11: Enemies - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #11 | January 24, 1996 11: Enemies Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 11 集 | 1996 年 1 月 24 日 11：敌人 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Act One: Dave's Love Ira Glass "I'll pour this pestilence into his ear.
第一幕：戴夫的爱艾拉·格拉斯“我会把这种瘟疫倒进他的耳朵里。
So will I make the net that will enmesh them all." It's an adult, Iago, who says that in Othello.
所以我会制作一张网，将他们所有人都网住。”这是一个成年人，伊阿古，在《奥赛罗》中这么说的。
And it's grownups that Machiavelli was writing about when he wrote The Prince , his book about manipulating others and seizing power.
马基雅维利在写《君主论》时所写的正是成年人，这本书是关于操纵他人和夺取权力的。
Notice he titled the book The Prince , not The Little Prince.
请注意，他将这本书命名为《王子》，而不是《小王子》。
The Little Prince is actually by somebody else, if you don't know that.
如果你不知道的话，《小王子》实际上是由别人创作的。
But in our American lives, the real era of intrigue and manipulation for most of us is not adulthood.
但在我们美国人的生活中，对我们大多数人来说，真正的阴谋和操纵时代并不是成年。
It's adolescence, when our social circle is at its most constricting.
青春期是我们的社交圈最狭窄的时期。
Today on our program, a story of betrayal and of someone who holds David Koresh-like powers over others, and who is only in the seventh grade.
今天我们的节目讲述了一个关于背叛的故事，讲述了一个对他人拥有大卫·科雷什式的权力的人，而他只是七年级的学生。
From WBEZ in Chicago, it's Your Radio Playhouse .
来自芝加哥的 WBEZ，它是 Your Radio Playhouse。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
But before we get into the body of our story, we will try, as adults, to manipulate you a little bit at Pledge Central.
但在我们进入故事正文之前，作为成年人，我们将尝试在 Pledge Central 稍微操纵一下你。
Let's check in with Pledge Central.
让我们通过 Pledge Central 查看。
Shirley Jahad.
雪莉·贾哈德。
We're trying to manipulate the Radio Playhouse listeners, are we?
我们正试图操纵广播剧场的听众，是吗？
I guess "manipulate" has the tune of a negative connotation.
我猜“操纵”带有负面含义。
Entice, how about?
诱惑一下，怎么样？
Ira Glass Entice.
艾拉玻璃诱惑。
Entice is a very--
诱惑是一个非常——
Seduce?
勾引？
Ira Glass Keep going, baby.
艾拉·格拉斯 继续前进，宝贝。
You're on a roll.
你进展顺利。
You're on such a roll here.
你在这里真是太棒了。
Sure.
当然。
Well, let's seduce them with this phone number.
好吧，让我们用这个电话号码来引诱他们吧。
What is the phone number?
电话号码是什么？
Shirley Jahad We've got to seduce them with this phone number.
雪莉·贾哈德（Shirley Jahad）：我们必须用这个电话号码来引诱他们。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Stop the music dramatically as I say the number.
当我说出数字时，音乐突然停止。
Do it again.
再做一次。
Shirley Jahad 312-832-3160.
雪莉·贾哈德 312-832-3160。
Maybe a little radio hypnotism.
也许有点无线电催眠作用。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Call that number to pledge your support.
拨打该号码以承诺您的支持。
And I just want to say that we are so anxious to get you to call.
我只是想说，我们非常渴望让您打电话。
We have very special premiums that we're offering during the coming hour that are available at no other time during the drive.
我们在接下来的一小时内提供非常特别的优惠，而在驾车期间的其他时间则不提供这些优惠。
We have three and a half or four, depending on how you count them.
我们有三个半或四个，这取决于你怎么数。
The very first one-- I'm going to play a little clip of these.
第一个——我将播放其中的一个小片段。
These are all audio things.
这些都是音频的东西。
Well, how to begin with this?
那么，如何开始呢？
Explain it, Ira.
解释一下，艾拉。
Ira Glass Well, one of them is we have a cassette of recent work by David Sedaris, much of it heard here on Your Radio Playhouse , some of it heard on Morning Edition .
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：嗯，其中之一是我们有一盘大卫·塞达里斯（David Sedaris）最近的作品的磁带，其中大部分是在你的广播剧场中听到的，其中一些是在早间版中听到的。
This is all new work, including two radio dramas by the Pinetree Gang, which appear here on Your Radio Playhouse .
这都是新作品，包括 Pinetree Gang 的两部广播剧，出现在 Your Radio Playhouse 上。
That's one thing.
这是一回事。
Another thing is we have this very odd CD called Shut Up, Little Man , which listeners to the show heard.
另一件事是我们有一张非常奇怪的 CD，名为《Shut Up, Little Man》，节目的听众都听到了。
It's a sort of audio verite of these two men recorded through the walls of their apartment as they argued with each other.
这是这两个人在公寓的墙壁上互相争吵时录制的音频真实内容。
And finally, we have this thing.
最后，我们有了这个东西。
Two weeks ago, we had a show where Julia Sweeney told the story of getting cancer.
两周前，我们举办了一场节目，朱莉娅·斯威尼 (Julia Sweeney) 讲述了患癌症的故事。
And she told the story of herself getting cancer and of her brother getting cancer.
她讲述了自己患癌症和她哥哥患癌症的故事。
And she told them as stand-up comedy.
她以单口喜剧的方式告诉他们。
And she was telling this in a place called Un-Cabaret.
她是在一个叫 Un-Cabaret 的地方讲这件事的。
It's a club in Los Angeles where essentially, comics come each week, and they tell what are basically comic diary versions of their week.
这是洛杉矶的一个俱乐部，基本上每周都会有漫画，他们讲述的内容基本上是他们一周的漫画日记版本。
And Un-Cabaret has a CD that's really pretty wonderful with some well-known people and some not-so-well-known people.
Un-Cabaret 的 CD 对于一些知名人士和一些不那么知名的人来说确实非常精彩。
And here's a sample.
这是一个示例。
They have about 10 minutes of Julia Sweeney's cancer stories.
他们有大约 10 分钟的 Julia Sweeney 的癌症故事。
Here's a sample of that.
这是其中的一个示例。
OK, so we're in the doctor's office, and Mike, who's doing really great and is responding really well to the treatment.
好的，我们现在在医生的办公室里，迈克的情况非常好，对治疗的反应也非常好。
But he's had so many spinal taps that they can't get into his spinal column anymore.
但他接受了太多次脊椎穿刺，以至于再也无法进入他的脊柱了。
So the doctor comes in.
于是医生进来了。
My dad's reading about the plague in India, because that's a good diversion.
我爸爸正在读有关印度瘟疫的书，因为这是一个很好的消遣。
And my mom is looking at the doctors and saying, "Now, he looks single."
我妈妈看着医生说：“现在，他看起来单身。”
And his doctor comes in.
他的医生进来了。
He says, "Michael, we can't get into your spinal column anymore, so we're thinking about putting a shunt in your head.
他说：“迈克尔，我们不能再进入你的脊柱，所以我们正在考虑在你的头部放置一个分流器。
And my brother goes, "What?" He goes, "A shunt?" And I go, "A shunt, like, an artificial opening to the brain." And Mike goes, "Well, where would this shunt be?" And the doctor goes, "Well, the best place we've found is to put it in the forehead."
我哥哥问道：“什么？”他问道：“分流？”我说：“分流术，比如大脑的人工开口。”迈克问道：“那么，这个分流器会在哪里呢？”医生说：“嗯，我们发现的最好的地方就是把它放在额头上。”
And Mike goes, "If you think I am going to get a faucet put into my forehead.
迈克说道：“如果你认为我会把水龙头放在我的额头上。
I'm already 90 pounds, and I have no hair.
我已经90斤了，而且还没有头发。
I'm not going to walk around for a year with a faucet sticking out of my forehead." And my mom goes, "No, I think it's more like a spigot."
我不会在一年内带着从额头伸出的水龙头到处走动。”我妈妈说，“不，我认为它更像是一个水龙头。”
All right, so that's Julia Sweeney.
好吧，这就是朱莉娅·斯威尼。
If you want that and more-- and more diary entries from Janeane Garofalo and people who seem less well known.
如果你想要这个以及更多——还有更多来自 Janeane Garofalo 和那些似乎不太出名的人的日记。
But there's Julia Sweeney, Janeane Garofalo, Beth Lapides, Bob Goldthwait, Taylor Negron, Dana Gould, other people.
但还有 Julia Sweeney、Janeane Garofalo、Beth Lapides、Bob Goldthwait、Taylor Negron、Dana Gould 等人。
Ask for that when you call.
当你打电话的时候询问一下。
832-3160.
832-3160。
Shirley, you're still there, right?
雪莉，你还在，对吗？
832-3160, yeah.
832-3160，是的。
Ira Glass And, Shirley, what is the magic word?
艾拉·格拉斯 那么，雪莉，魔法词是什么？
We haven't even gotten to the extra-special premium.
我们甚至还没有得到特别的溢价。
What is the magic word?
神奇的词是什么？
Oh, the extra-special $4.95-- for $4.95, you can super size it.
哦，特别优惠 4.95 美元——只要 4.95 美元，你就可以买超大号的。
You can super size it.
你可以加大它的尺寸。
That's right.
没错。
If you make the $60 pledge and just say super size it, for another $4.95, you get--
如果你承诺 60 美元，然后只说超大号，那么再付 4.95 美元，你会得到——
More "La Bamba" than you can handle.
更多“La Bamba”超出您的承受能力。
Here we go.
我们开始吧。
I think I've got it.
我想我已经明白了。
This one starts kind of slow.
这个开始有点慢。
This is a punk "La Bamba." They have a little collection of all sorts of "La Bambas." It's one of the most covered songs in music.
这是朋克“La Bamba”。他们收集了一些各种各样的“La Bambas”。这是音乐中被翻唱次数最多的歌曲之一。
We have the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
我们有摩门教圣堂合唱团。
We have punk versions.
我们有朋克版本。
We have Neil Diamond.
我们有尼尔·戴蒙德。
This is kind of a surf version.
这是一种冲浪版本。
Again, we want you to pledge.
我们再次希望您做出承诺。
We want to please you.
我们想取悦您。
We want you to pledge and then to super size it.
我们希望您做出承诺，然后加大力度。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Come on, go for extra fries and an extra large drink.
来吧，去吃额外的薯条和超大杯的饮料。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Sorry, Ira.
对不起，艾拉。
No, that's OK.
不，没关系。
So the idea is 60 bucks for one of the premia and $64.95 for one of the premia plus--
所以我们的想法是，其中一项保费为 60 美元，一项保费加为 64.95 美元——
90 minutes of "La Bamba." Take it on vacation with you, right?
90 分钟的“La Bamba”。带着它去度假吧？
To the Caribbean.
去加勒比海。
It makes a fine, fine summertime present for anyone.
它是送给任何人的一份精美的夏日礼物。
That's right.
没错。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Call now to pledge your support for Your Radio Playhouse.
立即致电，承诺支持您的广播剧场。
OK, Shirley.
好的，雪莉。
I'll check back with you in a bit.
我稍后再与您联系。
Thanks, Ira.
谢谢，艾拉。
Ira Glass So let's get to today's story on this, our radio show.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 那么，让我们开始今天的故事吧，我们的广播节目。
This is a story of enemies.
这是一个敌人的故事。
But some of the bitterest enemies are people who used to be close friends.
但一些最激烈的敌人是曾经是亲密朋友的人。
And our story begins with the friendship of these two boys named Bob and Dave.
我们的故事始于鲍勃和戴夫这两个男孩的友谊。
And today's program will be in four acts.
今天的节目将分为四幕。
Act One, Dave's Love.
第一幕，戴夫的爱。
Act Two, Dave's Hate.
第二幕，戴夫的仇恨。
Act Three, Dave Today.
第三幕，今天的戴夫。
Act Four, Another Dave.
第四幕，另一个戴夫。
That another Dave is David Sedaris, actually.
实际上，另一个戴夫是大卫·塞达里斯。
We have a story by David Sedaris coming up.
我们即将推出大卫·塞达里斯 (David Sedaris) 的故事。
So, Act One.
那么，第一幕。
Our story takes place in a small town somewhere on the East Coast.
我们的故事发生在东海岸某个小镇。
Dave and I became friends in fourth grade, and we were friends through sixth grade.
戴夫和我在四年级时成为了朋友，我们一直是六年级的朋友。
And I have to describe him physically because that's a huge part of his personality.
我必须描述他的外貌，因为这是他性格的重要组成部分。
He was-- and he still is-- an extremely wiry person.
他过去是——现在仍然是——一个极其精瘦的人。
Very thin.
很薄。
He looks emaciated.
他看上去很憔悴。
And he also, his skin is like a jaundiced yellow color.
还有他，皮肤就像黄疸一样的黄颜色。
He was always very acned.
他总是长满粉刺。
Just very pale, pasty, and he just looked sick.
他脸色苍白，脸色苍白，看起来病了。
I don't really know how we became friends.
我真不知道我们是怎么成为朋友的。
We were in class together in grade school.
小学时我们一起上课。
But as things progressed into fifth grade, it became pretty clear that our friendship was the most intense friendship in the class.
但随着事情进展到五年级，很明显我们的友谊是班上最亲密的友谊。
We would talk on the phone at least once a day and for hours.
我们每天至少通一次电话，聊上几个小时。
We would just talk for hours and just make each other laugh so hard.
我们会聊几个小时，让彼此笑得很开心。
And that was why we always got separated in class was just because we weren't troublemakers, we just made each other laugh a lot.
这就是为什么我们总是在课堂上分开，只是因为我们不是麻烦制造者，我们只是让彼此笑得很开心。
We had very similar senses of humor.
我们有非常相似的幽默感。
The scatological jokes were the primary jokes.
粗俗的笑话是主要的笑话。
And I was just thinking about this today.
我今天只是在想这个。
I remembered this one thing that we used to do, which we did obsessively.
我记得我们曾经做过的一件事，我们痴迷地做。
It's embarrassing to say it, but we were obsessed with the words "poop" and "pee." And we made this little thing where I would say "poop" and he would say "pee," and then he would say "wee," and then I would say "gilly gee." And so it'd go kind of like, poop, pee, wee, gilly gee.
说起来很尴尬，但我们对“便便”和“小便”这两个词很着迷。我们做了一个小东西，我会说“便便”，他会说“尿”，然后他会说“wee”，然后我会说“gilly gee”。所以它会有点像，大便，小便，小便，吉利吉伊。
And we said this over and over and over again.
我们一遍又一遍地说过这句话。
And we used to just take books and just insert the words "poop" and "pee" everywhere.
我们过去只是拿着书，然后在各处插入“便便”和“小便”这两个词。
And "wee" was like the one word that was just, for some reason, that was like our rallying call.
“wee”就像一个词，出于某种原因，它就像我们的号召力。
That was like our motto.
这就像我们的座右铭。
We just said it all the time.
我们只是一直这么说。
Just "wee." Wee!
只是“微”。威！
We used to do that all the time.
我们以前一直这样做。
Wee!
威！
Some of the other stuff that we had in common-- our favorite group was The Village People.
我们还有其他一些共同点——我们最喜欢的团体是“乡村人”。
And we used to listen to The Village People all the time and just totally obsess about them, having no idea what they were singing about at all.
我们过去常常听《The Village People》，完全沉迷于他们，根本不知道他们在唱什么。
And the Dukes of Hazzard was another one, and Star Wars .
哈扎德公爵是另一部，还有《星球大战》。
Those were very big things.
这些都是非常大的事情。
And sports.
还有运动。
I basically discovered sexuality through him.
我基本上是通过他发现了性。
And we used to play spin the bottle in his room.
我们常常在他的房间里玩旋转瓶子。
And we would take off an article of clothing when it would land on us.
当一件衣服落在我们身上时，我们会脱掉它。
And it was the first time we'd ever been naked in front of another person except for our parents.
这是我们第一次在除了父母之外的其他人面前赤身裸体。
And it was petrifying, but it was also just this whole discovery period of seeing another man naked there.
这真是令人震惊，但这也正是在整个发现期间看到另一个男人裸体在那里的过程。
And it became this whole game that we played often.
这成了我们经常玩的整个游戏。
And we would revel in the fact of standing there in front of each other totally naked, assuming these characters like, "Hi, Mr. Jones.
我们会陶醉于完全赤身裸体地站在彼此面前的事实，假设这些角色就像，“嗨，琼斯先生。
How are you?
你好吗？
Nice to meet you." Businessmen and everything, just standing there completely buck naked and so terrified that we were ever going to get caught, because his parents were always home.
很高兴见到你。”商人什么的，只是赤身裸体地站在那里，非常害怕我们会被抓住，因为他的父母总是在家。
They were always in the house and everything, and we were just so afraid that someone was going to knock on the door.
他们总是在房子里，什么都在，我们只是害怕有人来敲门。
The one time that was the biggest scare was he-- Dave basically could get anybody to do anything that he wanted them to do.
最令人恐惧的一次是他——戴夫基本上可以让任何人做他想让他们做的任何事情。
And he had a camera and was-- these times when I'd go up to his house were fully documented events.
他有一台相机，当我去他家的时候，所有的事件都被完整记录下来。
He's very anal retentive.
他的肛门保留能力很强。
And he loved documenting everything was going on.
他喜欢记录正在发生的一切。
So he would have a camera and take a lot of pictures.
所以他会有一台相机并拍很多照片。
And he wanted me to pull down my pants and take a picture of me with my pants down.
他要我脱下裤子给我拍一张脱下裤子的照片。
And I was refusing to do it.
我拒绝这样做。
I would not let it be caught on film.
我不会让它被拍到胶片上。
And he was just insisting, and he went through this entire-- I mean, he was trying to coax me for so long, telling me all these different things that he was going to do for me and saying, "Oh, nobody's going to see it." And he came up with this whole scheme of how nobody would see the film and everything and just these elaborate, elaborate plans on how nobody would see these pictures.
他只是坚持，他经历了整个过程——我的意思是，他一直试图哄我，告诉我他将为我做的所有这些不同的事情，并说，“哦，没有人会看到它。”他提出了整个计划，说明没有人会看到这部电影和所有内容，以及这些精心设计的计划，说明没有人会看到这些照片。
And I just kept refusing and refusing and refusing.
我只是不断地拒绝、拒绝、拒绝。
And finally, at the end of it, he was like, "All right, just take down you pants anyway.
最后，在最后，他说，“好吧，无论如何，把你的裤子脱掉吧。
I won't take a picture.
我不会拍照。
I swear to you.
我向你发誓。
I won't take a picture, I promise." And I still didn't believe him.
我不会拍照，我保证。”但我还是不相信他。
And he was like, "Look, I promise.
他说：“听着，我保证。
I promise.
我保证。
I promise," This went on for like an hour, of him trying to coax me to take my pants down.
我保证，”这种情况持续了大约一个小时，他试图哄我脱掉裤子。
And he promised me, bottom of his heart, that he was not going to take a picture.
他从心底向我保证他不会拍照。
And so I was like, fine.
所以我想，好吧。
So I like unbuckled my belt, and I unbuckled my pants.
所以我喜欢解开皮带，解开裤子。
And I pulled down my zipper, and I whipped open my pants.
我拉下拉链，拉开裤子。
And I had my underwear on.
而且我还穿着内衣。
And then I put myself all back together again.
然后我又重新振作起来。
And when I had my pants open, he took a picture.
当我打开裤子时，他拍了一张照片。
And I was like, "Ah!"
我当时想，“啊！”
And I was terrified because when you're that age, when you're 11 and 12 years old, you can't go in and get your pictures developed yourself and pay for them and get them.
我很害怕，因为当你到了那个年纪，当你11岁和12岁的时候，你无法进去自己冲洗照片并付费并获得它们。
And I thought, somebody is going to get these pictures developed, and somebody is going to see them.
我想，有人会冲洗这些照片，有人会看到它们。
So weeks later, I was going up to his house again.
几周后，我再次去他家。
And in the car going up to his house-- his mother was driving-- he was like, "I got the pictures back." And I said, "Oh, my god." And he was like, "You're not going to believe what's on there." And I said, "But what can be?
在去他家的车里——他的母亲开车——他说，“我把照片拿回来了。”我说：“哦，天哪。”他说，“你不会相信那里发生的事情。”我说：“但是又能怎样呢？
You didn't see anything." And he's like, "I know, but you have to see this because it's there." And I was like, "But it can't be because I didn't take my pants down." And he was like, "I know, but it's there.
你什么也没看到。”他说，“我知道，但你必须看到这个，因为它就在那里。”我说，“但这不可能是因为我没有脱掉裤子。”他说，“我知道，但它就在那里。
It's there.
它就在那里。
You have to see it."
你必须看到它。”
He pulls out the pictures, and I looked at it.
他拿出照片，我看了看。
And my penis was hanging out there.
我的阴茎挂在那里。
And I was like, "But I didn't do it." And he was like, "You must've." And I said, "But I know I didn't.
我当时想，“但我没有这么做。”他说：“你一定是这样。”我说：“但我知道我没有。
I know I just opened my pants." And he said, "You must've done it.
我知道我刚刚打开了裤子。”他说，“你一定是这么做的。
Maybe it just fell out or something." And I said, "But it can't be." And we racked our brains just trying to figure out what had happened, because I knew that I hadn't pulled my underwear down.
也许它只是掉出来了或者什么的。”我说，“但不可能。”我们绞尽脑汁想弄清楚发生了什么，因为我知道我没有把内衣拉下来。
So that night, we were at a high school football game.
那天晚上，我们观看了一场高中橄榄球比赛。
And we were looking at the pictures again, just examining them.
我们又看了一遍这些照片，只是检查它们。
We were way up in the bleachers in a corner.
我们坐在露天看台上一个角落里。
And we took them out, and we were looking at them.
我们把它们拿出来，看着它们。
And we were trying to explain what had happened.
我们试图解释发生了什么。
And finally, we figured out that it was the inside of my belt that looked like my penis.
最后，我们发现我的腰带内侧看起来像我的阴茎。
And we're like, "Oh!" And so I was completely relieved, but I made him-- I watched him just tear up the picture into a thousand pieces and went through this whole elaborate method to bury the pieces in the bottom of a trash can at this football stadium.
我们就像，“哦！”所以我完全松了一口气，但我让他——我看着他把照片撕成一千块，然后通过整个复杂的方法将碎片埋在这个足球场的垃圾桶底部。
And I was still petrified that somebody was going to find them and piece them together.
我仍然害怕有人会找到它们并将它们拼凑在一起。
The point that it started to change was, as we were going into sixth grade, we were constantly being separated in class.
事情开始发生变化的是，当我们进入六年级时，我们在课堂上经常被分开。
And that's around the time when people start to realize that there's a difference between someone who's straight and someone who's gay.
就在那时，人们开始意识到异性恋和同性恋之间存在差异。
And there was just grumblings happening.
只是发生了一些抱怨。
People were accusing us of being homosexual.
人们指责我们是同性恋。
And we weren't in any way, but we also knew of all the things that we had done with each other in each other's presence.
我们没有任何关系，但我们也知道我们在彼此面前所做的所有事情。
And I think when people started to think that we were gay, that just rose to the surface, and we realized that there was a cool thing and a not cool thing.
我认为当人们开始认为我们是同性恋时，这种想法就浮出水面，我们意识到有一件很酷的事情，也有一件不酷的事情。
And we were definitely not cool in the friendship that we were in.
我们之间的友谊绝对不是很酷。
And that's also around that time when-- in my town, at least, and I think in a lot of small towns-- is where sports just become the most important thing in your life.
也正是在那个时候——至少在我的城镇，我想在很多小镇——体育才成为你生活中最重要的事情。
And I was not a good athlete then at all.
那时我根本不是一名优秀的运动员。
Dave was a good athlete.
戴夫是一位优秀的运动员。
And Dave organized a big football party one weekend where we were going to go out there and play football and have a sleepover and then the next day, play more football.
戴夫在一个周末组织了一场大型足球派对，我们要出去踢足球，然后过夜，然后第二天再踢更多足球。
Dave just organized this thing unbelievably.
戴夫难以置信地组织了这件事。
He had jerseys printed up with numbers and names on them.
他的球衣上印有号码和名字。
He had teams with rosters.
他的球队有名单。
He had practice for his team with plays.
他为他的球队进行了戏剧训练。
There was a playbook.
有一本剧本。
This is for a little football game, like three-on-three football or four-on-four football.
这是一场小型足球比赛，例如三对三足球或四对四足球。
Touch football.
触摸足球。
And every single minute was decided upon beforehand by him as to what we would do, where we would be, what we would eat, the food we would eat, when we would play football.
每分钟都由他事先决定我们要做什么、我们要去哪里、我们要吃什么、我们要吃的食物、我们什么时候踢球。
It was all timed out.
一切都超时了。
He was so organized and anal retentive about it.
他对这件事很有条理，而且记忆犹新。
I don't remember very well, but I can't imagine that I played tremendously well.
我记不太清楚了，但我无法想象我打得有多好。
I was thinking about this today.
我今天正在思考这个问题。
I was trying to think of the moment when everything changed.
我试图回想一切都改变的那一刻。
And I'm almost positive it was that event.
我几乎可以肯定这就是那次事件。
It was the football party.
那是一场足球派对。
And immediately after that, he just totally stopped talking to me.
在那之后他就完全不再跟我说话了。
How Dave turned the class against Bob, as our show continues.
随着我们的节目继续，戴夫如何让全班同学反对鲍勃。
Well, it is Your Radio Playhouse.
嗯，这是你的广播剧场。
And we do want you to call 832-3160.
我们确实希望您致电 832-3160。
Area code 312.
区号 312。
Hey, Shirley Jahad, are you there?
嘿，雪莉·贾哈德，你在吗？
Well, as we try to present here on this, our little Radio Playhouse radio show.
好吧，正如我们试图在这里介绍的，我们的小型广播剧场广播节目。
Are people calling?
人们在打电话吗？
People are calling.
人们在呼唤。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
I don't have the exact count yet, but the phones are ringing.
我还没有确切的数字，但电话响了。
And people are super-sizing their pledges.
人们的承诺也越来越大。
Wait, you said the magic word, which means I have to get rid of this music and bring on-- here it is.
等等，你说了一个神奇的词，这意味着我必须摆脱这种音乐并继续播放——就在这里。
Do you recognize this, Shirley?
你认识这个吗，雪莉？
Could it be?
可能是吗？
It's a familiar yet foreign.
这是一个熟悉而又陌生的地方。
This is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version of "La Bamba," which appears to you when you say the word "super size."
这是摩门教帐幕合唱团版本的“La Bamba”，当您说出“超大号”这个词时，它就会出现在您面前。
Super size your pledge for $4.95, and you get 90 minutes of "La Bamba."
只需支付 4.95 美元，即可获得 90 分钟的“La Bamba”。
Blessing or a curse.
祝福还是诅咒。
And remember our three special premia.
请记住我们的三项特别优惠。
One is the Un-Cabaret CD, which is basically comics telling stories about their own lives.
其中一张是 Un-Cabaret CD，基本上是讲述他们自己生活故事的漫画。
The second thing is the Shut Up, Little Man CD.
第二件事是《闭嘴，小男人》CD。
And the third thing is David Sedaris, including lots of material heard on this program, but also, for example, the Christmas--
第三件事是大卫·塞达里斯（David Sedaris），包括在这个节目中听到的很多材料，还有，例如圣诞节——
SantaLand Diaries.
圣诞老人日记。
Ira Glass No, I feel like we've given that away too many times.
Ira Glass：不，我觉得我们已经放弃了太多次了。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
But this year, David did a story for Morning Edition that we had to cut about three minutes out to fit it into a Morning Edition segment.
但今年，大卫为早间版做了一个故事，我们不得不剪掉大约三分钟才能将其放入早间版片段中。
People who buy the cassette will get the uncut version.
购买盒带的人将获得未剪辑的版本。
And it's the story about how he was having a bad Christmas one year until his sister brought home a prostitute who she knew from work.
这是关于他如何度过一个糟糕的圣诞节的故事，直到他的姐姐带回了一个她在工作中认识的妓女。
"What were the prison guards really like?" Amy asked.
“狱警到底是什么样的？”艾米问道。
"Which do you like better, spending the night with strange guys or working in a cafeteria?" Tiffany tried on Donna's shoes while Gretchen modeled her jacket.
“和陌生人一起过夜，还是在自助餐厅工作，你更喜欢哪一个？”蒂芙尼试穿唐娜的鞋子，格雷琴则为她的夹克做模特。
Oh, my.
哦，我的。
Ho, ho, ho.
嗬，嗬，嗬。
Ira Glass Yeah, ho, ho, ho.
艾拉·格拉斯 是的，嗬，嗬，嗬。
And what's the number again?
号码又是多少？
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Ira Glass A heart-warming story for the whole family.
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 一个适合全家人的温馨故事。
Like this one we're in the middle of.
就像我们正处于其中一样。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
A slew of premiums.
大量的保费。
All kinds of great comedy and performance and storytelling and wonderful music.
各种精彩的喜剧、表演、讲故事和美妙的音乐。
90-minute cassette of "La Bamba" in many varieties.
90 分钟的“La Bamba”磁带，有多种形式。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
If you say "super size it," those volunteers will know what you mean.
如果你说“超大号”，那些志愿者就会明白你的意思。
In fact, you can get any premium that the station is selling.
事实上，您可以获得电台出售的任何溢价。
Anything.
任何东西。
Anything you've heard all day and that you're going to hear all week, and just say "super size it." Only during this show.
任何你一整天听到的以及你整个星期都会听到的内容，只需说“超大”即可。仅限本次演出期间。
At $4.95, you get that "La Bamba" tape.
“La Bamba”磁带售价 4.95 美元。
Thanks, Ira.
谢谢，艾拉。
Ira Glass Act Two, Dave's Hatred.
艾拉·格拉斯第二幕，戴夫的仇恨。
Dave and Bob were best friends.
戴夫和鲍勃是最好的朋友。
And now Dave started using all the tactics that adults use in political situations, in power situations, all the tactics one uses to turn people against one another.
现在，戴夫开始使用成年人在政治局势、权力局势中使用的所有策略，以及人们用来使人们相互对立的所有策略。
Whispering in ears, things like that.
耳边窃窃私语之类的话。
Bob, who's now a theater director in New York City, by the way, Bob tells the story.
鲍勃现在是纽约市的一名戏剧导演，顺便说一句，鲍勃讲述了这个故事。
I remember going into class in seventh grade on the first day of school and him not talking to me and everybody just wondering.
我记得七年级开学第一天走进教室，他没有和我说话，每个人都只是想知道。
The whole school was wondering why there was this big fight going on between Dave and Bob.
全校的人都想知道为什么戴夫和鲍勃之间会发生这么大的争吵。
And I remember not having an answer for anybody.
我记得我没有为任何人提供答案。
I used to tell them to ask Dave.
我曾经告诉他们去问戴夫。
I had no idea.
我不知道。
And I used to tell people that he just stopped talking to me.
我曾经告诉人们他已经不再和我说话了。
And I remember that he became completely bent on turning everyone against me.
我记得他一心要让所有人都反对我。
The whole school.
整个学校。
And he did it very well because he's so organized and because he's so manipulative.
他做得很好，因为他很有组织性，而且很有控制欲。
And I saw him.
我看到了他。
And I saw him telling people to say things to me.
我看到他告诉人们对我说一些话。
And he was one who formed the I Hate-- they used to call me [?
他是“我恨”的形成者之一——他们过去称我为[？
Cooze ?] then.
冷静一下？]然后。
And he was the one who formed the I Hate [?
而他就是组成“我恨”的人[？
Cooze ?] Club.
冷静？] 俱乐部。
He never did anything to me himself.
他本人从未对我做过任何事。
He would never come up to me and make fun of me.
他永远不会来找我取笑我。
He would never come up to me and hit me.
他永远不会走到我身边打我。
He would never assault me personally.
他绝不会人身攻击我。
But he would just get everyone else to do it for him.
但他只会让其他人为他做这件事。
So he would send people to say things to me.
所以他才会派人来跟我说事。
I remember one time in the lunchroom Sam saying, have you ever been caught masturbating?
我记得有一次山姆在餐厅里说，你有没有被抓到自慰过？
And of course, either answer is-- you damn yourself if you answer yes or if you answer no. And I remember hearing Dave tell him to ask me that.
当然，任何一个答案都是——如果你回答“是”或“否”，你就该死。我记得听到戴夫让他问我这个问题。
I used to just get made fun of horrendously by everyone.
我曾经被每个人可怕地取笑。
People would make fun of the way that I chewed at lunch.
人们会取笑我午餐时咀嚼的方式。
People would make fun of the way that I laughed.
人们会取笑我笑的方式。
People would make fun of the way that I coughed, that I sneezed.
人们会取笑我咳嗽、打喷嚏的方式。
People would make fun of the way that I walked.
人们会取笑我走路的方式。
There was just this teasing.
只是这个戏弄。
But that makes it even sound less violent than it was.
但这使得它听起来比以前更加暴力。
It was just a mocking.
那只是一种嘲讽。
It was a very pointed mocking on everyone's part.
这对每个人来说都是非常尖锐的嘲讽。
I remember sitting alone at the lunch table with no one to talk to and just wanting so badly for no one to turn their attention to me because I knew that the attention would be negative.
我记得独自坐在午餐桌上，没有人可以说话，我非常希望没有人将注意力转向我，因为我知道这种关注会是负面的。
I remember not understanding what was going on.
我记得我不明白发生了什么事。
I had been in such a sweet position with this person.
我和这个人的关系非常好。
We had such a good friendship.
我们有如此好的友谊。
And then, all of a sudden, everyone had just turned against me.
然后，突然之间，每个人都开始反对我。
And he wasn't like a pied piper.
而且他不像花衣魔笛手。
He was so subtle, and he was so quiet.
他是那么的微妙，他是那么的安静。
I don't think he ever had a friendship with people like he had with me.
我认为他从未与人建立过像与我一样的友谊。
But he was just able to organize people into these different factions.
但他只是能够将人们组织成这些不同的派别。
He would just say, "Go over to [?
他只会说，“去[？
Cooze ?] and just shove him into a locker." And they'd go do it.
冷静一下？]然后把他塞进储物柜里。”他们会去做的。
That was the worst period, I think, of my entire life was that period.
我认为那是我一生中最糟糕的时期。
I used to go home from school and cry after school.
我以前放学回家后总是哭。
I used to go to my dog and hug my dog and say, you are my only friend in the world.
我常常走到我的狗身边，拥抱我的狗，说，你是我在世界上唯一的朋友。
Then he started to kind of needle me.
然后他开始对我进行针刺。
I remember one thing that he did was there was this guy, Mike, in my class.
我记得他做的一件事是我班上有一个人，迈克。
And Mike was what we called in my hometown a scummer, which meant that he was on welfare.
迈克在我的家乡就是我们所说的渣男，这意味着他靠福利生活。
He perhaps didn't have a pair of pants for every day of the week.
他可能一周中的每一天都没有一条裤子。
He was very smart, which was a strike against him at that age.
他很聪明，这对他那个年纪来说是一种打击。
And he just didn't fit in.
而他就是不适合。
He was a real geek.
他是一个真正的极客。
So Dave organized this fight between Mike and I-- a fist fight to prove who was the bigger faggot.
所以戴夫组织了我和迈克之间的这场战斗——一场拳头大战，以证明谁是更大的基佬。
Whoever would lose was the bigger faggot.
谁输了谁就是更大的基佬。
And he positioned us-- he spun it so there was no way I could not fight.
他给我们定位——他旋转球，这样我就无法战斗。
If I didn't have this fight, then things would just get worse for me.
如果我没有这场战斗，那么事情对我来说只会变得更糟。
Things would get worse.
事情会变得更糟。
Mike was at the bottom of the barrel, and I was there with him.
迈克在最底层，而我和他在一起。
And Dave had to prove that I was below him.
戴夫必须证明我低于他。
And so he organized this whole fight.
所以他组织了整场战斗。
And everyone in the class was like, "Are you going to fight Mike?
班上的每个人都说：“你要和迈克打架吗？
Are you going to fight Mike?"
你要和迈克打架吗？”
And I finally conceded.
我最终承认了。
I conceded to fight him.
我承认要和他打架。
Dave organized the whole event.
戴夫组织了整个活动。
It was to happen at this playground.
事情就发生在这个操场上。
And we went, and he tried to get this whole audience to come and see it.
我们去了，他试图让所有观众都来看。
Unfortunately, nobody came but him-- well, I guess, fortunately.
不幸的是，除了他之外没有人来——好吧，我想，幸运的是。
Nobody came but him and one other person.
除了他和另外一个人之外，没有人来。
So Mike and I went there.
于是我和迈克就去了那里。
And neither of us wanted to fight each other.
我们都不想互相争斗。
Neither of us had any reason in the world to fight each other.
我们俩都没有任何理由互相争斗。
So I just remember standing there facing him, just laughing, just like, what are we supposed to do?
所以我只记得站在他面前，只是笑，就像，我们应该做什么？
We're standing here.
我们站在这里。
We've been forced into this just to save our own souls.
我们被迫这样做只是为了拯救我们自己的灵魂。
And now we have to inflict pain on each other.
现在我们必须给彼此带来痛苦。
And we stood there for the longest time.
我们在那里站了最长的时间。
And Dave kept trying to push us into fighting.
戴夫一直试图推动我们打架。
He was saying, "Come on.
他说：“来吧。
Just throw a punch.
就打一拳吧。
Just throw a punch.
就打一拳吧。
Just start."
开始吧。”
We waited for the longest time, and then finally, I was just like, this is ridiculous.
我们等了最长的时间，最后，我觉得，这太荒谬了。
So I went up, and I shoved him.
于是我就上去推了他。
And then we started to fight.
然后我们就开始吵架了。
We weren't really into fighting, but we had to do it then.
我们其实并不热衷于打架，但我们不得不这样做。
And I pushed him at one point, and he fell backwards and he hurt his wrist.
我一度推了他一下，他向后摔倒，手腕受伤了。
And I got on top of him.
然后我就压到了他的身上。
and I held his wrist.
我握住他的手腕。
And I remember saying to him, "Do you give up?" And he wouldn't give up.
我记得我对他说：“你放弃吗？”他不会放弃。
And I was holding his wrist back.
我拉住了他的手腕。
And each time I kept asking if he was going to give up, and he kept saying no. And each time he'd say no, I'd bend his wrist back a little bit more.
每次我一直问他是否要放弃，他都一直说不。每次他拒绝时，我都会把他的手腕向后弯曲一点。
And he was crying in pain.
他痛苦地哭泣。
And I kept saying, I'm going to bend it back.
我一直说，我要把它弯回来。
I'm going to bend it back.
我要把它弯回来。
I'm going to bend it back, thinking, I don't want to break this person's wrist.
我要把它弯回去，心想，我不想折断这个人的手腕。
I have no reason to break this person's wrist.
我没有理由打断这个人的手腕。
And I was faced at that moment with either giving up and getting kicked even more or going ahead with really hurting this person and hoping that it would save me in some way.
在那一刻，我面临着要么放弃并被踢得更多，要么继续真正伤害这个人，并希望这能以某种方式拯救我。
And I broke his wrist.
我打断了他的手腕。
He came in the next day into school with a cast on.
第二天，他戴着石膏来到学校。
I don't know how his family paid for his cast.
我不知道他的家人是如何支付他的演员费用的。
And everybody saw that and said, "You idiot, [?
每个人都看到了并说：“你这个白痴，[？
Cooze!
冷静！
?] What did you do?
？] 你做了什么？
You idiot!" And it made it even worse.
你这个白痴！”这让情况变得更糟。
I just didn't understand.
我只是不明白。
I didn't know what was going on.
我不知道发生了什么事。
That's the most frustrating for me, even still today.
这对我来说是最令人沮丧的，即使在今天也是如此。
I always thought it was me.
我一直以为是我。
I always thought it was something I was doing.
我一直以为这是我在做的事情。
I thought it was the way that I wore my clothes.
我以为这就是我穿衣服的方式。
I thought it was the shoes that I wore.
我以为是我穿的鞋子。
I thought it was the way that I laughed.
我以为这就是我笑的方式。
I remember.
我记得。
And I remember I tried to change these things.
我记得我试图改变这些事情。
I tried not to laugh so loud.
我努力不笑得那么大声。
I tried to cough differently.
我尝试以不同的方式咳嗽。
They made fun of the most minuscule things that are just human, like chewing.
他们取笑人类最微小的事情，比如咀嚼。
If they would've noticed the way that I breathed, they would have made fun of that.
如果他们注意到我的呼吸方式，他们就会取笑我。
I remember I tried lifting weights.
我记得我尝试过举重。
And it was impossible, because there was nothing I could do to make them change their minds.
这是不可能的，因为我无能为力让他们改变主意。
If I lifted weights, it was the way that I lifted weights.
如果我举重，那就是我举重的方式。
They would come up with something.
他们会想出一些办法。
It was a no-win situation.
这是一个双赢的局面。
And I guess I knew how smart he was, and I knew how well he knew me.
我想我知道他有多聪明，我也知道他有多了解我。
And I guess, all of a sudden, I had thought that he had seen all these things in me that were just wrong, just so not cool.
我想，突然之间，我以为他在我身上看到了所有这些都是错误的、非常不酷的东西。
I remember very clearly there was a moment that the clouds just cleared and everything became possible.
我记得很清楚，有那么一刻，乌云散去，一切都变得可能。
I went to the Pennsylvania Governor's School for the Arts in my junior year.
我大三时去了宾夕法尼亚州州长艺术学校。
The summer between my junior and senior year, that was when I met people who were actors, like I was, who were my age and who respected me.
大三和大四之间的那个夏天，我遇到了像我一样的演员，他们和我年龄相仿，而且尊重我。
And I remember very clearly, it was after lunch, and people who were in my theater class, we were going down to the cafeteria.
我记得很清楚，那是午饭后，和我戏剧课上的人一起去自助餐厅。
And I had forgotten my bag in the cafeteria.
我把包忘在自助餐厅了。
And I said, "Oh, just wait for me one second.
我说：“哦，等我一秒钟。
I just want to get my bag." And I went down to the cafeteria, and I got my bag.
我只是想拿我的包。”我去了自助餐厅，拿了我的包。
And I came back up, and they were still there waiting for me.
我回来了，他们还在那里等我。
And I remember so distinctly remembering, "Oh, my god.
我记得很清楚，“哦，天啊。
These people, they waited for me."
这些人，他们在等我。”
That meant so much to me, because I felt like I'm not this idiot.
这对我来说意义重大，因为我觉得我不是这个白痴。
I'm not this geek.
我不是这个极客。
I'm not a person who everyone should hate.
我不是一个让所有人都讨厌的人。
I'm actually a pretty good human being, and people like me.
其实我是一个很好的人，也有人喜欢我。
Sometimes, I feel like there's some justice in the fact that I'm surrounded now by many people who love me and respect me.
有时，我觉得我现在周围有很多爱我、尊重我的人，这也是一种正义。
And I don't know how many people he has in his life.
而他的一生，也不知道有多少人。
But the tables have turned in that way.
但形势已经发生了转变。
And when I go back home and I see people looking at me the way that they looked at me in high school, I think there is some justice in this, because those people are probably-- some of those people, I've heard, are in bad situations with their families.
当我回到家时，我看到人们用高中时看我的方式看我，我认为这有一定的道理，因为我听说，这些人中的一些人可能与他们的家人处境不佳。
They've got wives they don't love.
他们有自己不爱的妻子。
They've been through divorces.
他们经历过离婚。
They don't have any friends.
他们没有任何朋友。
They're in the same bar they were in four or five years ago, drinking the same beer they drank.
他们在四五年前去过的同一家酒吧里，喝着同样的啤酒。
And their gut is a little bigger, and their nose is a little redder.
而且它们的肠道更大一点，鼻子更红一点。
And they just look tired.
他们只是看起来很累。
And I feel like my life is in pretty good shape, and I'm happy.
我觉得我的生活状态很好，我很高兴。
And that's the sweetest revenge.
这就是最甜蜜的报复。
And last Christmas, I ran into him at a mall.
去年圣诞节，我在一家商场遇到了他。
And he looked more jaundiced and more sickly than ever.
而且他看起来比以前更加黄疸，更加病态。
Bob says that it was because Dave made him an outcast in junior high school that he ended up spending a lot of time with the theater teacher.
鲍勃说，正是因为戴夫让他在初中时被排斥，他最终花了很多时间和戏剧老师在一起。
Because the other kids wouldn't talk to him.
因为其他孩子不会和他说话。
And this teacher put him in plays and took him to plays in New York City, showing him that there was a bigger world outside their hometown.
这位老师就让他演戏，带他去纽约看戏，让他看到家乡之外还有更大的世界。
If it weren't for Dave, I would not be doing what I'm doing right now.
如果没有戴夫，我就不会做我现在正在做的事情。
There's no way.
没办法啊
I don't know what I would have been doing, but because of what he did to me, I found theater, and it's been a really good life so far.
我不知道我会做什么，但由于他对我所做的事情，我找到了戏剧，到目前为止，我的生活真的很美好。
Bob's a director in Manhattan.
鲍勃是曼哈顿的一名导演。
Dave gives his version of the story in Act Three of Your Radio Playhouse .
戴夫在《你的广播剧场》第三幕中给出了他的故事版本。
Hey, Shirley Jahad?
嘿，雪莉·贾哈德？
Shirley Jahad Yeah, Ira, man?
雪莉·贾哈德 是啊，艾拉，伙计？
I love when he says, "I'm going to shoot my buddy."
我喜欢他说：“我要开枪打死我的朋友。”
They're just like, yeah!
他们就像，是啊！
Ira Glass The band just goes, like, yeah!
Ira Glass 乐队就这样说，是啊！
They get so excited What a weird moment.
他们很兴奋多么奇怪的时刻。
Some parts of it are painful, Ira, to listen to.
艾拉，其中的某些部分听起来很痛苦。
I bet some people have memories of difficulties in their youth.
我敢打赌，有些人在年轻时都会有困难的记忆。
I think if you want to share, we're going to have to set aside more time--
我想如果你想分享，我们就得留出更多时间——
Well, I'm not going to share.
好吧，我不会分享。
Don't worry.
不用担心。
I won't.
我不会。
Well, it's OK.
嗯，没关系。
Shirley Jahad You can call 312-832-3160, and you'll feel absolved of a lot of things.
Shirley Jahad 您可以拨打 312-832-3160，您会感觉很多事情都被免除了。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
And what's that magic word?
那个神奇的词是什么？
I keep forgetting it.
我老是忘记它。
And the magic word, once you call that number, and all the volunteers in that pledge room will know when you say "super size it."
还有一个神奇的词，一旦你拨打那个号码，当你说“超大号”时，那个承诺室里的所有志愿者都会知道。
It's the disco version of "La Bamba," Shirley.
这是雪莉“La Bamba”的迪斯科版本。
And all of the volunteers are dirty dancing right now, just so you know.
所有的志愿者现在都在跳肮脏的舞，你知道的。
That's right.
这是正确的。
If you say the thing about "La Bamba"-- if you say "super size it" for $4.95 extra, any premium this radio station has, including our three special premia tonight-- the Un-Cabaret CD, the David Sedaris tape, and the Shut Up, Little Man CD, they will throw in 90 minutes of various "La Bambas." on top of it.
如果你说“La Bamba”的话——如果你说“超大号”，额外支付 4.95 美元，那么这个广播电台拥有的任何溢价，包括我们今晚的三张特别溢价——Un-Cabaret CD、David Sedaris 磁带和 Shut Up, Little Man CD，他们都会播放 90 分钟的各种“La Bamba”。在它上面。
A variety of "La Bambas." 312-832-3160, the number to call to support Your Radio Playhouse .
各种“La Bambas”。 312-832-3160，拨打该号码来支持 Your Radio Playhouse 。
We are looking for new members here on WBEZ in Chicago.
我们正在芝加哥 WBEZ 寻找新成员。
And what better place to look than a new program, Your Radio Playhouse , a fantastic new addition to WBEZ's lineup.
还有什么比新节目《Your Radio Playhouse》更好的地方了，它是 WBEZ 节目阵容中的一个精彩的新节目。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
If you've been catching the program the last few shows and enjoying it, then give us a call now.
如果您在最近几场节目中一直在观看该节目并享受其中，请立即致电我们。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
And, Shirley, let me play another sample from this Un-Cabaret CD.
雪莉，让我播放这张 Un-Cabaret CD 中的另一个样本。
Again, it's this unusual forum, which isn't exactly stand-up comedy.
再说一遍，这是一个不寻常的论坛，它不完全是单口喜剧。
The comics come and tell stories about their own lives, every week in Los Angeles.
漫画家每周都会来到洛杉矶讲述他们自己的生活故事。
If you were to fly to Los Angeles and go to this club, it would cost you hundreds and hundreds of dollars.
如果你飞到洛杉矶去这个俱乐部，你会花费数百美元。
But for just a $60 pledge, we're going to give you a CD, and for $64.95, a CD plus this fabulous music.
但只需 60 美元的承诺，我们就会为您提供一张 CD，而只需 64.95 美元，我们就会为您提供一张 CD 和这些美妙的音乐。
And here's a sample of one of the bits.
这是其中一位的示例。
I'll just play it quick so people know what they're getting.
我会快速播放，以便人们知道他们会得到什么。
This is a guy named Terry Sweeney.
这是一个名叫特里·斯威尼的人。
No relation to Julia Sweeney.
与朱莉娅·斯威尼没有关系。
I used to go to things like The Mine Shaft, which was in New York-- when I lived in New York-- which was much too hardcore for me.
我曾经去过纽约的矿井之类的地方——当我住在纽约时——这对我来说太硬核了。
And people would be really dressed in these leather harnesses and leather caps and dog collars and totally done up.
人们真的会穿上这些皮革吊带、皮革帽子和狗项圈，打扮得漂漂亮亮的。
And I'd have tried to put on a black cardigan or something.
我会尝试穿上黑色羊毛衫或其他什么东西。
[LAUGHTER] Terry Sweeney And a mock turtleneck.
[笑声] Terry Sweeney 和仿高领毛衣。
I thought, "I'll show you.
我想：“我会告诉你。
I can do the scene." And I saw these two men.
我可以演这个场景。”我看到了这两个人。
They were just so hardcore.
他们太铁杆了。
And one had the other one on a leash.
其中一人用皮带拴住了另一人。
Nipples were pinched, and things were hanging in all kinds of apparatus I couldn't even identify.
乳头被捏住，各种东西挂在我什至无法辨认的器具上。
And so I inch close to them because I go, I want to hear what these two are talking about.
所以我靠近他们，因为我走，我想听听这两个人在谈论什么。
And I inch behind them, and this guy said, "I just loved that angel cake.
我在他们身后一英寸，这个人说：“我就是喜欢那个天使蛋糕。
It was so moist.
太潮湿了。
Can I have the recipe?" "Well, mother has it on a card.
我可以要食谱吗？” “嗯，妈妈把它记在卡片上了。
I will write mother and have her send it."
我会写信给妈妈，让她寄过来。”
832-3160.
832-3160。
Shirley Jahad 832-3160.
雪莉·贾哈德 832-3160。
312-832-3160, the number to call.
312-832-3160，拨打电话号码。
Pledge your support for Your Radio Playhouse , WBEZ's brand new, groovy Friday evening show.
承诺支持 WBEZ 全新、精彩的周五晚间节目《Your Radio Playhouse》。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Again, these are premia-- some of these-- that are only being offered tonight.
再说一次，这些都是溢价——其中一些——只在今晚提供。
Shirley, we'll check back with you in a couple minutes.
雪莉，我们会在几分钟后再次与您联系。
Thanks, Ira.
谢谢，艾拉。
Ira Glass Call.
艾拉·格拉斯的电话。
Please call.
请致电。
Please call.
请致电。
We are trying to figure out stuff that you might enjoy, now as ever.
一如既往，我们正在努力找出您可能喜欢的东西。
Well, Act Three, Dave's Response.
好吧，第三幕，戴夫的回应。
It's an odd thing, actually, as a reporter, calling a stranger on the phone and asking him to defend things he did 15 years before as a teenager.
事实上，作为一名记者，给一个陌生人打电话并要求他为自己 15 年前青少年时期所做的事情辩护，这是一件奇怪的事情。
Who amongst us wants to get that call?
我们当中谁想接到那个电话？
So I reached Dave at his parents' house, where he still lives.
于是我到戴夫父母家找到了他，他现在仍然住在那里。
And he's a devout Christian now.
现在他是一名虔诚的基督徒。
He writes and edits a Christian magazine for young people.
他为年轻人撰写和编辑一本基督教杂志。
And he says he's never been happier.
他说他从来没有这么快乐过。
No, he does not really think about Bob very often.
不，他并不经常想起鲍勃。
No, Bob is not a big figure in his life.
不，鲍勃在他的生活中并不是一个大人物。
No, he does not remember the fight with Mike.
不，他不记得与迈克的争吵。
Yes, he remembers being enemies with Bob in the seventh grade.
是的，他记得七年级时与鲍勃为敌。
But no, he wasn't sure why.
但不，他不确定为什么。
The best that he could remember, Bob was to blame.
他能记得的最好的结果就是，鲍勃应该受到责备。
Bob, by becoming friends with someone else.
鲍勃，通过与别人成为朋友。
And they were doing these other things.
他们正在做这些其他的事情。
I got really mad and everything, and it was like going from best friends to worst.
我真的很生气，就像从最好的朋友变成了最坏的朋友。
I'm trying to remember this.
我正在努力记住这一点。
And he remembers-- is this also accurate or do you remember this as well?
他记得——这也是准确的还是你也记得这个？
He remembers you turning other people against him.
他记得你让其他人反对他。
He says that at one point, there was actually a "I Hate [?
他说，在某一时刻，实际上有一种“我讨厌[？
Cooze ?] Club" that you started.
冷静？]你开始的俱乐部”。
Oh, gosh.
哦，天哪。
Again, I don't even remember that.
再说一次，我什至不记得了。
But now that you say it, gosh, what a terrible person I must've been, because that's horrible.
但现在你这么说，天哪，我一定是一个多么可怕的人，因为那太可怕了。
Oh, man, I actually kind of remember that now.
哦，伙计，我现在确实记得那件事了。
That's pretty lame.
这实在是太蹩脚了。
What do you remember of it?
你还记得它什么吗？
Dave I don't.
戴夫 我不知道。
That's just it.
就是这样。
When you said the name, it's like, oh, my gosh, did I really do that?
当你说出这个名字时，就像是，哦，天哪，我真的这么做了吗？
I have no idea.
我不知道。
When he describes you during that period, he felt like you had a kind of David Koresh-like power over others.
当他描述那段时期的你时，他觉得你对他人有一种像大卫·科雷什（David Koresh）一样的力量。
Well, I mean, we were in high school.
嗯，我的意思是，我们在高中。
I'm trying to think of--
我正在努力思考——
Can you imagine yourself being seen in that light?
你能想象自己被这样的眼光看待吗？
No, not really at all.
不，一点也不。
Looking back now, I feel like I was always the one that was really, totally at the bottom of the social level, or whatever you want to call it, in school.
现在回想起来，我觉得我在学校里一直是真正完全处于社会底层的人，或者无论你怎么称呼它。
And I'm thinking, I wonder what caused me to do something like that.
我在想，我想知道是什么导致我做出这样的事情。
Obviously, to make myself look better or something, because-- I don't know, but that's pretty bad.
显然，是为了让自己看起来更好什么的，因为——我不知道，但这很糟糕。
I'll tell you the way that Bob remembers and interprets what happened between the two of you.
我会告诉你鲍勃是如何记住和解释你们两个之间发生的事情的。
He doesn't remember it as being the kind of thing where he became friends with somebody else.
他不记得那是他和别人成为朋友的那种事情。
He says that you guys were really, really close-- really close friends.
他说你们是非常非常亲密的朋友。
And then, when everybody hit adolescence, a really typical thing happened to you, and that is that other boys started accusing you of being gay.
然后，当每个人进入青春期时，一件非常典型的事情发生在你身上，那就是其他男孩开始指责你是同性恋。
And that you publicly wanted to put a stop to it.
而且你公开想要阻止它。
Gosh, honestly, I cannot even remember this.
天哪，老实说，我什至不记得这一点。
He has a much better memory than me.
他的记忆力比我好得多。
I know we were close and everything, but I don't ever remember any accusations like that.
我知道我们关系很好，但我不记得有过类似的指控。
No. And I'm trying to think, too.
不，我也在努力思考。
I'm sitting here trying to drag it out of my memory as to why did we start fighting in the first place?
我坐在这里试图将我们最初为什么要吵架的记忆从记忆中抹去？
And I'm thinking, but jeez.
我在想，但是天啊。
Actually, the thing that it's making me think about is, in the case of a story like this, I think it's easier for a person who was the injured person-- or believes they were the injured person-- to remember something than the person who did something hurtful.
事实上，这让我思考的是，在这样的故事中，我认为一个受伤的人——或者相信自己是受伤的人——比做伤害事的人更容易记住一些事情。
Because I think it's so much more embarrassing to remember yourself as being someone who did something hurtful.
因为我认为记住自己是一个做过伤害性事情的人会更尴尬。
Right.
正确的。
Now I work with kids that are about that age.
现在我和这个年龄段的孩子一起工作。
And they get in their little spats sometimes.
他们有时也会发生小争执。
And we just always go to the Bible together.
我们总是一起读圣经。
And I try to say, well, look, this person's your friend.
我试着说，好吧，看，这个人是你的朋友。
We just had an incident like this last week.
我们上周刚刚发生了这样的事件。
This one girl, her friends, all of a sudden, just wouldn't talk to her.
这个女孩，她的朋友，突然之间就不和她说话了。
I felt really bad for this person because she's always one of the gang.
我为这个人感到非常难过，因为她总是这帮人中的一员。
I'm thinking, man, I've got to get a hold of her and see what's wrong and everything and get all these people back together, because this isn't good.
我在想，伙计，我必须抓住她，看看出了什么问题，让所有这些人重新团结起来，因为这不好。
So after I spoke with Dave, I called Bob.
因此，在与戴夫交谈后，我给鲍勃打了电话。
I guess you could figure that out for yourself, huh?
我想你可以自己解决这个问题，对吧？
You describe him going and whispering in people's ear, Iago-like, saying, go do this, go do that, walk up to Bob and say this to him, push him in the locker.
你描述他在人们耳边低语，就像伊阿古一样，说，去做这个，去做那个，走到鲍勃面前对他说这个，把他推进储物柜里。
And he remembers none of that.
他什么都不记得了。
I remember it very clearly.
我记得很清楚。
That is stuff that scarred me for years and years and years.
这些事情让我伤痕累累多年。
And it's no surprise that I remember it and he doesn't.
我记得而他不记得，这并不奇怪。
Thinking about what happened to you, just thinking about it over the last few days, it's really made me think about what it means to love somebody.
想想发生在你身上的事情，想想过去几天，这真的让我开始思考爱一个人意味着什么。
You know how when you love somebody, you're always more aware of what they do in the room than anybody else?
你知道当你爱某人时，你总是比其他人更清楚他们在房间里所做的事情吗？
And because you guys really loved each other, anything that he would do in a room would be something that would be more apparent to you than what anybody else was doing and would seem more important.
因为你们真的彼此相爱，所以他在一个房间里所做的任何事情对你来说都会比其他人所做的事情更明显，并且看起来更重要。
So if somebody else were just as influential over other kids in the class, you would always be more aware of what Dave did.
因此，如果其他人对班上其他孩子也有同样的影响力，你总是会更清楚戴夫所做的事情。
Yeah, I would say all of his activities were illuminated more to me than to anyone else because of that.
是的，我想说，因此，他的所有活动对我来说比其他任何人都更有意义。
But I do know that he was the focal point for all this antagonism against me throughout those years.
但我确实知道，这些年来他是所有针对我的对抗的焦点。
No doubt.
无疑。
He generated it.
他生成了它。
It didn't just come from nowhere.
它并非凭空而来。
It's an odd thing to have a profound experience with somebody else, a really intimate experience, and you remember every detail.
与别人有一次深刻的经历，一次非常亲密的经历，而且你记得每一个细节，这是一件很奇怪的事情。
And the other person remembers none of it.
而另一个人却什么都不记得了。
And so you're left there alone.
所以你就被留在那里了。
When I talked to Bob, I asked him about this over and over and over again because I thought it was such a particular kind of moment for him.
当我和鲍勃交谈时，我一遍又一遍地问他这个问题，因为我认为这对他来说是一个特殊的时刻。
But he didn't really take it that way.
但他其实并不这么认为。
I don't know, I have no reason to feel lonely about this.
我不知道，我没有理由为此感到孤独。
I don't expect Dave to remember it.
我不指望戴夫会记得这件事。
What you're saying sounds like I should have animosity toward him because of what he did to me.
你说的听起来好像我应该因为他对我所做的事而对他怀有敌意。
No, I don't mean animosity at all.
不，我根本没有敌意的意思。
Actually, in fact, just the opposite.
事实上，事实恰恰相反。
Simply someone else to confirm that it happened.
只是由其他人确认这件事发生了。
That it happened and that it had a meaning.
它发生了并且它具有意义。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah, you may be right.
是的，你可能是对的。
Now I feel alone.
现在我感到孤独。
[LAUGHS] I mean, yeah, I can see myself saying, "But, Dave, don't you remember?" This was a massive event in my life.
[笑]我的意思是，是的，我可以看到自己在说，“但是，戴夫，你不记得了吗？”这是我一生中的一件大事。
As you were talking, I was thinking this is the Gabriel Garcia Marquez part of the story where, like, is memory lost?
正如你所说，我在想这是故事中加布里埃尔·加西亚·马尔克斯的部分，就像记忆丢失了一样？
Does memory last?
记忆能长久吗？
Does it mean anything if an entire nation forgets what it was?
如果整个国家都忘记了它的过去，这还有什么意义吗？
Or does it mean anything if we are the only one who remembers an experience and then we are lost, and so that experience is never remembered?
或者，如果我们是唯一记得某种经历的人，然后我们就迷失了，所以那段经历永远不会被记住，这还有什么意义吗？
Does it mean anything?
这有什么意义吗？
And you're saying, really, no. Maybe it meant something to me, but no, not really.
你说，真的，不。也许这对我来说意味着什么，但不，不是真的。
And I can assure you that I am like-- I'm going to pronounce his name wrong, it's Jorge Luis Borges.
我可以向你保证，我会把他的名字念错，他是豪尔赫·路易斯·博尔赫斯。
Like he says, I'm remembering the last time I remembered it, which was a memory of the last time I remembered it, which is a memory of the last time I remembered it.
就像他说的，我正在回忆我最后一次记得它的时间，这是我最后一次记得它的记忆，这是我最后一次记得它的记忆。
It increasingly gets more and more dramatic, and the moment gets refined down to-- it gets distilled down into something which becomes very palatable and very understandable.
它变得越来越戏剧化，而那个时刻被精炼成——它被提炼成一些变得非常可口和非常容易理解的东西。
One loose end in the whole thing, of course, was the friend, the mysterious friend.
当然，整个事情的一个悬而未决的问题是朋友，那个神秘的朋友。
Remember, Dave said that Bob was to blame for them becoming enemies in the seventh grade by making friends with a guy who, we were told, is named Mike, though not the Mike whose wrist Bob later broke.
请记住，戴夫说过，鲍勃应该为他们在七年级时成为敌人负责，因为他与一个叫迈克的人交朋友，我们被告知，他的名字不是迈克，后来鲍勃的手腕骨折了。
I can sort of understand that.
我可以理解这一点。
I know which Mike you're referring to, and I know that we did start to become friends then.
我知道你指的是哪位迈克，我也知道我们从那时起就开始成为朋友了。
But the friendship that I had with Dave was always the strongest friendship that I ever had up until probably five years ago when I met the person who I consider my best friend now.
但我和戴夫的友谊一直是我所拥有的最牢固的友谊，直到大约五年前我遇到了我现在认为最好的朋友的人。
He always used to use the term "false friend" in seventh and eighth grade.
他在七年级和八年级时总是使用“假朋友”这个词。
I remember that clearly.
我记得很清楚。
He used to always say I was his "false friend."
他过去总是说我是他的“假朋友”。
Meaning what?
意思是什么？
Bob Well, what is it?
鲍勃 那么，这是什么？
I don't know.
我不知道。
What does it mean?
这是什么意思？
It means you were friends, but now it's fake or it's--
这意味着你们曾经是朋友，但现在是假的或者是——
See, to me, false friend means that he thinks that you betrayed him.
你看，对我来说，假朋友意味着他认为你背叛了他。
Could be.
可能是。
It could be.
可能是。
God, wouldn't that be awful if it all boiled down to one event where he felt like me and Mike were becoming friends, and it could've been cleared up in one conversation?
天哪，如果这一切都归结为一件事，他觉得我和迈克正在成为朋友，而且可以通过一次谈话就解决掉，那不是太糟糕了吗？
That it was a complete misunderstanding.
这完全是一场误会。
That it was just a total tiny misunderstanding that could have been cleared up?
这只是一个完全可以消除的小误会吗？
Happens all the time.
一直在发生。
Bob Boy, I would just love to see what my life would have been like if that would have happened.
鲍勃·男孩，我很想看看如果那件事发生的话我的生活会是什么样子。
In Act Four, another perspective on the whole thing from David Sedaris.
在第四幕中，大卫·塞达里斯对整个事情有另一个看法。
But first, let's go to Pledge Central.
但首先，让我们去 Pledge Central。
Shirley Jahad.
雪莉·贾哈德。
Hi, sweetie.
嗨，亲爱的。
Ira Glass I understand that we're having problems with the phones.
Ira Glass 我了解到我们的手机遇到了问题。
We have demons, demons on the pledge lines.
我们有恶魔，誓言线上的恶魔。
Maybe Bob or somebody has infiltrated here.
也许鲍勃或者其他人已经渗透到这里了。
Anyway, the number is 312-832-3160.
不管怎样，号码是 312-832-3160。
If you're having trouble getting through, please be patient and do not give up on us.
如果您遇到困难，请耐心等待，不要放弃我们。
312-832-3160 to pledge your support for Your Radio Playhouse.
312-832-3160 承诺支持您的广播剧场。
on WBEZ Chicago.
芝加哥 WBEZ。
Now, I understand some people are calling and it's ringing, but we're not hearing it ring here.
现在，我知道有人在打电话并且铃声响起，但我们在这里听不到铃声。
And eventually we do hear it ring, but that's after several minutes.
最终我们确实听到了铃声，但那是几分钟后的事了。
So if you're having trouble getting through, and if you don't get through until the exact moment when our show ends, and you want some of the premia from this hour and the phones aren't working, ask for them and we'll give them to you.
因此，如果您在拨打电话时遇到困难，并且直到我们的节目结束时才接通，并且您想从这一小时中获得一些溢价，但电话无法使用，请索要它们，我们会给您。
That's right.
这是正确的。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Ira Glass Here we go.
艾拉·格拉斯 开始吧。
Here's something we haven't played yet.
这是我们还没玩过的东西。
Again, we have special premia.
再次强调，我们有特别溢价。
One is the Un-Cabaret CD.
其中一张是 Un-Cabaret CD。
One is the Shut Up, Little Man CD, which maybe I'll just play a little clip of that real fast.
其中一张是《Shut Up, Little Man》CD，也许我会快速播放其中的一个小片段。
It's a very odd CD-- these two guys who would fight all the time.
这是一张非常奇怪的CD——这两个人总是打架。
And it's sort of audio verite recorded by their neighbors next door as these two men would scream at each other.
这是隔壁邻居录制的音频，当时这两个人互相尖叫。
Here we go.
开始了。
--cut your toenails, so why would I worry about it?
--剪掉你的脚趾甲，那我为什么要担心呢？
For god's sakes, shut up, little man.
看在上帝的份上，闭嘴，小家伙。
I don't want to watch you cut your toenails.
我不想看你剪脚趾甲。
I would liked to have eaten tonight also, but I can't because of you talking about toenails.
我今晚也想吃东西，但我不能，因为你在谈论脚趾甲。
Now, I should say the music in there is actually from our little mix that we did on the show.
现在，我应该说那里的音乐实际上来自我们在节目中所做的小混音。
And this is one of those things that it's hard to get a sense of just in a brief little clip.
这是仅在一个简短的小片段中很难理解的事情之一。
Another thing we're giving away is recent work by beloved NPR commentator David Sedaris.
我们赠送的另一件事是深受喜爱的 NPR 评论员 David Sedaris 最近的作品。
And that includes work that he's done here on Your Radio Playhouse , that is, some of the radio plays he's done with his sister, Amy, and other actors.
这包括他在《你的广播剧场》中所做的工作，即他与他的妹妹艾米和其他演员一起完成的一些广播剧。
And this piece, this half-hour hitchhiking story that he told.
还有这篇文章，他讲述的这个半小时的搭便车故事。
Here's one little brief, brief episode from that story.
这是那个故事中的一个简短的插曲。
I got an interminable ride with a pantyhose salesman who spent six hours saying "You just take and take, don't you?
我和一位连裤袜推销员一起度过了漫长的旅程，他花了六个小时对我说：“你只是拿啊拿，不是吗？
Don't you?
不是吗？
Out there with your thumb in the air, not a care in the world, grabbing whatever you can get.
在那里，大拇指举在空中，无忧无虑，抓住任何你能得到的东西。
Yes, sir, you take and you take until you're ready to burst.
是的，先生，你一直服用，直到你准备好爆发为止。
But what about giving?
但是给予呢？
Did you ever think about that?
你有想过吗？
Of course not.
当然不是。
You're too busy taking.
你太忙了。
Me, I'm what you call a taxpayer.
我，就是你们所说的纳税人。
Tax, it's a tariff that working people have to pay so that someone like you can enjoy a life of leisure.
税，是劳动人民必须缴纳的关税，这样像你这样的人才能享受悠闲的生活。
I give, and I give until I've got nothing left.
我付出，我付出，直到我一无所有。
Then I turn right around, and I give some more.
然后我右转，又给了一些。
I give and give to all of Uncle Sam's little takers.
我给予山姆大叔所有的小索取者。
And I've been thinking that maybe it's about time I get a little something in return.
我一直在想，也许是时候我得到一些回报了。
Yes, indeed.
是的，确实如此。
Maybe it's time we try that shoe on the other foot for a change.
也许我们是时候换另一只脚试试那双鞋了。
You, my young friend, are going to wash my car, inside and out, and you're going to pay for it."
你，我年轻的朋友，要把我的车从里到外都洗一遍，而且你要付钱。”
Anyway, again, the number if you want this very odd collection of stories from David Sedaris, 832-3160.
不管怎样，如果你想要大卫·塞达里斯的这本非常奇怪的故事集，请再次拨打这个号码，832-3160。
The collection includes the story that we're going to hear at the end of this evening's show.
该合集包括我们将在今晚节目结束时听到的故事。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Call now to pledge your support for Your Radio Playhouse , a place where you hear David Sedaris' stories in their entirety, the uncut versions you will get on that cassette that you can get for a $60 pledge.
立即致电，承诺支持 Your Radio Playhouse，在这里您可以完整听到 David Sedaris 的故事，您还可以在磁带上获得未剪辑的版本，只需 60 美元的承诺即可获得。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Be patient, and let that phone ring, and we will get to you as soon as we can.
请耐心等待，让电话响起，我们会尽快联系您。
We put a lot of effort into this show to bring you unusual stories that you will not hear anywhere else.
我们在这个节目中投入了大量的精力，为您带来在其他地方听不到的不寻常的故事。
And we want your support.
我们需要您的支持。
We want your support.
我们需要您的支持。
And we were trying to find premia that you would enjoy and could get nowhere else.
我们正在努力寻找您会喜欢且在其他地方无法获得的溢价。
So please, please call.
所以，请打电话。
Please call and join our fun little party here.
请致电并参加我们这里有趣的小聚会。
And I guess that's it.
我想就是这样。
832-3160.
832-3160。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
And take it, Ira.
接受它，艾拉。
I guess we'll go on.
我想我们会继续下去。
Well, Act Four.
好吧，第四幕。
Act Four of this evening's program is called Another Dave.
今晚节目的第四幕名为“另一个戴夫”。
And this story by David Sedaris, frequent Morning Edition commentator, member of the Pinetree Gang, contributor to this program.
这个故事由大卫·塞达里斯 (David Sedaris) 撰写，他是早间版的常任评论员、松树帮 (Pinetree Gang) 成员、该节目的撰稿人。
And this is a story of ultimate Machiavellian scheming.
这是一个终极马基雅维利阴谋的故事。
It's kind of an endpoint as to how far you can go.
这是一个终点，告诉你你能走多远。
It's called "The Last Time You'll Ever Hear from Me." It's a story, and it's read by Sarah Thyre.
它的名字是“你最后一次收到我的消息”。这是一个故事，由莎拉·泰尔（Sarah Thyre）读。
Dear friends and family, by the time you receive this letter, I will be dead.
亲爱的朋友和家人，当你们收到这封信时，我已经死了。
Those of you attending this service are sitting quietly holding a beautiful paperweight, a gift from the collection which, in life, had been my pride and joy.
参加这次仪式的人静静地坐着，手里拿着一个漂亮的镇纸，这是我收藏的礼物，在我的一生中，它一直是我的骄傲和快乐。
You turn the paperweight over in your hands, look deep inside at the object embedded in the glass, be it a rose or a scorpion, whatever.
你把手中的镇纸翻过来，深深地看着嵌在玻璃里的物体，无论是玫瑰还是蝎子，无论什么。
And through your tears, you ask, what is death like?
你流着泪水问，死亡是什么样的？
By this time, I certainly know the answer to that question, but I'm unable to give details.
到这个时候，我当然知道这个问题的答案，但我无法提供细节。
Know only that I will one day meet you upon the grassy plains of heaven where, with the exception of Randy Sykes and Annette Kelper, I will be tickled to embrace you and catch up on all the news.
只知道有一天我会在天堂的草原上遇见你，除了兰迪·赛克斯和安妮特·凯尔珀之外，我会很高兴拥抱你并了解所有新闻。
If my instructions were followed the way I wanted them to be-- see attached instruction envelope number one-- this letter is being read to you from the pulpit of the Simple Shepherd Church of Christ by my best friend, Eileen Mickey-- hi, Eileen-- who is wearing the long-sleeve Lisa Montino designer dress I left behind that always looked so good on me.
如果我的指示按照我希望的方式进行——请参阅随附的指示信封一号——我最好的朋友艾琳·米奇（Eileen Mickey）正在简单牧羊人基督教会的讲坛上向您宣读这封信——嗨，艾琳——她穿着我留下的长袖丽莎·蒙蒂诺（Lisa Montino）设计师连衣裙，那件衣服在我身上总是看起来很好看。
Eileen, I hope you either lost some weight or took it out some on the sides, or you're not going to be able to breathe.
艾琳，我希望你要么减轻一些体重，要么减轻一些身体两侧的重量，否则你将无法呼吸。
Also remember, it needs to be dry cleaned.
还要记住，它需要干洗。
I know how you and your family love to skimp.
我知道你和你的家人多么喜欢省钱。
But please, don't listen to what anyone says about Woolite.
但请不要听任何人关于 Woolite 的言论。
Dry clean.
干洗。
Most of you are probably wondering why I did it.
你们大多数人可能想知道我为什么这么做。
You're whispering, "Why, Lord?
你低声说：“主啊，为什么？
Why take Trish Moody?
为什么选择崔西·穆迪？
Trish was a ray of bright sunshine, always so up and perky and full of love.
翠西是一缕明媚的阳光，总是那么精神抖擞，充满爱。
Pretty, too.
也很漂亮。
Just as smart and sweet and pretty as they come."
就像他们一样聪明、可爱、漂亮。”
You're probably shaking your heads and thinking there's plenty of people a lot worse than Trish Moody.
你可能会摇头，认为有很多人比崔西·穆迪更糟糕。
There's her former excuse for a boyfriend, Randy Sykes, for example.
例如，这是她以前找男朋友兰迪·赛克斯的借口。
The boyfriend who, after Trish accidentally backed her car over his dog, practically beat her senseless.
在崔西不小心倒车压到他的狗后，男友几乎把她打昏了。
He beat her with words, but still, it might as well have been with his fists.
他用言语打她，但还是用拳头打她。
He struck her again and again with words and names such as "manipulative," "jealous," "childish," and others I wouldn't justify in print.
他一次又一次地用诸如“控制欲强”、“嫉妒”、“幼稚”之类的词语和名字来打击她，以及其他我不会在印刷品上证明合理的词语和名字。
The dog's death was a tragic accident, but perhaps also a blessing in disguise, as Randy tended to spend entirely too much time with it.
这只狗的死亡是一场悲惨的事故，但也许也是因祸得福，因为兰迪花了太多的时间和它在一起。
What did Trish's mother say when her daughter, heartbroken over her breakup with Randy, came to her in search of love and understanding?
当翠西的女儿因与兰迪分手而伤心欲绝，向她寻求爱和理解时，她的母亲说了些什么？
If you're looking for sympathy, you can find it between "sob story" and "syphilis" in the dictionary.
如果你想寻求同情，你可以在字典中的“悲惨故事”和“梅毒”之间找到它。
Perhaps my mother can live with slogans such as this.
也许我的母亲可以忍受这样的口号。
I know I can't.
我知道我不能。
Neither can I live surrounded by friends such as Annette Kelper.
我也不能生活在像安妮特·凯尔珀这样的朋友身边。
Poor, chubby Annette Kelper, who desperately tries to pretend that nobody notices the fact that she's balding on top of her head.
可怜的、胖乎乎的安妮特·凯尔珀（Annette Kelper）拼命地试图假装没有人注意到她头顶秃顶的事实。
That's right.
这是正确的。
Look closely.
仔细看看。
Balding, just like a man.
秃头了，像个男人一样。
Perhaps Randy feels sorry for chrome-dome Annette.
也许兰迪为镀铬圆顶安妮特感到难过。
Maybe that's why he was seen twice in her company in a single five-day period.
也许这就是为什么他在五天内两次出现在她的公司里。
Seen standing together in the parking lot of the Burger Tabernacle-- her home away from home-- and seen huddled together, laughing on the escalator of the Crabtree Valley Mall.
有人看到她们一起站在 Burger Tabernacle（她的家外之家）的停车场，有人看到她们挤在一起在克拉布特里谷购物中心的自动扶梯上大笑。
Annette, my supposed best friend, who secretly wanted and coveted everything I owned.
安妮特，我所谓的最好的朋友，她暗自想要并觊觎我所拥有的一切。
Is everyone on earth as two-faced as Annette Kelper?
地球上的每个人都像安妮特·凯尔珀一样有两张面孔吗？
Is everyone as cruel as Randy Sykes?
每个人都像兰迪赛克斯一样残忍吗？
I think not.
我认为不是。
Most of you, the loved ones I left behind, are simple, devoted people.
你们中的大多数人，我留下的亲人，都是简单而忠诚的人。
I urge you now to take a look around the room.
我现在请你环视一下房间。
Are Randy Sykes and Annette sitting in the audience?
兰迪·赛克斯和安妮特坐在观众席上吗？
Are they shifting uncomfortably in the pew, shielding their faces with the 8 and 1/2 by 11 photograph of me I had reproduced to serve as a memento of this occasion?
他们是否在座位上不舒服地移动，用我复制的 8 又 1/2 x 11 的照片遮住脸，作为这次场合的纪念品？
Eileen, read this part real fast before they have a chance to leave.
艾琳，在他们有机会离开之前快速阅读这一部分。
Randy Sykes' drip is the size of my little finger, and that's when it's hard.
兰迪·赛克斯的滴水有我小指那么大，那时候就很硬。
And I'm not counting the nail-- just the finger.
我没有数指甲——只数手指。
He had sex two times with a boy at Camp Ticonderoga when he was in junior high school.
初中时，他在提康德罗加营与一名男孩发生了两次性关系。
Maybe that explains why he loves it with somebody sticks their finger up his [?
也许这可以解释为什么他喜欢有人把手指放在他的[？
couvade.
库瓦德。
?] He used to beg me to do that, but I refused.
？] 他曾经恳求我这样做，但我拒绝了。
I said, "No way, Randy." He used to do it to himself all the time.
我说：“不行，兰迪。”他以前总是对自己这样做。
That's why I never held hands with him.
这就是为什么我从来没有和他牵过手。
His hands stink.
他的手很臭。
He secretly thinks he looks like Marlon Brando, but take a good look.
他暗自觉得自己像马龙·白兰度，不过仔细看看。
A young Marlin Perkins is more like it.
年轻的马林·帕金斯更像是这样。
Maybe that's what he sees in Annette Kelper.
也许这就是他在安妮特·凯尔珀身上看到的。
He's an animal lover.
他是一位动物爱好者。
She used to come to my house crying.
她常常哭着来到我家。
Her breath smelled a mile off, like her uncle's drip.
她的呼吸闻起来有一英里之外的味道，就像她叔叔的点滴一样。
She said he forced her, but that's a lie, because you don't force whores.
她说他强迫了她，但那是谎言，因为你不会强迫妓女。
And that's what she is, a whore.
这就是她，一个妓女。
Annette and Randy deserve each other.
安妮特和兰迪值得拥有彼此。
Drip-Breath and Stinky-Finger, riding up and down the escalator at Crabtree Valley, up and down, up and down.
滴呼吸和臭手指，在克拉布特里谷的自动扶梯上上下，上下，上下。
Fancy little shuck-cutlets.
精美的小果肉排。
Look at them.
看看他们。
Take a good, hard look at them.
仔细地、仔细地观察它们。
It's their fault I'm dead.
我死了都是他们的错。
They are to blame.
他们应该受到责备。
I urge you now to take those paperweights and stone them.
我现在劝你把那些镇纸拿去扔石头。
Release your anger.
释放你的愤怒。
The Bible says it's all right to cast the first stone if someone dead is telling you do it.
圣经说，如果死者告诉你，你可以扔第一块石头。
And I'm telling you now.
我现在告诉你。
Pretend the paperweights are stones and cast them upon the guilty.
假装镇纸是石头，然后把它们扔到有罪的人身上。
I put aside my savings to pay for the damages to the walls and windows.
我拿出积蓄来支付墙壁和窗户的损坏费用。
It's money I was saving for my wedding, and there's plenty of it.
这是我为婚礼存的钱，而且还不少。
So throw.
所以扔。
Hurt them the way they hurt me.
像他们伤害我一样伤害他们。
Kill them!
杀掉他们！
Nobody will hold you responsible.
没有人会追究你的责任。
Kill them!
杀掉他们！
Eileen, I'm going to allow a few minutes here because it might take a while for certain people to get into the swing of it.
艾琳，我要在这里花几分钟时间，因为某些人可能需要一段时间才能进入状态。
Pop in the cassette marked "Stoning," and wait until both Randy and Annette are lifeless.
放入标有“石刑”的磁带，等到兰迪和安妮特都死了。
Wait until everyone is finished with their paperweights.
等到每个人都完成了镇纸。
And then I want you to hand the microphone over to my mother.
然后我要你把麦克风交给我妈妈。
Watch the way she trembles and stutters, and remember every gesture as if you were me.
观察她颤抖和结巴的样子，记住每一个动作，就像你是我一样。
832-3160.
832-3160。
Shirley Jahad?
雪莉·贾哈德？
Well, I guess you're not there.
嗯，我猜你不在场。
You know, our volunteers are so resourceful.
你知道，我们的志愿者非常足智多谋。
They are taking your phone calls now.
他们现在正在接听您的电话。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
OK, you can get that story, which was from David Sedaris' book Barrel Fever , read by Sarah Thyre, plus also lots of other David Sedaris work, a 90-minute cassette full of all sorts of stuff.
好吧，你可以听听这个故事，它来自 David Sedaris 的书《桶热》（Barrel Fever），由 Sarah Thyre 读，另外还有很多 David Sedaris 的其他作品，一盘 90 分钟的磁带，里面装满了各种各样的东西。
For just $60.
只需 60 美元。
312-832-3160.
312-832-3160。
Ira Glass Or the two CDs that we've been plugging all hour.
Ira Glass 或者我们一小时都在塞的两张 CD。
I should also mention that David is going to be here in Chicago, live this coming Saturday night at the Park West for Milly's Orchid Show.
我还应该提到大卫将在芝加哥，在即将到来的周六晚上在西公园观看米莉的兰花秀。
You might want to go see him there.
你可能想去那里看他。
And pledge your support.
并承诺您的支持。
Remember, this is the only time you're going to get during the drive to get most of these premia and super size it.
请记住，这是您在驾车期间获得大部分溢价并获得超大溢价的唯一时间。
Today's program was produced by Peter Clowney and myself with Dolores Wilber, Alix Spiegel, and Nancy Updike, contributing editors Jack Hitt, Margy Rochlin, and Paul Tough.
今天的节目由 Peter Clowney 和我本人以及 Dolores Wilber、Alix Spiegel 和 Nancy Updike 以及特约编辑 Jack Hitt、Margy Rochlin 和 Paul Tough 共同制作。
Paul Tough did the fabulous original interview with Bob featured in the first half of this program.
保罗·托夫对本节目前半部分的鲍勃进行了精彩的原创采访。
WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia.
WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] To buy a tape of this or other Playhouse shows, call us at WBEZ, 832-3380, or email us, [email protected] .
[致谢] 要购买此 Playhouse 节目或其他 Playhouse 节目的磁带，请致电 WBEZ，832-3380，或给我们发送电子邮件，[email protected]。
We broadcast proudly from WBEZ Chicago.
我们自豪地在 WBEZ 芝加哥进行广播。
We'll be back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
See you then.
到时候见。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。