone's always looking for weakness in someone else, in a world of strict rules, where everything always has to be just so-- it's like they take that ethic and they transfer it to one of the loosest, most improvisational art forms we have, jazz.
在一个每个人都很谨慎的世界里，每个人都在寻找别人的弱点，在一个规则严格的世界里，一切都必须如此——就好像他们把这种道德准则转移到了我们拥有的最宽松、最即兴的艺术形式之一——爵士乐中。
You can say that prisoners have a tendency to think like classical musicians would.
你可以说囚犯有像古典音乐家那样思考的倾向。
You know, everything has to be perfect and exact, [UNINTELLIGIBLE], and everything has to be like that.
你知道，一切都必须完美且精确，[难以理解]，一切都必须如此。
You know, they'll be quick to criticize you, whether the chord is not right, or whether you didn't flatten the ninth, whether you didn't raise this fifth.
你知道，他们很快就会批评你，无论和弦不对，或者你是否没有降九度，是否你没有升五度。
You know, you guys didn't play the changes right.
你知道，你们没有正确地发挥这些变化。
Although it might not have took away from the structure of the music.
尽管它可能不会破坏音乐的结构。
If they can't find nothing wrong with the music, they'll tell you, you know, you just didn't turn right.
如果他们找不到音乐的任何问题，他们会告诉你，你知道，你只是没有右转。
You know?
你知道？
When you had the horn up, you didn't hold it on a 45 degree angle.
当您举起喇叭时，您并没有将其保持在 45 度角。
It didn't look right.
看起来不太对劲。
The way you grinned when you left, whatever.
不管怎样，你离开时微笑的样子。
You know?
你知道？
So they'll find something.
所以他们会找到一些东西。
Life in prison is not only different from life on the outside.
监狱里的生活不仅与外面的生活不同。
It's a growing part of American culture, one of the fastest growing parts of this country.
它是美国文化中不断增长的一部分，也是这个国家发展最快的部分之一。
Thanks to tougher sentencing laws, mandatory minimum sentences, long terms for drug offenders, three strikes and you're out laws, laws bouncing 12 and 13 and 14 year olds into adult court for long adult sentences, the prison population has grown by 50% just since 1991.
由于更严厉的量刑法、强制性最低刑期、对毒品犯罪者的长期监禁、三振出局法、将 12 岁、13 岁和 14 岁的青少年送入成人法庭接受长期成人刑罚的法律，自 1991 年以来，监狱人口增加了 50%。
Well over a million people in state and federal prisons.
州和联邦监狱关押着超过一百万人。
Today on our program, their lives and the lives of the people close to them.
今天我们的节目讲述了他们的生活以及他们身边的人的生活。
Their families, their kids, many millions of others.
他们的家人、他们的孩子以及数百万人。
From WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Act One of our program today, I Mess with Texas.
我们今天的节目第一幕，《我惹恼了德克萨斯》。
How one little radio show in Texas is doing something for inmates and their families that no one else in the state is able to do.
德克萨斯州的一个小型广播节目如何为囚犯及其家人做一些该州其他人无法做到的事情。
Act Two, Mother's Day.
第二幕，母亲节。
What do you say to a five year old whose mother is in prison when he wants to know, is my mom a bad guy?
当一个五岁的孩子的母亲在监狱里，当他想知道我妈妈是坏人时，你会说什么？
Act Three, Who's Your Daddy?
第三幕，谁是你爸爸？
We have a guide for new prisoners written by an ex-con about how to choose a man to protect you while you're in the joint, and what you'll have to do for him in exchange for that protection.
我们有一本由前科犯撰写的新囚犯指南，内容涉及如何选择一个人来在你入狱时保护你，以及你必须为他做什么才能换取这种保护。
Act Four, Open Your Big Mouth.
第四幕，张开你的大嘴。
Rick Reynolds provides a case study about what happens when you go into a place, prison, where there are all sorts of codes about what you are never, ever, ever supposed to say, and what happens when you say every single one of them.
里克·雷诺兹（Rick Reynolds）提供了一个案例研究，讲述当你进入一个地方（监狱）时会发生什么，那里有各种各样的规则，规定你永远、永远、永远不应该说的话，以及当你说出其中每一个规则时会发生什么。
Act Five, Color Bar.
第五幕，彩条。
Former South African political prisoner Breyten Breytenbach on how prison changes all of your perceptions.
前南非政治犯布雷滕·布雷滕巴赫 (Breyten Breytenbach) 讲述监狱如何改变你的所有看法。
Changes them in ways that last after you're released.
以在你被释放后持续的方式改变它们。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, I Mess with Texas.
第一幕，我惹恼了德克萨斯。
Over two decades ago, not long after he finished four years in Texas prison for robbery, Ray Hill drifted from job to job until he ended up at his local public radio station, KPFT in Houston.
二十多年前，雷·希尔因抢劫在得克萨斯州监狱服刑四年后不久，他就换了一份工作，直到最终在休斯敦当地的公共广播电台 KPFT 工作。
His time in the slammer-- in dreadful facilities, with no money or resources-- turned out to be the perfect preparation for a career in public broadcasting.
他在监狱中度过的时光——在可怕的设施中，没有金钱或资源——结果却为他在公共广播事业上的职业生涯做好了完美的准备。
And it was not long before he was running the place.
不久之后，他就开始经营这个地方了。
As program director, he started his own show about the Texas prison system.
作为节目总监，他开始了自己的关于德克萨斯州监狱系统的节目。
It has become the leading muckraking voice in Texas, exposing graft and corruption in the state and federal facilities there.
它已成为德克萨斯州揭露丑闻的主要声音，揭露该州和联邦设施中的贪污和腐败行为。
But it also does something else.
但它还做其他事情。
Every Friday night, something that makes it one of the most unusual and remarkable radio programs in this country, though when Ray started, he had no idea that's where he was headed.
每周五晚上，这使得它成为这个国家最不寻常和最引人注目的广播节目之一，尽管当雷开始时，他并不知道他要去哪里。
I had envisioned interviewing judges, most of whom, local judges, I know.
我曾设想采访法官，其中大多数是我认识的当地法官。
Prosecutors, criminal defense lawyers.
检察官、刑事辩护律师。
And that's all I expected.
这就是我所期望的。
And I gave myself an hour in time.
我给了自己一个小时的时间。
And we were doing quite well with that.
我们在这方面做得很好。
I was building an audience, especially among inmates.
我正在培养观众，尤其是在囚犯中。
And then one day I was coming in to do my show, and I'm minutes away from show time.
然后有一天，我要进来参加我的演出，距离演出时间只有几分钟的路程。
And they say, Ray, you've got a telephone call.
他们说，雷，你接到电话了。
And I said, look, I'm fixed to go on the air.
我说，听着，我决定继续直播。
You know how we are.
你知道我们怎么样。
We don't take calls that close.
我们不会接听那么接近的电话。
And they say, but she's very insistent.
他们这么说，但她非常坚持。
So I put the receiver to my ear.
于是我把听筒放在耳边。
And I said, lady, I've got about 30 seconds.
我说，女士，我只有大约 30 秒的时间。
What can I do for you?
我能为你做什么？
And what I heard was a distraught woman's voice, and weather sounds, and traffic sounds, and a really heartbreaking plea.
我听到的是一个心烦意乱的女人的声音、天气的声音、交通的声音，以及真正令人心碎的恳求。
She said that she had been saving money for three years or so to get enough resources together to go visit her son, and there had been an accident of some kind, and been forced off the road.
她说，她攒了三年多的钱，凑够了资源去探望儿子，结果发生了某种事故，被迫离开了道路。
And she wasn't going to be able to make it.
而她是不可能成功的。
But she knew he listened to my show.
但她知道他听了我的节目。
Would I please tell him that she loved him, and that she would work to get resources?
我可以告诉他她爱他，并且她会努力获得资源吗？
And I suddenly realized, I do pretty damn good radio, but I can't do radio this good.
我突然意识到，我的广播做得非常好，但我做不到这么好。
And so I got the number and called her back.
于是我拿到了号码并给她回了电话。
And after I did my introduction, I put her on directly.
自我介绍完后，我就直接给她穿上了。
It's interesting, because now that is the entire show.
这很有趣，因为现在这就是整个节目。
Most of it is people talking to their loved ones in prison.
其中大部分是人们在监狱里与亲人交谈。
And they're obviously not even aware that I am there or don't care.
他们显然甚至没有意识到我在那里或者不在乎。
Once in a while, somebody will have something to say to me.
偶尔会有人有话要对我说。
But they go right on and talk to Johnny.
但他们继续和约翰尼交谈。
Hi, John.
嗨，约翰。
This is Cookie.
这是饼干。
I hope you've had a wonderful, happy Christmas day.
我希望你度过了一个美好而快乐的圣诞节。
I'm at home at my apartment now.
我现在在我的公寓家里。
and I made them bring me home yesterday, because I wasn't about to miss out on calling you tonight.
昨天我让他们带我回家，因为我不想错过今晚给你打电话。
Merry Christmas, Nanny.
圣诞快乐，保姆。
That's two weeks in a row you got in.
这已经是你连续两周进来了。
So you go ahead.
所以你继续吧。
OK.
好的。
Eddie Jr., this is Nanny.
小埃迪，这是保姆。
I'm going to tell you Merry Christmas and Happy New Year's to you.
我要告诉你圣诞快乐，新年快乐。
And I got a gift from your son.
我从你儿子那里得到了一份礼物。
His mother gave it to me, him and [UNINTELLIGIBLE], his little brother.
他的母亲把它给了我、他和他的弟弟[无法理解]。
They gave me a little jewelry box.
他们给了我一个小首饰盒。
A little round jewelry deal.
一个小圆形珠宝交易。
You pick the lid up, and you can put jewelry or anything in it, really.
你打开盖子，你就可以在里面放珠宝或任何东西，真的。
It's real pretty.
实在是太漂亮了
And I want to tell you I love you.
我想告诉你我爱你。
You take care, OK?
你保重，好吗？
Hi Junior.
嗨，少年。
This is Mami.
这是妈妈。
How you doing?
你好吗？
I hope you had a real nice merry Christmas.
我希望你度过了一个真正愉快的圣诞节。
We'll see you tomorrow morning.
我们明天早上见。
So go to bed early, so we can see you tomorrow.
所以早点睡觉吧，这样我们明天就能见到你了。
Hi Dad.
嗨爸爸。
When I go back to school, I got a new schedule.
当我回到学校时，我得到了新的时间表。
I'll be in shop.
我会在店里。
And I got my bike.
我得到了我的自行车。
Thanks.
谢谢。
Real nice.
真不错。
Hello, son.
你好，儿子。
How you doing?
你好吗？
We're doing OK.
我们做得很好。
It's kind of cold.
有点冷。
But everything's going well.
但一切都很顺利。
Ray, explain why it is that people would call a radio show instead of simply calling directly or getting a call from their loved ones in prison.
雷，解释一下为什么人们会打电话给广播节目，而不是直接打电话或接到监狱里亲人的电话。
In Texas, we don't have telephones in prisons.
在德克萨斯州，监狱里没有电话。
And so right now, if I'm a prisoner in Texas, there's no way I can ever get a call in home?
那么现在，如果我是德克萨斯州的一名囚犯，我就无法在家里接到电话吗？
Well, if you're a prisoner, and if you're a trustee in a Texas prison, and you're on very, very good behavior, you can get one opportunity for a telephone call home for five minutes every 90 days.
好吧，如果你是一名囚犯，如果你是得克萨斯州监狱的受托人，并且你表现得非常非常好，那么你每 90 天就有一次机会给家里打五分钟的电话。
And if you're in the free world, like my callers, you can't call at all.
如果你在自由世界，就像我的呼叫者一样，你根本无法打电话。
This is Marcy for Chance.
这是Marcy for Chance。
And I had a very thankful day for Thanksgiving.
我度过了非常感恩的感恩节。
I was just thankful that I survived Texas and arrived alive in my little hovel.
我很庆幸自己在德克萨斯州幸存下来并活着回到了我的小茅屋。
Felt like a big fish in a big pond.
感觉就像大池塘里的一条大鱼。
Not much to say.
没什么好说的。
A lot happening.
发生了很多事情。
Glad to be home.
很高兴回家。
Feel like Dorothy.
感觉像多萝西。
I just wanted to let you know I arrived alive.
我只是想让你知道我活着回来了。
All is well.
一切都很好。
Taking care of the home front.
照顾家里的前线。
And I miss you.
我想念你。
I love you.
我爱你。
Bye.
再见。
Ray, one of the things that's striking about this is how it's almost like a real conversation, how somebody calls up not exactly sure what they want to say, and then just launches into talking.
雷，令人震惊的一件事是，这几乎就像一场真正的对话，有人打电话不太确定他们想说什么，然后就开始交谈。
Well, Marcy's not an unusual caller.
嗯，玛西并不是一个不寻常的来电者。
Marcy calls regularly.
玛西定期打电话。
This particular call, she had come to Texas to visit.
这次特别的电话，她特地来德克萨斯州拜访。
She's from out of state.
她来自外州。
When you visit from out of state in Texas, you get a four hour visit.
当您从德克萨斯州外访问时，您将有四个小时的访问时间。
And if you're a spouse, it's a contact visit.
如果您是配偶，这就是一次接触性拜访。
If you're not a spouse it's still a four hour visit, but you have no contact.
如果您不是配偶，这仍然是四个小时的访问，但你们没有联系。
And that likely was the only quality time she got to spend with him in several years.
这可能是她多年来唯一能和他一起度过的美好时光。
Let me ask you to talk about the range of what people call and say.
让我请您谈谈人们所说和所说的范围。
Well, almost a third of the calls are honey, we make it home all right.
好吧，几乎三分之一的电话都是亲爱的，我们顺利回家了。
Or we're going to visit Saturday.
或者我们星期六去拜访。
Yes, ma'am.
是的，女士。
Claudia I was calling for my husband Steve in the Terrell unit.
克劳迪娅 我打电话给特雷尔单元的我丈夫史蒂夫。
Babe, I was calling to tell you I'm not going to be able to come this weekend, because they put me to work.
宝贝，我打电话是想告诉你这个周末我不能来，因为他们让我去上班。
I wasn't able to get the weekend off.
我周末没能休息。
I was thinking I would come to see you Saturday, but I wasn't able to.
我本来想周六去看你，但没能成行。
I want to say hi to Bobby Brown in the Wynne unit.
我想向韦恩单元的鲍比·布朗打个招呼。
My precious son-in-law.
我的宝贝女婿。
I want to urge you to be kind tomorrow, OK?
我想劝你明天要友善一点，好吗？
Because Sandy will be coming to see you.
因为桑迪会来看你。
Hi, John.
嗨，约翰。
I hope that your radio's not fading out tonight.
我希望今晚你的收音机不会消失。
Kay and I aren't going to make it this weekend.
凯和我这个周末没法去。
Bless her little heart, she got her a job.
祝福她的小心脏，她找到了工作。
And she just can't hardly go.
她就是不能去。
It just wore her out.
这让她筋疲力尽。
Then another third of the calls are people for whom this is the only communication.
另外三分之一的电话是他们唯一的沟通方式。
People who can't afford, don't have the resources.
没有能力的人，就没有资源。
Even if they made it to Huntsville from Houston, then would have to use a cab, which is $70 or $80, to get from downtown small town Texas out to the prison, and they just don't have the kind of resources to do that.
即使他们从休斯顿到达亨茨维尔，也必须乘坐出租车，从德克萨斯州市中心小镇前往监狱，费用为 70 或 80 美元，而他们没有足够的资源来做到这一点。
Hi.
你好。
Carol Hi.
卡罗尔嗨。
And we're calling from Mackinaw, Illinois for Joe Paul.
我们从伊利诺伊州麦基诺市打电话给乔·保罗。
Hi, Joe.
嗨，乔。
We love you, and we're doing--
我们爱你，我们正在做——
This is for my son John.
这是给我儿子约翰的。
I got your letter.
我收到你的信了。
I'm glad you got it all off your chest, but right now there's no way I could move back to Houston.
我很高兴你把这一切都吐出来了，但现在我不可能搬回休斯顿。
I wish I could.
我希望我能。
But maybe once you get out, then Roseanne and I can.
但也许一旦你出去了，罗珊娜和我就可以了。
Yeah, OK.
是的，好的。
This is Uncle Henry.
这是亨利叔叔。
And Lee Junior, I love you, man.
小李，我爱你，伙计。
I haven't forgotten you.
我没有忘记你。
I haven't forgotten either one of you.
我没有忘记你们中的任何一个。
And I'll be so glad when you get home, man.
当你回家时我会很高兴，伙计。
Just hang in there, you hear?
坚持住，听到了吗？
All right.
好的。
Merry Christmas.
圣诞快乐。
And the remaining third are incidental conversations.
剩下的三分之一是偶然的谈话。
People who don't call in regularly.
不定期打电话的人。
The first 2/3 are people who call in regularly.
前 2/3 是定期打电话的人。
And usually-- well, not usually.
通常——嗯，通常不。
But occasionally they call in in a matter of crisis.
但偶尔他们会在遇到危机时打电话过来。
You know, like, Johnny, this is your sister Sue, and mama died.
你知道，约翰尼，这是你的妹妹苏，而妈妈去世了。
Does that actually happen a lot, that someone will call to inform someone who is in prison of a loved one who's died?
有人打电话通知监狱里的人亲人去世的消息，这种情况真的经常发生吗？
Well, Ira, it is even worse than that.
嗯，艾拉，情况比这还要糟糕。
The Prison Show is famous for hearing voices that, over a long period of time, weaken and diminish.
《监狱秀》因听到的声音在很长一段时间内会减弱而闻名。
The one that comes to mind is Ms. White.
我想到的就是怀特女士。
Her son was sentenced to a long, long time.
她的儿子被判了很长很长的刑期。
And when he first went, she was a regular caller.
当他第一次去时，她是常客。
And then she announced one day that she had had some surgery about some cancer.
然后有一天，她宣布她已经接受了一些癌症手术。
And that didn't work, and the cancer grew, and her voice grew weaker.
但这并没有奏效，癌症恶化了，她的声音也变得越来越弱。
Ms. White was with me a couple of years.
怀特女士和我在一起几年了。
And then her daughter got on and said she died.
然后她的女儿上来说她死了。
This is Keith's mother.
这是基思的母亲。
Keith, I wanted to let you know, yes, we did get your letter today.
基思，我想让你知道，是的，我们今天确实收到了你的信。
And I did have laryngitis about two weeks, and I couldn't talk to anybody, so that's why I didn't get to put the call through.
我确实得了大约两周的喉炎，我无法与任何人交谈，所以这就是为什么我没有接通电话。
And just love you much and miss you.
只是非常爱你并且想念你。
Earl, this is Mama.
厄尔，这是妈妈。
I love you and merry Christmas, and we'll be together next year.
我爱你，圣诞快乐，明年我们还会在一起。
I can't do that.
我不能那样做。
Hi, honey.
嗨，亲爱的。
This is me.
这就是我。
It's Theresa.
是特蕾莎。
Well, I've kind of sort of got a little bit of bad news.
嗯，我有点坏消息。
I'm not real sure.
我不太确定。
But I think I told you in my letter that I was going to spend Thanksgiving with my mom and my stepfather and everybody.
但我想我在信中告诉过你我要和妈妈、继父以及所有人一起过感恩节。
Well, I did, and it's not real great.
嗯，我做到了，但效果并不好。
Course, you know, they offered the car, but they also offered the other things I was telling you about.
当然，你知道，他们提供了汽车，但他们也提供了我告诉你的其他东西。
So it's an either or situation.
所以这是一个非此即彼的情况。
So you know what I'm talking about.
所以你知道我在说什么。
At least I hope you know what I'm talking about.
至少我希望你知道我在说什么。
Ray, let me ask you.
雷，我问你。
What is she talking about?
她在说什么？
What we have here is the radio prison show equivalent of the Dear John letter.
我们这里看到的是电台监狱节目，相当于《亲爱的约翰的信》。
Apparently, reading between the lines of course, Theresa's been calling him several months.
当然，从字里行间看出，特蕾莎已经给他打电话好几个月了。
And there has been a struggle.
并且发生了一场斗争。
Her family does not approve of her relationship.
她的家人并不同意她的恋爱关系。
And so over the Thanksgiving dinner, they had come to an understanding, they would give her a car and other things if she would leave him.
因此，在感恩节晚餐上，他们达成了谅解，如果她离开他，他们会给她一辆车和其他东西。
So people will just call up and break up with their boyfriends and husbands over the radio?
那么人们会直接通过广播打电话和他们的男朋友和丈夫分手吗？
It's just another form of communication, Ira.
这只是另一种沟通方式，艾拉。
This is the way people can communicate.
这就是人们交流的方式。
And I get everything.
我得到了一切。
I get "You SOB, you sent me-- I got the letter you intended that other woman." And what we have here is we have a mail officer deciding, this guy's running a sham on these two women.
我得到“你这个混蛋，你寄给我的——我收到了你写给另一个女人的信。”我们这里有一名邮政官员决定，这个人正在对这两个女人进行骗局。
It may be a woman mail officer.
可能是一名女邮递员。
So the best way to fix that is just to switch the letters in the envelopes.
因此，解决这个问题的最佳方法就是交换信封中的字母。
Has that happened more than once on the show?
这种情况在节目中出现过不止一次吗？
Man.
男人。
Brother Hi Joe, I love you.
兄弟嗨，乔，我爱你。
And we miss you with all of our hearts.
我们全心全意地想念你。
And we just are so grateful that you're our brother.
我们非常感激你是我们的兄弟。
We feel like we're the ones that are blessed.
我们觉得我们是被祝福的人。
I know you say you do in all the letters.
我知道你在所有信中都这么说。
But we're the ones that are blessed to have you.
但我们是有幸拥有你的人。
David at the Wynne unit.
大卫在韦恩单位。
Honey, I love you and I miss you, and I'm going to try.
亲爱的，我爱你，我想念你，我会努力的。
I want you to know that I had a very, very bad accident.
我想让你知道我经历了一场非常非常严重的事故。
And I'm going to try to make it down there, because I haven't seen you and I need you to see me.
我会尽力到达那里，因为我还没有见到你，而我需要你来见我。
I need you to be strong, because it kind of messed up my left side of my face.
我需要你坚强，因为这有点弄乱了我的左脸。
And I need to have your strength and your faith to hang in there with me, OK, when I come down there.
当我下来时，我需要你们的力量和信心来支持我，好吧。
Ray, talk about some of the other regular callers who you have.
雷，谈谈您的其他一些常来电者。
Well, [?
出色地， [？
Gladewater ?] is this kind of rough Texas-accented older man.
Gladewater？]是一位粗鲁的德克萨斯口音的老人。
He's a very easily identifiable voice that calls in.
他打来电话的声音很容易辨认。
And he calls his son Sweetheart.
他称他的儿子为“甜心”。
And I have actually met Sweetheart.
我真的见过甜心。
Sweetheart weighs 300 pounds, and he's not all that heavy-set.
甜心体重300磅，而且他的体格并不那么重。
I mean, we're talking about a seriously large human being.
我的意思是，我们谈论的是一个非常大的人。
Tall.
高的。
Ray Hill Big, big man.
雷·希尔 大个子，大个子。
Big, brawn, broad-shouldered tall man.
身材高大、肌肉发达、肩膀宽阔的高个子男人。
He's doing life.
他在做生活。
He's not going to get out in time for Mama and Daddy to see him.
他不会及时出去让妈妈和爸爸去看他。
They're going to die before he gets out.
在他出去之前他们就会死。
What do you think it's like for Sweetheart to be called Sweetheart over the radio in a setting where people are pretty mean, and they can hear him being called Sweetheart.
你觉得甜心在人们非常刻薄的环境下在广播中被称为甜心是什么感觉，而且他们可以听到他被称为甜心。
Well, at his size, maybe he doesn't have anything to worry about.
好吧，以他的体型，也许他没有什么可担心的。
Good point, yeah.
好点，是的。
Ray Hill He is at a unit that is designated for older inmates.
雷·希尔 (Ray Hill) 他所在的牢房专门关押老年囚犯。
In a broader sense, in general, I mean, what do you know about what it's like for prisoners to have such intimate things said to them, and then to have it heard by a lot of people in an environment where people are not so open with each other?
从更广泛的意义上来说，我的意思是，你知道囚犯对他们说如此亲密的事情，然后在一个人们彼此不那么开放的环境中让很多人听到它是什么感觉吗？
Actually, I think that's probably the best thing that happens.
事实上，我认为这可能是发生的最好的事情。
You know, what's wrong with prison is that there's no trust in that society.
你知道，监狱的问题在于社会缺乏信任。
There's no caring in that society.
那个社会没有关怀。
There's no sharing in that society.
那个社会里没有分享。
It's one to a box kind of scared insecurity lifestyle.
这是一种令人恐惧的不安全生活方式。
And I think that Sweetheart and things like that breaks that down.
我认为甜心之类的东西打破了这一点。
I think it's very healthy for inmates to come out of different cell blocks, and get in line in the chow hall, and somebody say, I heard your mama last night, and she sounded like she's getting better.
我认为囚犯从不同的牢房出来，在食堂排队，然后有人说，我昨晚听到你妈妈的声音，她听起来好像正在好转。
Or I heard your daddy call you Sweetheart.
或者我听到你爸爸叫你甜心。
Ray Hill, host of the prison show, heard every Friday night on KPFT in Houston.
监狱节目主持人雷·希尔 (Ray Hill) 每周五晚上都会在休斯敦的 KPFT 节目中收听节目。
In thinking about what song to put after his story, we decided to turn back to Ed Ryder, the jazz musician we heard from at the beginning of today's program.
在考虑在他的故事之后放什么歌曲时，我们决定回到今天节目开始时听到的爵士乐音乐家艾德·莱德 (Ed Ryder)。
It's a song that Ed used to listen to all the time back when he was still locked up.
这是埃德被关起来时经常听的一首歌。
When I was in Graterford, I always listened to it.
当我在格拉特福德时，我总是听它。
I had a tape of it.
我有一盘磁带。
"God Bless the Child Who's Got His Own" by Billie Holliday.
比莉·霍利迪的《上帝保佑拥有自己的孩子》。
And what it meant to me when I was at Graterford-- when she said, "Them that's got shall get, them that's not shall lose, so the Bible says, and it still is news.
当我在格拉特福德时，这对我意味着什么——当她说：“有者必得，无者者必失，《圣经》如此说，而这仍然是新闻。
Mama may have, papa may have, but God bless the child that has his own."
妈妈可能有，爸爸可能有，但上帝保佑拥有自己的孩子。”
Well, in my mind, at Graterford, I thought that yes, I was the child that had his own.
嗯，在我看来，在格拉特福德，我想是的，我就是那个拥有他自己的孩子。
Because I was out here on my own.
因为我独自一人来到这里。
I had no help at the time.
我当时没有任何帮助。
There was no hope.
没有希望了。
I seen no way.
我没看出什么办法。
I was like a child.
我就像个孩子。
I was like a child, because I had no one I could turn to.
我就像个孩子，因为我没有人可以求助。
My parents had passed.
我的父母已经去世了。
I had no one I could turn to.
我没有人可以求助。
And I felt like, every time I would listen to that, I felt as though she was talking directly to me.
我觉得，每次我听到这个，我都觉得她好像在直接对我说话。
So you guys want to hear it without any music?
所以你们想在没有音乐的情况下听它吗？
Without a guitar or keyboard, or--?
没有吉他或键盘，或者——？
Let me see.
让我看看。
All right.
好的。
Here you go.
干得好。
Them that's got shall get.
有者必得。
Them that's not will lose.
那些不这样做的人就会失败。
So the Bible said.
圣经如此说。
And it still is news.
这仍然是新闻。
Mama may have.
妈妈可能有。
Papa may have.
爸爸可能有。
But God bless the child that's got his own, that's got his own.
但上帝保佑那个拥有自己的孩子，拥有自己的孩子。
That's basically some of it.
基本上就是这样了。
A little cold, but that's basically it, I guess.
有点冷，但我想基本上就是这样。
Act Two, Mother's Day.
第二幕，母亲节。
As the prison population rises, the proportion of female inmates has also been on the rise.
随着监狱人口的增加，女囚犯的比例也在上升。
Women now make up 6% of the nation's prison community.
目前，全国监狱中女性占 6%。
And on Mother's Day, visiting rooms are packed as relatives bring the children to these women.
母亲节那天，探视室挤满了人，亲戚们带着孩子来见这些妇女。
Amanda Coyne just made the trip with her nephew to see her sister, Jennifer.
阿曼达·科因刚刚和她的侄子一起去看望她的妹妹詹妮弗。
You can spot the convict moms here in the visiting room by the way they hold and touch their children and by the single flower that is perched in front of them.
你可以通过探视室里的囚犯妈妈们拥抱和抚摸孩子的方式以及她们面前的一朵花来认出她们。
A rose, a tulip, a daffodil.
一朵玫瑰，一朵郁金香，一朵水仙花。
Occasionally, a mother will pick up her present and bring it to her nose when one of the bearers of the single flower, her child, asks if she likes it.
有时，当一朵花的持有者之一，即她的孩子，问她是否喜欢它时，一位母亲会拿起她的礼物，把它带到她的鼻子前。
And the mother will respond the way the mothers always have and always will respond when presented with a gift on this day.
母亲们会像母亲们在这一天收到礼物时一贯的方式做出回应。
"Oh, I just love it.
“哦，我只是喜欢它。
It's perfect.
太完美了。
I'll put it in my Bible." Or "I'll put it on my desk, right next to your school picture." And always, "It's the best one here."
我会把它写进我的圣经里。”或者“我会把它放在我的桌子上，就在你学校照片的旁边。”并且总是说“这是这里最好的”。
But most of what is being smelled today is the children themselves.
但今天所闻到的大部分是孩子们自己。
While the other adults are plunking coins into the vending machine, the mothers take deep whiffs from the back of their children's necks, or kiss and smell the backs of their knees, or take off their shoes and tickle their feet, and then pull them close to their noses.
当其他成年人把硬币扔进自动售货机时，母亲们从孩子的脖子后面深深地闻着气味，或者亲吻并闻闻孩子们的膝盖后面，或者脱掉鞋子，挠他们的脚，然后把它们拉近鼻子。
They hold them tight and take in their own second scent, the scent assuring them that these are still their children, and that they still belong to them.
他们紧紧地抱住孩子，闻着自己的第二种气味，这种气味让他们确信这些仍然是他们的孩子，仍然属于他们。
The visitors are allowed to bring in pockets full of coins, and today, that Mother's Day flower.
游客可以携带装满硬币的口袋，今天就是母亲节鲜花。
And I know from previous visits to my older sister here at the Federal Prison Camp for Women in Pekin, Illinois, there's always an aberrant urge to gather immediately around the vending machines.
我从之前探访伊利诺伊州北京联邦女子监狱营的姐姐那里得知，总是有一种异常的冲动，想要立即聚集在自动售货机周围。
The sandwiches are stale, the coffee week, the candy bars the ones we always pass up in a convenience store.
三明治不新鲜了，咖啡周了，糖果棒是我们在便利店里总是错过的。
But after we hand the children over to their mothers, we gravitate towards those machines.
但当我们把孩子交给他们的母亲后，我们就会被这些机器所吸引。
Like milling in the kitchen at a party, we all do it, and nobody knows why.
就像聚会时在厨房里忙碌一样，我们都会这样做，但没有人知道为什么。
While my sister Jennifer is with her son in the playroom, an inmate's mother comes over to introduce herself to my younger sister Charity, my brother John, and me.
当我的妹妹詹妮弗和她的儿子在游戏室时，一名囚犯的母亲过来向我的妹妹查丽蒂、我的弟弟约翰和我做了自我介绍。
She tells us about visiting her daughter in a higher security prison before she was transferred here.
她向我们讲述了她女儿被转移到这里之前，曾到一所安全级别较高的监狱探望她的经历。
The woman looks old and tired, and her shoulders sag under the weight of her recently acquired bitterness.
女人看上去苍老而疲惫，肩膀因最近的痛苦而下垂。
"Pit of fire," she says, shaking her head.
“火坑，”她摇摇头说道。
"Like a pit of fire straight from hell.
“就像一个直接来自地狱的火坑。
Never seen anything like it.
从未见过类似的东西。
Like something out of an old movie about prisons." Her voice is getting louder, and she looks at each of us with pleading eyes.
就像一部关于监狱的老电影中的情节一样。”她的声音越来越大，用恳求的眼神看着我们每个人。
"My daughter was in there.
“我女儿就在里面。
Don't even get me started on that place.
甚至不让我开始那个地方。
"Women die there." John and Charity and I silently exchanged glances.
“女人死在那里。”约翰、查丽蒂和我默默地交换了一个眼神。
"My daughter would come to the visiting room with a black eye, and I'd think, all she did was sit in the car while her boyfriend ran into the house.
“我的女儿来到探视室时，眼睛都肿了，我想，她所做的就是坐在车里，而她的男朋友则跑进屋里。
She didn't even touch the stuff.
她甚至没有碰过那些东西。
Never even handled it." She continues to stare at us each in turn.
甚至从来没有处理过它。”她继续轮流盯着我们每个人。
"Ten years.
“十年。
That boyfriend talked, and he got three years.
那个男朋友说话了，他被判了三年。
She didn't know anything.
她什么都不知道。
Had nothing to tell them.
没什么可告诉他们的。
They gave her 10 years.
他们给了她10年的时间。
They call it conspiracy.
他们称之为阴谋。
Conspiracy?
阴谋？
Aren't there real criminals out there?" She asks this with hands outstretched, waiting for an answer that none of us can give her.
难道那里没有真正的罪犯吗？”她伸出双手问道，等待着我们谁也无法给她的答案。
The woman's daughter, the conspirator, is chasing her son through the maze of chairs and tables and through the other children.
这位妇女的女儿，即同谋者，正在迷宫般的桌椅和其他孩子中追赶她的儿子。
She's a 24 year old blond whom I'll call Stephanie, with Dorothy Hamill hair and matching dimples.
她是一位 24 岁的金发女郎，我称之为斯蒂芬妮，有着多萝西·哈米尔 (Dorothy Hamill) 的头发和相配的酒窝。
She looks like any girl you might see in a shopping mall in middle America.
她看起来就像你在美国中部购物中心看到的任何女孩。
She catches her chocolate-brown son and tickles him, and they laugh and trip and fall together onto the floor, and they laugh harder.
她抓住她巧克力棕色的儿子，挠他痒痒，他们大笑起来，绊倒，一起跌倒在地板上，笑得更厉害了。
She has done the tour, and her son is a well-traveled six year old.
她已经完成了这次旅行，她的儿子是一个经常旅行的六岁孩子。
He has spent weekends visiting his mother in prisons in Kentucky, Texas, Connecticut, the pit of fire.
他周末去肯塔基州、得克萨斯州、康涅狄格州的监狱探望母亲。
And now at last here, the camp, minimum security, Pekin, Illinois.
现在终于来到了位于伊利诺伊州北京的最低安全级别的营地。
[?
[？
Eli ?] looks older than his age, but his shoulders do not droop like his grandmother's.
伊莱？]看起来比他的实际年龄要老，但他的肩膀并不像他祖母那样下垂。
On the contrary, his bitterness lifts them and his chin higher than a child's should be, and the childlike wide-eyed curiosity has been replaced by defiance.
相反，他的苦涩让他们抬起了头，他的下巴比孩子应有的高，孩子般的睁大眼睛的好奇心被蔑视所取代。
You can see his emerging hostility as he and his mother play together.
当他和他的母亲一起玩耍时，你可以看到他逐渐显现的敌意。
She tells him to pick up the toy that he threw, say, or to put the deck of cards away.
她告诉他捡起他扔掉的玩具，或者把一副纸牌收起来。
His face turns sullen, but she persists.
他的脸色变得阴沉，但她坚持。
She takes him by the shoulders and looks him in the eye, and he uses one of his hands to swat at her.
她抓住他的肩膀，看着他的眼睛，他用一只手打她。
She grabs the hand, and he swats with the other.
她抓住那只手，他用另一只手猛击。
Eventually, she pulls him towards her, and smells the top of his head, and she picks up the cards or the toy herself.
最终，她把他拉向自己，闻了闻他的头顶，然后她自己拿起了卡片或玩具。
After all, it is Mother's Day, and she sees him so rarely.
毕竟今天是母亲节，她很少见到他。
But her acquiescence makes him angrier, and he stalks out of the playroom with his shoulders thrown back.
但她的默许让他更加愤怒，他向后仰着肩膀大步走出游戏室。
Toby, my brother and sister and I assure one another, will not have these resentments.
我和我的兄弟姐妹托比向彼此保证，不会有这些怨恨。
He is better taken care of than most.
他比大多数人都受到更好的照顾。
He is living with relatives in Wisconsin.
他与威斯康星州的亲戚住在一起。
Good, solid, middle class, church-going relatives.
善良、踏实、中产阶级、常去教堂的亲戚。
And when he visits us, his aunts and uncle, we take him out for adventures where we we walk down the alley of a city and pretend that we are being chased by the bad guys.
当他拜访我们，他的阿姨和叔叔时，我们带他出去冒险，我们沿着城市的小巷走，假装我们正在被坏人追赶。
We buy him fast food, and his uncle John keeps him up well past his bedtime, enthralling him with the stories of the monkeys he met in India.
我们给他买快餐，他的叔叔约翰让他熬夜到睡觉时间，并用他在印度遇到的猴子的故事吸引他。
A perfect mix, we try to convince but another.
这是一个完美的组合，我们试图说服另一个人。
Until we take him to see his mother, and on the drive back, he asks the question that most confuses him, and no doubt, all the other children who spend much of their lives in prison visiting rooms.
直到我们带他去见他的母亲，在回来的路上，他问了一个最让他困惑的问题，毫无疑问，让所有其他大部分时间都在监狱探视室度过的孩子感到困惑。
"Is my mommy a bad guy?" It's a question that most seriously disorders his five year old need to clearly separate right from wrong.
“我妈妈是坏人吗？”这个问题严重扰乱了他五岁的孩子清楚区分是非的需要。
And because our need is perhaps just as great, it is the question that haunts us, as well.
因为我们的需求也许同样巨大，所以这个问题也困扰着我们。
Now, however, the answer is relatively simple.
然而现在，答案相对简单。
In a few years, it won't be.
再过几年，就不会了。
In a few years, we'll have to explain mandatory minimums, and the war on drugs, and the murky conspiracy laws, and the enormous amount of money and time the federal agents pump into imprisoning low-level drug dealers and those who happen to be their friends and their lovers.
几年后，我们将不得不解释强制性的最低限度、禁毒战争、阴暗的阴谋法，以及联邦特工投入大量金钱和时间来监禁低级毒贩和那些碰巧是他们的朋友和情人的人。
In a few years, he will have the reasoning skills to ask why so many armed robbers, and rapists, and child molesters, and, indeed, murderers, are punished less severely than his mother.
几年后，他将具备推理能力，可以问为什么这么多武装抢劫犯、强奸犯、猥亵儿童者，甚至杀人犯，受到的惩罚没有他母亲那么严厉。
When he's older, we will somehow have to explain to him the difference between federal crimes, which don't allow for parole, and state crimes, which do.
当他长大后，我们必须以某种方式向他解释不允许假释的联邦犯罪和允许假释的州犯罪之间的区别。
We will have to explain that his mother was taken from him for five years not because she was a drug dealer, but because she made four phone calls for someone she loved.
我们必须解释他的母亲被从他身边带走五年不是因为她是毒贩，而是因为她为她所爱的人打了四通电话。
But we also know it is vitally important that we explain all this without betraying our bitterness.
但我们也知道，在解释这一切的同时又不流露出我们的痛苦是至关重要的。
We understand the danger of abstract anger, of being disillusioned with your country.
我们了解抽象愤怒和对国家幻灭的危险。
And most of all, we do not want him to inherit that legacy.
最重要的是，我们不希望他继承这一遗产。
We would still like him to be raised as we were, with the idea that we live in the best country in the world, with the best legal system in the world, a legal system carefully designed to be immune to political mood swings and public hysteria.
我们仍然希望他像我们一样长大，我们生活在世界上最好的国家，拥有世界上最好的法律体系，一个精心设计的法律体系，可以免受政治情绪波动和公众歇斯底里的影响。
A system that promises to fit the punishment to the crime.
一个承诺对犯罪行为进行相应惩罚的系统。
We want him to be a good citizen.
我们希望他成为一个好公民。
We want him to have absolute faith that he lives in a fair country, a country that watches over and protects its most vulnerable citizens, its women and its children.
我们希望他有绝对的信心，相信他生活在一个公平的国家，一个监视和保护其最弱势公民、妇女和儿童的国家。
So for now, we simply say, "Toby, your mother isn't bad.
所以现在，我们只是说：“托比，你妈妈不错。
She just did a bad thing.
她刚刚做了一件坏事。
Like when you put rocks in the lawn mower's gas tank.
就像你把石头放进割草机的油箱里一样。
You weren't bad then.
那时你并不坏。
You just did a bad thing." Once, after being given this weak explanation, he said, "I wish I could have done something really bad like my mommy, so I could go to prison, too, and be with her."
你只是做了一件坏事。”有一次，在得到这个软弱的解释后，他说：“我希望我能像我妈妈一样做一些非常坏的事情，这样我也可以进监狱，和她在一起。”
It's now 3 o'clock.
现在已经三点了。
Visiting ends at 3:30.
参观于3点30分结束。
The fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, and the few boyfriends, and the very few husbands, are beginning to show signs of gathering the trash.
父亲、母亲、姐妹、兄弟，还有为数不多的男朋友、极少数的丈夫，都开始出现了收集垃圾的迹象。
The mothers of the infants are giving their heads one last whiff before tucking them and their paraphernalia into their respective carrying cases.
婴儿的母亲们在把他们和他们的随身物品塞进各自的手提箱之前，正在给他们的头吸最后一口气。
The visitors meander towards the door, leaving the older children with their mothers for one last word.
访客们蜿蜒走向门口，留下大一点的孩子和他们的母亲一起说最后一句话。
But the mothers never say what they want to say to their children.
但母亲们却从来不会对孩子说出她们想说的话。
They say things like, "Do well in school.
他们会说这样的话：“在学校表现出色。
Be nice to your sister.
对你妹妹好一点。
Be good for Aunt Betty or Grandma." They don't say, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
对贝蒂阿姨或奶奶好点。”他们不会说：“对不起，对不起，对不起。
I love you more than anything else in the world, and I think about you every minute, and I worry about you with a pain that shoots straight to my heart, a pain so great, I think I'll just burst when I think of you alone without me.
我爱你胜过世界上的一切，我每时每刻都在想你，我担心你，一种直击我心的痛苦，一种如此巨大的痛苦，当我独自一人想到你而没有我时，我想我会崩溃。
I'm sorry."
对不起。”
We are standing in front of the double glass doors that lead to the outside world.
我们站在通向外面世界的双层玻璃门前。
My older sister holds her son, rocking him gently.
我姐姐抱着她的儿子，轻轻地摇晃着他。
They are both crying.
他们都在哭。
We give her a look, and she puts him down.
我们看了她一眼，她把他放下了。
Charity and I grasp each of the small hands, and the four of us walk through the doors.
我和查丽蒂握住每一只小手，我们四个人走进了门。
I turn back, and I see a line of women standing behind a glass wall.
我回头，看到一排妇女站在玻璃墙后面。
Some of them are crying, but many simply stare with dazed eyes.
他们中的一些人在哭泣，但许多人只是茫然地看着。
Stephanie is holding both of her son's hands in hers and speaking urgently to him.
斯蒂芬妮握着儿子的双手，急切地对他说话。
He is struggling and his head is twisting violently back and forth.
他正在挣扎，他的头剧烈地前后扭动。
He frees one of his hands from her grasp, balls up his fist, and punches her in the face.
他从她手中松开一只手，握紧拳头，一拳打在她脸上。
Then he walks with purpose through the glass doors and out the exit.
然后他有目的地穿过玻璃门，走出出口。
I look back at her.
我回头看着她。
She is still in a crouched position.
她仍保持蹲着的姿势。
She stares, unblinking, through those doors.
她一眨不眨地盯着那些门。
Amanda Coyne is a graduate student in nonfiction writing at the University of Iowa.
阿曼达·科因是爱荷华大学非小说类写作专业的研究生。
This was excerpted from a longer story that originally appeared in Harper's Magazine.
这是摘自最初发表在《哈珀杂志》上的一个较长的故事。
80% of the women in prisons today have children back home.
如今，80% 的监狱妇女在家里都有孩子。
Most of these women are single mothers.
这些女性大多数是单身母亲。
Coming up.
即将到来。
What happens when you mix three well-meaning standup comedians with 800 angry, violent offenders in a maximum security prison two days before Christmas?
圣诞节前两天，如果将三名善意的单口喜剧演员与 800 名愤怒的暴力罪犯关在戒备森严的监狱里，会发生什么？
That's in a minute, from Public Radio International, when our program continues.
稍后，国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, invite a variety of writers and reporters and radio producers to tackle that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，邀请各种作家、记者和广播制作人来解决这个主题。
Today's show, about the tens of millions of people whose own lives are tangled up with our nation's prisons in this period when we have rising rates of incarceration and falling crime rates.
今天的节目讲述了在这个监禁率上升和犯罪率下降的时期，数以千万计的人的生活与我们国家的监狱纠缠在一起。
In the first half of our show, we've heard mostly about family members of prisoners.
在我们节目的前半部分，我们听到的主要是囚犯家属的故事。
In the second half, the half we turn to now, we turn to a few aspects of life for people behind bars in America.
在下半场，也就是我们现在转向的下半场，我们转向美国监狱里的人们生活的几个方面。
We begin with this item.
我们从这个项目开始。
It is Act Three of our program.
这是我们节目的第三幕。
Act Three, Who's Your Daddy?
第三幕，谁是你爸爸？
This is an excerpt from a pamphlet written by an ex-convict, Stephen Donaldson.
这是前科犯史蒂芬·唐纳森 (Stephen Donaldson) 所写小册子的摘录。
A guide for straight men who find themselves entering prison.
为入狱的直男提供的指南。
A warning before we start.
在我们开始之前发出警告。
This reading contains material that may not be appropriate for some younger listeners.
本读物包含的材料可能不适合一些年轻的听众。
There is no explicit language or graphic depictions of anything, but it does acknowledge the existence of certain sex acts.
没有任何明确的语言或图形描述，但它确实承认某些性行为的存在。
Many prisoners who have been raped by fellow inmates, or who have been threatened with rape, decide to become hooked up with another prisoner.
许多被狱友强奸或受到强奸威胁的囚犯决定与另一名囚犯发生关系。
However distasteful the idea may seem, they believe it to be the least damaging way to survive in custody.
无论这个想法看起来多么令人反感，他们都认为这是在拘留期间生存的破坏性最小的方式。
In most arrangements, the junior partner-- in prison slang, the catcher or punk-- gives up his independence and his control over his body to a senior partner-- the jocker, man, pitcher, or daddy-- in exchange for protection from violence and sexual assaults by other prisoners.
在大多数安排中，初级合伙人（监狱俚语中的捕手或朋克）将其独立性和对身体的控制权交给高级合伙人（骑手、男人、投手或爸爸），以换取免受其他囚犯的暴力和性侵犯的保护。
This arrangement, it must be said, is never totally voluntary for the punk.
必须指出的是，这种安排对于朋克来说从来都不是完全自愿的。
But it is preferable to a series of violent gang rapes, and, in the age of AIDS, far safer.
但这比一系列暴力轮奸要好，而且在艾滋病时代也安全得多。
If you want to be able to choose your daddy, tell the other prisoners that you want to hook up.
如果你想选择你的爸爸，就告诉其他囚犯你想勾搭。
The word will get around fast, and guys will start to talk to you about it.
这个消息很快就会传开，人们会开始和你谈论这件事。
This has to be done quickly.
这必须尽快完成。
Otherwise, events will overwhelm you, and you may get gang raped or forced to hook up before you can make a choice.
否则，事件会让你不知所措，在你做出选择之前，你可能会被轮奸或被迫勾搭。
Spend as much time as you can with the jockers who want to hook up with you.
花尽可能多的时间与那些想和你勾搭的骑手在一起。
Ask them lots of questions, and judge for yourself how sincere they are.
问他们很多问题，并亲自判断他们的诚意。
Ask other prisoners, especially punks and queens, about their reps.
询问其他囚犯，尤其是朋克和皇后，了解他们的代表。
The more information you can get, the better your choice will be.
您获得的信息越多，您的选择就越好。
Once you make your decision, you are pretty much stuck with it.
一旦你做出决定，你就很难坚持下去。
Check out how serious the guy is.
看看这家伙有多认真。
Discuss what he expects from you in detail, and try to work out the most favorable agreement.
详细讨论他对你的期望，并尝试制定出最有利的协议。
Even put it in writing.
甚至写下来。
Protective pairing is a very serious matter for him, too, since it obligates him to put his life on the line to keep you from harm.
保护性配对对他来说也是一件非常严肃的事情，因为这迫使他冒着生命危险来保护你免受伤害。
Ask him about any previous catchers he's had, how they managed together, and why they split.
询问他之前遇到过的捕手，他们是如何一起管理的，以及他们为什么分开。
If any of them are still around, talk with them.
如果他们中的任何人仍然在附近，请与他们交谈。
Ask jockers how they treat their women, because most jockers treat their punks the same way.
询问骑手如何对待自己的女人，因为大多数骑手以同样的方式对待他们的朋克。
If they form real partnerships with their women, they are more likely to do the same with you.
如果他们与自己的女性建立了真正的伙伴关系，他们就更有可能与你做同样的事情。
Jockers may well insist on having sex with you before putting a claim on you.
骑手很可能会坚持在对你提出要求之前与你发生性关系。
This is not an unreasonable demand, since sex is such an important part of the deal.
这并不是一个不合理的要求，因为性是交易中如此重要的一部分。
You can tell a lot about a jock by how he behaves with you sexually.
通过一个运动员与你的性行为方式，你可以了解很多关于他的信息。
If he shows affection, such as stroking your body or hair, it is a good indication that he wants to treat you like a human being.
如果他表现出爱意，例如抚摸你的身体或头发，这是一个很好的迹象，表明他想像对待人一样对待你。
As soon as it becomes known that you are hooked up-- and the news will spread like wildfire-- everyone will stop hassling you and will deal with you only through your man.
一旦知道你被勾搭上了——这个消息就会像野火一样传开——每个人都会停止骚扰你，只会通过你的男人来对付你。
Hooking up means you have definitely become a punk, and will be considered a punk for as long as you stay in the joint.
勾搭就意味着你肯定已经成为了朋克，并且只要你呆在聚会里就会被认为是朋克。
So if you decide to hook up, you might as well get used to that status.
因此，如果你决定勾搭，不妨习惯这种状态。
A jocker frequently loans out his punk to his friends, usually a way of ensuring their loyalty to him or to reinforce his position as a leader.
骑手经常把他的朋克借给他的朋友，通常是为了确保他们对他的忠诚或巩固他作为领导者的地位。
In a way, this is good for you, since the more backup he has, the safer you'll be.
在某种程度上，这对你有好处，因为他拥有的后援越多，你就越安全。
And when he's not around, you can turn to his friends in an emergency.
当他不在身边时，您可以在紧急情况下向他的朋友求助。
Once the two of you decide to be hooked up, you may well be given duties other than sex.
一旦你们两个决定交往，你们很可能会被赋予除性以外的职责。
For example, doing his laundry, cleaning his cell, making up his bunk, fixing coffee for him, and giving him back rubs.
例如，为他洗衣服、清洁牢房、铺铺位、为他准备咖啡以及给他按摩背部。
Although the arrangement is firm-- the pitcher makes the rules and the catcher follows them-- the relationship will usually allow you some room to maneuver and have your wishes considered, as long as you respect the basic rules.
尽管安排是固定的——投手制定规则，捕手遵守规则——但只要你尊重基本规则，这种关系通常会给你一些回旋的余地，并考虑你的意愿。
While a jocker will never tolerate open rebellion, he usually seeks to get along with this punk and to avoid an atmosphere of constant tension.
虽然骑手永远不会容忍公开的叛逆，但他通常会寻求与这个朋克相处并避免持续紧张的气氛。
He would rather relax around his punk, and over time he can and often does develop genuine affection for him.
他宁愿在他的朋克周围放松，随着时间的推移，他可以而且经常对他产生真正的感情。
This allows a considerable degree of give and take in the non-sexual aspects of the partnership.
这允许在伙伴关系的非性方面有相当程度的给予和接受。
But the sexual part is pretty fixed, and you can't really hope to get out of it.
但性的部分是相当固定的，你不可能真正希望摆脱它。
You have to understand that for jockers, the world of confinement is one of constant competition, with everyone looking for a weakness, so guys put up a false front which never admits any vulnerability.
你必须明白，对于骑手来说，禁闭世界是一个持续竞争的世界，每个人都在寻找弱点，所以他们会装出一副从不承认任何弱点的假象。
This makes them less human.
这让他们变得不那么人性化。
When they get hooked up, they have someone to relate to.
当他们陷入困境时，他们就有了可以联系的人。
They can feel you're on the same team.
他们可以感觉到你们在同一个团队中。
They can relax as they learn to trust you.
当他们学会信任你时，他们就会放松下来。
They may even show an entirely different and unexpected side of themselves, sharing their own anxieties, fears, and deepest feelings.
他们甚至可能表现出自己完全不同和意想不到的一面，分享自己的焦虑、恐惧和最深的感受。
In turn, they will listen to you as you learn to trust them and talk about your own feelings.
反过来，当您学会信任他们并谈论您自己的感受时，他们会倾听您的意见。
Thus, you stand a good chance of developing a human relationship in which each of you really cares about the other and works to keep the relationship smooth.
因此，你们很有可能发展出一种彼此真正关心对方并努力保持关系顺利的人际关系。
Human beings are remarkably adaptable creatures.
人类是适应性极强的生物。
It is true that if you become a punk and are locked up for a long time, you will get somewhat used to the punk role.
确实，如果你成为一个朋克并被关了很长时间，你就会有点习惯朋克的角色。
This varies a lot from one punk to another.
朋克之间的差异很大。
Some still hate every sex act after a decade of doing it every day.
有些人每天都做爱十年后仍然讨厌每一次性行为。
Others focus on the other aspects of the relationship and find some value there.
其他人则关注关系的其他方面并从中发现一些价值。
Some treasure the security it brings.
有些人珍惜它带来的安全感。
Many punks who have good relationships actually become fond of their jockers.
许多关系良好的朋克实际上都喜欢他们的小丑。
It is not so uncommon in the unusual conditions of confinement for two straight guys to fall in love with each other over time.
在不寻常的监禁条件下，两个直男随着时间的推移彼此相爱并不少见。
Psychologists generally consider adaptation to be a healthy reaction to a situation that you can not change.
心理学家通常认为适应是对无法改变的情况的健康反应。
So don't worry about it if you find yourself adapting to the role.
因此，如果您发现自己适应了这个角色，请不要担心。
Once you're out, you can reverse the process and work on reclaiming the full expression of your masculine identity.
一旦你出局，你就可以扭转这个过程，努力重新充分表达你的男性身份。
Unfortunately, many, if not most jockers, will try to get their punks to be as feminine in appearance and behavior as possible, because they are more comfortable pretending that they are relating sexually to some kind of female than to another male.
不幸的是，许多（如果不是大多数）骑手都会试图让他们的朋克在外表和行为上尽可能女性化，因为他们更愿意假装自己与某种女性发生性关系，而不是与另一个男性发生性关系。
But they also know that you're a punk, not a queen, and that such things don't come naturally to you.
但他们也知道你是一个朋克，而不是女王，而且这些事情对你来说并不自然。
You should ask about such things before accepting a claim, and make it clear that retaining your masculine identity is important to you.
在接受索赔之前，您应该询问这些事情，并明确表示保留您的男性身份对您很重要。
Some jockers don't care.
有些骑手不在乎。
I was hooked up once with a guy who let me grow a mustache.
我曾经和一个让我留胡子的人交往过。
Most will still refer to you as him and use your male name.
大多数人仍会称您为“他”并使用您的男性名字。
Others may insist that you shave your legs, grow long hair, and use a feminine nickname.
其他人可能会坚持要求你剃腿毛、留长发、使用女性昵称。
No matter what you have to do, remember that it is all an act, and that you can go back to your normal behavior as soon as you get out.
无论您必须做什么，请记住这只是一种行为，一旦退出您就可以恢复正常行为。
That's a lot of advice, but you'll need it.
这是很多建议，但你会需要它。
Good luck finding a decent man.
祝你好运，找到一个体面的男人。
And remember that you will leave it all behind, except for a much better understanding of men and of women, when you walk out the front gate.
请记住，当您走出前门时，除了对男人和女人有更好的了解之外，您将把一切抛在脑后。
Chicago actor Larry DiStasi read from the pamphlet Hooking Up: Protective Pairing For Punks.
芝加哥演员拉里·迪斯塔西 (Larry DiStasi) 朗读了小册子《勾搭：朋克的保护性配对》(Hooking Up: Protective Pairing For Punks)。
The pamphlet was written by Stephen Donaldson, who died in 1996 of complications from an HIV infection he received when he was gang raped in prison.
这本小册子的作者是史蒂芬·唐纳森 (Stephen Donaldson)，他于 1996 年因在监狱中被轮奸而感染艾滋病毒并发症而去世。
Act Four.
第四幕。
Rick Reynolds is a guy who does these amazingly honest and very funny monologues onstage.
里克·雷诺兹是一个在舞台上进行这些令人惊讶的诚实和非常有趣的独白的人。
And he tells this story about visiting a maximum security prison in Vacaville, California.
他讲述了参观加利福尼亚州瓦卡维尔一座高度戒备监狱的故事。
Rick Reynolds is somebody who has a compulsion to say the exact thing that you're not supposed to say in any given situation.
里克·雷诺兹（Rick Reynolds）是一个有强迫症的人，他会在任何特定情况下说出你不应该说的话。
In this case, he was invited to perform at the facility's Christmas party.
在这种情况下，他被邀请在该设施的圣诞晚会上表演。
Again, a warning.
再次警告。
Although this is mild, some content may not be suitable for younger listeners.
虽然这很温和，但有些内容可能不适合年轻的听众。
I remember driving up to this thing, not knowing what to expect.
我记得开车去这件事时，不知道会发生什么。
December 23.
12 月 23 日。
A good friend of mine, David Feldman, sitting next to me, going to be the middle act, and Jose Simon in the backseat.
我的一个好朋友大卫·费尔德曼（David Feldman）坐在我旁边，担任中间表演，何塞·西蒙（Jose Simon）坐在后座。
We get to this place, and we're frisked, and the metal detectors, and you're led down these long corridors, and it smells of a hospital.
我们到达这个地方，我们被搜身，还有金属探测器，你被带到这些长长的走廊里，里面有医院的味道。
And you feel like a little kid in grade school going back to your school at night, and you're not supposed to be there somehow.
你感觉就像一个上小学的小孩子晚上回到学校，而你不应该在那里。
And eventually we're led into this big gymnasium.
最终我们被带进了这个大体育馆。
Like your high school gym.
就像你高中的体育馆一样。
Four sets of bleachers pulled out, little stage in front of it.
四组看台拉出来，前面有一个小舞台。
Bleachers packed with about 800 pissed off guys in blue denim.
看台上挤满了大约 800 名穿着蓝色牛仔布、愤怒的家伙。
As soon as they see us, it is like a scene from a bad prison movie.
他们一看到我们，就像一部糟糕的监狱电影中的场景。
They started whistling and catcalling and yelling, "Bend over.
他们开始吹口哨、嘘声、大喊：“弯腰。
Whoo.
呼。
Fresh meat." Apparently it was mating season in the prison.
新鲜的肉。”显然监狱里正值交配季节。
And I'm scared.
我很害怕。
We're led into this little room.
我们被带进这个小房间。
and this big, pompous, stocky guard starts laying down all of the prison rules.
这位高大、自负、矮胖的狱警开始制定所有的监狱规则。
"You're not to mention homosexuality within the prison community.
“更不用说监狱里的同性恋了。
You're not to mention drug usage within the present community.
更不用说当前社区内的毒品使用情况了。
You're not to mention black and white relations within the prison community.
更不用说监狱社区内的黑人和白人关系了。
We have had riots at this facility." Then he got very serious and said, "If any inmate crosses the yellow line in front of the stage, you immediately turn and run for the double doors in the back of the room.
我们这个设施发生过骚乱。”然后他非常严肃地说，“如果任何囚犯越过舞台前面的黄线，你立即转身跑向房间后面的双门。
But don't worry.
但不用担心。
We got snipers in the perch."
我们的栖息处有狙击手。”
Oh, well, suddenly I'm at ease.
哦，好吧，我突然就放心了。
You hear that, Dave?
你听到了吗，戴夫？
Snipers in the perch.
狙击手在栖息地。
Nothing to worry about now.
现在没什么可担心的。
What he's talking about, of course, guards with guns up in these towers.
当然，他所说的是塔楼里持枪的守卫。
And I don't know about you, but nothing says Christmas to me more than guards with guns.
我不知道你怎么想，但对我来说，没有什么比带枪的警卫更能体现圣诞节的意义了。
Also, we weren't supposed to mention the guards or the guns or the towers.
另外，我们不应该提及守卫、枪支或塔楼。
Basically, we weren't supposed to talk about anything, especially not about K block, which I didn't even know existed before they brought it up.
基本上，我们不应该谈论任何事情，尤其是 K 区块，在他们提出之前我什至不知道它的存在。
This is where they kept their incorrigibles.
这是他们保存顽固分子的地方。
This was the cream of the crop out here.
这是这里的佼佼者。
Well, this nightmare gig begins with them announcing "Your host and MC, Jose Simon." Jose runs out.
好吧，这场噩梦般的演出以他们宣布“你的主持人兼主持人，何塞·西蒙”开始。何塞跑完了。
Takes the mike.
拿起麦克风。
A nightmare.
一场噩梦。
Just a nightmare.
只是一场噩梦。
I can not overstate how horrendous this situation is.
我无法夸大这种情况有多么可怕。
800 guys, not one of them listening.
800个人，没有一个人在听。
They're all screaming at the top of their lungs.
他们都在用尽全力尖叫。
"[BLEEP] you!
“[哔]你！
Eat [BLEEP]!
吃[哔]！
Bend over!" It's just awful.
弯腰！”太可怕了。
I mean, it's just awful.
我的意思是，这太糟糕了。
And I'm watching from the side, thinking, it's going to stop.
我在一旁看着，心想，它会停止的。
They're going to stop this.
他们会阻止这一切。
Nobody stopped it.
没有人阻止它。
Nobody tried to stop it.
没有人试图阻止它。
It's one of those life situations-- and hopefully you can relate to this.
这是生活中的一种情况——希望你能体会到这一点。
I'm supposed to be paid $500, right?
我应该得到500美元，对吗？
I would have gladly said, you keep the $500.
我会很高兴地说，你保留这 500 美元。
Here's $2,000 more.
这里还有 2,000 美元。
Let me go home.
让我回家吧。
In two and a half hours, I'm with my wife.
两个半小时后，我就和妻子在一起了。
Please.
请。
Nobody in the room is laughing except Feldman and I, watching from the side.
房间里没有人在笑，除了费尔德曼和我在一旁观看。
Nothing funnier then another comic eating it onstage, really.
真的，没有什么比另一个喜剧演员在舞台上吃它更有趣的了。
Jose comes off, drenched in sweat.
何塞下了车，浑身都是汗。
Feldman goes out, tries to do political material.
费尔德曼出去尝试制作政治材料。
Come on, these guys don't vote.
得了吧，这些家伙不投票。
They've been in prison their whole lives.
他们一生都在监狱里度过。
I have never laughed harder in my life.
我这辈子从来没有笑得这么厉害过。
No never.
不，从来没有。
I'm just busting a gut, watching Feldman.
我只是在费力地看着费尔德曼。
He's a good friend, so that's why you laugh.
他是一个好朋友，所以这就是你笑的原因。
And he's got these jokes that are brilliant, but nobody cares.
他的笑话很精彩，但没人在乎。
And then, not only, to add insult to injury, they start throwing things.
然后，不仅雪上加霜的是，他们还开始扔东西。
They have these bags they're throwing, milk cartons they're throwing.
他们扔了这些袋子，他们扔了牛奶盒。
And I'm watching from the side.
而我则在旁边看着。
And he's just dodging.
而他只是在躲避。
Occasionally he'd glance at me.
偶尔他也会看我一眼。
I'm down on one knee laughing so hard that then he'd start laughing, causing them, I guess, to hate him more.
我单膝跪地笑得很厉害，然后他也开始笑，我想，这让他们更恨他了。
And they'd throw more stuff.
他们会扔更多的东西。
It was an ugly cycle there.
这是一个丑陋的循环。
Feldman comes off.
费尔德曼下场。
He can't even look at me.
他甚至不敢看我。
He's staring down, just shaking his head.
他低着头，只是摇摇头。
They announce my name.
他们宣布我的名字。
I drift toward the stage in a surreal haze.
我在一种超现实的迷雾中飘向舞台。
I have to be up there for 45 minutes.
我必须在那里待 45 分钟。
And I took the mic out of the stand, and moved the stand over, and this vitriolic bile is being spewed at me.
我把麦克风从支架上拿出来，把支架移过来，这种尖酸刻薄的胆汁就向我喷了出来。
And I know if I try my act, they will eat me alive.
我知道如果我尝试我的行为，他们就会活活吃掉我。
So I'm wondering what to say.
所以我想知道该说什么。
And in my indecisiveness there, I think they took that for some sort of professionalism, and they started to get quiet.
由于我的优柔寡断，我认为他们认为这是某种专业精神，然后他们开始变得安静。
And when they were totally quiet, I lifted the mic and I said, "I just got back from K block, and boy, is my ass sore." Baaaaah!
当他们完全安静下来时，我举起麦克风说：“我刚从 K 街区回来，天哪，我的屁股酸痛了。”咩咩！
I had the hugest laugh I have ever-- just baaaaaah!
我笑得最开心了——哈哈哈！
They're just roaring with laughter for about a minute.
他们只是大笑了大约一分钟。
And while they're laughing, I notice that the entire side over here-- these two bleachers, all black men.
当他们大笑的时候，我注意到这边的整个人——这两个露天看台，全是黑人。
These two bleachers, all white men.
这两个露天看台都是白人。
Without exception.
无一例外。
So I look at one of these white guys, then I go, excuse me, sir.
所以我看着其中一个白人，然后我走了，对不起，先生。
If your dick was big enough, could you sit with the black guys?
如果你的鸡鸡足够大，你能和黑人坐在一起吗？
Baaaaaah!
咩咩！
Now the black guys are high-fiving.
现在黑人正在击掌。
They're crying.
他们在哭。
I'm a god in the slammer all of a sudden.
我一下子就成了猛男中的神了。
And I notice a black guy in the front row, hair in curlers.
我注意到前排有一个黑人，头发夹着卷发器。
So I walk over and I say, where are you going tomorrow that you need to look better than tonight, the big social event of your year?
所以我走过去说，你明天要去哪里，你需要看起来比今晚更好，这是你一年中的大型社交活动？
Well, from then on, I'm solid gold.
好吧，从那时起，我就是纯金的了。
Everything works.
一切正常。
At one point, I said, I'm sorry my voice is a little hoarse.
有一次，我说，对不起，我的声音有点沙哑。
I just vomited up a bag of heroin for a friend here.
我刚刚为这里的一个朋友吐了一袋海洛因。
I started talking about how my third dad had been in prison.
我开始谈论我的第三个父亲是如何入狱的。
Some guy in the back yells, yeah, I knew him.
后面的一个人喊道，是的，我认识他。
So I looked at him, I said, you know, you look familiar.
于是我看着他，我说，你知道，你看起来很眼熟。
I think your face is tattooed on his ass.
我认为你的脸纹在他的屁股上。
And some really fat ugly guy right here starts giving me [BLEEP].
这里有一个又胖又丑的家伙开始给我发出[BLEEP]声。
I have everybody move 10 feet away from him, and then I order the guards to shoot him.
我让每个人都远离他 10 英尺，然后我命令警卫向他开枪。
At one point, I actually started taunting the inmates.
有一次，我实际上开始嘲笑囚犯。
I got off of the stage, right behind the yellow line, took out my wallet a $20 bill, and I said, come get it, pussies.
我下了舞台，就在黄线后面，从钱包里拿出一张 20 美元的钞票，我说，来吧，小妞们。
I ended the night with a Christmas song-along.
我以一首圣诞歌曲结束了这个夜晚。
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
铃儿响叮当，铃儿响叮当，一路叮叮当。
Only the rapists now!
现在只有强奸犯了！
Let's go!
我们走吧！
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.
哦，乘坐一匹马拉的开放式雪橇真是太有趣了。
Child molesters, join on in!
猥亵儿童者，快来加入吧！
Rick Reynolds, telling a story from his one-man show, All Grown Up and No Place to Go.
里克·雷诺兹讲述了他的独角戏《长大了，无处可去》中的故事。
It's on a CD from Rhino Records.
它收录在 Rhino Records 的一张 CD 上。
[MUSIC - "IN THE JAILHOUSE, NOW" BY STEVE EARLE AND THE V-ROYS]
[音乐 - 史蒂夫·厄尔 (Steve Earle) 和 V-ROYS 乐队的《现在在监狱里》]
Act Five, Color Bar.
第五幕，彩条。
How are we changed by prison?
监狱改变了我们什么？
Breyten Breytenbach was incarcerated for seven years by the apartheid government of South Africa.
布雷滕·布雷滕巴赫 (Breyten Breytenbach) 被南非种族隔离政府监禁了七年。
He was caught reentering the country on his way to work with the political resistance during the apartheid regime.
在种族隔离政权期间，他在返回该国前往与政治抵抗组织合作的途中被捕。
He's a painter and a writer.
他是一位画家和作家。
In some ways, his time in prison was different from most American incarcerations.
在某些方面，他的监狱时光与大多数美国监禁有所不同。
In one facility he was in, the prisoners sang each night from their cells.
在他关押的一个监狱里，囚犯们每晚都在牢房里唱歌。
But in other ways, what happened to him is what's happened to many people, everywhere, over the centuries, when left in confinement.
但在其他方面，发生在他身上的事情也正是发生在几个世纪以来世界各地许多人被监禁时所发生的事情。
For the first two years in prison, I was kept in a very small area all by myself.
在监狱的头两年，我一个人被关在一个很小的地方。
So I literally had very little to see or to look at in terms of variety, in terms of what one had become used to.
因此，从多样性、人们已经习惯的方面来看，我确实没什么可看或可看的。
You know what I see normally is seeing people come and go, in different distances, and different colors, and different lights.
你知道，我通常看到的是人们来来往往，距离不同，颜色不同，光线也不同。
That was all just one very gray soup.
那只是一碗非常灰色的汤。
Never seeing further than, say, about six feet away from me.
从来没有看到比我距离六英尺远的地方。
The cell was 13 feet by 6 feet.
牢房长 13 英尺 x 6 英尺。
So that was the limit of one's field of vision.
所以这就是一个人视野的极限。
And there was no variety in that field of vision, either.
那个视野也没有变化。
And of course, one was suffering inevitably from vitamin deficiency.
当然，人们不可避免地会缺乏维生素。
So that one's eyesight was going down all the time.
所以一个人的视力一直在下降。
And I hadn't been aware of it.
而我并没有意识到这一点。
In fact, I remember I became aware of this when they transported me from the Pretoria prison to the Cape Town prison, which took place in a closed truck.
事实上，我记得当他们将我从比勒陀利亚监狱转移到开普敦监狱时，我就意识到了这一点，这是在一辆封闭的卡车里进行的。
And it had an air vent that was slightly open.
它有一个稍微打开的通风口。
And I could peek through there and see the landscape going by.
我可以透过那里看到周围的风景。
And I suddenly realized that my eyesight was shot, gone.
我突然意识到我的视力被击中了，消失了。
The irredeemable or the unstoppable wearing away that time has on one in prison is a very strong awareness.
时间对监狱里的人的不可挽回或不可阻挡的磨损是一种非常强烈的意识。
You know that you are being changed without being able to measure the extent of the changes that are taking place.
你知道你正在被改变，但无法衡量正在发生的改变的程度。
You know that that this is a process of degradation taking place.
你知道这是一个正在发生的退化过程。
But since you have nothing against which to measure this, you can not fight it.
但由于你没有任何东西可以衡量这一点，所以你无法对抗它。
And at the same time, you have no sense of time passing at all, because there's nothing to which to tie it.
与此同时，你根本感觉不到时间的流逝，因为没有任何东西可以将时间联系起来。
It's like water.
就像水一样。
It runs right through you.
它直接贯穿你。
The one particular prison that I have in mind now, called Beverly Hills-- we called it Beverly Hills, in Pretoria.
我现在想到的一个特别的监狱，叫做比佛利山庄——我们把它称为比勒陀利亚的比佛利山庄。
It's the hanging jail.
这就是绞刑架。
It's where they execute people.
这是他们处决人的地方。
Up to about 200 a year.
一年最多200个左右。
Now, that has as its central characteristic the actual chamber, the room where people are executed.
现在，它的中心特征是实际的房间，即执行死刑的房间。
But if you live in that prison, you never see it.
但如果你住在那个监狱里，你就永远看不到它。
You're intensely aware of it.
你对此有强烈的认识。
You know it's there.
你知道它就在那里。
You can hear it.
你可以听到它。
You can hear the room, because you can hear the trapdoors opening.
你可以听到房间里的声音，因为你可以听到活板门打开的声音。
There is sort of this shuddering going through the building when people actually are being hanged in the morning.
当人们在早上真正被绞死时，整栋大楼里都会有一种颤抖的感觉。
And then you hear the coffins being put together.
然后你会听到棺材被放在一起的声音。
Hearing this room, or this enclosure, without actually seeing it, makes it a very mysterious heart of the place.
听到这个房间或这个围墙，但没有真正看到它，使它成为这个地方非常神秘的中心。
So you really have the sense of being in a labyrinth.
所以你真的有一种身处迷宫的感觉。
I think it's a real way in which the senses merge there.
我认为这是一种真正的感官融合方式。
You literally see with your ears.
你确实是用耳朵看到的。
Because I think that when you hear those sounds, that was your thread out of the labyrinth, in a sense.
因为我认为，从某种意义上说，当你听到这些声音时，那就是你走出迷宫的线索。
That was the way you learned about what other people were doing.
这就是你了解其他人在做什么的方式。
The quality also of what they were involved in.
他们所参与的事情的质量也是如此。
Because you could sense, you could hear the quality of their voices change when they knew that they were going to be hanged in a week's time.
因为你可以感觉到，当他们知道自己将在一周内被绞死时，你可以听到他们声音的质量发生变化。
It was definitely-- you could hear, when somebody sang that that person is going to die in a few days, as opposed to somebody else singing who probably still has two months or three months.
这绝对是——你可以听到，当有人唱到那个人几天后就会死，而不是其他人唱的可能还有两个月或三个月的时候。
And sometimes if it was only one person due to be hanged, he would sing all by himself, in the middle of the night.
有时，如果只有一个人要被绞死，他就会在半夜独自唱歌。
And then it would be very sad, because it would be much more of a melodic kind of a blues.
然后它会非常悲伤，因为它更像是一种旋律布鲁斯。
The interesting thing, or the touching thing about that, is that when that happened, when one person sings all by himself in the middle of the night, due to be hanged in a day or two days' time, you can actually hear the quality of the listening of the other people.
有趣的是，或者说感人的是，当发生这种情况时，当一个人在半夜独自唱歌时，由于一两天后就被吊死了，你实际上可以听到其他人的聆听质量。
Because you know that everybody else in that prison is awake, lying there, listening to this [INAUDIBLE].
因为你知道监狱里的其他人都醒着，躺在那里，听着这个[听不清]。
And everybody is giving him a chance to sing his song, as it were.
可以说，每个人都给他机会唱他的歌。
You knew there would not be a single person who would be asleep then.
你知道那时不会有一个人会睡着。
You would actually hear people listening, lying with their ears close to the bars or to the walls.
你实际上会听到人们在听，耳朵靠近栏杆或墙壁。
Desperately trying to communicate.
拼命地尝试沟通。
Not because one wanted to alert people to the condition you were in, but you wanted to alert people to the fact that you were still alive.
不是因为人们想提醒人们你所处的状况，而是你想提醒人们你还活着这一事实。
Because you doubted whether you were still alive.
因为你怀疑自己是否还活着。
You suddenly realized, but life's going on outside there.
你突然意识到，外面的生活还在继续。
Even the people who were the closest to you are continuing their lives.
即使是最亲近的人也在继续他们的生活。
They must do that.
他们必须这样做。
You know, you went down the road to buy some cigarettes, and you just didn't come back again.
你知道，你去路上买了一些香烟，然后就没有再回来。
And people wept and moaned for some time, but then life is such that we must go on.
人们哭泣、呻吟了一段时间，但生活就是这样，我们必须继续下去。
So they bowled around the absence and they go on.
所以他们就在缺席的情况下打了保龄球，然后继续前进。
And they remember your birthday, perhaps, if [UNINTELLIGIBLE], or Christmas.
他们也许会记得你的生日，如果[难以理解]，或者圣诞节。
And correspondingly, you stop existing, since in any event, you can not communicate.
相应地，你也不再存在，因为无论如何，你都无法沟通。
That was a terrible feeling, of really feeling that one was dead.
那是一种可怕的感觉，真的感觉自己已经死了。
Particularly since you were cut off from the outside world.
尤其是自从你与外界隔绝之后。
And you weren't aware what was happening outside.
而且你不知道外面发生了什么。
Then when messages did come in, you would experience them as messages from the other side of the grave, another life.
然后，当消息确实进来时，你会体验到它们是来自坟墓的另一边，另一种生活的消息。
Another life.
另一种生活。
I remember talking to friends in prison, saying, you know, will we meet again in 10 years' time.
我记得在监狱里和朋友聊天时说，你知道吗，10年后我们还会再见面吗？
And we mustn't forget then what it was like now.
我们决不能忘记当时的情况。
The fear that you would lose some of the things you did or were taught in prison, or you learned in prison.
担心你会失去一些你在监狱里做过或教过的东西，或者你在监狱里学到的东西。
We knew that, for instance, as you move away from the experience, the bad parts become obliterated.
例如，我们知道，当你远离这种体验时，不好的部分就会被抹去。
And you will loop back upon it sometimes even with some nostalgia.
有时你会回到它，甚至带着一些怀旧之情。
It was nice.
很好。
We were all young together in prison.
我们都在监狱里度过了青春。
That's the way the human mind works, I think.
我认为这就是人类思维的运作方式。
It's always hiding.
它总是隐藏着。
It always moves away from the tender, from the raw, which is nice, which is fine.
它总是远离温柔，远离原始，这很好，这很好。
That means one dies in glory, I'm sure, thinking that you've had a wonderful life and there has just been one big muck-up.
我敢肯定，这意味着一个人会在荣耀中死去，认为你已经度过了美好的一生，而刚刚发生了一件大事。
The colors in prison-- all the no-colors of public places.
监狱里的颜色——公共场所所有没有颜色的颜色。
All sad public places, such as army camps and, I suppose, hospitals during the war years, and things like that.
所有悲伤的公共场所，比如军营，我想还有战争年代的医院，诸如此类的地方。
In other words, you see gray.
换句话说，你看到的是灰色。
You see metal colors.
你看到金属颜色。
You see a kind of an off-green.
你会看到一种灰绿色。
With a bit of luck, you may see a bit of brown.
运气好的话，您可能会看到一点棕色。
But mostly it's infinite shades of gray and dirty green.
但大多数都是无限深浅的灰色和肮脏的绿色。
We call it in French [SPEAKING FRENCH].
我们用法语称之为[SPEAKING FRENCH]。
It's like if you deprive somebody of colors for a certain time, and then you introduce color, however small the area of color may be that you introduce, there will be an intense sort of a pang of recognition of that color.
这就像如果你在一段时间内剥夺某人的颜色，然后你引入颜色，无论你引入的颜色区域有多小，都会对这种颜色产生一种强烈的认可感。
A real experience of that color.
那种颜色的真实体验。
We live in a surfeit of colors every day.
我们每天都生活在五彩斑斓的环境中。
We no longer even notice.
我们甚至不再注意到。
We're sitting, looking at pink roses on the wallpaper, you know?
我们坐着，看着壁纸上的粉红玫瑰，你知道吗？
The white cover over a bed, or the darkness of a shirt, or whatever it is.
床上的白色被子，或者衬衫的深色，或者其他什么。
These are so much part, we are washed over with the richness of colors all the time.
这些都是如此重要的部分，我们一直被丰富的色彩所淹没。
But in a situation like that, when all of a sudden there's this eruption of a toffee wrapper, for instance, or a leaf that got blown over the wall, or even a thread that somehow got blown into the wall, a thread of material, blue, something like that, you can not possibly imagine the intense awareness experience of that color, as if you'd never seen color before.
但在这样的情况下，例如，当突然爆发出太妃糖包装纸，或者一片叶子被风吹过墙壁，甚至是一根不知何故被风吹到墙上的线，一根蓝色的材料线，诸如此类的东西时，你不可能想象那种颜色的强烈意识体验，就好像你以前从未见过颜色一样。
It makes of you a very nervous, very tight person when you're out of prison.
当你出狱后，这会让你成为一个非常紧张、非常紧张的人。
Because you're ultra-sensitive to sounds and colors and things like that.
因为你对声音、颜色和类似的东西非常敏感。
They become too much.
他们变得太多了。
There were too many colors when I came out.
出来的时候颜色太多了。
I couldn't take it all in at the same time.
我无法同时接受这一切。
And it also gave me a strange sense of superiority.
而且这也给了我一种奇怪的优越感。
I felt like I was moving into a world of zombies.
我感觉自己正在进入一个僵尸世界。
Now, that is a complete turnabout.
现在，这是一个彻底的转变。
In prison, you know that you're living among zombies, because you yourself have become a zombie.
在监狱里，你知道自己生活在僵尸中间，因为你自己也变成了僵尸。
I mean, that is what a long-term prison sentence does to you in due time.
我的意思是，这就是长期监禁在适当的时候对你造成的后果。
And yet, when you come out you have a composite feeling of, you're moving among zombies.
然而，当你出来时，你会有一种复合的感觉，你正在僵尸之中移动。
These people don't really know what life's about.
这些人根本不知道生活是什么。
They don't feel walking in the street.
他们走在街上没有感觉。
They don't see the colors.
他们看不到颜色。
And they don't know what implications are.
他们不知道这意味着什么。
They don't feel the people coming up to them.
他们感觉不到有人向他们走来。
They have no sense of that.
他们对此毫无感觉。
They're not alive.
他们没有活着。
Their antennae are not vibrating.
他们的触角没有振动。
And of course, particularly, they're not even aware of the moral implications of what it's like to be walking on the street, a free person.
当然，特别是，他们甚至没有意识到作为一个自由人走在街上的道德含义。
That puts you really out of step with the people whom you move among.
这让你与周围的人格格不入。
Breyten Breytenbach was originally taped for a radio series called Territories of Art for the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles in 1986.
Breyten Breytenbach 最初于 1986 年为洛杉矶当代艺术博物馆的一个名为“Territories of Art”的广播系列节目录制。
He was recorded by Stephen Erickson and interviewed by Lawrence Weschler, who used the interviews in writing about Breytenbach for his book Calamities of Exile.
他的录音由史蒂芬·埃里克森 (Stephen Erickson) 录制，并接受劳伦斯·韦施勒 (Lawrence Weschler) 的采访，劳伦斯·韦施勒 (Lawrence Weschler) 在他的著作《流亡的灾难》(Calamities of Exile) 中利用这些采访撰写了有关布雷滕巴赫的文章。
Breytenbach himself recounts his experiences in his book, True Confessions of an Albino Terrorist.
布雷滕巴赫本人在他的著作《一名白化病恐怖分子的真实自白》中讲述了他的经历。
Well, our program was produced today by Nancy Updike and myself with Alix Spiegel, Julie Snyder, and Emi Takahara.
嗯，我们今天的节目是由南希·厄普代克和我本人以及阿利克斯·斯皮格尔、朱莉·斯奈德和高原惠美制作的。
Contributing editors Paul Tough, Jack Hitt, Margy Rochlin, and Consigliere Sarah Vowell.
特约编辑 Paul Tough、Jack Hitt、Margy Rochlin 和 Consigliere Sarah Vowell。
Production help from Todd Bachmann.
托德·巴赫曼 (Todd Bachmann) 提供制作帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGMENTS] If you would like to buy a cassette of this or any of our programs, they make perfect Christmas presents.
[致谢] 如果您想购买本节目或我们任何节目的磁带，它们是完美的圣诞礼物。
And my friend, we are running a Christmas special.
我的朋友，我们正在举办圣诞特别节目。
The phone number here at WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380.
芝加哥 WBEZ 的电话号码为 312-832-3380。
Our website address, www.thisamericanlife.com.
我们的网站地址：www.thisamericanlife.com。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who insists that you call him--
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督，他坚持要求你给他打电话——
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。