Supposed to Be
In 1990, I was in grad school still, with life still a virtually open road before me .
1990年，我还在读研究生，生活实际上仍然是一条在我面前敞开的道路。
That’s the year Stanley and Iris came out, a film about two people in difficult circumstances who meet, help each other, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
那一年，斯坦利和艾里斯上映了，这部电影讲述了两个处于困境的人相遇、互相帮助、坠入爱河并从此幸福生活的故事。
Stanley is smart and talented, but he’s functionally illiterate, a condition he must hide to keep a job and avoid the ridicule of his fellows.
斯坦利聪明有才华，但他实际上是文盲，为了保住工作并避免同事的嘲笑，他必须隐藏这种情况。
He has withdrawn from people for fear they will discover his secret.
他远离人们，担心他们会发现他的秘密。
Stanley is only in his 40s, but hardly young at heart.
斯坦利只有 40 多岁，但内心却并不年轻。
Instead, he is cowed and ashamed, with no bounce in his step or hope in his heart.
相反，他感到畏惧和羞愧，脚步没有任何跳跃，心中没有希望。
Avoiding trouble is his goal.
避免麻烦是他的目标。
In contrast, Iris is young at heart, with a desire to live and enjoy.
相比之下，艾里斯心地年轻，渴望生活和享受。
Her dream, she tells Stanley, is room service for a day in a bustling Boston hotel.
她告诉斯坦利，她的梦想是在一家繁华的波士顿酒店提供一天的客房服务。
The joy, the comfort, the luxury!
欢乐、舒适、奢华！
She practically laughs out loud, tilting her head back where the two of them sit together on a park bench.
她几乎笑出了声，把头向后仰，两人一起坐在公园的长椅上。
She must be imagining something really fine.
她一定在想象一些非常美好的事情。
Stanley then tells her about a time he went to the Grand Canyon.
斯坦利然后告诉她他有一次去大峡谷的经历。
He walked down to the bottom and stayed there for six days and nights.
他走下山脚，在那里呆了六天六夜。
He slept in a bedroll.
他睡在铺盖卷里。
He saw no one and spoke to no one.
他没有看到任何人，也没有和任何人说话。
It was the best time he ever had.
这是他度过的最美好的时光。
Iris replies, “Six days?
艾里斯回答：“六天？
It would drive me crazy.”
这会让我发疯的。”
Stanley continues.
斯坦利继续说道。
“You don’t have to fight for anything or explain anything or dodge anything.
“你不必为任何事情而战，或解释任何事情，或躲避任何事情。
You just feed the deer and watch the sun go down.”
你只需喂鹿，然后看着太阳落山。”
That, in a nutshell, is peace for him: no one asking anything of him.
简而言之，这对他来说就是平静：没有人向他提出任何要求。
No expectations.
没有期望。
I thought of a friend of mine, someone very different from Stanley, a guy who doesn’t seem to fret about anything or have any regrets, someone with peace of mind.
我想起了我的一个朋友，一个与斯坦利截然不同的人，一个似乎不为任何事情烦恼或有任何遗憾的人，一个内心平静的人。
His contentment, he says, comes from having no expectations.
他说，他的满足感来自于没有期望。
It makes sense: no expectations, so no disappointment.
这是有道理的：没有期望，所以没有失望。
Anything can be a source of happiness.
任何事物都可以成为幸福的源泉。
This doesn’t mean nothing is unpleasant or difficult for him.
这并不意味着没有什么对他来说是不愉快或困难的。
It means, I think, that he doesn’t ever gnash his teeth, ask Why oh why?
我想，这意味着他从来不会咬牙切齿地问为什么，为什么？
or kick himself.
或者踢自己。
He doesn’t torture himself or anyone else by thinking of the way it’s supposed to be.
他不会通过思考事情应该如何来折磨自己或其他任何人。
His life has had its great sadnesses.
他的一生充满了巨大的悲伤。
A love affair ended after about a dozen years, not because love had frittered away but because love alone is not enough.
一段恋情大约十几年后就结束了，不是因为爱情已经消逝，而是因为光有爱情是不够的。
He might think about that girlfriend, but he doesn’t regret her.
他可能会想到那个女朋友，但他并不后悔她。
Before that, after more than 20 years of happy marriage, he lost his wife to cancer.
此前，在经历了20多年的幸福婚姻后，他的妻子因癌症去世。
He had a 12-year-old son to raise alone.
他有一个12岁的儿子要独自抚养。
But he doesn’t dwell on his wife’s death either, or the difficult times while she was sick or after her death.
但他也没有详述妻子的去世，或者她生病期间或去世后的困难时期。
It’s as if that all happened in a different life, he told me.
他告诉我，这一切就好像发生在不同的生活中一样。
I understood that his wife’s death in that life is no reason not to enjoy this life, now.
我明白，他妻子在那一世的去世并不是现在不享受这一生的理由。
A good book with a sad ending was over, and now he was in a good book that promised a happy ending.
一本结局悲伤的好书结束了，现在他又身处一本承诺幸福结局的好书中。
So no self-recriminations, no guilt, no “if only” either.
因此，没有自责，没有内疚，也没有“如果只是”。
He doesn’t get angry; he just gets out of a situation when it isn’t to his liking.
他不会生气；当他不喜欢的情况时，他就会摆脱困境。
This is easy for him because he is as happy alone, doing his own thing, as he is in company, helping a friend.
这对他来说很容易，因为他独自一人做自己的事情，就像在公司里帮助朋友一样快乐。
Enviably happy, I would say.
我会说，令人羡慕的幸福。
His experience of the world is so contrary to Stanley’s experience that you think the two men might have absolutely nothing in common.
他的世界经历与斯坦利的经历是如此相反，以至于你认为这两个人可能绝对没有任何共同点。
They do, though.
但他们确实这么做了。
They are both mechanically minded tinkerers.
他们都是机械头脑的修补匠。
They both enjoy working on their own and don’t need constant encouragement or approval.
他们都喜欢自己工作，不需要不断的鼓励或认可。
Stanley turns out to be an inventor and my friend a fixer-upper, capable of all manner of restoration, from adding new rooms on a house to landscaping yards to rebuilding an engine.
事实证明，斯坦利是一位发明家，而我的朋友是一位修理工，他能够进行各种修复，从在房子上添加新房间到美化庭院，再到重建发动机。
Stanley invents a cake-cooling machine; my friend fixes his gyrocopter.
斯坦利发明了蛋糕冷却机；我的朋友修理他的旋翼机。
What need have they of an audience for their gadgets and inventions, their insights, their fixes?
他们需要什么观众来获取他们的小玩意和发明、他们的见解和他们的修复方法？
What need has a painter bent over the easel, coaxing into paint a surprising facet of the muse?
画家有什么必要俯身在画架上，将缪斯女神令人惊讶的一面描绘出来呢？
The doing, the solving, the expressing—these would seem to be reward enough.
行动、解决问题、表达——这些似乎已经足够回报了。
The Spanish say, Nunca es tarde si la dicha es buena , which means, It’s never too late if the outcome is good.
西班牙人说，Nunca es tarde si la dicha es buena，意思是，只要结果好，永远不会太晚。
“Never too late,” we might echo in English, but with the emphasis on timing (you still have time!) not outcome (it’s going to be worth it).
“永远不会太晚”，我们可能会用英语回应，但强调的是时机（你还有时间！）而不是结果（这将是值得的）。
Or we might say, “All’s well that ends well,” emphasizing the goal, not the journey.
或者我们可能会说，“一切都好，结局好”，强调目标，而不是旅程。
Stanley learns to read and write and is a successful businessman in the end, so all the suffering and uncertainty that came before is only—well, what is it?
斯坦利学会了读书写字，最终成为了一名成功的商人，所以之前所有的痛苦和不确定性都只是——嗯，那是什么？
It is the price we pay for a happy ending.
这是我们为幸福结局所付出的代价。
And perhaps the happier the ending, the more it was worth.
也许结局越幸福，它就越有价值。
I thought of another friend, a former boyfriend.
我想起了另一个朋友，一个前男友。
His mother taught him that muchos pocos are better than pocos muchos —many small goods trump a few big ones.
他的母亲告诉他，muchos pocos 比 pocos muchos 更好——许多小商品胜过一些大商品。
Be happier sooner and for longer with modest pleasures.
通过适度的快乐，更快、更长久地快乐。
Which advice would I have offered Stanley, or anyone else in difficulties?
我会给斯坦利或其他遇到困难的人提供哪些建议？
Nunca es tarde or muchos pocos ?
Nunca es tarde 还是 muchos pocos ？
For Stanley, learning to read and write was a trial.
对于斯坦利来说，学习阅读和写作是一种考验。
He grew frustrated and became fed up with his slow progress.
他变得沮丧并厌倦了自己缓慢的进步。
I think most people are like that: impatient, more with themselves than with others.
我想大多数人都是这样的：缺乏耐心，更多的是对自己而不是对别人。
If only they could expect less.
如果他们的期望能少一点就好了。
But unlike my friend, most people can’t.
但与我的朋友不同的是，大多数人都做不到。
So if ambition, shame, or solitude keeps you from happiness, then yes, go seek what you need.
所以，如果野心、羞耻或孤独让你远离幸福，那么，是的，去寻找你需要的东西。
It’s not too late to reshape a crooked life, to fix a flat, to straighten a warped wheel.
重塑扭曲的生活、修复平坦的道路、矫正扭曲的车轮还为时不晚。
Why, it’s never even too late to throw out the warped wheel and get a new one, to wipe the slate clean and start over.
为什么，扔掉变形的轮子并买一个新的，擦干净石板并重新开始永远不会太晚。
Though it’s also perfectly fine to continue as before—to ride around on a bike with a warped wheel, to use a smudged slate.
不过，继续像以前一样也完全没问题——骑着车轮变形的自行车，使用污迹斑斑的石板。
In graduate school an instructor asked us all where we’d like to be in 15 years.
在研究生院，一位导师问我们 15 年后的目标是什么。
My answer was at a desk, writing, with a cat on my lap.
我的答案是在办公桌前写字，腿上放着一只猫。
It’s way past the year 2005, but here I am still, with a cat on my lap as I write.
2005 年已经过去了，但我仍然在这里，在我写作的时候，一只猫坐在我的腿上。
I got what I’d imagined I wanted.
我得到了我想象中我想要的东西。
Actually, I got a lot more: I got everything else that goes with this particular cat and this particular piece of writing.
事实上，我得到了更多：我得到了与这只特定的猫和这篇特定的文章相关的所有其他东西。
Dare I say I got it all?
我敢说我已经全部掌握了吗？
Not quite, not yet.
不完全是，还没有。
Not until I’m able to give it all up, and still do as my friend of few expectations seems so able to do.
直到我能够放弃这一切，并且仍然像我的朋友那样没有什么期望时，我才能做到这一点。
He wouldn’t find a smudged slate a problem.
他不会认为一块脏石板有什么问题。
He’d wonder why you’d expect a used slate to look like a clean one.
他想知道为什么你会期望一块用过的石板看起来像一块干净的石板。
Then he’d shrug, put on his glasses, roll up his sleeves, and get to work on another interesting project.
然后他耸耸肩，戴上眼镜，卷起袖子，开始另一个有趣的项目。