Avalon, Rise
The American Academy of Pediatrics could not explain why Martin, at seven years old, rolled around on the living room floor flapping his arms and cawing, while Teddy, who was not yet five, waited placidly on the front walk.
美国儿科学会无法解释为什么七岁的马丁会在客厅地板上打滚、拍打手臂、发出叫声，而还不到五岁的泰迪则在门前的人行道上平静地等待。
Teddy rolled the empty wagon back and forth and sucked his thumb.
泰迪来回滚动空马车，吮吸拇指。
Teddy was Emma’s defenseless plum baby who still nursed, who worshipped her weary body the way no man ever had.
泰迪是艾玛手无寸铁的李子宝宝，仍在吃奶，以男人从未有过的方式崇拜她疲惫的身体。
Martin, her firstborn, rose each morning with novel ways of turning Emma into someone she hated.
她的长子马丁每天早上起床都会用新奇的方式把艾玛变成她讨厌的人。
Martin refused to get in the wagon until he found his troll doll with the hot pink hair and the hot pink shirt that read TOTALLY RAD, and after ten minutes of him flapping and cawing and not even looking for the troll, Emma wanted badly to hit him.
马丁拒绝上马车，直到他发现了他的巨魔娃娃，有着亮粉色头发和亮粉色衬衫，上面写着“TOTALLY RAD”，十分钟后，他拍打着翅膀，哇哇叫，甚至没有寻找巨魔，艾玛非常想打他。
Instead, she leaned down until her nose was almost touching his and she yelled into his face, If you don’t stop that I swear to God I will throw all your toys in the trash and I mean every single one do you hear me.
相反，她弯下身子，直到她的鼻子几乎碰到他的鼻子，然后她对着他的脸大喊，“如果你不停止，我向上帝发誓，我会把你所有的玩具扔进垃圾桶，我的意思是每一个你都听到我的声音了。”
For some reason that didn’t make Martin stop.
出于某种原因，这并没有让马丁停下来。
He only cawed louder right back at her, eye to eye, like she was the enemy and he the proud and defiant baby freedom fighter.
他只是对着她大声叫喊，目光对视，就好像她是敌人，而他是骄傲而目中无人的婴儿自由斗士。
He was not a baby.
他不是婴儿。
He was a big kid, which she screamed at him.
他是个大孩子了，她对他尖叫。
She collected every toy she could find and dropped them into the can under her mother’s kitchen sink, where of all places she found the totally rad troll doll, so Martin was all right again, which meant she could be all right again, and both boys climbed into the wagon.
她收集了所有她能找到的玩具，把它们扔进了她母亲厨房水槽下的罐子里，在所有地方她发现了那个完全棒极了的巨魔娃娃，所以马丁又好了，这意味着她也可以好起来了，两个男孩都爬上了马车。
Martin had his troll and Teddy had his plastic dragon and Emma had made it all morning without hitting anyone.
马丁有他的巨魔，泰迪有他的塑料龙，艾玛整个早上都没有撞到任何人。
She had a clogged milk duct in her right breast, which had lately grown into an enormous veiny ball of cement.
她右乳房的乳管堵塞，最近已经长成一个巨大的、有静脉的水泥球。
Nevertheless, she persisted in pulling her kids in the wagon all the way to the park.
尽管如此，她还是坚持拉着车里的孩子一路来到公园。
“When you were fghting with Martin, two birds stopped singing,” Teddy said, sailing his dragon over his head.
“当你和马丁打架的时候，有两只鸟停止了歌唱，”泰迪边说边把他的龙从他头顶上掠过。
The pain in Emma’s breast made her dizzy.
艾玛胸部的疼痛让她头晕目眩。
She wanted to go home.
她想回家。
She hadn’t wanted to go to the park in the frst place.
她一开始就不想去公园。
She was here because of guilt.
她是因为愧疚才来到这里的。
She was here because she was probably getting divorced.
她来这里是因为她可能要离婚了。
She was here because she was living temporarily in her mother’s house.
她来这里是因为她暂时住在她母亲家里。
She was here because the central organizing committee of Nation Awake, whose website said that its mission was to build identity, support community, and win local power, had chosen the town of Avalon, Ohio, for its frst annual White Family Picnic.
她来这里是因为“国家觉醒”的中央组委会选择在俄亥俄州阿瓦隆镇举办第一届年度白人家庭野餐活动，该组织的网站称其使命是建立身份、支持社区并赢得当地权力。
At dinner the night before, Emma’s mother had read the coverage aloud from her phone.
前一天晚上吃晚饭时，艾玛的母亲用手机大声朗读了报道。
Nation Awake, as it turned out, had a local campus chapter right here in Avalon.
事实证明，《国家觉醒》在阿瓦隆设有当地校园分会。
It had grown from ten to thirty members in the past year alone, according to a student spokesperson, who, oppressed by endemic cultural Marxism at the university, wished to remain anonymous.
据一名学生发言人称，仅在过去的一年里，该组织的成员就从十名增加到了三十名。这位学生发言人因受到大学里流行的文化马克思主义的压迫，希望保持匿名。
In fact, membership in white nationalist groups was up by at least ffty percent nationally, and growing.
事实上，全国范围内白人民族主义团体的成员数量至少增加了 50%，而且还在不断增长。
Nation Awake had invited organizations from Kentucky and West Virginia, from Pennsylvania and Maryland and Michigan.
“国家觉醒”邀请了来自肯塔基州和西弗吉尼亚州、宾夕法尼亚州、马里兰州和密歇根州的组织。
They were expecting picnickers in the hundreds.
他们预计会有数百人来野餐。
Why Avalon?
为什么是阿瓦隆？
Emma said.
艾玛说。
I’d think we’re too small to be noticed.
我认为我们太小而不会被注意到。
Eloise held up her hand and kept reading.
埃洛伊丝举起手，继续读着。
Appalachia is an obvious choice, the spokesperson said.
发言人说，阿巴拉契亚是一个明显的选择。
The region is overwhelmingly European.
该地区绝大多数是欧洲地区。
Avalon, for example, has a population of twenty-four thousand.
例如，阿瓦隆有两万四千人口。
Twenty-two thousand of those people are white.
其中两万二千人是白人。
We have been sneered at, made to feel bad about ourselves in the name of diversity.
我们被嘲笑，以多样性的名义感到难过。
But our pure Scots-Irish ancestry is a source of pride, not shame.
但我们的纯正苏格兰爱尔兰血统是我们的骄傲，而不是耻辱。
Like the Avalon of legend, we will rise to defend the land and the people from darkness.
就像传说中的阿瓦隆一样，我们将挺身而出，保卫土地和人民免受黑暗的侵害。
Eloise put down her phone.
埃洛伊丝放下手机。
Can you imagine, she said.
你能想象吗，她说。
In this year of our Lord 2017.
在我们主的2017年。
Shameless.
无耻。
After what happened in Charlottesville this summer.
今年夏天夏洛茨维尔发生的事情之后。
And the media, my God.
还有媒体，天哪。
So voyeuristic and breathless.
如此偷窥和喘不过气来。
In Emma’s opinion, Eloise sounded rather breathless herself.
在艾玛看来，埃洛伊丝本人听起来也相当气喘吁吁。
Emma rubbed her breast irritably.
艾玛烦躁地揉着胸部。
What happened in Charlottesville?
夏洛茨维尔发生了什么？
Martin asked.
马丁问道。
Nothing, Emma said.
没什么，艾玛说。
What’s the Avalon of legend?
传说中的阿瓦隆是什么？
asked Martin.
马丁问道。
It’s like Legend of the Star Dragon , Teddy said, which was one of his audiobooks.
泰迪说，这就像《星龙传奇》，这是他的有声读物之一。
The counterprotest is at one p.m., Eloise said.
埃洛伊丝说，反抗议活动将于下午一点举行。
We’re trying to get numbers, but the mayor advised businesses to close and people to stay home.
我们正在努力获取数字，但市长建议企业关闭，人们呆在家里。
Nonsense, Eloise said.
胡说八道，埃洛伊丝说。
White families need to say no. Which was how Emma knew she was being told to bring the kids.
白人家庭需要说不。艾玛就是这样知道她被告知要带孩子们来的。
At the park, Emma navigated the side of the police barricade designated for people who were against the White Family Picnic.
在公园里，艾玛穿过专门为反对怀特家庭野餐的人设置的警察路障一侧。
The other side had no baskets, no blankets, no hot dogs, no ants, and no white families.
另一边没有篮子，没有毯子，没有热狗，没有蚂蚁，也没有白人家庭。
Only a few League of the South guys in embarrassing breeches and suspenders.
只有少数南方联盟的球员穿着令人尴尬的马裤和吊带。
On Emma’s side, the turnout was also sparse.
艾玛这边，投票人数也很少。
She found her mother and her aunt Dev at the fountain handing out placards that read NO WHITE SUPREMACISTS ALLOWED.
她发现她的母亲和她的阿姨德夫在喷泉边分发标语牌，上面写着“禁止白人至上主义者入内”。
Emma parked the wagon next to them and lowered herself onto the steps.
艾玛把马车停在他们旁边，然后走到台阶上。
Her breast was a pulsing alien egg sac about to hatch.
她的乳房是一个正在搏动、即将孵化的外星卵囊。
“Teddy, I need you to nurse,” she said.
“泰迪，我需要你护理，”她说。
“Teddy doesn’t want to nurse from your disgusting monster boob,” Martin said and stuck his troll doll in his mouth.
“泰迪不想从你恶心的怪物胸部喂奶，”马丁说着，把巨魔娃娃塞进嘴里。
“As soon as we get home you’re getting a spanking,” Emma said.
“我们一回到家，你就会被打屁股，”艾玛说。
How much was too much?
多少才算是太多了？
Once already this week.
这周已经有一次了。
Twice the week before.
前一周两次。
The American Academy of Pediatrics was unequivocal on the matter.
美国儿科学会对此事的态度是明确的。
Not only was corporal punishment wrong, it also didn’t work.
体罚不仅是错误的，而且没有效果。
Emma had scrolled through the whole useless statement.
艾玛已经浏览了整个无用的陈述。
Of course it was wrong.
当然这是错误的。
Of course it didn’t work.
当然没用。
Yet, again and again, it was what she did.
然而，一次又一次，这就是她所做的。
Emma loved Martin helplessly.
艾玛无可奈何地爱着马丁。
Yet, just as helplessly, she wanted to hit him.
可她又无可奈何，又想打他。
The American Academy of Pediatrics had very little to say about what Emma typed into the search bar on sleepless nights.
美国儿科学会对于艾玛在不眠之夜在搜索栏中输入的内容几乎没有什么可说的。
Violence.
暴力。
Instinct.
本能。
Desire.
欲望。
“You hit me with a hairbrush,” Emma said.
“你用梳子打我，”艾玛说。
“It was a different time,” Eloise said.
“那是一个不同的时代，”埃洛伊斯说。
“Besides, reflexive violence is completely different from systemic violence.” She gave a placard to a Happy Hills attendant whose hair was teased into a cotton candy bouffant.
“此外，反射性暴力与系统性暴力完全不同。”她向一名头发被梳理成棉花糖蓬松的快乐山服务员递了一张标语牌。
“I still don’t know what you mean when you say that,” Emma said.
“我还是不明白你这么说是什么意思，”艾玛说。
“I would never have told you that later I was going to spank you,” Eloise said.
“我绝不会告诉你稍后我会打你屁股，”埃洛伊斯说。
“That’s cruel.
“这太残酷了。
It creates a system of pain, fear, and punishment.
它创造了一个痛苦、恐惧和惩罚的系统。
I simply physically expressed my natural feelings in the moment.
我只是用肢体语言表达了我当时的自然感受。
No premeditation.
没有预谋。
No method.
没有方法。
When it was over it was over.
当一切结束的时候，一切都结束了。
It was honest.
这是诚实的。
Emotional.”
情绪化。”
“You could try the Discipline Café,” Dev said.
“你可以试试纪律咖啡馆，”戴夫说。
“It’s at Mother Ginger’s,” Dev said.
“在金杰妈妈家，”戴夫说。
“The new childcare cooperative.
“新的托儿合作社。
You know, where the uncooperative hardware store used to be.”
你知道，以前不合作的五金店在哪里。”
“Right,” Emma said, and didn’t explain, even to herself, why she hadn’t been there yet.
“好吧，”艾玛说，甚至没有向自己解释为什么她还没到那里。
If Dev was not Emma’s actual aunt, there was no better word to describe her.
如果戴夫不是艾玛真正的姨妈，那就没有更好的词来形容她了。
Gadabout.
闲聊。
Cool customer.
很酷的顾客。
Eloise’s best friend for nearly forty years.
埃洛伊丝近四十年来最好的朋友。
She wore her signature bleach-stained black T-shirt with a pocket for her chewing gum.
她穿着她标志性的带有漂白剂污渍的黑色T恤，上面有一个口袋可以放口香糖。
She wore her signature mint-green Keds.
她穿着她标志性的薄荷绿 Keds 鞋。
She tossed Dum-Dums to Martin and Teddy, who nearly overturned the wagon diving for them.
她把豆豆扔给马丁和泰迪，马丁和泰迪险些掀翻了冲向他们的马车。
Eloise held up a placard.
埃洛伊斯举起一张标语牌。
“Did you get a look at these yet?” she asked.
“你看过这些了吗？”她问道。
“Woody letterpressed them with the Multigraph I gave him.
“伍迪用我给他的 Multigraph 对它们进行凸版印刷。
Impressive, right?”
令人印象深刻，对吧？”
“Woody didn’t show up, huh?” asked Emma.
“伍迪没有出现，是吗？”艾玛问。
“He’s contributing in his own distinctive way.”
“他以自己独特的方式做出了贡献。”
“Your brother needs your support, not your judgment,” Eloise said.
“你的兄弟需要你的支持，而不是你的判断，”埃洛伊斯说。
She offered the placard.
她递出了标语牌。
“Bring one of these to Mother Ginger’s when you go.”
“你走的时候带一张去姜妈妈家吧。”
“We want them up in all the local businesses.”
“我们希望他们参与所有当地企业。”
“Oh, Mom, I don’t know,” Emma said.
“哦，妈妈，我不知道，”艾玛说。
She put her hands in her pockets so she wouldn’t have to take it.
她把手插进口袋里，这样就不用拿了。
Her mother looked at Emma the way she’d been looking at her since she was a baby, wondering if she would change.
她母亲看着艾玛，就像她还是个婴儿时一样，想知道她是否会改变。
“Listen,” she said.
“听着，”她说。
“That thing with the hairbrush—hitting or whatever you called it—I would never do that now.
“那个用发刷的东西——敲击或者无论你怎么称呼它——我现在永远不会那样做了。
People change.
人们会改变。
At the molecular level, I’m a completely different person.
在分子水平上，我是一个完全不同的人。
That’s scientifc.” She slipped the placard into Emma’s tote.
这很科学。”她把标语牌塞进艾玛的手提包里。
Emma’s breast punctuated into a sharp needle.
艾玛的乳房被锋利的针刺破。
She stretched out the collar of her T-shirt and looked down to see that a white scab had formed on her nipple.
她拉开T恤领子，低头一看，乳头上已经结了一层白痂。
The American Academy of Pediatrics had very little to say about breastfeeding your child beyond two years of age, but Teddy didn’t want to stop and Emma didn’t know how to stop him.
美国儿科学会对于两岁以上的孩子进行母乳喂养几乎没有什么可说的，但泰迪不想停止，艾玛也不知道如何阻止他。
“I’m hungry,” Martin said in his pterodactyl voice, perfectly pitched to make Emma want to escape her body.
“我饿了，”马丁用翼龙般的声音说道，他的音调完美地让艾玛想要逃离她的身体。
“And Teddy’s hungry too.
“而且泰迪也饿了。
We’re both hungry.” He began to kap his arms.
我们都饿了。”他开始扭动双臂。
“Hungry hungry hungry hungry hungry hungry hungry hungry.” The American Academy of Pediatrics had very little to say about maternal instinct.
“饿了饿了饿了饿了饿了饿了饿了。”美国儿科学会对母性本能知之甚少。
Emma used to think it was a myth.
艾玛曾经认为这是一个神话。
Now she knew it was real.
现在她知道这是真的。
Before Martin, she’d never felt that ache in her arm, that overpowering urge to swing out and make resounding contact.
在马丁之前，她从未感到手臂如此疼痛，从未感到手臂如此强烈地想要挥出手臂并进行有力的接触。
Now she couldn’t ignore it.
现在她不能忽视它。
From Avalon, Rise: A Novel.
来自阿瓦隆，崛起：小说。
Published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
由法勒、斯特劳斯和吉鲁出版。
Copyright © 2026 by Madeline ffitch.
版权所有 © 2026 马德琳·菲奇。
All rights reserved.
版权所有。