Thank You for Finding Me

I have always done exactly what I wanted.

我一直都按照自己的意愿去做。

Which is why I find myself on a shady facial recognition website looking for a bus driver I met when I was 14.

这就是为什么我发现自己在一个可疑的面部识别网站上寻找我 14 岁时认识的公交车司机。

My mother and I had come to Los Angeles for vacation, and we were on one of those “Homes of the Stars” tours that wound through Beverly Hills.

我和母亲来洛杉矶度假，我们参加了一场穿越比佛利山庄的“明星之家”之旅。

This was the first time I’d ever left Texas in any meaningful way, the first time I’d been on an airplane, the only time I would ever see a meal on a domestic flight, though the charm of chicken salad with crackers was lost on me.

这是我第一次以任何有意义的方式离开德克萨斯州，第一次坐飞机，也是我唯一一次在国内航班上看到一顿饭，尽管我已经失去了鸡肉沙拉和饼干的魅力。

(At the time, if it wasn’t fried or cheese, I didn’t eat it.)

（当时，如果不是油炸或奶酪，我就不吃。）

I don’t remember much about the tour, but I remember the tour guide.

我不太记得这次旅行，但我记得导游。

I remember he was also the bus driver.

我记得他也是公交车司机。

I remember he was dark-skinned and had an accent neither of us could place.

我记得他皮肤黝黑，有一种我们都听不懂的口音。

I remember his name—John.

我记得他的名字——约翰。

I remember that he was affable, knowledgeable, a great storyteller.

我记得他和蔼可亲，知识渊博，是一位出色的讲故事者。

I remember that most important of all, he saw me.

我记得最重要的是，他看到了我。

Lisa Bubert has written numerous essays and reading lists for Longreads.

丽莎·布伯特 (Lisa Bubert) 为长读文章撰写了大量文章和阅读清单。

Her most recent was “Safety Net.”

她最近的作品是《安全网》。

John talked to me as if I was my own person, not just some star-eyed kid from a small town, but a human with thoughts and ideas of her own.

约翰跟我说话，就好像我是我自己一样，不仅仅是一个来自小镇的星星眼孩子，而是一个有自己想法和想法的人。

When I asked a question, he gave me a real answer—more than an answer, an elaboration.

当我提出问题时，他给了我一个真实的答案——不仅仅是一个答案，而是一个阐述。

An invitation to an even deeper question I hadn’t yet thought to ask.

邀请我提出一个我还没有想到要问的更深层次的问题。

By the end of the tour, I was in the seat directly behind him, crouched forward, elbows on my knees, craning forward to catch every word he said, emboldened to carry a conversation, thrilled to be validated with a response.

参观结束时，我坐在他正后方的座位上，向前蹲下，手肘放在膝盖上，向前探听他说的每一个字，鼓起勇气进行对话，很高兴能得到回应的验证。

Looking back now, I see the precarity of the scene: a naive teenage girl enthralled by an older (and yes, handsome) man who showered attention on her.

现在回想起来，我看到了这个场景的不稳定：一个天真的少女被一个年长的（是的，英俊的）男人迷住了，这个男人对她倾注了注意力。

But my mother was there, listening to our conversation, pleased that someone managed to pull me out of my shell.

但我母亲就在那里，听着我们的谈话，很高兴有人设法把我从我的壳里拉出来。

She could sit back and let someone else do the work for once.

她可以坐下来让别人做一次。

In the picture, I am radiant, my smile spread wide.

照片中的我容光焕发，笑容灿烂。

I don’t remember how the conversation began.

我不记得谈话是如何开始的。

Likely, John asked me what I liked to do and I told him I loved to play music.

约翰很可能问我喜欢做什么，我告诉他我喜欢演奏音乐。

Prior to this trip, I was a shy kid who had struggled to find my place.

在这次旅行之前，我是一个害羞的孩子，一直在努力寻找自己的位置。

But while I was terrible at sports and an average student, I was good at music—specifically French horn.

不过，虽然我的体育成绩很差，而且是一名普通学生，但我很擅长音乐——尤其是圆号。

I had a natural aptitude for clear tone, an impeccable musical memory, and could read sheet music like a book.

我天生具有清晰的音色、无可挑剔的音乐记忆力，并且能像读书一样阅读乐谱。

Yet, none of that gave me a clear path forward.

然而，这些都没有给我一条清晰的前进道路。

The adults in my life were all blue-collar: mechanics, farmers, ranchers, my mother a nurse.

我生活中的成年人都是蓝领：机械师、农民、牧场主，我的母亲是护士。

I saw plenty of country and pop musicians on TV, but I couldn’t play guitar and certainly couldn’t dance.

我在电视上看到很多乡村和流行音乐家，但我不会弹吉他，当然也不会跳舞。

I wasn’t interested in that music, anyway.

无论如何，我对那种音乐不感兴趣。

I was interested in the symphonic, the cinematic.

我对交响乐和电影很感兴趣。

Sweeping scores composed by John Williams and Hans Zimmer and Danny Elfman where French horns rang out high and clear.

约翰·威廉姆斯、汉斯·齐默和丹尼·艾夫曼创作了压倒性的乐谱，法国号声高亢而清晰。

I would sit alone in my bedroom and listen to orchestral pieces and soundtracks, conducting invisible musicians like a bedridden old man at the end of a movie.

我会独自坐在卧室里听管弦乐作品和配乐，指挥隐形的音乐家，就像电影结尾处卧床不起的老人一样。

I was, as my brother reminded me often, a straight-up nerd.

正如我哥哥经常提醒我的那样，我是一个直率的书呆子。

And no one other than my mother and my middle-school band teacher found this promising.

除了我的母亲和我的中学乐队老师之外，没有人认为这是有前途的。

Throughout the tour, John talked to me about my musical interests, told me about the paths and possibilities I hadn’t yet been able to see.

在整个巡演过程中，约翰和我谈论了我的音乐兴趣，告诉我我还没有看到的道路和可能性。

If I enjoyed playing music enough to want to do it all the time, then why didn’t I just do that?

如果我非常喜欢演奏音乐，并且想一直这样做，那我为什么不这样做呢？

Why not throw myself into that future?

为什么不把自己投入到那个未来呢？

What else was I going to do with my time here on earth?

我在地球上的这段时间还能做什么呢？

It had never occurred to me, this sense of immense possibility, that I could just do whatever I wanted.

我从来没有想过，这种巨大的可能性，我可以做任何我想做的事。

I was emerging, my world opening up.

我正在崛起，我的世界正在开放。

When the tour ended, John and I stood outside the bus and took a picture with my disposable camera.

旅行结束后，约翰和我站在公交车外，用一次性相机拍了张照片。

In the picture, I am radiant, my smile spread wide.

照片中的我容光焕发，笑容灿烂。

At home, I kept that little photo in a prime spot on my bulletin board.

在家里，我把那张小照片放在布告栏的黄金位置。

“Remember what John said,” my mother and I would joke whenever a conversation about music or college came up.

“记住约翰说的话，”每当谈论到音乐或大学时，我和母亲就会开玩笑。

That phrase became my version of Nike’s “Just Do It” mantra.

这句话成了我对耐克“Just Do It”口号的诠释。

It echoed in my head as I auditioned for drum major, for All-State band, for university admissions.

当我试镜鼓专业、全州乐队、大学招生时，这句话在我脑海中回响。

It worked: I got into music school.

它奏效了：我进入了音乐学校。

And although music ultimately didn’t become my path, the permission I had received to just do the thing I wanted to do stuck with me.

尽管音乐最终没有成为我的道路，但我得到的去做我想做的事情的许可一直困扰着我。

I packed my picture with John up with my other photo albums, moved them with me from dorm to apartment to house, Texas to Nashville.

我把我和约翰的合影和其他相册放在一起，从宿舍搬到公寓到房子，从德克萨斯搬到纳什维尔。

At some point I forgot exactly what it was that John had said, but I never forgot how he had made me feel—that what I wanted was important, and was important simply because I wanted it.

有时我忘记了约翰到底说了什么，但我永远不会忘记他给我的感觉——我想要的东西很重要，而且仅仅因为我想要它而重要。

Twenty years later, I am in an inflatable swimming pool with friends, drinking sparkling rosé and talking about God knows what, when the memory of John and that bus tour emerges from the recesses of my mind.

二十年后，我和朋友们在一个充气游泳池里，喝着起泡的桃红葡萄酒，天知道在谈论什么，这时约翰和那次巴士旅行的记忆从我的脑海深处浮现出来。

“The man literally changed the course of my life,” I say.

“这个人确实改变了我的人生轨迹，”我说。

Up until this, I’d blown my life up several times, course-correcting, attempting to find exactly what it was that made me feel whole in the way we discussed that summer day.

在此之前，我已经好几次把自己的生活搞砸了，纠正方向，试图找出到底是什么让我在那个夏天的讨论中感到完整。

I tried music, but I learned that playing music wasn’t what captivated me—it was being in creative conversation, in community, with others.

我尝试过音乐，但我发现演奏音乐并不是吸引我的地方，而是与他人进行创造性的对话、社区和他人。

I started writing to fulfill the creative piece and I sought jobs that fulfilled the community piece.

我开始写作是为了实现创意，并寻找能够实现社区的工作。

Eventually, I became a public librarian and writer.

最终，我成为了一名公共图书馆员和作家。

Creative conversations and community abound, and for once I’m at peace with how I spend my days.

创造性的对话和社区比比皆是，这一次我对自己度过每一天的方式感到平静。

“I’ve always wanted to find him,” I say, the words pouring out, loosened by the rosé.

“我一直想找到他，”我说道，在桃红葡萄酒的衬托下，我的话语倾泻而出。

Questions linger in the back of my mind: what it would take to find John, where he might be now, what happened to him after that tour.

问题一直萦绕在我的脑海里：怎样才能找到约翰，他现在可能在哪里，那次旅行之后他发生了什么事。

When we met, my teenage brain clocked him as being in his mid-50s, and that was over 20 years ago.

当我们见面时，我十几岁的大脑认为他已经 50 多岁了，那是 20 多年前的事了。

Time marched on; doing the math now, I worry that I waited too long.

时间在前进；现在正在做数学，我担心我等得太久了。

“You’d better get on it, then,” my friend says, pouring herself another glass.

“那么，你最好继续喝下去，”我的朋友说着，又给自己倒了一杯酒。

Later that week, I pull the little disposable picture out of a dusty photo album.

那周晚些时候，我从满是灰尘的相册里拿出那张一次性的小照片。

There I am, my Kool-Aid smile; there’s handsome John, his tie swishing as he leans next to me on a city sidewalk, mimosa trees and tour bus in the background.

我就在那里，我的酷爱微笑；英俊的约翰在城市人行道上倚在我身边，领带飘动，背景是含羞草树和旅游巴士。

I study the picture for clues and notice two things: 1) I was wrong about John’s age.

我研究图片寻找线索，注意到两件事：1）我对约翰年龄的判断是错误的。

He was much younger than I realized; and 2) there are no other identifying features in the picture.

他比我想象的要年轻得多。 2) 图片中没有其他可识别特征。

No street signs, no signage on the bus.

街道上没有标志，公交车上也没有标志。

The bus blocks the buildings around it so it’s impossible to recognize any surrounding landmarks.

公交车挡住了周围的建筑物，因此无法识别周围的任何地标。

All I have to go on is John, red tour bus, and Los Angeles, which is exactly what I Google, grasping at straws.

我所要做的就是约翰、红色旅游巴士和洛杉矶，这正是我谷歌搜索的内容，抓住了救命稻草。

I try to remember the substance of our conversation to jog loose any other defining characteristics and find none.

我试图记住我们谈话的实质内容，以摆脱任何其他定义性特征，但一无所获。

I’m not even sure I have his name right.

我什至不确定我是否写对了他的名字。

Was it really John—or could it be Jon, or Juan, or maybe something else entirely?

真的是约翰吗——或者可能是乔恩、胡安，或者完全是别的什么东西？

I search all the tour bus companies across LA and find one that uses red buses.

我搜索了洛杉矶所有的旅游巴士公司，找到了一家使用红色巴士的公司。

I text my mom the name to see if it rings any bells.

我给妈妈发短信告诉我这个名字，看看它是否引起了任何共鸣。

It doesn’t, but she’s glad I’m finally getting around to finding John.

事实并非如此，但她很高兴我终于有时间去找约翰了。

I email the company, saying that I know it’s a crazy question but did they ever have a guy working for them in 2002 named John?

我给该公司发了一封电子邮件，说我知道这是一个疯狂的问题，但 2002 年他们有没有为他们工作过一个名叫约翰的人？

I attach the picture.

我附上图片。

I don’t expect to get a response.

我不期望得到回应。

(I never do.) I ask my mom to dig around in her scrapbooks and shoeboxes to see if she has any receipts or any memorabilia from that trip that might unlock more details.

（我从来没有这样做过。）我让妈妈翻遍她的剪贴簿和鞋盒，看看她是否有那次旅行的收据或任何纪念品，可以解开更多细节。

Again, no dice.

再说一次，没有骰子。

This single picture with its generic, no-hint-giving background, is all I have.

这张图片及其普通的、没有任何提示的背景，就是我所拥有的一切。

And then a wicked thought crosses my mind.

然后一个邪恶的念头闪过我的脑海。

I’ve heard about facial recognition search, seedy websites where you can upload a picture of someone and get a possible identification in return.

我听说过面部识别搜索，这是一些肮脏的网站，你可以在其中上传某人的照片并获得可能的身份识别信息。

As someone who values personal privacy and abhors the mounting impossibility of not being tracked on the internet without your consent, I’m appalled by these websites.

作为一个重视个人隐私并厌恶未经您同意就不可能在互联网上被跟踪的人，我对这些网站感到震惊。

As someone who really wants to locate a stranger I’d met once two decades ago, I’m intrigued.

作为一个真正想找到二十年前见过一次的陌生人的人，我很感兴趣。

I find the least objectionable-looking website and upload my picture.

我找到看起来最不令人反感的网站并上传我的照片。

I want to say that it’s harder than this, that it takes multiple tries, but no—I hit the search button and the first result that returns is John, 20 years older.

我想说这比这更难，需要多次尝试，但不行——我按下搜索按钮，返回的第一个结果是约翰，比他大 20 岁。

Technology, man.

技术啊，伙计。

I gasp.

我喘息着。

It is unmistakably him.

毫无疑问是他。

A single headshot on a gray background, the same smile.

灰色背景上的一张头像，同样的微笑。

Now that I have this clue, I have to go further.

既然有了这个线索，我就得更进一步了。

I want to say that it’s harder than this, that it takes multiple tries, but no—I hit the search button and the first result that returns is John, 20 years older.

我想说这比这更难，需要多次尝试，但不行——我按下搜索按钮，返回的第一个结果是约翰，比他大 20 岁。

However.

然而。

To access the full search results—meaning the website where this picture of older John lives—I have to pay.

要访问完整的搜索结果（即老约翰照片所在的网站），我必须付费。

In Bitcoin.

在比特币中。

At this, I draw the line.

至此，我划清界限。

But I am nothing if not persistent.

但如果不坚持的话，我什么都不是。

I take a screenshot of the updated picture and rerun the search.

我截取更新后图片的屏幕截图并重新运行搜索。

Bingo: four more results with John in the pictures, one of which carries a blurry photographer’s watermark.

宾果游戏：还有四张照片中有约翰的结果，其中一张带有模糊的摄影师水印。

I find the photographer’s website; he’s a portrait artist in North Carolina.

我找到了摄影师的网站；他是北卡罗来纳州的一位肖像艺术家。

I click on the link for his gallery and scroll.

我点击他的画廊的链接并滚动。

And there—dozens of portraits of John taken two years prior.

还有数十张约翰两年前拍摄的肖像。

And more importantly, a last name.

更重要的是，姓氏。

The search blows open.

搜索工作全面展开。

I learn that John played soccer for a small college in North Carolina in the ’80s, and that much has happened since our chance meeting two decades prior.

我了解到约翰在 80 年代在北卡罗来纳州的一所小大学踢足球，自从我们二十年前偶然相遇以来，发生了很多事情。

He was interviewed on a podcast 10 years ago about being a biracial man in America.

十年前，他在一个播客上接受了有关美国混血儿身份的采访。

He has written a short memoir.

他写了一本简短的回忆录。

He’s been a motivational speaker, a youth mentor, a grad student on his way to a doctoral degree.

他是一名励志演说家、一名青年导师、一名正在攻读博士学位的研究生。

It astonishes me how closely aligned we are: His family, like mine, is from Germany; his ex-wife and I share a name; we both work with kids; we both write.

令我惊讶的是，我们的关系是如此密切：他的家人和我的家人一样，来自德国；他的前妻和我同名；我们都和孩子一起工作；我们都写。

I get the distinct feeling that had we remained in contact, we would by now be old friends.

我有一种明显的感觉，如果我们保持联系，我们现在就会成为老朋友了。

And yet, he has no website, no Facebook account or any other social media that I can find.

然而，他没有网站，没有 Facebook 帐户或我能找到的任何其他社交媒体。

I can’t find a way to contact John directly.

我找不到直接联系约翰的方法。

So I email the photographer, cross my fingers, and wait.

所以我给摄影师发了电子邮件，祈祷并等待。

The next morning, an email hits my inbox.

第二天早上，一封电子邮件进入我的收件箱。

The sender appears on the preview line only as “Dr. J.”

发件人在预览行中仅显示为“Dr. J.”

“Lisa—Please refresh my memory of how you know me.”

“丽莎——请让我回忆一下你是如何认识我的。”

“It’s a long story,” I reply.

“这是一个很长的故事，”我回答道。

I send him the picture of us on the LA sidewalk.

我给他发了我们在洛杉矶人行道上的照片。

We agree to a phone call.

我们同意打电话。

My friends are convinced that this phone call is a terrible idea.

我的朋友们确信这个电话是个糟糕的主意。

Stranger danger, what if he’s a creep, what if he really doesn’t want to be found, what if he’s in hiding, etc. All valid points.

陌生人的危险，如果他是一个怪物怎么办，如果他真的不想被发现怎么办，如果他躲藏起来怎么办，等等。所有这些都是有效的。

But I know in my gut that John is the kind of person who would want to be contacted by someone like me, a serendipitous stranger who just wanted to thank him for the shape of her life.

但我内心深处知道，约翰是那种希望被像我这样的人联系的人，一个偶然的陌生人，只是想感谢他塑造了她的生活。

I don’t know why I believe this.

我不知道为什么我相信这一点。

Maybe because of how open he was on the bus, how willing to listen and encourage, how interested and curious.

也许是因为他在公交车上多么开放，多么愿意倾听和鼓励，多么感兴趣和好奇。

But that was 20 years ago.

但那是20年前的事了。

A lot can change in 20 years, especially in the 20 years that birthed the public internet.

20 年内可以发生很多事情，尤其是公共互联网诞生的 20 年。

But can a person with as distinct a personality as John (or as distinct a personality as my child brain remembers) really change that much?

但像约翰这样个性鲜明的人（或者像我孩子的大脑所记得的那样个性鲜明）真的能改变那么大吗？

Can the world have turned so much that it turned him upside down with it?

难道世界已经发生了如此大的变化，以至于让他天翻地覆吗？

I could turn that same question around on me—do I, at heart, possess the same idyllic soul I had when I was 14?

我可以把同样的问题反过来问自己——我的内心是否拥有 14 岁时同样田园诗般的灵魂？

I am more guarded, more mature, less star-eyed and more clear-eyed, my youthful optimism giving way to something more embattled.

我更加谨慎，更加成熟，不再那么盲目乐观，而是更加清醒，我年轻时的乐观主义让位于更加四面楚歌的东西。

But I still carry that small belief in magical thinking.

但我仍然对神奇思维抱有小小的信念。

And, I decide, John probably does too.

而且，我认为，约翰可能也是如此。

Still, my stomach turns over as I dial his phone number.

尽管如此，当我拨通他的电话号码时，我的胃还是在翻腾。

There’s always the chance I could just be delusional.

我总是有可能产生妄想。

I feel delusional as I listen to the buzzing ring.

当我听到嗡嗡声时，我感到了幻觉。

Then the ring stops.

然后铃声停止了。

“This should be really interesting,” John says, upon answering.

“这应该非常有趣，”约翰回答时说道。

The impact of his voice is immediate.

他的声音的影响是立竿见影的。

The lilt, the tenor, the accent—it’s as if I’ve been transported to childhood.

轻快的、男高音的、口音的——我仿佛回到了童年。

I gasp.

我喘息着。

My joy is uncontainable.

我的喜悦无法抑制。

“You have no idea what kind of ruckus you caused here,” he says.

“你不知道你在这里引起了什么样的骚动，”他说。

Something about the hunt he’d gone on to try to figure out who I was, a wild 24 hours spent trolling the internet, looking at my website, reading about me, even calling me from a blocked number (I didn’t pick up) just so he could hear my voice, none of which was recognizable.

他为了弄清楚我是谁而继续寻找我，花了24小时疯狂地上网，浏览我的网站，阅读有关我的信息，甚至用一个被封锁的号码给我打电话（我没有接听），只是为了听到我的声音，但我的声音都无法辨认。

In the email I sent back to him, I had explained the strange, outsized influence he’d unwittingly had on my life, which he had found hard to believe.

在我发回给他的电子邮件中，我解释了他在不知不觉中对我的生活产生的奇怪的、巨大的影响，他觉得很难相信。

He was unsure that I was a real person and not some kind of a scammer.

他不确定我是一个真实的人而不是某种骗子。

It was his children who convinced him to contact me.

是他的孩子们说服他联系我。

So—

所以——

“Tell me everything,” he says.

“告诉我一切，”他说。

“I want to know it all.

“我想知道这一切。

But first, how in the world did you find me?”

但首先，你到底是怎么找到我的？”

He does remember me, he says.

他确实记得我，他说。

It’s the picture that brings him back, but he remembers that tour, he remembers my mother.

是这张照片让他回想起了那次旅行，他还记得我的母亲。

He finds it hilarious that he is wearing a tie in the picture: “My children never see me in a tie.” But still, he is flabbergasted that we are both here, now, on two sides of a phone from each other, two decades since the last time we talked.

他觉得照片中自己打领带很搞笑：“我的孩子们从来没有看到我打领带。”但他仍然感到惊讶的是，距离我们上次通话已有二十年了，我们现在都在这儿，隔着一部电话。

The lengths to which I’ve gone to find him both amazes and alarms him.

我费了九牛二虎之力才找到他，这让他既惊讶又警觉。

He wants to know exactly how I did it, which websites had his information, who I contacted, who contacted me back, a complete map of my journey from picture to this phone conversation.

他想确切地知道我是如何做到的，哪些网站有他的信息，我联系了谁，谁又联系了我，以及我从照片到这次电话交谈的整个旅程的完整地图。

I stumble over my words, trying to explain myself, my near-maniacal (perhaps delusional!) devotion to finding a stranger.

我结结巴巴地说话，试图解释自己，我近乎疯狂（也许是妄想！）的寻找陌生人的热情。

I know it sounds crazy, even creepy, especially when I describe the use of the facial recognition site, especially after he says he’s a “private person” and likes to keep his life wrapped up tight.

我知道这听起来很疯狂，甚至令人毛骨悚然，尤其是当我描述面部识别网站的使用时，尤其是在他说自己是一个“注重隐私的人”并且喜欢将自己的生活包裹得严严实实之后。

I apologize.

我道歉。

Maybe I’ve overstepped, and his voice will turn angry and he’ll yell and hang up, send me an angry email later.

也许我越界了，他的声音会变得愤怒，他会大喊大叫，然后挂断电话，稍后再给我发一封愤怒的电子邮件。

But no—he stops me.

但不——他阻止了我。

He can tell I’m struggling.

他可以看出我正在挣扎。

“You do not need to justify any of this,” he says.

“你不需要为这一切辩护，”他说。

He assures me that he doesn’t think anything wrong of me—he’s just curious.

他向我保证他并不认为我有什么问题——他只是好奇。

And this curiosity is what I remember most about him.

这种好奇心是我对他印象最深刻的。

It’s the part of him that hasn’t changed; it’s the part I value the most.

这是他没有改变的部分；这是我最看重的部分。

The impact of his voice is immediate.

他的声音的影响是立竿见影的。

The lilt, the tenor, the accent—it’s as if I’ve been transported to childhood.

轻快的、男高音的、口音的——我仿佛回到了童年。

When he says he wants to know everything, he really means everything.

当他说他想知道一切时，他确实是指一切。

He asks about what happened to me after that conversation, did I study music, why did I stop studying music, how did I meet my husband, what is my husband like, is he a good man, what does he think of all this, what does my mother think, by the way, tell my mother he says hello.

他问我在那次谈话之后发生了什么，我学过音乐吗，为什么我不再学音乐，我是怎么认识我丈夫的，我丈夫是什么样的，他是一个好男人吗，他对这一切有什么看法，我妈妈觉得怎么样，顺便告诉我妈妈他打个招呼。

We talk for two hours and it is as if we are old friends, interrupting each other’s sentences, loud and flamboyant in our excitement.

我们聊了两个小时，就像是老朋友一样，互相打断对方的话，兴奋得大声、张扬。

We get hung up trying to remember how our first conversation started.

我们一直在努力回忆我们的第一次谈话是如何开始的。

He is hung up on the how of it all—how I was able to find him, how I remembered all this, how we even originally ended up in conversation on that bus.

他很想知道这一切是如何发生的——我是如何找到他的，我是如何记住这一切的，甚至我们最初是如何在那辆公共汽车上交谈的。

He is intrigued by the timeline; when we met, he was working as a tour guide and thought maybe he might like to go into teaching or mentorship.

他对时间线很感兴趣；当我们见面时，他正在担任导游，并认为他可能会喜欢从事教学或指导工作。

At the time, his personal life had been difficult and he was seeking direction.

当时，他的个人生活很困难，他正在寻求方向。

He loves that even then, before his path was clear before him, he made this impression on me.

他喜欢的是，即使在那时，在他的道路变得清晰之前，他就给我留下了这样的印象。

Ultimately, we decide that the conversation happened the way it did because I am me and he is him.

最终，我们决定谈话就这样进行，因为我是我，他是他。

“A teacher knows when a student sits before him,” John says, remarking on my attentiveness that day.

“当学生坐在他面前时，老师会知道，”约翰在谈到我那天的专注时说道。

He was speaking and I was listening, and vice versa.

他在说话，我在听，反之亦然。

I tell him that I even remember the way I sat to hear him speak because it was the way I’m sitting now—crouched forward, elbows on knees, hungry to catch every word.

我告诉他，我什至记得我坐着听他说话的方式，因为这就是我现在坐着的方式——向前蹲下，肘部放在膝盖上，渴望听清每一个字。

As curious as he is about the how, he’s not at all concerned with the why.

尽管他对如何做感到好奇，但他根本不关心为什么。

The why, he says, he understands.

他说，他明白为什么。

A professor friend of his recently told him that this kind of thing happens often, that “people from the past come through.” I tell him that kind of thing is happening to me too; spending more time as a children’s librarian, I’m starting to experience what John is experiencing right now—random kids who come to you as adults, adults who say that you are the reason for their life’s path.

他的一位教授朋友最近告诉他，这种事情经常发生，“过去的人过来了”。我告诉他这种事也发生在我身上；当我花了更多时间担任儿童图书管理员后，我开始体验约翰现在正在经历的事情——随机的孩子长大后来找你，成年人说你是他们人生道路的原因。

“That’s all we want as teachers, as mentors,” he says.

“这就是我们作为老师、导师所想要的，”他说。

“To know we were heard.

“要知道我们的声音被听到了。

And to be validated by that child, now an adult, calling us out of the blue to tell us of the impact.

并得到那个现在已经成年的孩子的证实，突然打电话给我们告诉我们影响。

That is immeasurable.”

这是无法估量的。”

It occurs to me that as much as I valued being seen by him all those years ago, he is just now realizing how seen he was by me.

我突然意识到，尽管多年前我很重视被他看到，但他现在才意识到我是多么看他。

It’s like he’s discovered a time capsule he didn’t realize existed, proof that the kernel of his soul has remained intact.

就像他发现了一个他没有意识到的时间胶囊，证明他灵魂的核心仍然完好无损。

I can hear the pride in his voice when I describe the effect the conversation has on me.

当我描述这次谈话对我的影响时，我可以从他的声音中听到自豪感。

“That’s always been me,” he says.

“这一直是我，”他说。

“That’s who I am.”

“我就是这样的人。”

I thank him for his role in my life, however fleeting it was.

我感谢他在我生命中所扮演的角色，无论它多么短暂。

We agree to keep in touch.

我们同意保持联系。

I order a copy of his memoir and promise to give him my thoughts once I’ve read it.

我订购了一本他的回忆录，并承诺读完后我会告诉他我的想法。

He is excited to see what I’ll write next.

他很高兴看到我接下来要写的内容。

He is excited to tell his children about our conversation.

他很高兴告诉他的孩子们我们的谈话。

As our call dwindles, I sense this will be a long friendship, that it has already been a long friendship, decades in the making.

随着我们的电话越来越少，我感觉到这将是一段漫长的友谊，它已经是一段漫长的友谊，已经酝酿了几十年。

The world is so odd sometimes, the internet making everything frictionless and small.

世界有时是如此奇怪，互联网让一切变得无摩擦且小。

DNA mapping and global social profiles that make these serendipitous encounters feel so much less enchanting.

DNA 绘图和全球社交档案让这些偶然的邂逅变得不再那么迷人。

It is too easy now to look a person up and judge who they are based on their profile online rather than what is immediately before you.

现在，根据一个人的在线个人资料而不是眼前的资料来查找并判断他是谁太容易了。

Too easy to set our minds wondering on who they are, where they work, what they post about, who they have mutuals with.

我们很容易想知道他们是谁、他们在哪里工作、他们发布了什么内容、他们与谁有共同点。

But.

但。

There can still be a kid, 20 years after being a kid, sitting with her elbows on her knees, crouched forward, craning to hear every word a stranger says because the stranger is not a stranger.

20年后，仍然有一个孩子，手肘放在膝盖上，向前蹲下，伸长脖子听陌生人说的每一个字，因为陌生人不是陌生人。

Though there is no online profile between them, one soul recognizes another.

尽管他们之间没有网上个人资料，但一个灵魂认识另一个灵魂。

A teacher recognizes when a student sits before them.

当学生坐在老师面前时，老师会识别出来。

“Thank you,” John sighs, as we say our goodbyes.

“谢谢你，”当我们告别时，约翰叹了口气。

“For finding me.”

“为了找到我。”

Lisa Bubert is a writer based in Nashville, Tennessee.

丽莎·布伯特是田纳西州纳什维尔的一位作家。

Her work has appeared in numerous publications, including Texas Highways, Texas Monthly, West Branch, Northwest Review, and more.

她的作品曾发表在众多出版物上，包括《德克萨斯高速公路》、《德克萨斯月刊》、《West Branch》、《西北评论》等。

Her Longreads essay “The Sunset” was a Notable inclusion in Best American Essays.

她的长篇文章“日落”被列入最佳美国散文中。

Her work has also been nominated for Best Small Fictions and the Pushcart Prize.

她的作品还被提名为最佳小小说和手推车奖。

She is currently at work on a novel.

她目前正在写一本小说。

Editor: Peter Rubin

编辑：彼得·鲁宾

Copyeditor: Krista Stevens

文案编辑：克里斯塔·史蒂文斯