115: First Day - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #115 | December 13, 2002 115: First Day Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 115 集 | 2002 年 12 月 13 日 115：第一天 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Think for a minute about your first day.
序言 Ira Glass 想一想你的第一天。
Not your first day on the job, or the first day with your spouse, or the first day in the neighborhood.
这不是你上班的第一天，也不是你与配偶在一起的第一天，也不是你在社区的第一天。
I'm talking about your first first day.
我说的是你的第一天。
The first time you ever had a first day.
这是你第一次度过第一天。
Up until the time that Tarpeley was three and a half, everything was always the same.
直到塔佩利三岁半之前，一切都是一样的。
She had been in the same day care since she was six months old.
她从六个月大起就一直在同一家日托中心。
Her parents were still together.
她的父母还在一起。
They lived in the same place.
他们住在同一个地方。
Her house has these rooms in it.
她的房子里有这些房间。
And her backyard is this way.
而她的后院就是这样的。
And her teachers are the same teachers.
而且她的老师也是同一个老师。
Her friends have been the same friends for three and a half years, which in her time frame, is all of eternity.
她的朋友们已经三年半了，这对她来说是永恒的。
There are no other friends.
没有其他朋友了。
There are no other people.
没有其他人了。
That's her dad, our contributing editor Jack Hitt.
那是她的父亲，我们的特约编辑杰克·希特。
He says that all of this changed the day that he discovered that he could switch Tarpeley to a different school, a preschool that was a lot closer to their house.
他说，当他发现可以将塔佩利转到另一所学校（一所距离他们家更近的幼儿园）的那一天，所有这一切都改变了。
As he told Tarpeley, it was a school where the big kids go.
正如他告诉塔佩利的那样，这是一所大孩子就读的学校。
There was suddenly an opening.
突然出现了一个开口。
So I told her about this, and she-- the idea of moving on to the next stage in her life, the first time she had ever had that option, was so exciting.
所以我告诉她这件事，她第一次有这样的选择，进入人生的下一个阶段，这个想法非常令人兴奋。
She literally jumped out of her chair and ran circles around this cafeteria.
她简直从椅子上跳起来，绕着这家自助餐厅跑了一圈。
Screaming, dancing, just sending up hosannas of glee.
尖叫，跳舞，发出欢乐的和散那。
And we talked about it all weekend long.
我们整个周末都在谈论这件事。
All the books tell you to do this.
所有的书都告诉你要这样做。
And it makes sense.
这是有道理的。
You talked about it all weekend long?
你整个周末都在谈论这件事吗？
What was there to talk about?
有什么可谈的？
Well, just, you know, that there would be new people, and new teachers, and new everything.
嗯，只是，你知道，将会有新的人、新的老师和新的一切。
And that would require some getting used to.
这需要一些时间来适应。
You say that to a three year old, and you think they understand what you're saying, but of course they don't.
你对一个三岁的孩子说这句话，你认为他们明白你在说什么，但他们当然不明白。
Because they don't have any experience at encountering anything new.
因为他们没有任何接触新事物的经验。
She had never had a first day before this.
在此之前，她还没有度过过第一天。
And comes the big day.
重要的日子到来了。
They set out for school.
他们出发去上学。
On the morning of her first day, this was Columbus setting off into the Atlantic, right?
在她第一天的早上，这是哥伦布出发进入大西洋，对吧？
We walked up the block, and hung a right, and started down to this place that she had never seen before.
我们沿着街区往前走，然后右转，开始往下走到她以前从未见过的地方。
On the first day-- any first day-- we're expected to live by the rules and customs of the culture that we're entering.
在第一天——任何第一天——我们都应该遵守我们所进入的文化的规则和习俗。
But we don't know those rules and customs just yet.
但我们还不知道这些规则和习俗。
It is a very particular time.
这是一个非常特殊的时期。
And all the kids at the school that Tarpeley was entering, they already knew each other from the year before.
塔普利就读的学校里的所有孩子从前一年就已经认识了。
She was the newcomer.
她是新来的。
I can't remember if it was the first day or the second day.
记不清是第一天还是第二天了。
But I remember the gut-wrenching moment was when I came to pick her up one day and we were walking home.
但我记得最痛苦的时刻是有一天我来接她，我们步行回家。
And she started to cry, and said that she wanted to go back to her other school.
她开始哭泣，并说她想回到另一所学校。
And the reason was that one of the little children there had told her that she couldn't play with them.
原因是那里的一个小孩告诉她不能和他们一起玩。
That there was this little group, and my daughter wasn't invited to play with them, because they didn't know her, and that she should stay away from them.
有这么一个小团体，我的女儿没有被邀请和他们一起玩，因为他们不认识她，她应该远离他们。
She had never heard that expression or that idea in her life.
她一生中从未听过这样的表达或这样的想法。
And of course what's interesting is that the person who made that remark to her is now one of her best friends.
当然有趣的是，对她说这句话的人现在是她最好的朋友之一。
What do you make of that?
你对此有何看法？
Jack Hitt Well, I think that hazing is a natural part of defining any group.
杰克·希特（Jack Hitt）：嗯，我认为欺凌是定义任何群体的自然组成部分。
And I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
But there's not a profession or a career or a group out there that, on some level, doesn't have some ritual in which the new member is either tormented, or tortured, or beaten, or humiliated.
但在某种程度上，没有一个职业、职业或团体没有某种仪式，新成员要么受到折磨，要么被折磨，要么被殴打，要么被羞辱。
Jack is kind of collecting examples.
杰克喜欢收集例子。
When he was a freshman at a military boarding school when he was a kid, the freshmen were called "rats." This is common.
当他还是个孩子的时候，在军事寄宿学校读一年级时，新生被称为“老鼠”。这很常见。
Upperclassmen would wake them up in the middle of the night, tell them to go warm the toilet seats for them.
高年级的同学会在半夜叫醒他们，让他们去给他们暖马桶盖。
Jack's wife is a medical student.
杰克的妻子是一名医科学生。
And you know residents, they work 40 hours without a break, taking the worst cases, doing the worst work, delirious from sleep deprivation.
你知道居民们，他们不间断地工作 40 个小时，接受最坏的情况，做最糟糕的工作，因睡眠不足而神志不清。
you have to do all that before the older doctors welcome you into the club, give you the keys to their Mercedes.
在年长的医生欢迎你加入俱乐部、给你梅赛德斯的钥匙之前，你必须做完这一切。
The whole thing reminds me of the way gangs work here in Chicago.
整件事让我想起了芝加哥帮派的运作方式。
Joining a gang here in Chicago, or really a lot of places around the country, means that you get jumped in.
在芝加哥或者全国很多地方加入一个帮派，意味着你会被卷入其中。
Your future gang brothers or sisters take you into an alley and beat the hell out of you.
你未来的帮派兄弟姐妹会把你带到一个小巷里，然后把你打得落花流水。
There is just something primal and intimate about the entire thing, as if the existence of the first day, the simple presence of an outsider who wants to be an insider, is so profound, so disturbing to any group, that they have to crush you, prove you harmless, before they welcome you into the family.
整个事情有一种原始而亲密的感觉，就好像第一天的存在，一个想成为内部人的局外人的简单存在，对任何群体来说都是如此深刻、如此令人不安，以至于他们必须压垮你，证明你无害，然后才能欢迎你加入这个家庭。
This is the disturbing aura that surrounds the first day.
这就是第一天周围令人不安的气氛。
Well, from WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life .
嗯，来自 WBEZ 芝加哥和国际公共广播电台，这是《美国生活》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today on our program, First Day, the story of outsiders who show up wanting to be insiders, and what it takes to make the jump.
今天，在我们的节目《第一天》中，讲述了一些局外人想要成为局内人的故事，以及如何才能实现这一转变。
Act One, Lost at Sea.
第一幕，迷失在海上。
How cussing can get you through moments when reason fails.
咒骂如何帮助你度过理性失败的时刻。
The story of a lowly dishwasher who gets a job on an oil rig off the Louisiana coast.
讲述了一名卑微的洗碗工在路易斯安那州海岸的石油钻井平台上找到工作的故事。
Act Two, Squirrel Cop.
第二幕，松鼠警察。
The story of a rookie cop that is so, so pleasurable that all week around the office, here at the radio station, we have been cracking each other up simply by walking up to each other and saying the words, "Squirrel cop." Act Three, Bad Sex with Bud Kemp.
一个新秀警察的故事是如此非常令人愉快，以至于整个星期在办公室里，在广播电台，我们只要走上前去说“松鼠警察”，就可以互相逗笑。第三幕，与巴德·坎普的糟糕性爱。
Sandra Tsing Loh with a story about the first day of new love.
Sandra Tsing Loh 讲述新恋情第一天的故事。
Well, an attempt at new love.
好吧，尝试新的爱情。
Act Four, When Businesses Act Like Humans.
第四幕，当企业像人类一样行事时。
The story of an entire corporation having its first day, and how it makes all the mistakes that any of us would make on our first day on the job.
整个公司第一天的故事，以及它如何犯下我们任何人在工作第一天都会犯的所有错误。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
You will not be disappointed.
你不会失望的。
Act One, Lost at Sea.
第一幕，迷失在海上。
Well, regular listeners to our show may remember Dishwasher Pete.
好吧，我们节目的常客可能还记得洗碗机皮特。
He is an actual dishwasher who, for over eight years, has been pursuing his quest to wash dishes in every state of the union.
他是一名真正的洗碗工，八年多来，他一直在美国每个州追求洗碗的追求。
He is up to 33 states.
他多达33个州。
To score at Louisiana, he thought that he would try to get a job on an oil rig out in the Gulf of Mexico, but there was one problem.
为了在路易斯安那州得分，他认为他会尝试在墨西哥湾的石油钻井平台上找到一份工作，但有一个问题。
It would mean breaking what Pete calls the fundamental rule.
这意味着打破皮特所说的基本规则。
Basically, the rule is this.
基本上，规则是这样的。
Never work at a job where I can't quit and leave the moment the notion struck me.
永远不要从事一份我无法辞职的工作，一旦有想法就离开。
For 10 years, ever since I had established the fundamental rule, I had never broken it.
10年来，自从我制定了这个基本规则以来，我从来没有违反过它。
He wanted to try, though.
不过他想尝试一下。
If you could handle two weeks on an oil rig, maybe-- just maybe-- he could dare to head off to a bigger dream of his, to wash dishes on a fishing boat for months off the coast of Alaska.
如果你能在石油钻井平台上呆上两周，也许——只是也许——他就能敢于实现自己更大的梦想，在阿拉斯加海岸附近的一艘渔船上洗碗几个月。
With that in mind, he set off to test the fundamental rule.
考虑到这一点，他开始测试基本规则。
[UNINTELLIGIBLE] the company that supplied galley hands for oil rigs in a small town outside New Orleans.
[无法理解] 该公司为新奥尔良郊外一个小镇的石油钻井平台提供厨房操作人员。
I filled out a bunch of paperwork and sat around with a half dozen other applicants.
我填写了一堆文件，和其他六名申请者坐在一起。
When my name was finally called, I walked down a hall to where a guy greeted me.
当我的名字终于被叫到时，我沿着大厅走到一个人向我打招呼的地方。
Too stunned to catch his name, I could only stare at him and think, "My god, it's Bill Clinton." He was an absolute dead ringer for Bill Clinton.
我惊呆了，没听清他的名字，只能盯着他想：“天哪，这是比尔·克林顿。”他绝对是比尔·克林顿的代言人。
I couldn't take my eyes off him as he led me into his office.
当他带我走进他的办公室时，我的目光无法从他身上移开。
The resemblance was remarkable.
两者的相似度是惊人的。
He had the same puffy cheeks, the same dimpled chin, and the same salt and pepper hair and haircut.
他有同样浮肿的脸颊，同样有酒窝的下巴，同样的椒盐色头发和发型。
He even had that familiar Clinton smirk, only this guy's smirk seemed to say, I know you think I look like Clinton, and you're dying to ask me about it.
他甚至还有那种熟悉的克林顿傻笑，只是这个家伙的傻笑似乎在说，我知道你认为我看起来像克林顿，而且你很想问我这个问题。
The Clinton clone said, I had left a couple things blank on my application, such as the make and license plate number of my car.
克林顿克隆人说，我在申请表上留下了一些空白，例如我的汽车的品牌和车牌号码。
"I don't have a car," I said.
“我没有车，”我说。
"Um, I guess I just don't need one."
“嗯，我想我只是不需要一个。”
"Well, you need one for this job.
“好吧，这项工作你需要一个。
In fact, owning a car is the most important qualification for being a galley hand."
事实上，拥有一辆汽车是成为厨房帮手最重要的资格。”
"I have to own a car to wash dishes on an oil rig?"
“我必须拥有一辆车才能在石油钻井平台上洗碗吗？”
"That's right.
“没错。
When you're on call, and the dispatcher calls and tells you to be down at the coast in three hours, you have to be there.
当你值班时，调度员打电话告诉你三个小时后到达海岸，你必须到那里。
We can't wait for you to find a car to borrow or to find someone to drive you."
我们迫不及待地想让你找到借车或找人开车送你。”
"Oh, well, in that case, I do own a car."
“哦，好吧，既然如此，我确实有一辆车。”
"Great.
“太好了。
What kind?" "It's a station wagon."
什么样的？ “这是一辆旅行车。”
"And what's the license plate number?"
“那车牌号是多少？”
"I'm not sure." "You don't know your own license plate number?"
“我不知道。” “你不知道自己的车牌号吗？”
"Well, I'd have to go outside and check on it."
“嗯，我得出去看看。”
I stepped outside and wrote down the license plate number of a car that I hoped wasn't his, and then went back in and gave it to him.
我走到外面，写下了一辆我希望不是他的汽车的车牌号码，然后回去把它交给了他。
Minutes later, I was issued a hard hat, safety glasses, and two work shirts.
几分钟后，他们给我发了一顶安全帽、安全眼镜和两件工作衬衫。
I was now officially on call.
我现在正式待命了。
I spent the rest of the afternoon walking back to the city, grasping at my last fleeting moments of freedom.
下午剩下的时间我步行回城，抓住最后短暂的自由时刻。
I was on the verge of breaking the fundamental rule, and could foresee only disaster.
我正处于违反基本规则的边缘，只能预见灾难。
To make my fretting worse, the next day a friend of a friend, who claimed to be familiar with life on the oil rigs, told me I could expect to be hazed.
更让我烦恼的是，第二天，一位自称熟悉石油钻井平台生活的朋友的朋友告诉我，我可能会被欺负。
As if overcoming my occupational claustrophobia wasn't enough, I was going to have to put up with idiots hazing me, as well.
好像克服我的职业性幽闭恐惧症还不够，我还必须忍受白痴的欺辱。
Two days later, I was flown to an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.
两天后，我乘飞机前往墨西哥湾的一个石油钻井平台。
The helicopter approached the center of three connected platforms and landed on the roof of its uppermost structure.
直升机接近三个相连平台的中心，并降落在其最上面结构的屋顶上。
I asked the pilot, "Where would I find the galley?" "Go down those stairs, and someone will show you," he said.
我问飞行员：“我在哪里可以找到厨房？” “走下楼梯，有人会带你去，”他说。
I took off my headset, put on my hardhat and safety glasses, grabbed my bag, and hopped out.
我摘下耳机，戴上安全帽和护目镜，抓起包，跳了出去。
I held the door open, reluctant to break my link to the outside world.
我把门打开，不愿意切断与外界的联系。
"So where did you say the galley was?" I shouted over the roar of the whirling blades.
“那你说厨房在哪里？”我大声喊叫，盖过了旋转的刀刃的轰鸣声。
"Just go down those stairs," the pilot shouted back.
“只要走下楼梯就可以了，”飞行员喊道。
"Shut the door."
“关上门。”
I shut the door and ran across the roof.
我关上门，跑过屋顶。
As I dashed down the stairs, the helicopter revved up.
当我冲下楼梯时，直升机加速了。
I paused momentarily, but resisted the temptation to run back up to the roof.
我停顿了一下，但抵制住了跑回屋顶的冲动。
The fundamental rule had been broken.
基本规则被打破了。
There was nothing left to do but face the consequences.
除了面对后果之外别无选择。
Down the stairs, I popped my head through an open door and asked a guy which way to the galley.
走下楼梯，我从一扇开着的门探出头来，问一个人去厨房哪条路。
"Go this way and that," he said.
“走这边，走那边，”他说。
"Down these stairs and those.
“沿着这些楼梯和那些楼梯下去。
Can't miss it." I followed his directions and found myself out in the middle of the platform, surrounded by cargo containers and pipes and assorted industrial junk.
不能错过。”我按照他的指示，发现自己站在站台中央，周围都是集装箱、管道和各种工业垃圾。
"You passed it.
“你通过了。
The door is back that way." A guy in a tiny window of one of the cargo containers pointed back the way I came.
门就在后面那个方向。”一个货柜的小窗户里有一个人指着我来的路。
I looked, but didn't find any doors.
我看了看，但没有发现任何门。
Apparently, a little fun was already being had at the new guy's expense.
显然，新人已经享受到了一些乐趣。
Were they going to lead me all over the damn rig searching for the galley?
他们会带领我在该死的钻井平台上到处寻找厨房吗？
I cursed myself for letting the helicopter leave without me.
我咒骂自己让直升机离开了我。
Then I noticed a piece of cardboard that had scrawled handwriting written on it.
然后我注意到一块纸板，上面写着潦草的字迹。
It read, "Keep out.
上面写着：“请远离。
This means you.
这意味着你。
Wet floor.
湿地板。
Signed, Redneck." The sign hung from what I realized was a door handle.
签名了，乡巴佬。”我意识到这个标志挂在门把手上。
I tugged and pulled and turned the handle every which way, but couldn't get the damn door to budge.
我用力地拉、拉、转动把手，但就是无法让那扇该死的门移动。
I was so green, I couldn't even unlock a simple latch.
我太不懂事了，连一个简单的门闩都开不了。
I was helpless until, almost magically, the door opened from the inside.
我很无助，直到门几乎神奇地从里面打开了。
In front of me stood the guy I had seen through the window.
我面前站着的是我透过窗户看到的那个人。
"[BLEEP], son," he said.
“[哔]，儿子，”他说。
"Don't just stand there playing with yourself.
“别只是站在那里自玩。
Come on in." He introduced himself as Redneck, the galley steward.
进来吧。”他介绍自己是乡下人，厨房服务员。
My boss.
我的老板。
I stepped inside and asked him where the galley was.
我走进去，问他厨房在哪里。
"Man, you're in the mother[BLEEP] galley," he scoffed.
“伙计，你在母厨房里，”他嘲笑道。
Looking around, I was pretty sure he had to be putting me on.
环顾四周，我很确定他一定是在骗我。
Even though I could see a small kitchen, the whole space was barely bigger than the kitchen and dining room of a house.
尽管我看到了一个小厨房，但整个空间只比房子的厨房和餐厅大不了多少。
"Where does everybody eat, then?" I asked.
“那大家都去哪里吃饭呢？”我问。
"Right [BLEEP] there," Redneck said, kicking one of the two benches that faced the counter along one wall.
“就在那里，”雷德内克一边说，一边踢着一面墙面向柜台的两张长凳中的一张。
Obviously, 100 employees couldn't fit on those two benches, but since he seemed to think I was gullible, I played along.
显然，这两个板凳上坐不下 100 名员工，但由于他似乎认为我很容易受骗，所以我就配合了。
"Yeah, OK," I said.
“是的，好的，”我说。
The rig clerk, acting as the official welcoming committee, arrived right behind me.
钻井工作人员作为官方欢迎委员会，就在我身后到达。
He instructed me what to do in case of an emergency.
他指导我在紧急情况下该怎么做。
"If there's an explosion," he said, "run to whatever platform isn't burning."
“如果发生爆炸，”他说，“跑到没有燃烧的平台上。”
Redneck, as I would later learn he insisted on being called, introduced me to Cuz, the other galley hand, who was mopping the kitchen.
后来我才知道，乡巴佬坚持要打电话给我，他把我介绍给库兹，他是另一位厨房帮工，正在擦厨房。
My job instructions from Redneck were simple.
乡巴佬给我的工作指示很简单。
"As long as you keep them [BLEEP] dishes clean, there ain't a mother[BLEEP] on this rig who'd give you [BLEEP]."
“只要你保持[BLEEP]盘子干净，这个装备上就没有一个母亲[BLEEP]会给你[BLEEP]。”
After a brief tour of the small kitchen, Redneck showed me to my station.
简单参观了一下小厨房后，乡下人带我去了我的工作台。
I stepped up to the sinks and assumed by preferred dishwashing stance.
我走到水槽前，摆出最喜欢的洗碗姿势。
Looking straight ahead, I saw heaven.
直视前方，我看到了天堂。
Right there above the sinks, perfectly at eye level, was a porthole.
就在水槽上方，正好与视线齐平，有一个舷窗。
I immediately knew that this little window to the world would play a huge role in helping me survive for two weeks without quitting.
我立即意识到，这个通往世界的小窗口将发挥巨大的作用，帮助我坚持两周不放弃。
I looked out at the endless expanse of the Gulf of Mexico.
我眺望着一望无际的墨西哥湾。
There wasn't much to look at-- a whole lot of sea, a whole lot of sky, and dozens of rigs off in the distance-- but already, I felt at ease.
没什么可看的——一大片大海，一大片天空，远处还有几十个钻井平台——但我已经感到轻松自在了。
My gaze was broken by Redneck repeatedly saying, "Hey, pardner.
我的目光被乡下人不断地说：“嘿，伙计。
Hey, pardner!" I didn't initially recognize my new nickname.
嘿，伙计！”我一开始并没有认出我的新昵称。
"Hey, pardner," he said.
“嘿，朋友，”他说。
"You don't [BLEEP] cuss much, do you?" "No," I answered.
“你不常[哔]咒骂，是吗？” “不，”我回答。
"Not really." "Well [BLEEP]," he said.
“并不真地。” “好吧[哔]，”他说。
"I'll have to mother[BLEEP] cuss for the both of us, then." And he did.
“那我就得为我们俩骂脏话了。”他做到了。
Then it was time for lunch.
然后就到了吃午饭的时间了。
Redneck explained that, despite the fact that the rig was comprised of three connected platforms, the crew was actually pretty small.
Redneck 解释说，尽管该钻机由三个相连的平台组成，但船员实际上很小。
Altogether, there were about 30 people to be fed.
总共大约有30人需要吃饭。
Their mealtimes were staggered.
他们的进餐时间是错开的。
So there were never more than five or six guys in the galley at any given time.
因此，任何时候厨房里的人都不会超过五六个。
This slow but steady pace applied to the dishes as well.
这种缓慢但稳定的节奏也适用于菜肴。
There were always dishes for me to wash, but never any rush to get them done.
总是有盘子要我洗，但从来不急着把它们洗完。
Several times during lunch, crew hands walked up to me in the kitchen with big grins on their faces and asked, "How's it going, bro?" "OK," I'd shrug.
午餐期间，有好几次，工作人员在厨房里笑着走到我面前，问我：“怎么样，兄弟？” “好吧，”我耸耸肩。
They waited.
他们等待着。
For what, I had no idea.
为了什么，我不知道。
They waited, and then they grew irritated with me and stomped out of the kitchen.
他们等了一会儿，然后对我感到恼火，跺着脚走出了厨房。
One guy said, "What's this quiet-ass mother[BLEEP]'s problem, Redneck?" "He likes looking out that [BLEEP] window.
一个人说：“这个安静的妈妈[BLEEP]有什么问题吗，乡巴佬？” “他喜欢从那个[BLEEP]窗户往外看。
What can I say?" I didn't understand.
我能说什么？”我不明白。
I washed the dishes, I looked out the window, I minded my own business, just as Redneck had instructed.
我洗了碗，我看着窗外，我专注于自己的事情，正如乡下人所指示的那样。
Why would anyone have a problem with that?
为什么有人会遇到这样的问题呢？
After a few more of these encounters over the next couple of days, I finally realized what was going on.
在接下来的几天里又遇到了几次这样的遭遇之后，我终于意识到发生了什么事。
The rig hands, after working a gritty shift of roustabouting and roughnecking, expected to be greeted in the galley with some witty remark or joke, maybe even a song or dance.
钻井工人在完成了一系列艰苦的劳作和粗工工作后，预计会在厨房里受到一些俏皮话或笑话的欢迎，甚至可能是一首歌曲或舞蹈。
They expected the galley hand to provide some comic relief, like a court jester.
他们希望厨房的手能够提供一些喜剧效果，就像宫廷小丑一样。
What they got instead was me washing dishes and staring out at the sea.
相反，他们得到的是我洗碗并凝视大海。
Well, too bad.
嗯，太糟糕了。
I wasn't there to entertain anyone.
我不是来招待任何人的。
If I wanted a job shucking and jiving for diners, I would have become a waiter.
如果我想要一份为食客脱壳和跳舞的工作，我就会成为一名服务员。
Redneck was never at ease.
乡巴佬从来都没有放松过。
He raced back and forth across the tiny kitchen when he cooked, a constant stream of chatter flowing from his lips.
做饭时，他在狭小的厨房里跑来跑去，嘴里喋喋不休。
He was a fun and funny guy, but he had a nervous edge that was attributed by all, including himself, to the seven years he spent as a CIA mercenary in southeast Asia during the Vietnam War.
他是一个有趣的人，但他有一种紧张的感觉，包括他自己在内的所有人都将其归因于他在越南战争期间在东南亚担任中央情报局雇佣兵的七年。
I never saw Redneck sit down for more than 30 seconds before he jumped up again and resumed his frantic pacing.
我从来没有见过乡巴佬坐下超过 30 秒，然后他又跳起来，继续疯狂地踱步。
He grew especially nervous when he and I were alone in the galley, and I stood staring out my porthole.
当他和我单独在厨房里时，他变得特别紧张，而我站在那里盯着舷窗外。
"Goddamn, pardner!
“该死的，伙计！
Say [BLEEP] something!" If I had nothing to say, usually I just cursed, since he got a kick out of that.
说[哔]点什么！”如果我无话可说，通常我只是咒骂，因为他从中得到了乐趣。
"[BLEEP] it," I'd say.
“[哔]它，”我会说。
"You got that right, pardner," he'd laugh.
“你说得对，朋友，”他笑着说。
"[BLEEP] it." Then, after further contemplation, he'd add, "Mother[BLEEP] it."
“[哔]它。”然后，经过进一步的沉思，他会补充道，“妈妈[哔]它。”
Not an hour passed without Redneck raising one of his favorite topics for discussion, sex with farm animals.
不到一个小时，乡巴佬就提出了他最喜欢讨论的话题之一：与农场动物的性行为。
Redneck was raised on a farm in Arkansas, and was quite knowledgeable about having sex with farm animals, and wasn't stingy with this information.
乡巴佬在阿肯色州的一个农场长大，对与农场动物发生性关系非常了解，而且对这些信息并不吝啬。
He was also always prepared to discuss his other favorite topic whenever Cuz was around, the various ways to kill a man.
每当库兹在场时，他也总是准备讨论他最喜欢的另一个话题，即杀人的各种方法。
Between Redneck's experiences in southeast Asia and Cuz's experiences in street gangs and prison, they had plenty of stories to share and information to exchange.
乡巴佬在东南亚的经历和库兹在街头帮派和监狱的经历之间，他们有很多故事可以分享，信息可以交流。
Sometimes when I broke from my daydreaming at the window, I found it difficult to decipher exactly which topic Redneck was presently discussing.
有时，当我从窗前的白日梦中醒来时，我发现很难准确地理解乡巴佬目前正在讨论的话题。
"You just sneak up behind them and get your arms around his [BLEEP] neck like that, and that [BLEEP] is all yours."
“你只要偷偷走到他们身后，用手臂搂住他的[BLEEP]脖子，然后那个[BLEEP]就完全是你的了。”
Every day, the Gulf went through a metamorphosis.
每一天，海湾都在发生着变化。
For hours on end, I watched the endless expanse of water slosh up and down, back and forth, as the parade of fish, porpoises, seaweed, stingrays, driftwood, and jellyfish swam and floated past.
一连几个小时，我看着一望无际的海水上下、来回晃动，鱼、海豚、海藻、黄貂鱼、浮木和水母游过、漂过。
Seabirds soared by on a fixed course to some unseen destination beyond the horizon.
海鸟沿着固定的航线飞过，飞向地平线之外某个看不见的目的地。
I eyed the dozens of other oil rigs that stood 5, 10, 20 miles across the watery plain.
我注视着这片水原上 5、10、20 英里之外的数十座石油钻井平台。
Some appeared no bigger than a blip on the horizon.
有些看起来不过是地平线上的一个小点而已。
I wondered a lot about the galley hands on those rigs who were staring back at the blip that was our rig.
我很想知道那些钻井平台上的厨房工作人员，他们盯着我们的钻井平台。
The more I stared out at the Gulf, the more transfixed I became by the water.
我越是凝视海湾，我就越被海水迷住了。
There was water as far as I could see, in all directions.
放眼望去，四面八方都是水。
I was surrounded by it.
我被它包围了。
I was trapped by it.
我被它困住了。
My hands soaked in it.
我的手浸湿了。
I drank it constantly.
我不断地喝它。
The more I stared at the water, the less I understood it.
我越是盯着水，我就越不明白它。
The hazing I had feared as a greenhorn never materialized.
我作为新手所担心的欺辱从未成为现实。
As each day passed, I felt more confident I could last the full two weeks without quitting.
随着时间一天天过去，我越来越有信心能够坚持整整两周而不放弃。
The countdown to departure ticked away rapidly.
出发的倒计时很快就过去了。
Three days and a wakeup, two days and a wakeup, one day and a wakeup.
三天一醒，两天一醒，一日一醒。
Finally there was nothing left but a wakeup.
最后，除了醒来，什么也没有了。
No more shifts to work, no more dishes to wash.
不再需要轮班工作，不再需要洗碗。
Just had to wake up and jump on the helicopter.
只好醒来并跳上直升机。
I thought back to the day I landed on the rig.
我回想起我登上钻井平台的那天。
At the end of my first shift, Cookie, the night cook, had asked me, "This your first day on a rig?" "Yeah," I said.
在我的第一个轮班结束时，夜班厨师 Cookie 问我：“这是你在钻机上的第一天吗？” “是的，”我说。
"Well, the first day is the worst, and all the rest are just the same."
“嗯，第一天是最糟糕的，其余的都一样。”
Dishwasher Pete's story was first published in the zine he writes and publishes, Dishwasher.
洗碗机皮特的故事首次发表在他撰写和出版的杂志《洗碗机》中。
[MUSIC - "WORKING FOR THE MAN" BY RAY ORBISON]
[音乐 - 雷·奥比森的《为男人工作》]
Act Two, Squirrel Cop.
第二幕，松鼠警察。
The first day, among other things, means human error.
第一天，除其他外，意味着人为错误。
It means mistakes.
这意味着错误。
It means mishap.
意思是遭遇不幸。
It means fiasco.
意味着惨败。
That is true on a job or anywhere else that the first day occurs.
无论是在工作中还是在第一天发生的其他任何地方都是如此。
You don't know the ropes.
你不知道其中的道理。
What else could happen?
还会发生什么？
We have this story from a police officer, now a veteran of the force, in a suburban community on the East Coast.
我们从东海岸郊区社区的一名警官那里听到了这个故事，他现在是一名退伍军人。
There was nothing, nothing going on.
什么也没有，什么也没有发生。
Saturday night in this village.
星期六晚上在这个村庄。
Really quiet.
真的很安静。
Super cold.
超级冷。
And this call came over for unknown animal in a house.
这个电话是因为房子里有未知的动物而发出的。
And it was on my post.
它就在我的帖子上。
It was about five minutes away.
大约五分钟路程就到了。
So myself and another car were assigned the call.
所以我和另一辆车被分配了这个电话。
And we show up there.
我们出现在那里。
And luckily for me, it was another guy who was pretty new.
对我来说幸运的是，这是另一个新人。
So we walk up to the door with all our stuff on.
于是我们就带着所有东西走到门口。
The nylon coat, the vest, the belt, the whole nine yards.
尼龙外套，背心，腰带，整整九码。
And the door opens, and the guy who is behind the door, he's about 30.
门打开了，门后面的那个人大约 30 岁。
I was 23 at the time.
当时我23岁。
He's about 30.
他大约30岁。
He looks like a broker, a lawyer.
他看起来像一个经纪人，一个律师。
Just really well put together.
放在一起真的很好。
A nice guy wearing glasses.
戴眼镜的好男人。
He's wearing these silk pajamas with a monogram.
他穿着这些带有花押字的丝绸睡衣。
Got my attention.
引起了我的注意。
And he's going, listen, I'm really sorry to bother you.
他要走了，听着，我真的很抱歉打扰你。
Normally I'd handle this sort of stuff on my own.
通常这种事情我都会自己处理。
But my wife really insisted I call.
但我妻子真的坚持要我打电话。
And so we ask him what the problem is.
所以我们问他问题是什么。
He says, well, we were having kind of a romantic evening down in the living room, and we heard this scratching upstairs.
他说，好吧，我们在客厅里度过了一个浪漫的夜晚，我们听到楼上有刮擦声。
So I ran upstairs to see what it was.
于是我跑上楼看看那是什么。
And it turns out it's coming from the attic.
事实证明它来自阁楼。
There's something up there, and it's just running around, knocking a few small things over.
上面有东西，它只是跑来跑去，撞倒了一些小东西。
I can't tell what it is.
我不知道那是什么。
It could be a squirrel or raccoon.
它可能是松鼠或浣熊。
I really don't know.
我真的不知道。
So the other cop that I was with said, well, you know, we really don't handle that.
和我在一起的另一位警察说，好吧，你知道，我们真的不处理这个问题。
It's not so much a police function.
这与其说是警察职能。
But we do have numbers of these private contractors who will come in and they'll put a humane trap down, and they'll remove the animal for you.
但我们确实有很多私人承包商会进来，他们会设置人道陷阱，然后为你移走动物。
It's really not such a big deal.
这确实没什么大不了的。
But it's really not our thing.
但这确实不是我们的事。
So right as he was in the middle of saying that and getting us off the hook, the guy swings the door back, and there is his wife, who was just beautiful.
就在他正要说这句话并让我们摆脱困境时，那家伙把门推开，他的妻子就在那里，她很漂亮。
She was beautiful.
她很漂亮。
She was probably about 26 or 27, but just really beautiful.
她大概26或27岁左右，但真的很漂亮。
Perfect skin, long blond hair, great teeth, brilliant blue eyes, a really nice smile.
完美的皮肤，长长的金发，漂亮的牙齿，明亮的蓝眼睛，非常漂亮的微笑。
Just, like, beautiful and friendly.
只是，就像，美丽和友好。
You know?
你知道？
If she had said, eat this broken glass, I just would have said, OK, broken glass it is.
如果她说，吃掉这个碎玻璃，我就会说，好吧，就是碎玻璃。
It's fine.
没关系。
But she seemed really nice.
但她看起来真的很好。
So I was going to be, like, Galahad.
所以我会成为加拉哈德。
So I just threw my arm back into this guy's chest, into my partner's chest.
所以我只是把我的手臂放回到这个家伙的胸膛，进入我伴侣的胸膛。
And I said, Mark, we can handle this.
我说，马克，我们可以处理这个问题。
It'll be OK.
会没事的。
And she was just, oh, thank you so much.
她只是，哦，非常感谢你。
And she was really sweet.
她真的很甜蜜。
And I was, like, struck dead.
我就像被撞死了。
So we walk inside.
所以我们走进去。
And she goes, I'm going to throw a pot of coffee on.
她说，我要倒一壶咖啡。
And we go upstairs.
我们上楼。
We follow the man of the house upstairs.
我们跟着男主人上楼。
And we're underneath one of those trapdoors that goes into the attic with the staircase that folds out.
我们位于一扇通往阁楼的活板门下面，楼梯可以折叠起来。
And we do hear an animal upstairs scratching away, just kind of scuttling around the floor.
我们确实听到楼上有一只动物在抓挠，就像在地板上跑来跑去。
And there's definitely something up there.
上面肯定有东西。
And it's making pretty good speed going from one end of the roof to the other.
从屋顶的一端到另一端的速度相当快。
So I reached up, and I took the trapdoor down.
于是我伸出手，把活板门拉了下来。
We unfolded the ladder.
我们展开了梯子。
Now I have this big, heavy flashlight, your cop flashlight.
现在我有这个又大又重的手电筒，你的警察手电筒。
The 4 D-cells, the metal case, the whole thing.
4 个 D 单元，金属外壳，整个东西。
I shine it up through the hole in there.
我通过那里的洞把它照亮。
And it's pretty black.
而且它很黑。
I can see the rafters, but really nothing else around there.
我可以看到椽子，但周围什么也没有。
And I start up the latter.
我启动后者。
Now, the guy who owned the house is standing almost directly underneath me, just to the side of the latter, looking straight up at me.
现在，房子的主人几乎就站在我的正下方，就在后者的一侧，直视着我。
And my partner's at the base of the latter, right behind me.
我的搭档就在后者的底部，就在我身后。
So just before I stuck my head through this black hole, I just kind of pause.
所以就在我把头伸进这个黑洞之前，我停了下来。
I crunch my body up underneath, because I'm realizing, gee, I don't know where this thing is.
我把身体压在下面，因为我意识到，天哪，我不知道这东西在哪里。
The second we pulled down the trap door, all noise upstairs just ceased.
当我们拉下活板门的那一刻，楼上的所有噪音就停止了。
So I was kind of nervous.
所以我有点紧张。
And I was like, well, you know, I look like an idiot, just crouched up here on the top of the ladder.
我当时想，嗯，你知道，我看起来像个白痴，只是蹲在梯子的顶部。
So I took the flashlight, and I just popped my head up, turned the light on again.
于是我拿起手电筒，抬起头，再次打开灯。
And about six inches from the front of my face was this squirrel, at eye level with me, kind of reared back on its legs.
这只松鼠距离我的脸前面大约六英寸，与我的眼睛处于同一高度，有点用腿向后仰。
And I swear, from where I was standing, it looked like Godzilla.
我发誓，从我站的地方看，它看起来就像哥斯拉。
It just scared the heck out of me.
这简直把我吓坏了。
I thought, it's a squirrel.
我想，这是一只松鼠。
It's going to be hiding somewhere.
它会躲在某个地方。
It's going to be terrified of me.
它会害怕我的。
It was six inches away from me.
它离我有六英寸远。
And it really startled me.
这真的让我吃了一惊。
So I kind of went, "ah!" And jumped back.
所以我就说：“啊！”并跳了回来。
And the flashlight slips out of my hands-- and it's heavy-- and it falls directly onto the nose of the guy who's looking straight up at me.
手电筒从我手中滑落——而且很重——直接落在那个直视我的家伙的鼻子上。
And I don't think it broke it, but it did some damage.
我不认为它破坏了它，但它造成了一些损害。
And his nose-- his hands up to his face, blood just started pouring out between his hands.
还有他的鼻子——他的双手举到脸上，鲜血开始从他的双手之间涌出。
This is the homeowner?
这是楼主吗？
Cop This is the homeowner.
警察 这是房主。
I lose my balance and fall backwards, directly onto my partner, and I just pancake him.
我失去平衡，向后倒去，直接摔倒在我的搭档身上，把他煎成煎饼。
We're both our backs.
我们都是我们的后盾。
He's on his back.
他在他的背上。
I'm on his stomach, on my back, scuttling around like a beetle, trying to get up in this really narrow hallway.
我趴在他身上，仰卧在他身上，像甲虫一样窜来窜去，试图在这个非常狭窄的走廊里站起来。
It's a mess.
真是一团糟。
The squirrel, while we're floundering around in the hallway, jumps down the stairs-- boink, boink, boink-- lands on me, and takes off down the stairs.
当我们在走廊里挣扎时，松鼠从楼梯上跳下来——叮叮叮，叮叮叮——落在我身上，然后从楼梯上跳下来。
How undignified.
多么没有尊严啊。
Cop It was terrible.
警察 这太可怕了。
It was terrible.
太可怕了。
So we're wondering, gee, where is the squirrel?
所以我们想知道，天哪，松鼠在哪里？
And right at that second, the woman who lived there, you hear her scream.
就在那一刻，住在那里的女人，你听到她的尖叫声。
So my partner goes, well, we found the squirrel.
所以我的伙伴说，好吧，我们找到了松鼠。
It's wherever she is.
无论她在哪里，都是如此。
So we go running downstairs.
于是我们就往楼下跑。
And the squirrel had come into the living room, where they had been having their romantic evening.
松鼠来到了客厅，他们正在那里度过浪漫的夜晚。
They had a fire going.
他们着火了。
They had pillows arranged around one corner of the couch next to the fire, and they had champagne flutes out.
他们在靠近火炉的沙发一角放了枕头，还放了香槟酒杯。
Nice house.
不错的房子。
Really nice.
真的很好。
I mean, it just smelled brand new.
我的意思是，它闻起来是全新的。
New carpeting, new rugs, new paint.
新地毯，新地毯，新油漆。
They hadn't been there for that long.
他们已经很久没有去那里了。
So the squirrel, when it bolted down the staircase, took off into the living room and ran underneath the couch for cover.
于是，当松鼠冲下楼梯时，它就跑进客厅，跑到沙发底下寻找庇护。
So we run downstairs.
于是我们跑下楼。
This guy is bleeding all over the place, on his carpets.
这家伙的地毯上到处都是血。
His wife looks and says, what have you done to my husband?
他的妻子看着说，你对我丈夫做了什么？
I start going, oh, it was an accident-- and then I just stop in mid-sentence.
我开始说，哦，这是一次意外——然后我就停了下来。
What's the point?
有什么意义？
We've only been there about two minutes.
我们只到了那里大约两分钟。
So the squirrel is underneath the couch.
所以松鼠在沙发下面。
And my partner is going, let's get out of here.
我的搭档要走了，我们离开这里吧。
This is just-- it's not going well.
这只是——进展不顺利。
So I am not beaten yet.
所以我还没有被打败。
I always have another idea.
我总是有另一个想法。
So the squirrel is under this couch, which in the middle of the room.
所以松鼠就在房间中央的沙发下面。
So I have this bright idea.
所以我有这个好主意。
Why don't we move the furniture away from one of the corners?
我们为什么不把家具从角落里移开呢？
And we'll put the catch in the corner.
我们会把捕捉器放在角落里。
And the squirrel will probably move along with the couch, because it's the only cover available to it.
松鼠可能会随着沙发一起移动，因为这是它唯一可用的盖子。
And once we get into the corner, we'll only have two open sides of the couch to worry about.
一旦我们进入角落，我们就只剩下沙发的两个开放的侧面需要担心。
So we did that.
所以我们就这么做了。
That is so tactical.
这太有战术性了。
Cop Yes.
警察 是的。
Yeah, I was very proud of myself at that instant.
是的，那一刻我为自己感到非常自豪。
But you know.
但你知道。
I asked her for a box.
我向她要了一个盒子。
And she says, sure, we've got boxes.
她说，当然，我们有盒子。
We just moved in.
我们刚搬进来。
We have nothing but boxes.
我们除了箱子什么都没有。
She runs out to the garage.
她跑到车库。
And she comes back with a box.
她带着一个盒子回来了。
And the box is long enough.
而且盒子够长。
And it fits across the entire short side of the couch, where the armrests would be.
它适合沙发的整个短边，即扶手所在的位置。
So I start sweeping underneath the couch with my nightstick, trying to move the squirrel toward the box.
于是我开始用警棍在沙发下面清扫，试图把松鼠移向盒子。
Figuring we'll capture it and just get rid of it.
认为我们会捕获它并摆脱它。
And we'll be out of here.
我们会离开这里的。
And there'll be no more mayhem.
不会再有混乱了。
So it's actually working very well.
所以它实际上运作得很好。
And the squirrel's moving down along.
松鼠也跟着往下走。
You can hear it.
你可以听到它。
It's chittering.
它在叽叽喳喳地叫着。
And I'm trying not to hurt it.
我努力不伤害它。
I'm nervous about the thing.
我对这件事很紧张。
It might bite me.
它可能会咬我。
I don't want to hurt it, really.
我不想伤害它，真的。
It's just an animal.
它只是一只动物。
So I'm moving it along.
所以我正在移动它。
And everything's going very well.
一切都很顺利。
And then with about eight inches to go, I took one more swipe, and the thing just bolted out from underneath the couch.
然后还剩大约八英寸，我又挥了一下，那东西就从沙发下面冲了出来。
It was lined with tassels.
它衬有流苏。
I couldn't really see under the couch.
我真的看不到沙发下面。
It bolted out from underneath the couch and ran directly into the fireplace, which is about three feet away.
它从沙发下面冲了出来，直接跑进了大约三英尺远的壁炉里。
The fireplace was directly head of it, and it ran into the fire, and caught on fire, and ran directly back out, and directly back under the couch.
壁炉就在它的正上方，它跑进火里，着火了，然后直接跑了出来，直接跑回了沙发下面。
Is it on fire?
着火了吗？
Cop It was on fire.
警察 着火了。
Yeah.
是的。
The tail, the bushy fur, the whole bit.
尾巴，浓密的皮毛，全部。
I mean, it wasn't, like, flaming or anything.
我的意思是，它不是燃烧之类的。
But it was smoking.
但它正在冒烟。
And there was a little bit of fire coming off the tail.
尾巴上还冒出了一点火光。
So it runs back under the couch.
所以它又跑回沙发下面了。
And the couch catches on fire in seconds.
沙发几秒钟内就着火了。
I mean, in seconds.
我的意思是，几秒钟内。
It must have had dust under there or something else.
下面肯定有灰尘或其他什么东西。
But it just caught on fire immediately.
但它立刻就着火了。
And my partner and I just don't even talk.
我和我的搭档甚至不说话。
We just grab the couch, heave it upside down.
我们只要抓住沙发，把它倒过来。
And now there's plenty of oxygen for the fire to really get going.
现在有足够的氧气让火真正燃烧起来。
And it starts up.
它启动了。
And we're patting it out.
我们正在拍它。
And it's sort of getting away from us.
它正在远离我们。
So we grab the only thing that's really available.
所以我们抓住唯一真正可用的东西。
And those are these really nice silk pillows.
这些都是非常漂亮的丝绸枕头。
And we have one in each hand, the both of us.
我们每只手都拿着一个，我们俩。
And we're just windmilling away at this fire on the couch.
我们只是在沙发上看着这堆火。
And we put it out.
我们把它拿出来了。
But it's smoking terribly.
但抽烟太厉害了
And it was just a disaster.
这简直就是一场灾难。
The couch is upside down.
沙发是倒过来的。
The bottom of it is burnt.
它的底部被烧焦了。
The house is filling with smoke from the couch.
房子里充满了沙发上的烟雾。
The squirrel, when it went under the couch, in its death throes, just latched on to the bottom of the couch.
当松鼠钻到沙发底下时，它在垂死挣扎中，紧紧地抓住了沙发的底部。
It's like this smoking piece of gristle underneath the couch, latched on there with its claws.
它就像沙发下面冒着烟的软骨，用爪子卡住了。
And we're pounding, smearing it all over the place.
我们正在敲击，将其涂抹得到处都是。
And the smoke alarms are firing away.
烟雾警报器正在响起。
The guy is standing with handkerchiefs and paper towels up around his nose, which is still bleeding.
那家伙站着，用手帕和纸巾捂着鼻子，鼻子还在流血。
His pajamas are a mess.
他的睡衣乱七八糟。
They're covered with blood, the front of them.
他们的前面沾满了血。
And we finally get the fire out.
我们终于把火扑灭了。
And we're both completely red.
我们都彻底红了。
Sweating, because we're dressed for like zero degree weather, and it's hot there, by the fire.
出汗，因为我们穿的衣服适合零度的天气，而且那里很热，在火边。
We're mortified.
我们很羞愧。
The house is full of smoke.
房子里充满了烟雾。
The wife just looks around and just starts to cry.
妻子只是环顾四周，然后就开始哭泣。
She goes, what have you done?
她走了，你做了什么？
What have you done to my house?
你对我家做了什么？
You can see her just clicking things off on the fingers.
你可以看到她只是用手指敲击东西。
OK.
好的。
The dead squirrel, ruined pillows, need a new couch, the walls are covered with soot, the fire alarms are going off, my husband's disfigured.
死了的松鼠，毁了的枕头，需要一张新沙发，墙壁上布满了烟灰，火警警报器响了，我丈夫的容貌被毁了。
And then she really kind of just lost it.
然后她真的就失去了它。
And he was just looking at us and shaking his head, like he couldn't believe that these two idiots showed up and did this to his house over nothing, really.
他只是看着我们，摇着头，好像他不敢相信这两个白痴会出现，并且无缘无故地对他的房子做出这种事，真的。
And he just goes, you know, you really haven't done anything wrong.
他只是说，你知道，你真的没有做错任何事。
I can't point to any one thing that you did that I have a reason to get angry about.
我无法指出你所做的任何一件事是我有理由生气的。
You really haven't done anything wrong.
你确实没有做错任何事。
I mean, we did call you.
我的意思是，我们确实给你打电话了。
But I just, I can't thank you for this.
但我只是，我不能为此感谢你。
They call for a squirrel.
他们呼唤一只松鼠。
They end up with $3,000, $4,000 worth of damage and a broken nose.
他们最终遭受了价值 3,000 美元、4,000 美元的损失和鼻子骨折。
And this is all within about five minutes.
这一切都在大约五分钟内完成。
Could that have happened to you now, 13 years later?
13年后的今天，这种事会发生在你身上吗？
There's always a new mistake to be made.
总是会犯新的错误。
I don't think I would make that particular mistake.
我不认为我会犯那个特别的错误。
I mean, you make plenty of mistakes.
我的意思是，你犯了很多错误。
That's just part of that job.
这只是该工作的一部分。
You just try not to make the same one twice.
你只是尽量不要做两次同样的事情。
But there's such variety that you're going to make hundreds, you're going to make thousands of mistakes, until you really get a handle on what you're doing.
但事情的多样性如此之大，你可能会犯数百个错误，犯数千个错误，直到你真正掌握自己正在做的事情。
That's interesting.
那很有意思。
That is a very particular thing about a new job.
对于新工作来说，这是一个非常特别的事情。
Is that in order to learn the job, you literally have to make the mistakes.
为了学习这份工作，你真的必须犯错误吗？
There's no way around it.
没有办法解决这个问题。
Right.
正确的。
And with police work, they afford you plenty of space to make mistakes.
在警察工作中，他们为你提供了足够的犯错空间。
But there are things that just aren't your responsibility-- if you get involved in things that aren't your responsibility, or that you're really not equipped to handle, or that you don't have a specific plan-- a plan that's thought through to a conclusion-- you probably should reevaluate what you're doing.
但有些事情并不是你的责任——如果你卷入了那些不属于你的责任的事情，或者你真的没有能力处理，或者你没有一个具体的计划——一个经过深思熟虑得出结论的计划——你可能应该重新评估你正在做的事情。
Yeah, now that you mentioned that, that's right.
是的，既然你提到了，那就对了。
You walked into the house, thinking, OK.
你走进屋子，心想，好吧。
We'll get this squirrel.
我们会得到这只松鼠。
Like, how were you going to get the squirrel?
比如，你要怎么得到松鼠？
What was the best case scenario?
最好的情况是什么？
That's a great question.
这是一个很好的问题。
I guess I was thinking that I would go up there in the attic, and find this cowering squirrel, and somehow kind of lure it into some kind of trap, and then walk out with it and be like a hero.
我想我当时想我会去阁楼，找到这只畏缩的松鼠，然后以某种方式将它引诱到某种陷阱中，然后带着它走出去，像个英雄一样。
But as it turned out, it was a Pyrrhic victory for the squirrel, but the squirrel definitely won.
但事实证明，这对松鼠来说是一场代价高昂的胜利，但松鼠绝对赢了。
The squirrel really kicked our ass.
松鼠真的踢了我们的屁股。
That is not what you want to be saying at the end of the day.
这不是你最终想要说的。
No, no. It took me a long time to even tell people about it, you know?
不，不。我花了很长时间才告诉人们这件事，你知道吗？
I was so new.
我太新了。
I didn't want to know what a bonehead I was when I first came onto the job.
我不想知道我刚开始工作时是多么愚蠢。
Describe what you thought police work was going to be the day that you entered the academy.
描述一下你进入学院那天你认为警察的工作将会是什么。
What I thought it would be was one adventure after another, kind of.
我以为这会是一场又一场的冒险。
And that sounds childish.
这听起来很幼稚。
But that's sort of what I did envision.
但这正是我所设想的。
And then one of the very first days I was on, I had the school crossing where I used to go to school.
然后，在我上学的第一天，我就穿过了我以前上学的学校十字路口。
So at 23, I was crossing these kids where I had went to grammar school and I went to high school.
所以在 23 岁时，我遇到了这些孩子，我曾上过文法学校，也上过高中。
Freezing cold.
冰冷。
And I knew just about every third or fourth car that went by.
大约每三四辆经过的车我都认识。
And everyone's beeping and honking.
每个人都在嘟嘟嘟地按喇叭。
And there was some slush on the ground.
而且地上还有一些烂泥。
And my mother drove by.
然后我妈妈就开车过去了。
And she stopped in the middle of the intersection.
她在十字路口中间停了下来。
And she goes, what are you doing out here without a hat on?
她说，你不戴帽子在这里做什么？
Not at all.
一点也不。
Not at all.
一点也不。
Ira Glass Thank goodness for that.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）谢天谢地。
You know, she just, what are you doing out here without a hat on?
你知道，她只是，你不戴帽子在这里做什么？
Mom, I have the hat I'm supposed to wear.
妈妈，我有我应该戴的帽子。
She's like, but it doesn't cover your ears.
她就像，但它不会遮住你的耳朵。
It's freezing out here.
这里很冷。
And that's when I started to realize, hey, this isn't all about car chases and everything else.
就在那时我开始意识到，嘿，这不仅仅是汽车追逐和其他一切。
It's just like living at home.
就像住在家里一样。
Our interviewee has two years to retirement.
我们的受访者还有两年退休时间。
He has been on the force for 18 years.
他已经服役 18 年了。
[MUSIC - "FOX SQUIRREL" BY MUDDY WATERS]
[音乐 - MUDDY Waters 的“狐狸松鼠”]
Coming up, when friends try to act like more than just friends.
即将到来，当朋友试图表现得不仅仅是朋友时。
When corporations try to act like high school freshmen.
当公司试图表现得像高中新生时。
Bad sex, bad radio stations, and the power of a fuzzy navel.
糟糕的性爱、糟糕的广播电台和模糊肚脐的力量。
That's all in a minute, all of it, from Public Radio International when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续进行时，这就是国际公共广播电台的全部内容。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, invite a variety of writers and performers and everyday people to come on and take a whack at that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，邀请各种作家、表演者和普通人来参与并探讨该主题。
Today's program, First Day.
今天的节目，第一天。
The story of outsiders arriving on the scene, trying to become insiders, and the peril inherent in that.
局外人来到现场，试图成为局内人的故事，以及其中固有的危险。
We have arrived at Act Three of our show.
我们已经到了节目的第三幕了。
How can you do a program about first days without some story about the first day of a new relationship?
如果没有关于新关系第一天的故事，你怎么能做一个关于第一天的节目呢？
We have this story from Sandra Tsing Loh in Los Angeles.
我们从洛杉矶的 Sandra Tsing Loh 那里得到了这个故事。
Bud Kemp was a guy I'd known for eight years, first in college, then at the pharmaceutical corporation where I worked.
巴德·坎普是我认识八年的人，先是在大学，然后是在我工作的制药公司。
I had always thought of Bud as a nice guy, and not unattractive.
我一直认为巴德是个好人，而且并不缺乏吸引力。
Not exactly attractive, either.
也不完全有吸引力。
I mean, he had good features-- tall, wavy brown hair, lanky build-- but there always seemed to be this kind of beaten quality to Bud-- in his sad smile, stooped shoulders, pear shape-- as though he were being flogged by life.
我的意思是，他有很好的五官——高大的棕色卷发，瘦长的身材——但巴德似乎总是有一种被打败的品质——在他悲伤的微笑、驼背、梨形身材中——仿佛他正在受到生活的鞭打。
Sexually, Bud Kemp was an inert object.
在性方面，巴德·坎普是一个惰性对象。
That perception changed dramatically one night early in the summer of my 31st year.
在我 31 岁那年夏初的一个晚上，这种看法发生了巨大的变化。
Although not really intimate, Bud and I were in the habit of going to the movies every Thursday night.
虽然不是很亲密，巴德和我还是有每周四晚上去看电影的习惯。
This movie night tradition had been started by a little dorm group in college, although of course as members drifted towards 30, pairing up or marrying people from the outside, they'd left Bud, I, and movie night behind.
这个电影之夜的传统是由大学宿舍里的一个小团体发起的，当然，随着成员逐渐接近 30 岁，与外面的人配对或结婚，他们把巴德、我和电影之夜抛在了后面。
No doubt, Bud had also tried to leave Bud, I, and movie night behind.
毫无疑问，巴德也曾试图将巴德、我和电影之夜抛在脑后。
I tried myself.
我自己尝试过。
But it was difficult.
但这很困难。
I mean, I've never been the sort of woman who walks into a room in a Lycra mini dress, hair moussed to staggering proportion, and the men just drop dead all around.
我的意思是，我从来都不是那种穿着莱卡迷你裙走进房间、头发抹得比例惊人的女人，而周围的男人却都死了。
No. My charms are more subtle.
不，我的魅力更微妙。
I'm the kind of girl guys fall back on.
我是那种让男人可以依靠的女孩。
Tireless listener.
不知疲倦的聆听者。
Lender of money.
放钱人。
Provider of Xanax.
Xanax 的提供者。
Ride to LAX.
乘车前往洛杉矶国际机场。
And so, as though held together by gravity, eight years later, Bud and I would still find ourselves sitting together in the darkened movie theater, clutching separate containers of popcorn, not saying a word.
因此，八年后，巴德和我仍然坐在黑暗的电影院里，手里抓着各自的爆米花容器，一言不发，就像是被重力粘在一起一样。
Hardly a date, I'd think.
我想，这根本算不上是一次约会。
But one night during the opening credits, I looked over at Bud.
但有一天晚上，在片头字幕中，我看了看巴德。
And for the first time I realized what a sharp profile he had.
我第一次意识到他的轮廓是多么鲜明。
What relatively clear skin.
皮肤什么的比较清晰。
And his hands clasped together over one big knee.
他的双手紧握在一个大膝盖上。
They were nice, too.
他们也很好。
Suddenly a phrase popped into my mind.
突然，我的脑海里浮现出一句话。
"The strong, capable hands of Bud Kemp." Strong.
“巴德·坎普的双手有力、能干。”强的。
Capable.
有能力的。
Silent.
沉默的。
Could this Bud Kemp be used for sex?
这个巴德·坎普可以用来做爱吗？
So things are getting hot, if in kind of a lukewarm way.
所以事情正在变得激烈，尽管是以一种不冷不热的方式。
The coming of our pharmaceutical corporation's summer softball league in Torrance makes them even hotter.
我们制药公司在托伦斯举行的夏季垒球联赛的到来使他们变得更加热门。
Oh yeah.
哦，是的。
Once a year, summer softball provides we who labor in sector D7 with an excuse to just go wild.
每年一次的夏季垒球为我们这些在D7区劳作的人提供了一个疯狂的借口。
Wear funny raccoon hats with our team names on them, yell "whoo, whoo" for no reason at all.
戴上印有我们球队名字的滑稽浣熊帽，无缘无故地大喊“呜呜”。
My team, the Fly Balls, is composed mostly of the four Fs of the softball universe.
我的球队 Fly Balls 主要由垒球界的四个 F 组成。
Skinny guys in Greenpeace teachers, reluctant wives and girlfriends, little [UNINTELLIGIBLE] from the mailroom.
绿色和平组织教师中的瘦子，不情愿的妻子和女朋友，来自收发室的小[难以辨认]。
No wonder today we are being beaten, whipped dominated by Terminator 2000, the league leaders.
难怪今天我们会被联盟领头羊《终结者2000》的统治者击败、鞭打。
Pitching for them today?
今天为他们投球吗？
Bud Kemp.
巴德·坎普。
Oh, yeah.
哦，是的。
This is a little known fact about Bud Kemp.
关于巴德·坎普，这是一个鲜为人知的事实。
He did play a year of junior varsity basketball in college.
他在大学期间确实参加了一年的校篮球队。
So what if it was at a small science school with a 57-game losing streak?
如果是在一个57连败的小型理科学校又如何呢？
So what if Bud Kemp was thrown onto the court mainly for use as a human shield?
那么，如果巴德·坎普被扔到球场上主要用作人体盾牌呢？
The point is, in sector D7, Bud Kemp is our sports stud.
关键是，在 D7 区，巴德·坎普 (Bud Kemp) 是我们的体育明星。
And a damned good-looking one, too.
而且还是一个非常好看的人。
Hair faintly blonded under the sun, skin lightly tanned, and are those new glasses?
头发在阳光下泛着金色，皮肤微微晒黑，那是新眼镜吗？
God, yes.
天哪，是的。
Instead of sad clown sideways teardrops, these are cool wire rims.
这些不是悲伤的小丑侧身泪滴，而是很酷的金属丝边框。
Sting wears wire rims.
斯汀戴着金属丝轮圈。
Bud steps up to the mound, pulls off his t-shirt, and his naked torso is-- OK.
巴德走到土丘上，脱掉 T 恤，他赤裸的躯干——好吧。
33 and holding, is the triumphal message here.
33、坚守，是这里胜利的信息。
Although he is so Schwarzenegger, there are definite suggestions of biceps and pecs.
虽然他那么施瓦辛格，但二头肌和胸肌都有明确的暗示。
More than suggestions.
不仅仅是建议。
Announcements, even.
甚至还有公告。
Not very loud announcements, but the point is, situps are being completed, racquetball played, body parts attended to, secretly anointed, perhaps.
公告不是很响亮，但重点是，仰卧起坐正在完成，壁球正在打，身体部位正在护理，也许正在秘密涂油。
Is it just my third fuzzy navel talking, or is Bud Kemp ready for sex?
这只是我第三个毛茸茸的肚脐在说话，还是巴德·坎普准备好做爱了？
We're at Pizza Hut now, talking and laughing.
我们现在在必胜客，有说有笑。
Sex is definitely in the air tonight for everyone in sector D7.
今晚 D7 区的每个人都充满了性爱的气息。
Beers slosh, music thumps, lamps sway.
啤酒晃动，音乐震耳欲聋，灯光摇曳。
People in funny raccoon hats worm up against each other.
戴着滑稽浣熊帽的人们互相争斗。
Bud Kemp and I are no exception.
巴德·坎普和我也不例外。
Underneath the table, thigh to thigh, sweatpant to sweatpant, we're doing kind of a sensual leg thing.
在桌子下面，大腿到大腿，运动裤到运动裤，我们正在做一种性感的腿部动作。
Laugh and kick out.
笑着踢出去。
Laugh and kick out.
笑着踢出去。
Obviously, it's driving him wild.
显然，这让他发疯。
"So, you wanna go somewhere?" he says.
“那么，你想去一个地方吗？”他说。
"Like where, Bud?" I say.
“巴德，比如哪里？”我说。
It is so loud and wild in here, no one would notice if you tore your own bra off and used it as a lasso.
这里是如此喧闹和狂野，如果你撕下自己的胸罩并将其用作套索，没有人会注意到。
My case would be the sexy black bra I'd slipped on in the bathroom for a guy called Bud Kemp.
我的案例是我在浴室里为一个叫巴德·坎普的家伙穿上的性感黑色胸罩。
"Away from here." "How about your place?" "Sounds great." "All righty, then." "All righty."
“离开这里。” “你那地方怎么样？” “听起来不错。” “那就好吧。” “好吧。”
We are using secret code now.
我们现在使用密码。
Bud Kemp and I are talking, moving as one.
巴德·坎普和我一边说话，一边移动。
I sense almost by telepathy he wants to swing by the Lucky for a six pack.
我几乎通过心灵感应感觉到他想通过幸运号来获得六块腹肌。
We skate effortlessly through the gleaming, luminescent supermarket aisles like Torvilll and Dean.
我们像托维尔和迪恩一样毫不费力地滑过闪闪发光的超市过道。
We pause calmly, almost worshipfully, before the glass refrigerator cases, which present their dramatic panoramas.
我们平静地、近乎崇拜地在玻璃冰箱柜前停下来，冰箱柜展示了它们戏剧性的全景。
Endless vistas of possibility.
无限的可能性。
Heineken, Dos Equis, Tsingtao, Kirin, Moosehead, Foster's.
喜力、Dos Equis、青岛啤酒、麒麟、穆斯黑德、福斯特。
The whole world is ours, literally, through beer.
毫不夸张地说，通过啤酒，整个世界都是我们的。
He chooses Coors.
他选择了库尔斯。
I say, "I like it too." "I guess we both like it," he says.
我说：“我也喜欢。” “我想我们都喜欢它，”他说。
We both like it.
我们都喜欢它。
And suddenly I have a vision of Bud Kemp and I together on a Sunday morning, reading the newspaper, drinking our favorite General Foods International Coffee, Amaretto Hazelnut, the one we both like.
突然，我想象到周日早上我和巴德·坎普在一起，读报纸，喝我们最喜欢的通用食品国际咖啡，阿玛雷托榛子咖啡，我们都喜欢的咖啡。
And instead of my weekends yawning empty, I will be spending them with someone, together, liking things.
我不会在周末空虚地打呵欠，而是和某人一起度过，一起享受喜欢的事物。
First it was movies.
首先是电影。
Now it is beer.
现在是啤酒。
Soon it will be cars, vacations, houses, children.
很快就会有汽车、假期、房子、孩子。
This is the vision I cling onto as we returned to his condo in Long Beach, drained the beer, moved to leftover Gallo, as I sit in the living room and rub and rub and rub Bud Kemp's shoulders, and Bud Kemp talks and talks and talks about-- what else?-- Bud Kemp.
当我们回到他在长滩的公寓，喝完啤酒，搬到剩下的加洛时，我一直抱着这样的愿景，我坐在客厅里，蹭啊蹭啊蹭巴德·坎普的肩膀，巴德·坎普不停地谈论——还有什么？——巴德·坎普。
"So sometimes I wonder if I'm really, really suited for a career in pharmaceuticals marketing management.
“所以有时我想知道我是否真的非常适合药品营销管理职业。
I mean, what if my calling is something a bit more in the applied plastics field?" "What kind of plastics did you have in mind, Bud?" "Oh, I don't know.
我的意思是，如果我的使命是在应用塑料领域做更多的事情呢？” “巴德，你想要哪种塑料？” “哦，我不知道。
Single cell liposome polymer blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, me, me, me, blah, blah, blah, me, me, me, blah, blah, blah, me, me."
单细胞脂质体聚合物废话，废话，废话，废话，废话，废话，我，我，我，废话，废话，废话，我，我，我，废话，废话，废话，我，我。”
He is making me lose hold of my vision.
他让我失去了视力。
We need to escalate things to the next level.
我们需要将事情升级到一个新的水平。
"Bud," I say, "let's go to bed."
“巴德，”我说，“我们去睡觉吧。”
The moon slants in through the shade, transforming everything into misshapen lumps.
月光从阴影中斜射进来，把一切都变成了畸形的肿块。
It is uncomfortably warm and stuffy.
天气又热又闷，令人不舒服。
Bud is lying on his bed, fully clothed, frozen.
巴德穿着衣服躺在床上，浑身冻僵了。
"This is so weird," he says, "after all this time."
“这太奇怪了，”他说，“毕竟这么久了。”
"I know," I say.
“我知道，”我说。
"But I think you'll like it."
“但我想你会喜欢的。”
I sit on the edge of the bed, remove one shoe, then the other.
我坐在床边，脱掉一只鞋子，然后脱掉另一只。
Bud Kemp does not move, make any invitation.
巴德·坎普一动不动，没有发出任何邀请。
I shove in next to him.
我挤到他身边。
Suddenly horny, in a kind of confused, primeval way, we grapple each other like circus bears.
突然间，我们以一种混乱而原始的方式兴奋起来，像马戏团的熊一样互相扭打。
Bud Kemp's head is buried in my shoulder.
巴德·坎普的头埋在我的肩膀上。
He is stroking my hair with these odd petting motions, making this kind of humming sound.
他用奇怪的抚摸动作抚摸我的头发，发出嗡嗡的声音。
[HUMMING]
[嗡嗡声]
I find myself energetically massaging his shoulders.
我发现自己正在大力按摩他的肩膀。
I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
Move down.
向下移动。
Lower back.
下背部。
Move down.
向下移动。
Buttocks.
臀部。
But it seems invasive to be massaging the buttocks of such an old friend, so I find myself merely patting them as though in congratulation.
但按摩这样一位老朋友的臀部似乎是一种侵犯，所以我发现自己只是拍拍他们，仿佛表示祝贺。
Oh, if only we could get that sensual leg thing going again.
哦，如果我们能让那性感的腿的事情再次进行就好了。
Laugh and kick out.
笑着踢出去。
Laugh and kick out.
笑着踢出去。
But there is no laughter here.
但这里没有笑声。
Only worry and sweat.
只有担心和汗水。
How I long for Pizza Hut with its pepperoni-laced orgy-like ambiance.
我多么渴望必胜客及其充满意大利辣香肠的狂欢氛围。
Sex between two people can be such a lonely thing.
两个人之间的性行为可能是一件很孤独的事情。
Grimly pushing on, I tear my t-shirt off, revealing my sexy black bra, his cue to just go wild.
我严肃地继续前进，撕掉我的 T 恤，露出我性感的黑色胸罩，这是他要疯狂的暗示。
But Bud Kemp is rubbing his eyes with both hands.
但巴德·坎普正在用双手揉眼睛。
Still I wait, with accusing breasts.
我仍然等待着，带着指责的乳房。
Still Bud rubs, making that kind of faint humming sound.
巴德仍在摩擦，发出微弱的嗡嗡声。
[HUMMING]
[嗡嗡声]
And I realize that Bud Kemp can not bring himself to face my breasts in all their terrible candor.
我意识到巴德·坎普无法以可怕的坦诚面对我的胸部。
They blaze in the darkness like headlights, illuminating the falseness of all of those movie nights.
它们像车头灯一样在黑暗中闪耀，照亮了所有电影之夜的虚假。
Eventually, Bud stops running and just lies there with both hands cupped over his eyes, as though expecting to be flogged.
最终，巴德停止了奔跑，只是躺在那里，双手捂住眼睛，仿佛期待着被鞭打。
His nostrils quiver.
他的鼻孔在颤抖。
Is that a snore?
那是打呼噜吗？
My idea is that we will never speak of the incident again, see each other, or even continue to live in the same state.
我的想法是，我们不再谈论那件事，不再见面，甚至不再继续生活在同样的状态中。
But no. The bouquet that arrived the next morning is the ugliest I have ever seen.
但没有。第二天早上收到的花束是我见过的最丑的。
It is a chaos of white baby's breath, purple lupin, pink carnations, yellow daisies, all stabbing against each other in frantic counterpoint.
这是白色满天星、紫色羽扇豆、粉色康乃馨、黄色雏菊的混乱，所有这些都以疯狂的对位相互刺伤。
Even worse is the card, which reads, "I saw these flowers and thought of you.
更糟糕的是这张卡片，上面写着：“我看到这些花就想到了你。
Love, Bud."
爱你，巴德。”
Love, Bud.
爱，巴德。
One thing is for sure.
有一点是肯定的。
He is not my lovebud, and this is not me at age 31, a frantic bouquet slowly wilting.
他不是我的爱人，这也不是31岁的我，一束疯狂的花束慢慢枯萎。
Sandra Tsing Loh's story "Bad Sex with Bud Kemp" is not collected in her books Aliens in America, A Year in Van Nuys, or any of her fine books.
桑德拉·青·洛 (Sandra Tsing Loh) 的故事《与巴德·坎普的糟糕性爱》并未收录在她的《外星人在美国》、《范奈斯的一年》或她的任何优秀书籍中。
She has been happily married for years to a man who is not in any way, any way, Bud Kemp.
多年来，她一直幸福地与一个男人结婚，但他无论如何都不是巴德·坎普。
They live in Los Angeles.
他们住在洛杉矶。
[MUSIC - "THE FIRST TIME" BY EYDIE GORME]
[音乐-“第一次”，作者：EYDIE GORME]
Act Four, When Businesses Act Like People.
第四幕，当企业像人一样行事时。
We have this case study from Alex Blumberg, a radio listener-- a radio listener like you, a radio listener like me-- here in Chicago.
我们有亚历克斯·布隆伯格（Alex Blumberg）的案例研究，他是一位广播听众——一位像你一样的广播听众，一位像我一样的广播听众——在芝加哥。
This is a story about a first day that's in denial that it's a first day.
这是一个关于第一天的故事，但又否认这是第一天。
The story starts when I was in my car.
故事是从我在车里开始的。
And I just realized that I have my preset station buttons arranged in order of preference.
我刚刚意识到我已经按偏好顺序排列了预设电台按钮。
One, two, three, four, five, six.
一、二、三、四、五、六。
And so I sort of go down.
所以我有点堕落了。
And this station number six was the classic rock station, Rock 103.
第六号电台是经典摇滚电台 Rock 103。
And number six is often just awful.
而第六名往往很糟糕。
Every once in a while, they'll have a good Led Zeppelin song on, and that's why I have it set.
每隔一段时间，他们就会播放一首好听的齐柏林飞艇歌曲，这就是我设置它的原因。
So I hit it, and there's that song, which I don't know the name of, but it's that one that goes, "ooh, child, things are going to get easier." And I think to myself, that's certainly an expansive definition of classic rock.
所以我点击了它，然后就有了那首歌，我不知道它的名字，但它是这样的：“哦，孩子，事情会变得更容易。”我自己认为，这无疑是对经典摇滚的广泛定义。
So then I think, wow, this is great.
然后我想，哇，这太棒了。
And then another song comes on.
然后另一首歌响起。
And it's "Disco Inferno," or something like that.
这是“迪斯科地狱”或类似的东西。
And I think now, something must be wrong.
现在我想，一定是出了什么问题。
So I look and I think, the first thing is that somebody's been messing with my dials.
所以我看了看，我想，第一件事是有人弄乱了我的表盘。
Like somebody got into my car and rearranged my radio stations.
就像有人钻进我的车并重新安排了我的广播电台一样。
But then I look at the numbers.
但后来我看看数字。
The numbers are the same.
数字是相同的。
And then I hear this announcement that comes on.
然后我听到了这个消息。
And it's like, "You've found the new 1035, Jammin' Oldies." And I think to myself, what the hell is a jammin' oldie?
就像，“你找到了新的 1035，Jammin' Oldies。”我心想，老歌到底是什么？
And you have to keep in mind that the day before, this station had been playing Anthrax and Slayer, and every once in a while, like I said, a Led Zeppelin song, but basically heavy metal gearhead music.
你必须记住，前一天，这个电台一直在播放《炭疽》和《杀手》，并且每隔一段时间，就像我说的，一首齐柏林飞艇的歌曲，但基本上是重金属齿轮音乐。
And now all of a sudden, there's just no mention being made of it.
现在突然之间，就没有人再提及它了。
And it's just like the old station was disappeared.
就像旧车站消失了一样。
You've found the new 1035.
您已找到新的 1035。
Chicago's new station for jammin' oldies.
芝加哥新的即兴老歌电台。
We don't play moldy oldies, and we don't play doo-wop--
我们不玩发霉的老歌，也不玩 doo-wop——
Now what has happened is that this station had a format change over the weekend, basically.
现在发生的事情是，这个电台基本上在周末改变了格式。
And they didn't mention it on the weekend, when I had been listening before.
周末他们也没有提到这件事，而我之前一直在听。
There was no mention of it.
没有提及它。
They were doing their concert promotions and having people call up to get Anthrax tickets or whatever.
他们正在做音乐会促销活动，并让人们打电话来获取炭疽病门票或其他什么。
Nothing had been said.
什么也没说。
And so obviously, everybody who has been tuning in before is expecting the classic rock.
显然，每个之前收听过的人都在期待经典摇滚。
But they don't want to seem like they're a new station.
但他们不想让自己看起来像是一个新车站。
They don't want to seem like the new kid on the block.
他们不想让自己看起来像新来的孩子。
So what they do, is they do what everybody does on the first day.
所以他们所做的就是做每个人第一天都会做的事情。
They pretend like it's not the first day.
他们假装这不是第一天。
They want to establish this illusion that they've been around forever, so they have these little promo spots that come on, these little [UNINTELLIGIBLE] where they have people they've interviewed-- like, man on the street interviews-- where people are talking about how great jammin' oldies are, and how wonderful it is to have this station that plays jammin' oldies which has been on the radio for three hours.
他们想要建立一种他们一直存在的假象，所以他们有这些小宣传片，这些小[难以理解]他们采访过的人——比如街头采访的人——人们在谈论即兴老歌有多么伟大，以及有这个播放即兴老歌的电台是多么美妙，这些歌曲已经在广播中播放了三个小时。
Everybody's talking about the new station that plays Chicago's jammin' oldies.
每个人都在谈论播放芝加哥即兴老歌的新电台。
You know, when you hear those songs, it brings you back, like you're right there.
你知道，当你听到这些歌曲时，它会把你带回来，就像你就在那里一样。
You know?
你知道？
Like, what did they do?
比如，他们做了什么？
They just start broadcasting, and immediately send a squad of people out to find people who are accidentally tuned in?
刚开播，就立刻派出一队人去寻找那些不小心收听到的人？
No.
不。
And that also comes through.
这也得到了实现。
I mean, if you hear the spots, it's like this sort of desperately-- It's like they're trying too hard.
我的意思是，如果你听到这些广告，就会感觉他们非常绝望——就好像他们太努力了。
And it's just exactly what happens when you're trying to fit in too hard, and you're pretending like you've around forever, and you know the ropes, and it just falls flat.
这正是当你太努力地试图融入时会发生的事情，你假装你永远都在身边，你知道其中的道理，但它只是失败了。
And these spots just fall flat.
而这些地方却毫无进展。
The one that I love is where they have, like, "This is the station that plays jammin' oldies." And then they cut to this voice of somebody going, "jammin' oldies!"
我最喜欢的是他们的地方，比如，“这是播放即兴老歌的电台。”然后他们切换到有人的声音，“干扰老歌！”
Now here comes more of Chicago's jammin' oldies.
现在，更多芝加哥即兴老歌登场。
Jammin' oldies!
干扰老歌！
Announcer 1 On the new 103--
播音员1关于新103——
I don't quite understand what it is that is just so ridiculous about that particular "jammin' oldies." But it's just like it's so earnest and so wrong.
我不太明白是什么让那些特别的“老歌”如此荒谬。但就是这么认真又这么错误。
It's just not right.
这是不对的。
It's just not what somebody would say if they were actually excited about jammin' oldies.
如果有人真的对即兴老歌感到兴奋，他们就不会这么说。
They would never-- I can't imagine a situation in which somebody would authentically be shouting "jammin' oldies!
他们永远不会——我无法想象有人会真正地大喊“干扰老歌！”的情况。
Jammin' oldies!" A jammin' oldies pep rally?
干扰老歌！”一场老歌鼓动集会？
I can't imagine where it would be happening.
我无法想象它会发生在哪里。
I mean, I have nothing in common with the station formerly known as Rock 103.
我的意思是，我与以前称为 Rock 103 的电台没有任何共同之处。
And yet, all the behaviors that they are exhibiting on their first day are behaviors that I would exhibit on my first day anywhere.
然而，他们在第一天表现出的所有行为都是我在任何地方第一天都会表现出的行为。
Like they are trying to fit in, they're expressing sort of this anxious enthusiasm, the false bravado.
就像他们试图融入社会一样，他们表达了一种焦虑的热情，一种虚假的虚张声势。
They're pretending to have experienced things that they have, in fact, not experienced.
他们假装经历过实际上没有经历过的事情。
And they're failing miserably, just as I would fail miserably, and have, on many occasions, on my first day.
他们惨遭失败，就像我第一天就曾多次惨败一样。
Alex Blumberg.
亚历克斯·布隆伯格。
Credits Ira Glass Well, it's This American Life , the radio program that can not resist a dare.
图片来源：Ira Glass 好吧，这就是《This American Life》，这是一个无法抗拒挑战的广播节目。
Our program was produced today by Nancy Updike and myself with Alix Spiegel, Julie Snyder, and Emi Takahara.
今天我们的节目由南希·厄普代克和我本人以及阿利克斯·斯皮格尔、朱莉·斯奈德和高原惠美制作。
Our staff for this show includes Alex Blumberg, Susan Burton, Blue Chevigny, Todd Bachmann, and Starlee Kine.
我们本次演出的工作人员包括 Alex Blumberg、Susan Burton、Blue Chevigny、Todd Bachmann 和 Starlee Kine。
Contributing editors Paul Tough, Jack Hitt, Margy Rochlin, Alix Spiegel, and Consigliere Sarah Vowell.
特约编辑 Paul Tough、Jack Hitt、Margy Rochlin、Alix Spiegel 和 Consigliere Sarah Vowell。
Marketing help from [?
来自 [?的营销帮助
Marge Estrusco ?] and the friendly folks at PRI.
Marge Estrusco ？] 以及 PRI 的友好人员。
Elizabeth Meister runs our website.
伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister) 负责运营我们的网站。
[ACKNOWLEDGMENTS] We've been meaning to thank Jorge Just for a few weeks now, so let's do it now.
[致谢] 几周以来我们一直想感谢 Jorge，所以现在就开始吧。
Thanks, J.
谢谢，J。
To buy a cassette of this or any of our programs, call us here at WBEZ in Chicago.
要购买本节目或我们任何节目的磁带，请致电芝加哥 WBEZ。
312-948-4712.
312-948-4712。
Or visit our website where you can order tapes.
或者访问我们的网站，您可以在其中订购磁带。
Or you can listen to our programs for absolutely free online at www.thisamericanlife.org.
或者您也可以在 www.thisamericanlife.org 上免费在线收听我们的节目。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
Funding for our show comes from the listeners of WBEZ Chicago.
我们的节目的资金来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的听众。
WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who walks into our studio at the end of every single show to grimly assess the damage.
WBEZ 的管理由 Torey Malatia 负责监督，他在每场演出结束后都会走进我们的工作室，严肃地评估损失。
Dead squirrel.
死松鼠。
Ruined pillows.
枕头坏了。
Need a new couch.
需要一张新沙发。
The walls are covered with soot.
墙壁上布满了烟灰。
The fire alarms are going off.
火警警报响起。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
You really haven't done anything wrong.
你确实没有做错任何事。
I mean, we did call you.
我的意思是，我们确实给你打电话了。
But I just-- I can't thank you for this.
但我只是——我不能为此感谢你。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。