The Death and Life of Frankie Madrid
Frankie couldnât come back across the border, but his ashes could.
弗兰基无法越过边境回来，但他的骨灰可以。
They traveled in a small red wood box.
他们乘坐一个红色小木箱旅行。
His brother Beto put them inside a carry-on bag, and they cleared the metal detector at the port of entry in San Luis, Arizona.
他的兄弟贝托将它们放入随身携带的包中，并通过了亚利桑那州圣路易斯入境口岸的金属探测器。
The box sat next to him on the ride back to Flagstaff until he placed it in his motherâs arms.
在返回弗拉格斯塔夫的路上，盒子一直放在他旁边，直到他把它放在母亲的怀里。
Beto had made the 500-mile journey to Hermosillo, Mexico, hoping that he would find Frankie alive, but he knew his mind was playing tricks on him.
贝托长途跋涉 500 英里前往墨西哥埃莫西约，希望能找到还活着的弗兰基，但他知道自己的思想在欺骗他。
It wasnât until he opened the casket at the funeral home that it hit him: Frankie was gone.
直到他在殡仪馆打开棺材时，他才意识到：弗兰基已经走了。
There were scratches on the side of his neck, ears, and face, and the undertakers had dressed him in a buttoned-down white shirt with a black bandana pattern that Beto knew Frankie would have hated.
他的脖子一侧、耳朵和脸上都有划痕，殡仪员给他穿上了一件带纽扣的白色衬衫，上面有黑色头巾图案，贝托知道弗兰基会讨厌这种图案。
Beto gave him a hug and a kiss with a soft, âI love you.â Outside the funeral home, relatives whom Beto barely remembered rushed to hug him and give him condolences in a Spanish he couldnât grasp.
贝托给了他一个拥抱和一个吻，轻柔地说：“我爱你。”在殡仪馆外，贝托几乎不记得的亲戚冲上来拥抱他，并用他听不懂的西班牙语向他表示哀悼。
When Francisco âFrankieâ Madrid took his life on October 2, 2017, he was just a few weeks short of 27.
当弗朗西斯科·弗兰基·马德里于 2017 年 10 月 2 日结束生命时，距离他的 27 岁生日仅剩几周时间。
The death certificate listed acute respiratory failure, acute pulmonary edema, and cardiac arrest as the cause of death, but Beto didnât need to see any papers to know his brother had committed suicide.
死亡证明上列出了急性呼吸衰竭、急性肺水肿和心脏骤停的死因，但贝托不需要看任何文件就知道他的兄弟是自杀的。
Frankie had tried and failed the week before with vodka and Klonopin, posting a farewell message on Facebook.
一周前，弗兰基曾尝试饮用伏特加和克罗平，但失败了，并在 Facebook 上发布了告别信息。
The day before he died, he and Beto had spoken by phone for an hour.
在他去世的前一天，他和贝托通了一个小时的电话。
Beto pleaded with him, but he feared he was too far away to reach him.
贝托恳求他，但他担心自己太远而无法联系到他。
Iâm doing heroin, Frankie told him, because I want to kill myself.
弗兰基告诉他，我正在吸食海洛因，因为我想自杀。
Not because I want to get high .
不是因为我想嗨。
Frankie had been deported from the United States because he was an âillegal alien,â but he was an alien in Mexico, the place where he was born.
弗兰基被美国驱逐出境，因为他是“非法外国人”，但他在他的出生地墨西哥是外国人。
He knew he wouldnât see his daughter grow up or his mother grow old.
他知道他不会看到他的女儿长大，也不会看到他的母亲变老。
He wouldnât be there to babysit his nieces and nephew.
他不会在那里照顾他的侄女和侄子。
He wouldnât be there to tell his older sister, Dulce, that she could make it through anything or remind his younger brothers, Johnny and Beto, that their U.S. citizenship comes with privileges.
他不会在那里告诉他的姐姐杜尔西，她可以度过任何难关，也不会提醒他的弟弟约翰尼和贝托，他们的美国公民身份附带特权。
The leaves would turn colors in Flagstaff, his hometown, and he wouldnât be there to hike the mountains or organize volunteers at the Pride festival or speak out at the City Council or drop in on the mayor.
他的家乡弗拉格斯塔夫的树叶会变色，他不会去那里徒步旅行，也不会在骄傲节上组织志愿者，不会在市议会发表讲话，也不会去拜访市长。
In Flagstaff, he was Frankie.
在弗拉格斯塔夫，他是弗兰基。
In Hermosillo, he wasnât anymore.
在埃莫西约，他已经不在了。
An Immigration and Customs Enforcement deportation bus transported Frankie to Nogales, Sonora, right across the border.
移民和海关执法局的驱逐巴士将弗兰基运送到边境对面索诺拉州的诺加利斯。
It had rained so hard that the streets were flooded.
雨下得很大，街道都被淹了。
He carried a sheet of paper with phone numbers, email addresses, and Facebook accounts that inmates had given him with messages to share with their families.
他随身带着一张纸，上面有囚犯给他的电话号码、电子邮件地址和 Facebook 帐户，以及与家人分享的信息。
(âCall his dad Santiago.
（——打电话给他的父亲圣地亚哥。
Ask him to apply for phone calls.â) A cousin by marriage, Norma Alicia Fonllem, came to pick him up with her husband and daughter.
让他申请打电话。”) 一位表亲诺玛·艾丽西亚·丰莱姆 (Norma Alicia Follem) 带着她的丈夫和女儿来接他。
Frankie was exhausted and slept for most of the three-hour ride to Hermosillo.
在前往埃莫西约的三个小时车程中，弗兰基疲惫不堪，大部分时间都在睡觉。
When they reached the city, he asked Norma, âWhat would people think about me if Iâm gay?â Frankie was scared about being gay in Mexico.
当他们到达城市时，他问诺玛，“如果我是同性恋，人们会怎么看我？”弗兰基害怕在墨西哥成为同性恋。
Would he be shunned?
他会被回避吗？
Harassed?
被骚扰？
Beaten up?
被打了？
Norma told him it didnât matter.
诺玛告诉他这没关系。
He joined a gym just a few blocks from Normaâs house.
他加入了距离诺玛家仅几个街区的一家健身房。
He said he was getting sexy and meeting new people, and he thought there were some sexy people in Hermosillo.
他说他变得性感并结识了新朋友，他认为埃莫西约有一些性感的人。
Norma drove him to government offices, where he picked up his birth certificate and Mexican ID.
诺玛开车送他去政府办公室，在那里他领取了出生证明和墨西哥身份证。
He quickly landed a job at Intugo, the call-center company that caters to English-speaking customers.
他很快就在 Intugo 找到了一份工作，这是一家为英语客户提供服务的呼叫中心公司。
He was self-conscious about his Spanishâ ââ he had learned it at home, speaking with his mom.
他对自己的西班牙语很不自在——他是在家里和妈妈交谈时学会的。
In Mexico, people called this type of Spanish pocho â ââ which also means a Mexican who has lost his cultureâ ââ and family members would correct him.
在墨西哥，人们称这种西班牙pocho为“-”，这也意味着一个失去了文化的墨西哥人--家人会纠正他。
Sometimes they would speak too fast for him to understand, and there were moments he would just blurt out sentences in English.
有时他们说得太快，他听不懂，有时他会脱口而出英语句子。
To distract himself, he binge-watched 13 Reasons Why , the Netflix series about a high school girl who leaves behind a box of cassettes that explain why she took her life.
为了分散自己的注意力，他狂看了 Netflix 的连续剧《十三个原因》，讲述一名高中女生留下一盒磁带，解释了她自杀的原因。
He rented an apartment, a one bedroom in a lower-middle-class colonia north of downtown.
他在市中心以北的一个中下阶层聚居地租了一套单卧室公寓。
It had a single window and a front door with bars.
它只有一扇窗户和一扇带栅栏的前门。
It looked like a little jail.
它看起来就像一个小监狱。
With money from friends and family in Flagstaffâ ââ they had started a GoFundMe campaignâ ââ he bought a 2005 gold Nissan Altima.
用弗拉格斯塔夫的朋友和家人的钱——他们发起了一项 GoFundMe 活动——他买了一辆 2005 年款的金色 Nissan Altima。
He could have used the money to pay someone to bring him back across the border, but he didnât want to live his life always looking over his shoulder.
他本可以用这笔钱付钱给某人带他穿越边境，但他不想过着总是提心吊胆的生活。
If he was arrested, he would end up back in prison, and he never wanted to be there again.
如果他被捕，他最终会回到监狱，他再也不想呆在那里了。
One day, on his way to work, his car broke down, and he was stranded.
有一天，在他上班的路上，他的车抛锚了，他被困住了。
Even though Flagstaff had a population of 72,000, Frankie always thought it felt like a small town.
尽管弗拉格斯塔夫有 72,000 人口，弗兰基始终认为它就像一个小镇。
A stranger there would have come to his rescue.
那里有一个陌生人会来救他的。
Hermosillo, which was ten times larger, was noisy and confusing, and passersby either ignored his appeals for help or told him to get out of the way.
埃莫西约的面积比他大十倍，非常吵闹和混乱，路人要么无视他的求助，要么告诉他让开。
Frankieâs mood would change abruptly.
弗兰基的情绪会突然改变。
Anytime something bad happened, he hated Mexico.
每当发生不好的事情时，他就讨厌墨西哥。
Anytime something good occurred, he told himself he was going to get through it.
每当有好事发生时，他就告诉自己他会度过难关。
On Facebook, he shared a picture of a coffee mug with the words âBritney survived 2007, I can handle today.â That, at least, is what he wanted others to think, but the reality was that he was depressed and anxious, hoping for only one thing: to return to the U.S.
他在脸书上分享了一张咖啡杯的照片，上面写着“布兰妮在2007年幸存下来，今天我可以应付。”这至少是他希望别人这么想的，但现实是他感到沮丧和焦虑，只希望一件事：回到美国。
The news from the United States, though, was not good.
然而，来自美国的消息并不好。
His 54-year-old mother, MarÃa, who suffered from a heart condition, had tripped and broken five ribs.
他 54 岁的母亲玛利亚患有心脏病，绊倒并折断了五根肋骨。
She didnât want Frankie to know, but he found out anyway.
她不想让弗兰基知道，但他还是发现了。
Frankie would call Lee Phillips, his attorney and friend in Flagstaff.
弗兰基会给他的律师兼弗拉格斯塔夫的朋友李·菲利普斯打电话。
Iâm never going to see my mom again, and she may die in the hospital .
我再也见不到我妈妈了，她可能会死在医院里。
There were days he would phone in the middle of a panic attack.
有时候他会在惊恐发作时打电话。
T e ll me the truth.
告诉我真相。
I have to know.
我必须知道。
Am I ever going to be able to come back?
我还能回来吗？
Phillips spoke to colleagues who specialized in immigration law, and the answer was always the same: Frankie was barred from ever returning to the United States.
菲利普斯与专门研究移民法的同事进行了交谈，得到的答案总是一样的：弗兰基被禁止返回美国。
There was no letter of support that could be written to bring him back.
没有任何支持信可以把他带回来。
View of the street of Frankieâs apartment in Hermosillo  Photograph by Koral Carballo
埃莫西约弗兰基公寓的街道景观 摄影：Koral Carballo
Frankie walked down the hallway on his way to the Coconino County courtroom in Flagstaff, his arms and legs chained.
弗兰基（Frankie）沿着走廊走向弗拉格斯塔夫（Flagstaff）的科科尼诺县（Coconino County）法庭，他的胳膊和腿都被铁链锁着。
As he passed Dulce, he gave her a brief smile.
当他经过杜尔西时，他给了她一个短暂的微笑。
Having already spent a year in jail and facing ten more in prison, Frankie had accepted a plea agreement for criminal charges of shoplifting and possession of dangerous drugs and drug paraphernalia.
弗兰基已经入狱一年，并面临另外十次入狱，他接受了关于入店行窃、持有危险药物和吸毒用具的刑事指控的认罪协议。
The prosecutor dropped the charge for possession of a gun.
检察官撤销了持有枪支的指控。
Frankie would serve four additional months and then be deported.
弗兰基将再服刑四个月，然后被驱逐出境。
When the judge handed out the sentence, he noted that Frankie had sought drug rehabilitation, had served the community, and had no prior record.
当法官宣判时，他指出弗兰基曾寻求戒毒，曾为社区服务过，并且没有任何犯罪记录。
All Dulce could think was that Frankieâs life in the United States had shrunk into a one-hour sentencing.
杜尔西所能想到的就是弗兰基在美国的生活已经缩减为一小时的判决。
I tâs hard to be this perfect citizen we have to be, she thought.
我很难成为我们必须成为的完美公民，她想。
The system doesnât help you to be perfect.
该系统无法帮助您变得完美。
Itâs expecting you to fail.
它期待你失败。
MarÃa pleaded with the judge to allow her to hug her son, but he denied the request.
玛利亚恳求法官允许她拥抱儿子，但法官拒绝了这一请求。
Frankie gestured that it was OK and blew her kisses.
弗兰基示意没关系，然后飞吻了。
The last thing she saw was his back.
她最后看到的就是他的背影。
The judge then did something Lee Phillips had never seen.
然后法官做了李·菲利普斯从未见过的事情。
He got up from his bench and walked over to MarÃa, extending his hand.
他从长凳上站起来，走到玛利亚身边，伸出了手。
âIâm sorry,â he told her.
“我很抱歉，”他告诉她。
âI canât do anything because immigration has him, and I donât work with immigration.â
“我无能为力，因为移民局控制着他，而且我不与移民局合作。”
Frankie and Dulce were having an argument they had had many times.
弗兰基和杜尔西发生了多次争吵。
She told him she didnât want to ever see his backpack in her house, because if her kids opened it up, they could stab themselves with a needle.
她告诉他，她不想在她家里看到他的背包，因为如果她的孩子打开它，他们可能会用针刺伤自己。
Frankie had been staying with her off and on, insisting that this time he really would get clean.
弗兰基断断续续地陪着她，坚持说这一次他真的会干净起来。
He promised he would throw away everything inside.
他承诺他会扔掉里面的所有东西。
When he left for Walmart to buy groceries for their mom, Dulce told him not to return if he still had the backpack.
当他去沃尔玛给妈妈买杂货时，杜尔西告诉他，如果背包还在，就不要回来。
As Frankie was leaving the store, an employee accused one of his two companions of stuffing sewing needles and an oven mitt down his pantsâ ââ about $4 worth of merchandise.
当弗兰基离开商店时，一名员工指责他的两个同伴之一将缝衣针和烤箱手套塞进他的裤子里——价值约 4 美元的商品。
He denied he had taken anything, and the three walked out.
他否认自己拿走了任何东西，三人就走了出去。
Minutes later, the police pulled over their car.
几分钟后，警察拦下了他们的车。
An officer ran a check on their IDs, and an arrest warrant came up for Frankie for unpaid shoplifting fines.
一名警官检查了他们的身份证，并因未缴纳入店行窃罚款而对弗兰基发出了逮捕令。
The officer asked Frankie to step out of the car.
警官要求弗兰基下车。
âDo you have to arrest me?â Frankie asked as he was being handcuffed.
“你必须逮捕我吗？”弗兰基在被戴上手铐时问道。
Searching the car, the officer found an unloaded semiautomatic pistol in the map pocket of the door beside Frankie.
警察在搜查汽车时，在弗兰基旁边车门的地图口袋里发现了一把未上膛的半自动手枪。
The other passenger said it belonged to him.
另一名乘客说这是他的。
The officer then looked into Frankieâs backpack and found a sock stuffed with seven $100 bills, unused syringes, 21 grams of heroin, a pillbox that contained three morphine pills, one buprenorphine pill (used to treat opioid addiction), one naloxone pill (used to reverse the effects of an opioid overdose), and a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows .
随后，警官检查了弗兰基的背包，发现一只袜子里塞满了七张 100 美元的钞票、未使用的注射器、21 克海洛因、一个药盒，里面装有三颗吗啡药丸、一颗丁丙诺啡药丸（用于治疗阿片类药物成瘾）、一颗纳洛酮药丸（用于逆转阿片类药物过量的影响）以及一本《哈利·波特与死亡圣器》。
He never found the sewing needles and oven mitt.
他从未找到缝衣针和烤箱手套。
One afternoon, Frankie showed up at Coral Evansâs City Council offices.
一天下午，弗兰基出现在科拉尔·埃文斯市议会办公室。
Evans, who would go on to be elected mayor, had known Frankie since he was 10 years old.
后来当选市长的埃文斯从弗兰基 10 岁时就认识他了。
He was one of her kids in the I Am Youth group, which she oversaw as the executive director of the Sunnyside Neighborhood Association.
他是她在“我是青年”团体中的孩子之一，她是“阳光赛德邻里协会”的执行董事，负责监督该团体。
Its goal was to train young people to be community leaders.
其目标是培训年轻人成为社区领袖。
Frankie, she liked to say, was âsunlight walkingââ ââ the kid who helped cover graffiti with a mural at a preschool, who handed out gloves and trash bags for a neighborhood cleanup, who volunteered on food drives, who collected other childrenâs cellphones when it was time to meet.
她喜欢说，弗兰基是“阳光下行走的孩子”，他在幼儿园帮忙用壁画遮盖涂鸦，为社区清洁工作分发手套和垃圾袋，在食物募捐活动中做志愿者，在聚会时收集其他孩子的手机。
He was just a natural-born leader.
他只是一个天生的领导者。
Evans hadnât seen him for a long time and was shocked.
埃文斯已经很长时间没见到他了，他很震惊。
Weâre going to lose Frankie, she thought.
我们将失去弗兰基，她想。
âYou donât look healthy,â she said.
“你看起来不太健康，”她说。
His glow was gone, and he seemed scared.
他的光芒消失了，他看起来很害怕。
He confessed heâd been shoplifting.
他承认自己在商店行窃。
âThatâs not even in your character, dude,â she told him.
“这根本不符合你的性格，伙计，”她告诉他。
She asked who he was hanging out with, even though she knew the answer.
她问他和谁一起出去玩，尽管她知道答案。
âYouâre not a bad person.
——你不是一个坏人。
Why are you hanging out with them?â
你为什么和他们一起出去玩？
âIâve got to get money,â he said.
“我必须拿到钱，”他说。
âMy mom is sick.â
“我妈妈病了。”
Frankie said he was working as a housekeeper at a hotel, barely getting by, and without papers it wasnât easy to find jobs that paid more.
弗兰基说，他在一家酒店担任管家，勉强度日，而且没有证件，找到薪水更高的工作并不容易。
âWhat can you do?â he said.
“你能做什么？”他说。
âI donât have a Social Security number.
– 我没有社会安全号码。
I donât have any of that.â
我什么都没有。”
Evans wished she had something different to say.
埃文斯希望她能说点不同的话。
When Frankie walked out the door, she felt she had failed him.
当弗兰基走出门时，她觉得自己辜负了他。
How is it that the community he helped all his life is letting him down?
为什么他一生帮助过的社区却让他失望了？
she thought.
她想。
How is it that we canât help this kid?
我们怎么就不能帮助这个孩子呢？
In the months before his arrest, Frankie stayed with Dulce and her family.
在被捕前的几个月里，弗兰基与杜尔西及其家人住在一起。
Coral Evans, the mayor of Flagstaff, who knew Frankie since he was 10 years old
弗拉格斯塔夫市市长科拉尔·埃文斯 (Coral Evans) 从弗兰基 10 岁起就认识他
Lee Phillips asked Frankie if he was nervous.
李·菲利普斯问弗兰基是否紧张。
âYes, Iâm shaking,â Frankie responded.
“是的，我在发抖，”弗兰基回答道。
Frankie was testifying on behalf of Beto, who had been indicted for murder in connection with a fight between the cityâs east-side and west-side gangs.
弗兰基代表贝托作证，贝托因与该市东区和西区帮派之间的斗殴有关而被指控谋杀。
Beto admitted that he had witnessed the fight but said he had not taken part.
贝托承认他目睹了这场战斗，但表示他没有参与其中。
Seventeen years old at the time of his arrest, he had been charged as an adult and was facing life in prison.
他被捕时十七岁，已作为成年人受到指控，并面临终身监禁。
It was Frankie who had persuaded Phillips, one of Flagstaffâs most prominent civil-rights attorneys, to take on Betoâs case pro bono.
弗兰基说服了弗拉格斯塔夫最著名的民权律师之一菲利普斯无偿接手贝托的案件。
It was Frankie who had served as Phillipsâs eyes and ears in the Latino community, finding and interviewing witnesses.
弗兰基曾担任菲利普斯在拉丁裔社区的耳目，寻找并采访目击者。
Frankie, Phillips said, believed that he was the only one who could preserve the family, that his mom would die if Beto was convicted: âHe believed Beto was innocent when no one else did.
菲利普斯说，弗兰基相信他是唯一能够保护家庭的人，如果贝托被定罪，他的母亲就会死去：“他相信贝托是无辜的，但没有其他人相信。”
Beto was the person who Frankie first came out to, so there was a special bond between them.
贝托是弗兰基第一个出柜的人，所以他们之间有一种特殊的联系。
I mean, he was not only trying to save Betoâs life.
我的意思是，他不仅仅是想拯救贝托的生命。
He was trying to keep his own life together.â
他试图维持自己的生活。”
The gallery was packed with the victimâs family and friends.
画廊里挤满了受害者的家人和朋友。
Only a few in attendance were there for Beto.
只有少数人出席了贝托的活动。
The trial had divided Flagstaffâs Latino community so severely that security had been increased in and around the courthouse.
这次审判使弗拉格斯塔夫的拉丁裔社区产生了严重的分歧，以至于法院内部和周围的安全措施都得到了加强。
Phillips thought Frankie could counter the prosecutionâs attempt to paint Beto as a gang member.
菲利普斯认为弗兰基可以反驳检方将贝托描绘成帮派成员的企图。
Yes, there were gangs in their neighborhood, Frankie told Phillips, but he and Beto had never been recruited into one.
是的，他们附近有帮派，弗兰基告诉菲利普斯，但他和贝托从未被招募到帮派中。
Beto had dropped out of high school and worked as a painter to help support their mother.
贝托从高中辍学并成为一名画家来帮助养活母亲。
As he testified, Phillips could hear whispers of âFrankie faggotâ and âyouâre lyingâ from the gallery.
在菲利普斯作证时，他可以听到旁听席上传来“弗兰基基佬”和“你在撒谎”等低语声。
In the streets, it wasnât any different.
在街上，情况也没有什么不同。
Frankie had known the victimâs friends.
弗兰基认识受害者的朋友。
He had tutored kids on the west side.
他曾在西区辅导过孩子们。
He had spoken out against a developer who wanted to kick out Mexican families from a trailer park on the west side.
他曾公开反对一名开发商，该开发商想将墨西哥家庭赶出西侧的一个拖车公园。
But after Betoâs arrest, he was pushed aside.
但贝托被捕后，他被推到一边。
He felt that everyone hated him.
他感觉所有人都讨厌他。
He felt he couldnât be seen in the neighborhood.
他觉得自己在附近不会被人看见。
He felt rejected and that he could be jumped.
他感到被拒绝了，他可能会被抛弃。
Seven days after Frankieâs testimony, a jury acquitted Beto.
弗兰基作证 7 天后，陪审团宣布贝托无罪。
Frankie was at a party with his friend Rudi Manson when he tried painkillers for the first time.
弗兰基第一次尝试止痛药时，正在和他的朋友鲁迪·曼森一起参加聚会。
It was Vicodin.
这是维柯丁。
âWe thought it was fun,â Manson said.
“我们认为这很有趣，”曼森说。
âWe thought it was just for the night.â One night turned into every week, every week turned into several times a week, every day turned into all day every day.
“我们以为这只是为了过夜。”一晚变成了每周，每周变成了一周几次，每天变成了每天一整天。
When it became too expensive, they switched to heroin.
当它变得太贵时，他们转而使用海洛因。
For a while they avoided each other, so they wouldnât trigger the other, but that didnât last.
有一段时间他们互相回避，这样就不会触发对方，但这并没有持续多久。
He went to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous.
他加入了戒酒互诫协会和戒毒互诫协会。
That didnât stick, either.
这也没有坚持下去。
Frankie saw rehab clinics accept Manson, but when he tried to register, they would turn him down because he didnât have any insurance or papers.
弗兰基看到康复诊所接受曼森，但当他试图登记时，他们会拒绝他，因为他没有任何保险或文件。
After three days of being clean, Frankie would sit in the car with Manson and cry.
三天干净之后，弗兰基会和曼森一起坐在车里哭泣。
âHe wanted to stop so bad, but he said that he couldnât,â she said.
“他非常想停下来，但他说他不能，”她说。
âHe just wasnât himself anymore.â
“他不再是他自己了。”
Frankie finally found a clinic, the Southwest Behavioral Health Center, which put him on methadone.
弗兰基最终找到了一家诊所，即西南行为健康中心，让他服用美沙酮。
Every day at exactly the same time, he received his dose.
每天，他都会在同一时间接受剂量。
He was also randomly tested for drugs.
他还接受了随机药物测试。
He was 23, and, as he fought to stay clean, he tried to be Frankieâ ââ the Frankie who was sunlight walking.
他当时 23 岁，在努力保持清洁的同时，他试图成为弗兰基——那个在阳光下行走的弗兰基。
He coached a friend in math and geography.
他给一位朋友辅导数学和地理。
He walked in the Fourth of July parade on behalf of a local candidate, pushing his niece and nephew in their stroller.
他代表当地一位候选人参加了国庆节游行，推着他的侄女和侄子推着婴儿车。
For months, he watched over a neighborâs husband, who was bed-ridden with Alzheimerâs.
几个月来，他一直照顾一位患有阿尔茨海默病卧床不起的邻居丈夫。
Dulce would often drive him to the clinic.
杜尔塞经常开车送他去诊所。
She always knew that Frankie experienced anxiety and depression since he was a child, but it had gotten worse as he got older.
她一直都知道弗兰基从小就经历过焦虑和抑郁，但随着年龄的增长，情况变得更加严重。
Whenever his immigration status got in his wayâ ââ with work, with college, with getting therapyâ ââ Dulce saw him go into a dark place.
每当他的移民身份妨碍他工作、上大学、接受治疗时，杜尔塞就看到他陷入了黑暗的境地。
The clinic diagnosed him with bipolar disorder, a condition that leads some people to self-medicate.
诊所诊断他患有双相情感障碍，这种疾病导致一些人自我治疗。
Dulce knew little about it except that it was characterized by extreme mood swings.
杜尔西对此知之甚少，只知道它的特点是极端的情绪波动。
Maybe he was finally understanding what was going on with him, she thought.
也许他终于明白自己发生了什么事，她想。
When Frankie was 10, he had told MarÃa that he had been sexually abused when he was younger.
弗兰基 10 岁时，他告诉玛利亚，他年轻时曾遭受过性虐待。
She tried over and over to get him to talk about it.
她一遍又一遍地试图让他谈论这件事。
When?
什么时候？
How?
如何？
Who?
WHO？
But Frankie would run to his room and slam the door.
但弗兰基会跑到他的房间并关上门。
Dulce found out about it later, but he wouldnât answer her questions, either.
杜尔塞后来知道了这件事，但他也没有回答她的问题。
He just shut everybody out.
他只是把所有人都拒之门外。
For a brief time, Frankie knew what it felt to have what heâd always wanted.
有一段时间，弗兰基知道拥有他一直想要的东西是什么感觉。
A cousin introduced him to Sabrina Price, an immigration attorney who agreed to take on his case if he would occasionally translate for her Spanish-speaking clients.
一位表弟把他介绍给了移民律师萨布丽娜·普莱斯(Sabrina Price)，如果他偶尔为她的西班牙语客户做翻译，她同意接手他的案子。
She filed an asylum application on the grounds that Frankie was gay and would be persecuted if he was deported to Mexico.
她提出庇护申请，理由是弗兰基是同性恋，如果他被驱逐到墨西哥将会受到迫害。
As the case made its way through the court, Frankie got a taste of what it was like to be a citizenâ ââ to belong.
随着案件在法庭上审理，弗兰基体验到了作为一名公民的滋味——归属感。
On October 25, 2011â ââ he could always recall the precise date; heâd just turned 21â ââ he received his first work permit.
2011年10月25日————他总是能记得准确的日期；他刚满 21 岁，收到了第一份工作许可证。
A few days later, he was issued a Social Security card.
几天后，他获得了社会保障卡。
He passed the state background check and was hired at an eldercare facility.
他通过了州背景调查，并被一家老年护理机构聘用。
He enrolled in Coconino Community College and began studying to be a nurse.
他就读于科科尼诺社区学院并开始学习成为一名护士。
He got a driverâs license.
他获得了驾驶执照。
That same year, Frankie found out that he was the father of an 11-month-old girl, Kayleigh.
同年，弗兰基发现自己是 11 个月大女孩凯莉的父亲。
Her mother was his girlfriend in high school.
她的母亲是他高中时的女朋友。
Frankie had suspicions that he was the father and asked to take a paternity test; when it was established that Kayleigh was his, he told everybody he wanted to support her.
弗兰基怀疑他就是孩子的父亲，要求做亲子鉴定；当确定凯莉属于他时，他告诉所有人他想支持她。
Frankie had always talked about having a family and loved being a father.
弗兰基总是谈论要建立一个家庭，并且喜欢当父亲。
Dulce had never seen him so happy.
杜尔西从未见过他如此高兴。
He bought a car and moved into his own apartment, which had a room for Kayleigh.
他买了一辆车，搬进了自己的公寓，里面有一个房间给凯莉。
He gave her a Disney princess bed set and a pink Barbie Jeep.
他给了她一套迪士尼公主床具和一辆粉色芭比吉普车。
Then, just as quickly, it all vanished.
然后，一切都以同样快的速度消失了。
When Frankie applied for a promotion at the eldercare facility, his employers found that his work permit had expired and fired him.
当弗兰基（Frankie）在老年护理机构申请晋升时，他的雇主发现他的工作许可证已过期并解雇了他。
Frankie had missed a court date for his asylum caseâ ââ Price called him the day of the hearing, too late for him to drive to Phoenix.
弗兰基错过了庇护案的开庭日期——普莱斯在听证会当天给他打电话，但已经太晚了，他无法开车前往菲尼克斯。
She told him to lie and say that heâd had car trouble.
她让他撒谎，说他的车出了问题。
He was now at risk for deportation.
他现在面临被驱逐出境的危险。
He expected her to submit a DACA applicationâ ââ if he qualified, he could remain in the States and regain his work permitâ ââ but she never did.
他希望她提交 DACA 申请——如果他符合资格，他就可以留在美国并重新获得工作许可证——但她从未这样做。
Frankie phoned Price over and over.
弗兰基一遍又一遍地给普莱斯打电话。
When she didnât answer, he drove to her offices in Sun City two hours away and discovered she had disappeared.
当她没有回答时，他开车到两小时外的太阳城她的办公室，发现她失踪了。
(In 2014, Price was disciplined by the State Bar of Arizona for a âpattern of misconductâ and indefinitely suspended from practicing law.
（2014 年，普莱斯因“不当行为”而受到亚利桑那州律师协会的纪律处分，并被无限期暂停执业资格。
She declined to respond to questions.) The only piece of good news was that Homeland Security asked the immigration court to dismiss his deportation case, an option often used under the Obama administration to halt a deportation when the person didnât have a criminal record.
她拒绝回答问题。）唯一的好消息是国土安全部要求移民法院驳回他的驱逐案件，这是奥巴马政府经常使用的一种选择，用于在该人没有犯罪记录的情况下停止驱逐出境。
Dulce could see that he was scared, exhausted, and defeated.
杜尔塞看得出来，他很害怕、很疲惫、很失败。
He couldnât afford a new immigration attorney, and he was now playing a work-without-papers roulette.
他请不起新的移民律师，现在他正在玩无证工作轮盘赌。
He would work for a stretch until the facility found he didnât have valid documents, then work at another, and then another.
他会工作一段时间，直到机构发现他没有有效证件，然后在另一个工作，然后又在另一个工作。
He started picking up jobs at motels for less money.
他开始在汽车旅馆找工资更低的工作。
He quit college.
他大学退学了。
He accumulated traffic tickets for driving without a license.
他因无证驾驶而累积了交通罚单。
He could no longer pay the rent on his apartment and moved back in with MarÃa.
他无法再支付公寓的租金，于是搬回与玛利亚同住。
The mother of his daughter told him they were moving to North Carolina, and he couldnât fight for custody.
他女儿的母亲告诉他，他们要搬到北卡罗来纳州，他无法争取监护权。
Frankie stood in front of the Flagstaff City Council.
弗兰基站在弗拉格斯塔夫市议会前。
His black hair was neatly spiked up, his eyebrows perfectly plucked; a rosary, the one he always wore during public appearances, hung from his neck.
他的黑发整齐地扎起来，眉毛修得整整齐齐。他脖子上挂着一串念珠，这是他在公开露面时总是佩戴的念珠。
He introduced himself as a board member of the Northern Arizona Pride Association and as part of the Dreamer movement.
他介绍自己是北亚利桑那州骄傲协会的董事会成员和梦想家运动的一部分。
A shy smile crossed his face.
他的脸上掠过一丝羞涩的微笑。
It takes courage to share that heâs undocumented and gay, thought Evans, who was watching him from the dais and was nervous as he stumbled, then proud as he found his way.
埃文斯在讲台上看着他，当他跌倒时感到紧张，当他找到自己的出路时感到自豪，埃文斯想，要分享他是无证移民和同性恋，这需要勇气。
He was there to ask the council to approve a resolution in support of a comprehensive immigration reform bill that was before the U.S. House of Representatives.
他在那里要求理事会批准一项决议，支持美国众议院提交的全面移民改革法案。
He told the City Council that he had been educated with taxpayer funds, he was part of the community, he had no criminal record, he had done everything he was expected to, but that wasnât good enough.
他告诉市议会，他是用纳税人的资金接受教育的，他是社区的一部分，他没有犯罪记录，他已经做了他应该做的一切，但这还不够好。
He still couldnât go to college.
他仍然无法上大学。
He still couldnât pursue a career.
他仍然无法追求事业。
âI feel like Iâm on a street with just constant speed bumps, just constantly all the time,â he said.
“我感觉自己正走在一条只有不断减速带的街道上，一直都是这样，”他说。
DACA,which President Obama had recently established by executive order, didnât go far enough, he went on.
奥巴马总统最近通过行政命令设立了“童年抵美者暂缓遣返计划”(DACA)，但该计划还远远不够，他接着说。
Arizona treated undocumented immigrants especially harshly.
亚利桑那州对待无证移民尤其严厉。
Governor Jan Brewer had issued an executive order barring DACA recipients from getting a driverâs license, and a state law barred them from receiving in-state tuition for public universities and colleges.
州长扬·布鲁尔 (Jan Brewer) 发布了一项行政命令，禁止 DACA 受益人获得驾驶执照，州法律还禁止他们接受公立大学和学院的州内学费。
Social service agencies and health providers could be criminally charged if they failed to report an undocumented immigrant who requested a public benefit.
社会服务机构和医疗服务提供者如果未能报告申请公共福利的无证移民，可能会受到刑事指控。
Police were required to turn someone over to ICE if they had reasonable suspicion he was in the country without documents.
如果警方有理由怀疑某人在没有证件的情况下在该国，则必须将其移交给 ICE。
âThere are many of us,â Frankie said, âwho have done everything that we possibly can to live the right life and to just continue prospering and contributing to our community, and Immigration doesnât allow us to do that.â
“我们中有很多人，”弗兰基说，“我们已经尽了一切努力过上正确的生活，继续繁荣并为我们的社区做出贡献，但移民不允许我们这样做。”
For most of Frankieâs senior year in high school, Coral Evans didnât see him.
在弗兰基高中四年级的大部分时间里，科拉尔·埃文斯都没有见到他。
He just stopped showing up at the Sunnyside Neighborhood Association center.
他刚刚不再出现在森尼赛德邻里协会中心。
Then, one Friday, right before the regular I Am Youth meeting, he returned and was beaming.
然后，一个星期五，就在例行的“我是青年”会议之前，他回来了，脸上笑容满面。
He had to talk to her about something.
他必须和她谈谈一些事。
âSo you know, Iâm gay,â he told her.
“所以你知道，我是同性恋，”他告诉她。
Heâd always thought he was different, but he didnât want it to be true.
他一直认为自己与众不同，但他不希望这是真的。
He kept on denying it.
他不断地否认。
Not anymore.
不再。
Evans was relieved; she had been waiting for him to find himself.
埃文斯松了一口气。她一直在等待他找到自己。
Frankie had told Dulce.
弗兰基告诉了杜尔西。
She wasnât surprised, even though he had always shown up with girlfriends.
她并不感到惊讶，尽管他总是和女朋友一起出现。
MarÃa wasnât surprised either.
玛利亚也不感到惊讶。
She said sheâd known since he was a little boy and wouldnât love him any other way.
她说她从他还是个小男孩的时候就知道了，并且不会以任何其他方式爱他。
Evans introduced Frankie to her friend Kathryn Jim, a Native American LGBTQ activist.
埃文斯将弗兰基介绍给她的朋友凯瑟琳·吉姆，一位美国原住民 LGBTQ 活动人士。
Frankie was timid at first, but âwhen he was ready to go, he was ready,â Jim said.
弗兰基一开始很胆怯，但“当他准备出发时，他就准备好了，”吉姆说。
He started wearing mascara and foundation.
他开始涂睫毛膏和粉底。
He wrapped himself in feather boas and shiny scarves, wore colorful rimmed glasses, and was constantly trying something new with his hair, like dyeing it yellow.
他裹着羽毛围巾和闪亮的围巾，戴着彩色框眼镜，不断尝试新的发型，比如把头发染成黄色。
âHe was fluorescent,â Jim said.
“他浑身散发着荧光，”吉姆说。
Even though Frankie considered Jim to be one of his closest friendsâ ââ they called each other sistersâ ââ he never told her he was undocumented.
尽管弗兰基认为吉姆是他最亲密的朋友之一——他们互称姐妹——但他从未告诉她自己没有证件。
He had long been in the habit of lying about where he was born: If you said you were from Mexico, too many people took it as code for âillegal immigrant.â Jim found out only after she helped him get a job at a clothing store where she worked.
他长期以来一直习惯于谎报自己的出生地：如果你说你来自墨西哥，太多人就会把它视为“非法移民”的代号。直到她帮吉姆在她工作的一家服装店找到了一份工作后，吉姆才发现。
Two weeks in, he was fired.
两周后，他被解雇了。
She was furiousâ ââ she had put herself out for himâ ââ until Frankie explained it was because he didnât have papers.
她很生气——她为他拼了命——直到弗兰基解释说这是因为他没有证件。
One winter they drove to Palm Springs for an LGBTQ rights conference, and, for the first time, she began to understand the fear permeating his life.
一个冬天，他们开车去棕榈泉参加 LGBTQ 权利会议，她第一次开始理解弥漫在他生活中的恐惧。
âTheyâre going to get me,â he told her when he was in the car.
“他们会抓我的，”他在车里告诉她。
âTheyâre going to take me back.â He was so afraid ICE would find him and deport himâ ââ in Arizona, a routine traffic stop could mean deportationâ ââ he insisted that Jim take back roads to avoid the interstate.
“他们要把我带回去。”他非常害怕 ICE 会找到他并将他驱逐出境——在亚利桑那州，例行的交通拦截可能意味着驱逐出境——他坚持让吉姆走小路避开州际公路。
A few miles before the California state line, when signs for a border protection station started to appear, Frankieâs hands began to shake.
距离加利福尼亚州界线几英里，当边境保护站的标志开始出现时，弗兰基的双手开始颤抖。
He smoked one cigarette after another.
他一根接一根地抽着烟。
He put on his sunglasses.
他戴上太阳镜。
Only after they reached the station and saw that it was an inspection site for agricultural products did the panic subside.
到了车站，看到是农产品检验站，恐慌才平息下来。
The first nights after MarÃaâs open-heart surgery, Frankie stayed with her at the hospital, sleeping on a chair by her bed.
玛雅接受心脏直视手术后的头几个晚上，弗兰基一直陪在医院里，睡在她床边的椅子上。
In the weeks after she was sent home, he made sure she took her medicine and cleaned her wound as he bathed her.
在她被送回家后的几周内，他确保她服药并在给她洗澡时清洗伤口。
MarÃa was embarrassed that he saw her naked, but it didnât bother him.
玛利亚因为他看到她赤身裸体而感到尴尬，但这并没有困扰他。
He told her that he was her nurse and to think of him as a professional.
他告诉她，他是她的护士，并把他视为专业人士。
Since his mid-teens, Frankie had been part of the underground economy of undocumented immigrants who take care of aging white people.
从十几岁起，弗兰基就成为照顾老年白人的无证移民地下经济的一部分。
One of his closest friends was an older woman, a caregiver named Amy Phillips.
他最亲密的朋友之一是一位年长的女士，她是一位名叫艾米·菲利普斯的护理人员。
They worked together at a nursing home and often dreamed about opening their own facility.
他们在一家疗养院一起工作，经常梦想开设自己的疗养院。
What Frankie had, she believed, was God-given.
她相信弗兰基所拥有的一切都是上帝赐予的。
This job isnât easy.
这项工作并不容易。
It takes an emotional and physical toll.
这会造成情感和身体上的损失。
But for Frankie, it was almost spiritual, she thought.
但对弗兰基来说，这几乎是精神上的，她想。
He gravitated toward those in the memory unit who had no family.
他倾向于记忆单元中那些没有家人的人。
He would talk to them as people, not like they were hard of hearing.
他会像普通人一样与他们交谈，而不是像他们有听力障碍一样。
He would listen carefully to piece together stories of a past they had forgotten.
他会仔细聆听他们拼凑出他们已经忘记的过去的故事。
Heâd tell them jokes and make them laugh.
他会给他们讲笑话，逗他们笑。
He spoon-fed them when they didnât want to eat.
当他们不想吃东西时，他就用勺子喂他们。
He changed their underwear or their diapers.
他给他们换内衣或尿布。
He held their hand when they cried.
当他们哭泣时，他握住他们的手。
âSometimes youâre all they have,â Phillips said.
“有时你就是他们的全部，”菲利普斯说。
âYou have to watch them die, and you try to help them die.â When that happens, thereâs an urge to pull away.
“你必须看着他们死去，并试图帮助他们死去。”当这种情况发生时，你就会有一种想要抽离的冲动。
But not Frankie.
但弗兰基不是。
He was the one who would pull in close.
他是那个能接近的人。
Thatâs why she often wondered if there was anything in his life that drove him to care in the way he did, or maybe he was just born that way.
这就是为什么她经常想知道他的生活中是否有什么东西促使他以这种方式关心他人，或者也许他生来就是这样。
IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, Frankie signed his mother up for English classes.
中学时，弗兰基为他的母亲报名参加了英语课程。
âIf you are in the United States,â he told her, âyou need to learn English.â MarÃa was reluctant.
“如果你在美国，”他告诉她，“你需要学习英语。”玛利亚不太情愿。
Between babysitting and cleaning houses and taking care of her children, she was exhausted.
在照顾孩子、打扫房间和照顾孩子之间，她精疲力尽。
Frankie insisted, saying he had registered her and would be embarrassed if she didnât show up.
弗兰基坚持说，他已经给她登记了，如果她不出现，他会感到尴尬。
MarÃa went to classes for a whileâ ââ she even received an award for perfect attendanceâ ââ but she said she didnât learn a word.
玛拉去上课了一段时间——她甚至获得了全勤奖——但她说她一个字也没学过。
It fell to Frankie to be her interpreter.
弗兰基担任她的翻译。
He spoke with the vocabulary of a grown-up, so people thought he was older than he was.
他用成年人的语言说话，所以人们认为他比实际年龄大。
He accompanied MarÃa to the health clinic almost every week.
他几乎每周都陪玛利亚去诊所。
If she became too anxious during a consultation and stepped out for a smoke, he would stay behind and ask questions about the medicine she was supposed to take, what signs he should look for.
如果她在咨询期间变得太焦虑并出去抽烟，他会留下来询问她应该服用的药物，他应该寻找什么迹象。
Heâd bring home the brochures and study them.
他会把小册子带回家并研究它们。
He was with her when she reported to the police that the manager at the Carlâs Jr. where she worked had groped her.
当她向警方报案称她工作的小卡尔餐厅的经理对她进行了性骚扰时，他就在她身边。
He accompanied her when she talked with teachers at the school open house.
当她在学校开放日与老师交谈时，他陪伴着她。
After his stepdad left the family, Frankie got a job arranging fruit at a nearby market.
继父离开家后，弗兰基找到了一份在附近市场整理水果的工作。
Thirteen years old, he would go after school and work until 11, bringing home as much as $100 a week, which would help cover utility bills and school supplies and Christmas presents.
13 岁的时候，他会放学后去工作到 11 点，每周带回家 100 美元，这可以帮助支付水电费、学习用品和圣诞礼物。
Every evening, MarÃa would wait outside the house and watch him walk back through the park across the street.
每天晚上，玛利亚都会在屋外等候，看着他穿过街对面的公园走回来。
A family member carried Frankie through the U.S. port of entry.
一名家庭成员带着弗兰基通过美国入境口岸。
He was plump and had wide, round eyes.
他身材肥胖，眼睛又大又圆。
He was either 4 or 6 months oldâ ââ MarÃa doesnât remember exactly because she was frightened so much of the time.
他当时只有 4 或 6 个月大——玛利亚记不太清了，因为她很多时候都感到害怕。
Drug dealers had kidnapped her when she was pregnant.
当她怀孕时，毒贩绑架了她。
Frankieâs father had been involved in a deal that had gone bad, and, in retaliation, they came for her.
弗兰基的父亲参与了一项失败的交易，为了报复，他们来抓她。
After she was released a day later, MarÃa knew she had to leave the marriage and leave Mexico.
一天后获释后，玛利亚知道她必须结束婚姻并离开墨西哥。
She waited until after Frankie was born on October 21, 1990.
她一直等到1990年10月21日弗兰基出生后。
She was 28, a first-grade teacher, and knew she would be starting her life all over again.
她 28 岁，是一名一年级老师，知道自己将重新开始自己的生活。
But it would be worth it, she thought.
但这是值得的，她想。
In the United States, no one would be able to take Frankie away.
在美国，没有人能够带走弗兰基。
VALERIA FERNÃNDEZ was born in Uruguay and now lives in Phoenix.
瓦莱丽娅·费尔南德斯出生于乌拉圭，现居住在菲尼克斯。
Sheâs a 2018 recipient of the American Mosaic Journalism Prize for long-form narrative covering underrepresented communities.
她因涵盖代表性不足的社区的长篇叙事而荣获 2018 年美国马赛克新闻奖。
This story was produced with support from the International Womenâs Media Foundation.
这个故事是在国际妇女媒体基金会的支持下制作的。
Luis M.
路易斯·M.
Diaz is a photographer from Michoacán, Mexico, who is now based in New York.
迪亚兹是一位来自墨西哥米却肯的摄影师，目前居住在纽约。
His documentary projects focus on immigration and Americaâs role.
他的纪录片项目重点关注移民和美国的角色。
He received his BFA in photography at Parsons School for Design in 2019.
他于 2019 年在帕森斯设计学院获得摄影学士学位。
Koral Carballo is a photographer based in Mexico.
Koral Carballo 是一位居住在墨西哥的摄影师。
Her long-term project At the Bad Time documents the streets of Veracruz at night to show the effects on the landscape of drug-related violence.
她的长期项目“糟糕的时间”记录了韦拉克鲁斯夜间的街道，以展示毒品相关暴力对景观的影响。