Can, Still

Starting out on a walk with Toby in the still of the early morning, I wondered, as I always do, if we would make it past the apartment buildings and the corner playground, through the industrial backstreets, and onto the maze of paths and access roads in the wooded area.

清晨，在寂静的清晨，我和托比开始散步，我像往常一样想知道，我们是否能穿过公寓楼和街角游乐场，穿过工业后街，进入林区迷宫般的小路和通道。

By make it , I mean make it in time —before Toby’s bodily needs asserted themselves.

我所说的“做到”是指及时做到——在托比的身体需求出现之前。

Toby was in no hurry to get anywhere in particular, almost as if he had no idea of having these needs.

托比并不急于去任何特别的地方，就好像他不知道自己有这些需求一样。

I decided to trust him rather than hurry him.

我决定相信他而不是催促他。

Besides, there was no other option—he didn’t foresee his need and communicate it, but answered it, practically mid-step.

此外，没有其他选择——他没有预见到他的需要并传达它，而是回答了它，几乎是中途的。

We got into the grass behind the apartment buildings, walked the overgrown fence line, cut across an empty lot, took the shortcuts through the industrial area with its jumbo warehouses, and rounded the last corner onto the gravel road.

我们钻进公寓楼后面的草地，走过杂草丛生的栅栏线，穿过一片空地，走捷径穿过拥有巨型仓库的工业区，然后绕过最后一个拐角，进入碎石路。

A couple of hundred meters ahead, it turned into a trail through the woods.

前方几百米处，拐进了一条穿过树林的小路。

It was a nice morning.

这是一个美好的早晨。

Not hot, not damp.

不热，不湿。

Then Toby squatted.

然后托比蹲了下来。

I thought, “Really?

我想：“真的吗？

Here?” We were so close.

在这里？我们是如此亲密。

“Can’t you hold it?”

“你扛不住吗？”

He could not, though in a scant six minutes, we’d have been on the dirt trail.

他不能，尽管在不到六分钟的时间里，我们就已经走上了土路。

Rather than making a mess to clean up, requiring yet another plastic bag destined for the landfill, Toby would have been squatting in the overgrowth, contributing to the natural cycle of composting, like the horses and cows we passed in their fields, the hedgehogs under bushes, the birds on their branches.

托比不会弄得一团糟，需要另一个塑料袋运往垃圾填埋场，而是蹲在杂草丛中，为堆肥的自然循环做出贡献，就像我们在田野里经过的马和牛，灌木丛下的刺猬，树枝上的鸟一样。

My father used to tell a story about a woman in his hometown when he was a boy who would gather and lift her skirts and squat in the street to urinate.

我父亲曾经讲过一个故事，讲的是他小时候家乡有一个女人，她会聚拢并掀起她的裙子，蹲在街上小便。

“Dogs do it, why can’t I?” For Toby, communicating with his mournful, questioning look, it would be, “Javali and birds do it here, so can I, too?” Can —not only about ability but also about permission.

“狗能做到，我为什么不能？”对于托比来说，用他悲伤、疑问的表情交流，那就是：“爪哇利和鸟类在这里可以做到这一点，我也可以吗？”可以——不仅关乎能力，还关乎许可。

But there’s more to can .

但还有更多可以做的事情。

George Mallory said he wanted to climb Everest because it was there, which seems to me like because I can, only more elegant.

乔治·马洛里说他想攀登珠穆朗玛峰，因为它就在那里，在我看来，这就像因为我可以，只是更优雅。

Some beings are like that; for them, possibility is itself a reason to act, not just a condition for action.

有些众生就是这样；有些众生就是这样。对他们来说，可能性本身就是行动的理由，而不仅仅是行动的条件。

Think of children.

想想孩子们。

They stack blocks, jump off things, throw a spoon onto the floor over and over, press buttons, and ask endless questions not because they need to or have to, but because they can .

他们堆砌积木，从东西上跳下来，一遍又一遍地把勺子扔到地板上，按下按钮，问没完没了的问题，不是因为他们需要或必须这样做，而是因为他们可以。

Toby isn’t a creature to stake out territory or expand horizons.

托比不是一个会标定领地或拓展视野的生物。

He would always rather please than defy, rather follow in safety than lead fearlessly.

他总是宁愿取悦而不是反抗，宁愿安全地跟随而不是无所畏惧地领导。

I looked around.

我环顾四周。

Not yet eight o’clock.

还没到八点。

Not many people out.

出来的人不多。

I tore a baggie from the dispenser in preparation for clean up.

我从分配器上撕下一个袋子准备清理。

Because I have to.

因为我必须这样做。

And because Toby can’t.

因为托比不能。

And I can.

我可以。

I still can.

我还可以。

Yes, even stronger than being able to is knowing that one day I won’t be able to.

是的，比能够做到更强大的是知道有一天我将无法做到。

Neither of us will welcome that day.

我们谁都不会欢迎那一天。

Finally, I still clean up after Toby because he’s still here.

最后，我仍然在托比身后清理，因为他还在这里。

Toby was gazing at me with his sad dark eyes.

托比用他悲伤的黑眼睛注视着我。

“Ready?” I asked.

“准备好？”我问。

Toby took up his place at my heels.

托比接替了我的位置。