Solo-Hiking the AT During a Summer of Political Chaos
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(photo: Courtesy of Rahawa Haile) Writer Rahawa Haile on McAfee Knob, near Roanoke, Virginia, in June 2016 (photo: Courtesy of Rahawa Haile) >","post_uuid":"1360f5ebcd1b423cafe49bdcffe79af3","publish_date":"April 11, 2017","title":"Going It Alone"}"> Rahawa Haile Published: Apr 11, 2017 Updated: Feb 11, 2025 Outside Classics Going It Alone What happens when a Black woman decides to solo-hike the Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine during a summer of bitter political upheaval?
（照片：由 Rahawa Haile 提供）作家 Rahawa Haile 于 2016 年 6 月在弗吉尼亚州罗阿诺克附近的 McAfee Knob（照片：由 Rahawa Haile 提供） >","post_uuid":"1360f5ebcd1b423cafe49bdcffe79af3","publish_date":"4 月 11 日， 2017","title":"单干"}"> Rahawa Haile 发布日期：2017 年 4 月 11 日 更新日期：2025 年 2 月 11 日 经典之外的单干 在政治动荡的夏天，当一名黑人妇女决定独自徒步从佐治亚州到缅因州的阿巴拉契亚小道时，会发生什么？
Everything you can imagine, from scary moments of racism to new friendships to soaring epiphanies about the timeless value of America’s most storied trekking route.
你能想象到的一切，从种族主义的可怕时刻到新的友谊，再到对美国最著名的徒步路线永恒价值的顿悟。
New perk: Easily find new routes and hidden gems, upcoming running events, and more near you.
新福利：轻松找到新路线和隐藏的宝石、即将举行的跑步活动以及您附近的更多活动。
Your weekly Local Running Newsletter has everything you need to lace up!
您每周的本地跑步时事通讯包含您需要的一切！
>","name":"in-content-cta","type":"link"}}">Subscribe today .
>","name":"in-content-cta","type":"link"}}">立即订阅 。
It’s the spring of 2016, and I’m ten miles south of Damascus, Virginia, where an annual celebration called Trail Days has just wrapped up.
那是 2016 年春天，我在弗吉尼亚州大马士革以南 10 英里处，一年一度的“越野日”庆祝活动刚刚结束。
Last night, temperatures plummeted into the thirties.
昨晚，气温骤降至三十几度。
Today, long-distance Appalachian Trail hikers who’d slept in hammocks and mailed their underquilts home too soon were groaning into their morning coffee.
如今，那些睡在吊床上并过早将被子寄回家的阿巴拉契亚步道长途徒步旅行者正在早上喝着咖啡呻吟着。
A few small fires shot woodsmoke at the sun as thousands of tent stakes were dislodged.
几处小火在阳光下冒出木烟，数千根帐篷木桩被推倒。
Over the next 24 hours, most of the hikers in attendance would pack up and hit the 554-mile stretch of the AT that runs north through Virginia.
在接下来的 24 小时内，大多数参加的徒步旅行者都会收拾行李，前往向北穿过弗吉尼亚州的 554 英里长的 AT 路段。
I’ve used the Trail Days layover as an opportunity to stash most of my belongings with friends and complete a short section of the AT I’d missed, near the Tennessee-Virginia border.
我利用徒步旅行中途停留的机会，将大部分物品存放在朋友那里，并完成了田纳西州和弗吉尼亚州边境附近我错过的一小段 AT 路段。
As I’m moving along, a day hiker heading in the opposite direction stops me for a chat.
当我继续前行时，一位朝相反方向徒步的一日徒步旅行者拦住了我并与我聊天。
He’s affable and inquisitive.
他和蔼可亲，充满好奇心。
He asks what many have asked before: “Where are you from?” I tell him Miami.
他问了许多人以前问过的问题：“你来自哪里？”我告诉他迈阿密。
He laughs and says, “No, but really.
他笑着说：“不，但确实如此。
Where are you from from?” He mentions something about my features, my thin nose, and then trails off.
你是哪里人？他提到了一些关于我的特征，我的瘦鼻子，然后就不再说话了。
I tell him my family is from Eritrea, a country in the Horn of Africa, next to Ethiopia.
我告诉他我的家人来自厄立特里亚，一个非洲之角的国家，毗邻埃塞俄比亚。
He looks relieved.
他看上去松了口气。
I say that of course I am.
我说我当然是。
“None more Black,” I weakly joke.
“不再是黑色了，”我微弱地开玩笑。
“Not really,” he says.
“不完全是，”他说。
“You’re African, not Black-Black.
“你是非洲人，不是黑人。
Blacks don’t hike .”
黑人不徒步旅行。”
I’m tired of this man.
我厌倦了这个男人。
His from-froms and Black-Blacks.
他的“从前”和“黑人-黑人”。
He wishes me good luck and leaves.
他祝我好运，然后就离开了。
He means it, too; he isn’t malicious.
他也是这么想的；他没有恶意。
To him there’s nothing abnormal about our conversation.
对他来说，我们的谈话没有任何异常。
He has categorized me, and the world makes sense again.
他对我进行了分类，世界再次变得有意义。
Not Black-Black.
不是黑黑。
I hike the remaining miles back to my tent and don’t emerge for hours.
我徒步走了剩下的几英里回到我的帐篷，几个小时都没有出现。
Heading north from Springer Mountain in Georgia , the Appalachian Trail class of 2017 would have to walk 670 miles before reaching the first county that did not vote for Donald Trump.
从佐治亚州的斯普林格山向北，2017 年阿巴拉契亚小道组必须步行 670 英里才能到达第一个没有投票给唐纳德·特朗普的县。
The average percentage of voters who did vote for Trump—a xenophobic candidate who was supported by David Duke—in those miles?
在这些里程中，投票给特朗普（大卫·杜克支持的仇外候选人）的选民的平均百分比是多少？
Seventy-six.
七十六岁。
Approximately 30 miles farther away, they’d come to a hiker hostel that proudly flies a Confederate flag.
大约 30 英里外，他们来到了一家徒步旅行者旅馆，旅馆自豪地悬挂着联邦旗帜。
Later they would reach the Lewis Mountain campground in Shenandoah National Park —created in Virginia in 1935, during the Jim Crow era—and read plaques acknowledging its former history as the segregated Lewis Mountain Negro Area .
随后，他们将到达谢南多厄国家公园的刘易斯山露营地（1935 年在吉姆·克劳时代创建于弗吉尼亚州），并阅读牌匾，承认其前身是隔离的刘易斯山黑人区。
The campground was swarming with RVs flying Confederate flags when I hiked through.
当我徒步经过时，露营地挤满了悬挂南方联盟旗帜的房车。
This flag would haunt the hikers all the way to Mount Katahdin , the trail’s end point, in northern Maine.
这面旗帜会一直困扰着徒步旅行者，直至前往缅因州北部步道终点卡塔丁山。
They would see it in every state, feeling the tendrils of hatred that rooted it to the land they walked upon.
他们会在每个州看到它，感受到仇恨的卷须，这种仇恨将其扎根于他们所走过的土地上。
During the early part of my through-hike, I arrive in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, one afternoon, a little later than I planned.
在徒步旅行的初期，我于一天下午抵达田纳西州加特林堡，比我计划的晚了一点。
I was one of many thirtysomethings who’d ended their relationships, quit their jobs, left their pets with best friends, and flown to Georgia.
我是许多三十多岁的人之一，他们结束了恋爱关系，辞掉了工作，把宠物留给了最好的朋友，然后飞往佐治亚州。
By this point, I’m 200 miles into my arduous, rain-soaked trek.
至此，我已经完成了 200 英里的艰苦、淋雨的跋涉。
Everything aches.
一切都疼痛。
The bluets and wildflowers have emerged, and I’ve taken a break in town to resupply, midway through my biggest challenge thus far, the Smokies.
蓝烟和野花已经出现，我在城里休息了一下，以补充补给，这是我迄今为止最大的挑战，大雾山。
It isn’t until I’m about to leave town that I see it: blackface soap, a joke item that supposedly will turn a white person Black if you can trick them into using it.
直到我要离开小镇时，我才看到它：黑脸肥皂，这是一种玩笑物品，据说如果你能欺骗他们使用它，它就会把白人变成黑人。
I’m in a general store opposite the Nantahala Outdoor Center .
我在南塔哈拉户外中心对面的一家杂货店。
The soap is in a discount bin next to the cash register.
肥皂位于收银机旁边的折扣箱中。
I’d popped in to buy chocolate milk and was instead reminded of a line from Claudia Rankine’s book Citizen : “The past is a life sentence, a blunt instrument aimed at tomorrow.”
我突然去买巧克力牛奶，却想起了克劳迪娅·兰金（Claudia Rankine）的书《公民》中的一句话：“过去是无期徒刑，是瞄准明天的钝器。”
There’s a shuttle back to the trail at Newfound Gap leaving in 15 minutes.
有班车返回 Newfound Gap 步道，15 分钟内出发。
I fumble to take a photograph of the cartoon white woman on the packaging, standing in front of her bathroom sink.
我摸索着给包装上的卡通白人妇女拍了一张照片，她站在她的浴室水槽前。
She can’t believe it.
她简直不敢相信。
How could this happen?
怎么会发生这种事？
Her face and hands are black.
她的脸和手都是黑色的。
She scrubs to no avail.
她擦洗却无济于事。
I leave.
我离开。
Cars honk.
汽车按喇叭。
I’m standing at an intersection and straining to return to the world.
我站在十字路口，努力回到这个世界。
The shuttle arrives to take us from town to trailhead.
班车抵达，将我们从城镇带到步道起点。
The van leads us up, up into the mountains.
面包车带我们上山，进山。
It’s a clear day.
这是晴朗的一天。
Hikers are laughing, rejuvenated.
徒步旅行者们欢声笑语，精神焕发。
“Did you have fun in town?” a friend I met on the trail asks.
“你在城里玩得开心吗？”我在路上遇到的一个朋友问道。
“This visibility is unreal,” says another, nose against the window.
“这种能见度是不真实的，”另一位鼻子靠在窗户上说道。
He thinks he has spotted a bear.
他认为他发现了一只熊。
The sun has lifted spirits.
太阳使人精神振奋。
The van spills us out, but I can barely see a thing.
货车把我们冲了出去，但我几乎什么也看不见。
Two days later, a stream of texts hit my phone.
两天后，一连串短信涌入我的手机。
Prince has died.
王子已经死了。
I feel my vision blur, sit down on the first rock I see, and don’t move for a while.
我感觉自己的视线变得模糊，在看到的第一块岩石上坐下，有一段时间没有动弹。
The hikers who walk past ask if I’m hurt.
路过的徒步旅行者问我是否受伤了。
“I’m sorry to tell you this,” I’ll hear myself say.
“我很抱歉告诉你这个，”我会听到自己说。
“Prince just died.” No one knows who I’m talking about.
“王子刚刚去世。”没有人知道我在说谁。
I will see variations of the same vacant expression for the rest of the day.
在这一天剩下的时间里，我会看到同一个空缺表达的不同变化。
“The Prince of Wales?” one hiker asks.
“威尔士亲王？”一位徒步旅行者问道。
I’m losing light.
我正在失去光明。
I have to get to the next shelter.
我得去下一个避难所。
The afternoon has been a learning experience: the trail is no place to share Black grief.
下午是一次学习经历：这条小路不是分享黑人悲伤的地方。
Later, when Beyoncé releases Lemonade, an album that speaks powerfully to Black women, I won’t permit myself to hear it out here.
后来，当碧昂斯发行《柠檬水》（Lemonade）时，这张专辑对黑人女性进行了强有力的对话，我不会允许自己在这里听到它。
I’m lonely enough as it is, without feeling additional isolation.
我已经够孤独了，却没有感到额外的孤独。
I keep it from myself, and I follow the blazes north.
我不让自己知道，跟着火焰向北走。
I tell the trees the truth of it: some days I feel like breaking.
我告诉树木真相：有时候我感觉自己要崩溃了。
The National Park Service celebrated its centennial last year .
国家公园管理局去年庆祝了成立一百周年。
In one brochure, a white man stands boldly, precariously, in Rocky Mountain National Park, gazing at a massive rock face.
在一本小册子中，一名白人大胆而危险地站在落基山国家公园，凝视着巨大的岩石表面。
He wears a full pack.
他背着完整的背包。
He is ready to tackle the impossible.
他已准备好应对不可能的事情。
The poster salutes “100 years of getting away from it all.” The parenthetical is implied if not obvious: for some.
海报向“摆脱这一切的一百年”致敬。括号中的内容即使不明显，也是隐含的：对于某些人来说。
In a Backpacker interview from 2000, a Black man named Robert Taylor was asked about the hardest things he faced during his through-hike of the Appalachian Trail.
在 2000 年的《背包客》采访中，一位名叫罗伯特·泰勒的黑人被问及他在阿巴拉契亚小道徒步旅行中遇到的最困难的事情。
He’d recently completed both the AT and the Pacific Crest Trail.
他最近完成了 AT 和 Pacific Crest Trail。
“My problems were mainly with people,” he said.
“我的问题主要是与人有关，”他说。
“In towns, people yelled racist threats at me in just about every state I went through.
“在城镇里，几乎在我去过的每个州，人们都对我大喊种族主义威胁。
They’d say, ‘We don’t like you,’ and ‘You’re a nigger.’ Once when I stopped at a mail drop, the postmaster said, ‘Boy, get out of here.
他们会说，‘我们不喜欢你’和‘你是个黑鬼。’有一次，当我停在一个邮递处时，邮政局长说，‘孩子，离开这里。
We got no mail drop for you.’ ”
我们没有给你寄信。’”
It will be several months before I realize that most AT hikers in 2016 are unaware of the clear division that exists between what hikers of color experience on the trail (generally positive) and in town (not so much).
几个月后，我才意识到 2016 年大多数 AT 徒步旅行者并没有意识到有色人种徒步旅行者在步道上的体验（通常是积极的）和在城里的体验（不是那么明显）之间存在明显的区别。
While fellow through-hikers and trail angels are some of the kindest and most generous people I’ll ever encounter, many trail towns have no idea what to make of people who look like me.
虽然徒步旅行者和徒步天使是我遇到过的最善良和最慷慨的人，但许多徒步小镇不知道如何对待那些看起来像我的人。
They say they don’t see much of “my kind” around here and leave the rest hanging in the air.
他们说，他们在这里看不到太多“我的同类”，其余的都悬而未决。
The rule is you don’t talk about politics on the trail.
规则是你不能在路上谈论政治。
The truth is you can’t talk about diversity in the outdoors without talking about politics, since politics is a big reason why the outdoors look the way they do.
事实是，如果不谈论政治，就无法谈论户外的多样性，因为政治是户外看起来如此的一个重要原因。
From the park system’s inception, Jim Crow laws and Native American removal campaigns limited access to recreation by race.
从公园系统建立之初，种族隔离法和美洲原住民驱逐运动就限制了不同种族的娱乐活动。
From the mountains to the beaches, outdoor leisure was often accompanied by the words whites only.
从山区到海滩，户外休闲常常伴随着“仅限白人”这个词。
The repercussions for disobedience were grave.
不服从的后果是严重的。
“For me, the fear is like a heartbeat, always present, while at the same time, intangible, elusive, and difficult to define,” Evelyn C.
“对我来说，恐惧就像心跳一样，始终存在，但同时又是无形的、难以捉摸的、难以定义的，”Evelyn C.
White wrote in her 1999 essay “ Black Women and the Wilderness .” In it she explains why the thought of hiking in Oregon, which some writer friends invited her to do, fills her with dread.
怀特在 1999 年的文章《黑人妇女与荒野》中写道。她在书中解释了为什么一些作家朋友邀请她去俄勒冈州徒步旅行的想法让她感到恐惧。
In wilderness, White does not see freedom but a portal to the past.
在荒野中，怀特看到的不是自由，而是通往过去的门户。
It is a trigger.
这是一个触发器。
The history of suffering is too much for her to overcome.
苦难的历史对她来说实在是难以克服。
This fear has conjured a similar paralysis nationwide.
这种恐惧在全国范围内引发了类似的瘫痪。
It says to the minority: Be in this place and someone might seize the opportunity to end you.
它对少数人说：在这个地方，有人可能会抓住机会结束你。
Nature itself is the least of White’s concerns.
自然本身是怀特最不关心的。
Bear paws have harmed fewer Black bodies in the wild than human hands.
在野外，熊掌伤害的黑人尸体比人手伤害的要少。
She does not wish to be the only one who looks like her in a place with history like this.
她不想成为在这样一个有历史的地方唯一一个长得像她的人。
There are 11 cats at Bob Peoples’s Kincora Hiking Hostel in Hampton, Tennessee.
位于田纳西州汉普顿的 Bob Peoples 金科拉徒步旅馆 (Bob Peoples’s Kincora Hiking Hostel) 有 11 只猫。
When I ask Peoples how he keeps track of them, he responds, “They keep track of me.” We talk about the places he’s hiked and the people he’s met.
当我问皮普尔斯如何追踪他们时，他回答说：“他们追踪我。”我们谈论他徒步旅行的地方和他遇到的人。
“Germans have the best hiking culture of any country,” he says.
“德国人拥有所有国家中最好的徒步文化，”他说。
“If there was a trail to hell, Germans would be on it.” The chance of precipitation the next day is 100 percent.
“如果有一条通往地狱的小路，德国人就会在上面。”第二天降水的几率是 100%。
When it drizzles the rain plays me, producing different sounds as it strikes hat, jacket, and pack cover.
下毛毛雨的时候，雨打在我的帽子、夹克和背包上，发出不同的声音。
Of the many reasons to pause while hiking, this remains my favorite.
在徒步旅行时停下来的众多原因中，这仍然是我最喜欢的。
The smell and sound of the dampening forest is a sensory gift, a time for reflection.
潮湿森林的气味和声音是一种感官礼物，是反思的时刻。
The first bumper sticker I see in Hot Springs, North Carolina, says that April is Confederate History Month.
我在北卡罗来纳州温泉城看到的第一个保险杠贴纸上写着四月是邦联历史月。
A week later, I stay in a hostel near Roan Mountain, Tennessee, next to a house that’s flying a Confederate flag.
一周后，我住在田纳西州罗恩山附近的一家旅馆，旁边是一座悬挂南方联盟旗帜的房子。
Hikers who’ve hitched into town tell me that the rides they got were all from drunk white men.
搭便车进城的徒步旅行者告诉我，他们搭的车都是醉酒的白人。
Be careful, they warn.
他们警告说，要小心。
I reconsider going into town at all.
我完全重新考虑进城了。
It’s near freezing.
天气已经快结冰了。
Two days ago, I woke up on Roan Mountain itself in a field of frozen mayapples.
两天前，我在罗恩山的一片结冰的山梨树丛中醒来。
Today I wear my Buff headband like a head scarf under my fleece hat.
今天，我在羊毛帽子下戴上浅黄色头带，就像头巾一样。
When I walk a third of a mile back to the trailhead alone the next morning, I look at the neighbor’s flag and wonder if someone will assume I’m Muslim, whether I’m putting myself at risk.
第二天早上，当我独自步行三分之一英里回到步道起点时，我看着邻居的旗帜，想知道是否有人会认为我是穆斯林，我是否会将自己置于危险之中。
I lower the Buff to my neck and worry that I’m being paranoid.
我把 Buff 放低到脖子上，担心自己太偏执了。
Six months later, the San Francisco Chronicle will report on a woman of color who was hiking in Fremont, California, while wearing a Buff like a bandana and returned to find her car’s rear window smashed, along with a note.
六个月后，《旧金山纪事报》将报道一名有色人种女性，她在加利福尼亚州弗里蒙特徒步旅行，她戴着像头巾一样的浅黄色衣服，回来后发现她的车后窗被砸碎，并附有一张纸条。
“Hijab wearing bitch,” it said.
“戴头巾的婊子，”它说。
“This is our nation now get the fuck out.” She wasn’t Muslim, but that’s not the point.
“这是我们的国家，现在滚吧。”她不是穆斯林，但这不是重点。
The point is the ease with which a person becomes a “them” in the woods .
重点是一个人在树林里很容易成为“他们”。
Two weeks later, at Trail Days, there’s a parade celebrating current and past hikers.
两周后，在徒步旅行日，举行了一场游行庆祝当前和过去的徒步旅行者。
A Black man with the trail name Exterminator aims a water gun at a white crowd as he moves along.
一名名为“消灭者”的黑人男子在行进时用水枪瞄准白人人群。
He shoots their white children.
他射杀了他们的白人孩子。
They laugh and shoot back with their own water guns.
他们笑着用自己的水枪还击。
This goes on for 30 yards.
这持续了 30 码。
I pause to corral my galloping anxiety.
我停下来平复内心的焦虑。
He is safe, I tell myself.
他很安全，我告诉自己。
This event is one of the few places in America where I don’t fear for a Black man with a toy gun in a public setting.
这次活动是美国为数不多的几个我不担心在公共场合拿着玩具枪的黑人的地方之一。
The Southern Poverty Law Center tracked more than 1,000 hate crimes and bias incidents that occurred in the month after the election .
南方贫困法律中心追踪了选举后一个月内发生的 1000 多起仇恨犯罪和偏见事件。
On November 16, 2016, the Appalachian Trail Conservancy posted information about racist trail graffiti on its Facebook page.
2016 年 11 月 16 日，阿巴拉契亚步道保护协会在其 Facebook 页面上发布了有关种族主义步道涂鸦的信息。
It showed up along the trail corridor in Pennsylvania.
它出现在宾夕法尼亚州的小道走廊上。
The group was encouraging anyone who encountered “offensive graffiti or vandalism” to report it via e-mail.
该组织鼓励任何遇到“攻击性涂鸦或破坏行为”的人通过电子邮件举报。
Starting in 1936, amid the violence of Jim Crow, a publication known as the Green Book functioned as a guide for getting Black motorists from point A to point B safely.
从 1936 年开始，在种族隔离暴力期间，一本名为《绿皮书》的出版物充当了黑人驾车者安全从 A 点到 B 点的指南。
It told you which gas stations would fill your tank, which restaurants would seat you, and where you could lay your head at night without fear.
它告诉你哪些加油站可以给你加满油，哪些餐馆可以给你安排座位，以及你可以在晚上安心地躺在哪里。
It remained in print for 30 years.
它一直印刷了 30 年。
As recently as 50 years ago, Black families needed a guide just to travel through America unharmed.
就在 50 年前，黑人家庭还需要一名向导才能安全地穿越美国。
There is nothing approximating a Green Book for minorities navigating the American wilderness.
对于少数族裔在美国荒野中航行来说，没有什么比绿皮书更重要的了。
How could there be?
怎么可能有呢？
You simply step outside and hope for the best.
您只需走出去并期待最好的结果。
One of the first questions asked of many women who solo-hike the Appalachian Trail is whether they brought a gun.
许多独自徒步阿巴拉契亚小道的女性首先被问到的问题之一就是她们是否带了枪。
Some find it preposterous.
有些人认为这很荒谬。
But one hiker of color I spoke to insisted on carrying a machete, an unnecessarily heavy piece of gear.
但与我交谈的一位有色人种徒步旅行者坚持携带一把砍刀，这是一种不必要的沉重装备。
“You can never be too sure,” he told me.
“你永远不能太确定，”他告诉我。
As a queer Black woman, I’m among the last people anyone expects to see on a through-hike.
作为一名酷儿黑人女性，我是人们最不希望在徒步旅行中看到的人之一。
But nature is a place I’ve always belonged.
但大自然是我一直属于的地方。
My home in South Florida spanned the swamp, the Keys, and the dredged land in between.
我在南佛罗里达州的家横跨沼泽、群岛和中间的疏浚土地。
My father and I explored them all, waving at everything from egrets to purple gallinules and paddling by the bowed roots of mangroves.
我和父亲探索了所有这些地方，向从白鹭到紫色鸡的各种动物挥手，并在红树林弯曲的根部划船。
This was before Burmese pythons overran the Everglades, when the rustling of leaves in the canopy above our canoe still veered mammalian.
那是在缅甸蟒蛇占领大沼泽地之前，当时我们独木舟上方树冠上树叶的沙沙声仍然转向哺乳动物。
Throughout my youth, my grandmother and I took walks in Miami, where I’d hear her say the words tuum nifas.
在我年轻的时候，我和祖母在迈阿密散步，我经常听到她说“tuum nifas”这个词。
It meant a delicious wind, a nourishing wind.
这意味着一股美味的风，一股滋养的风。
These experiences shaped how I viewed movement throughout the natural world.
这些经历塑造了我如何看待整个自然世界的运动。
How I view it still.
我仍然如何看待它。
The elements, I thought, could end my hunger.
我想，这些元素可以结束我的饥饿。
Little has changed since.
从那以后，情况几乎没有改变。
Now the rocks gnaw at my shins.
现在岩石正在啃咬我的小腿。
I thud against the ground, my tongue coated in dirt.
我重重地摔在地上，舌头沾满了泥土。
I pick myself back up and start again.
我重新振作起来，重新开始。
Every day I eat the mountains, and the mountains, they eat me.
我每天都吃山，山也吃我。
“Less to carry,” I tell the others: this skin, America, the weight of that past self.
“少带点，”我告诉其他人：这张皮肤，美国，过去的自己的重量。
My hiking partners are concerned and unconvinced.
我的徒步伙伴们都很担心并且不相信。
There is a weight to you still, they tell me.
他们告诉我，你仍然有分量。
They are not wrong.
他们没有错。
My footing has been off for days.
我已经好几天站不稳了。
There were things I had braced for at the beginning of this journey that have finally started to undo me.
在这段旅程开始时我曾做好准备的一些事情最终开始让我崩溃。
We were all hurtling through the unfamiliar, aching, choppy, destroyed by weather, trying not to tear apart.
我们都在陌生的、痛苦的、波涛汹涌的、被天气破坏的地方飞驰，努力不被撕裂。
But some of us were looking around as well.
但我们中的一些人也在环顾四周。
By the time I made it through Maryland, it was hard not to think of the Appalachian Trail as a 2,190-mile trek through Trump lawn signs.
当我穿过马里兰州时，很难不把阿巴拉契亚小道想象成一条 2,190 英里的穿越特朗普草坪标志的徒步旅行。
In July, I read the names of more Black men killed by police: Philando Castile, Alton Sterling.
七月，我读到了更多被警察杀害的黑人的名字：菲兰多·卡斯蒂尔、奥尔顿·斯特林。
Never did I imagine that the constant of the woods would be my friends urging, pleading, that I never return home.
我从来没有想到，森林里的朋友们会不断地催促、恳求我永远不要回家。
That was then.
就是那时。
Back home in Oakland, California, now, my knees hurt.
现在回到加利福尼亚州奥克兰的家，我的膝盖受伤了。
I struggle with the stairs.
我艰难地爬楼梯。
I wonder if it’s Lyme disease from an unseen tick bite.
我想知道这是否是由看不见的蜱虫叮咬引起的莱姆病。
The weight I lost has come back.
我减掉的体重又回来了。
My arms, the blackest I ever saw them after weeks in the summer sun, have faded to their usual dark brown.
我的手臂是我见过的最黑的手臂，经过几周的夏日阳光照射后，我的手臂已经褪成平常的深棕色。
The bruises on my collarbones from my pack straps are no more.
我锁骨上背包带造成的瘀伤已经消失了。
My legs aren’t oozing blood.
我的腿没有流血。
My feet haven’t throbbed in four months.
我的脚已经四个月没有抽痛了。
I am once again soft and unblemished and pleading with my anxiety every day for a few hours of peace.
我再次变得温柔、无瑕疵，每天恳求我的焦虑能带来几个小时的平静。
My timing couldn’t be worse.
我的时机再糟糕不过了。
The news is relentless.
消息不断。
Facts mean nothing.
事实没有任何意义。
The truth is, I don’t know how to move through the world these days.
事实是，这些天我不知道如何在这个世界上行走。
Everything feels like it needs saving.
一切都感觉需要保存。
I can barely keep up.
我几乎跟不上。
Who is wilderness for?
荒野适合谁？
It depends on who you ask.
这取决于你问的是谁。
In 2013, Trail Life USA, a faith-based organization, was established as a direct response to the Boy Scouts of America’s decision to allow openly gay kids into their program.
2013 年，基于信仰的组织 Trail Life USA 成立，作为对美国童子军允许公开同性恋儿童加入其计划的直接回应。
A statement by the group made the rules clear: Trail Life USA “will not admit youth who are open or avowed about their homosexuality, and it will not admit boys who are not ‘biologically male’ or boys who wish to dress and act like girls.”
该组织的一份声明明确了规则：Trail Life USA“不会接纳公开或公开承认自己同性恋的青少年，也不会接纳非‘生物学男性’的男孩或希望穿着和行为像女孩的男孩。”
Roughly two years later, news outlets profiled the Radical Monarchs, a group for children of color between the ages of eight and twelve, intended as a Girl Scouts for social activists.
大约两年后，新闻媒体报道了激进君主组织，这是一个由八岁到十二岁之间的有色人种儿童组成的组织，旨在成为社会活动家的女童子军。
Headlines like “Radical Brownies Are Yelling ‘Black Lives Matter,’ Not Hawking Girl Scout Cookies” highlighted what an intersectional approach to youth activism could look like.
像“激进布朗尼大喊‘黑人生命很重要’，而不是兜售女童子军饼干”这样的头条新闻强调了青年激进主义的交叉方法可能是什么样子。
Organizations such as Trail Life USA and Radical Monarchs show opposite ends of the outdoor spectrum.
Trail Life USA 和 Radical Monarchs 等组织在户外领域表现出截然相反的观点。
For conservative Christian men, religion is used as a means of tying exclusionary practices to outdoor participation.
对于保守的基督教男性来说，宗教被用作将排他性做法与户外参与联系起来的一种手段。
For people of color, the wilderness is everywhere they look.
对于有色人种来说，荒野无处不在。
They don’t need mountains.
他们不需要山。
Wilderness lives outside their front doors.
荒野就住在他们的前门外。
Orienteering skills mean navigating white anxiety about them.
定向运动技能意味着要克服白人对他们的焦虑。
They are belaying to effect change.
他们正在努力实现变革。
And even then, their efforts might not be enough.
即便如此，他们的努力可能还不够。
“People on the trail, overwhelmingly, are good people, but it isn’t advertised for us,” says Bryan Winckler, a Black AT through-hiker who went by the trail name Boomer.
“这条路线上的人绝大多数都是好人，但这并没有为我们做广告，”黑人 AT 徒步旅行者、路线名称为 Boomer 的布莱恩·温克勒 (Bryan Winckler) 说道。
“If you see a commercial for anything outdoor related, it’s always a white person on it.
“如果你看到任何与户外相关的广告，上面总是有一个白人。
I think if people saw someone who looked like them they would be interested.
我认为如果人们看到与他们相似的人，他们就会感兴趣。
It’s not advertised, so people think, That’s not for me.”
它没有做广告，所以人们会想，这不适合我。”
Brittany Leavitt, an Outdoor Afro trip leader based in Washington, D.C., echoed this sentiment.
华盛顿特区户外非洲之旅领队布列塔尼·莱维特 (Brittany Leavitt) 也表达了同样的观点。
“You don’t see it in the media,” she told me recently.
“你在媒体上看不到这一点，”她最近告诉我。
“You don’t see it advertised when you go into outdoor stores.
“当你走进户外商店时，你不会看到它的广告。
When I do a hike, I talk about what’s historically in the area.
当我徒步旅行时，我会谈论该地区的历史。
Nature has always been part of Black history.”
自然一直是黑人历史的一部分。”
She’s right.
她是对的。
Outdoor skills were a matter of survival for Black people before they became a form of exclusion.
在黑人成为一种排斥形式之前，户外技能是黑人的生存问题。
Harriet Tubman is rarely celebrated as one of the most important outdoor figures in American history, despite traversing thousands of miles over the same mountains I walked this year.
哈里特·塔布曼很少被誉为美国历史上最重要的户外人物之一，尽管我今年走过了数千英里，翻越了同样的山脉。
“How can we make being in the outdoors a conduit for helping people realize, understand, and become comfortable with the space they occupy in the world?” says Krystal Williams, a Black woman who through-hiked the AT in 2011.
“我们如何才能让户外活动成为帮助人们认识、理解并适应他们在世界上所占据的空间的渠道？” 2011 年徒步穿越 AT 的黑人女性 Krystal Williams 说道。
The change is happening slowly, in large part because of public figures bringing attention to the outdoors.
这种变化正在缓慢发生，很大程度上是因为公众人物引起了人们对户外活动的关注。
Barack Obama designated more national monuments than any president before him.
巴拉克·奥巴马指定的国家纪念碑比他之前的任何一位总统都多。
Oprah has called 2017 her year of adventure.
奥普拉将 2017 年称为她的冒险年。
“My favorite thing on earth is a tree,” she told ranger Shelton Johnson, an advocate for diversity in the national parks, when she met him in Yosemite in 2010.
“地球上我最喜欢的东西是一棵树，”2010 年她在优胜美地国家公园遇见护林员谢尔顿·约翰逊 (Shelton Johnson) 时告诉他。谢尔顿·约翰逊是国家公园多样性的倡导者。
A recent photo of Oprah at the Grand Canyon shows her carrying a full pack.
奥普拉最近在大峡谷拍摄的一张照片显示她背着满满的背包。
“Hiking requires no particular skill, only two feet and a sturdy pair of shoes,” she said.
“徒步旅行不需要特殊的技能，只需要两只脚和一双坚固的鞋子，”她说。
“You set the pace.
“你设定了节奏。
You choose the trail.
你选择路线。
You lock into a certain rhythm with the road, and that rhythm becomes your clarion song.”
你与道路锁定某种节奏，这种节奏就成为你的号角之歌。”
Halfway through the descent into Daleville, Virginia, I found myself lying on the trail floor, wincing up at the canopy.
在下降到弗吉尼亚州戴尔维尔的途中，我发现自己躺在步道地板上，对着树冠皱起眉头。
I had taken a sudden tumble and was dazed.
我突然摔了一跤，头晕目眩。
My right ankle ached badly, though my trekking poles had saved me from a truly nasty sprain.
我的右脚踝疼痛得很厉害，尽管我的登山杖使我免于严重扭伤。
It was not a difficult stretch of trail—some packed dirt, a few small rocks, plenty of switchbacks.
这并不是一段困难的小路——有些泥土，一些小石头，还有很多之字形的路。
I felt betrayed and then ashamed.
我感到被背叛了，然后感到羞愧。
I could feel my confidence evaporating.
我能感觉到我的信心正在消失。
If I couldn’t walk a well-groomed trail, what in the world was I going to do with the boulder scrambles awaiting me in the north?
如果我不能走一条整洁的小路，那我到底要怎么处理北方等待着我的巨石攀登呢？
Falls could be fatal.
跌倒可能会致命。
At worst this one was a slight embarrassment, but it marked the first time I needed to forgive myself for what I could not control.
最坏的情况是，这有点尴尬，但这标志着我第一次需要原谅自己无法控制的事情。
Every inch of my being by that point had been shaped by an explicit choice.
那时我的每一寸生命都被一个明确的选择所塑造。
In pursuit of Katahdin—which I reached on October 1, after six months of hiking—I had wept and chopped off the long, natural hair, so politicized in America, that my grandmother had told me to always treasure.
经过六个月的徒步旅行，我于 10 月 1 日到达卡塔丁，为了追寻它，我哭了，并剪掉了我祖母告诉我要永远珍惜的长而自然的头发，这种头发在美国是如此政治化。
My afro was no more.
我的爆炸头不再是了。
I had left my skin to ash, my lips to crack.
我的皮肤化为灰烬，嘴唇干裂。
I wore my transmission-tower-print bandana like an electric prayer.
我戴着我的发射塔印花头巾，就像一个带电的祈祷者。
The Appalachian Trail was the longest conversation I’d ever had with my body, both where I fit in it and where it fits in the world.
阿巴拉契亚小道是我与自己的身体进行的最长的一次对话，无论是我在其中的位置，还是它在世界上的位置。
One of the popular Appalachian Trail books I read while preparing for my trek asked readers to make a short list of reasons why they wanted to do it.
我在准备徒步旅行时读过的一本受欢迎的阿巴拉契亚小道书籍要求读者列出他们想要这样做的原因的简短清单。
The author suggested we understand these reasons, down to our core, before embarking, coming up with something deeper than “I like nature.” I took out this document often when things felt overwhelming on the AT, when the enormity of the pursuit threatened to swallow me whole.
作者建议我们在开始之前深入了解这些原因，提出比“我喜欢自然”更深层次的想法。当 AT 感到难以承受，当追捕的艰巨性几乎要吞噬我时，我经常拿出这份文件。
Looking back, the list is a series of unrealized hopes.
回想起来，这份清单是一系列未实现的希望。
One line reads: “I have always been the token in a group; I have never chosen how I want to lead.” Another says: “It will be the first time I get to discover not whether I will succeed but who I am becoming.” The last line is a declaration: “I want to be a role model to Black women who are interested in the outdoors, including myself.”
其中一行写道：“我一直是团队中的象征；我从未选择过我想要如何领导。”另一位说：“这将是我第一次发现，不是我是否会成功，而是我正在成为谁。”最后一行是一个宣言：“我想成为对户外活动感兴趣的黑人女性的榜样，包括我自己。”
There were days when the only thing that kept me going was knowing that each step was one toward progress, a boot to the granite face of white supremacy.
有时候，唯一让我继续前进的事情就是知道每一步都是迈向进步的一步，是踩向白人至上的花岗岩面的靴子。
I belong here, I told the trail.
我属于这里，我告诉了踪迹。
It rewarded me in lasting ways.
它以持久的方式奖励了我。
The weight I carried as a Black woman paled in comparison with the joy I felt daily among my peers in that wilderness.
与我每天在荒野中与同龄人一起感受到的快乐相比，我作为一名黑人女性所承受的重量显得黯然失色。
They shaped my heart into what it will be for the rest of my life.
他们将我的心塑造成了我余生的样子。
One of the most common sentiments one hears about the Appalachian Trail is how it restores a person’s faith in humanity.
人们听到的关于阿巴拉契亚小道最常见的感受之一是它如何恢复人们对人性的信心。
It is no understatement to say that the friends I made, and the experiences I had with strangers who, at times, literally gave me the shirt off their back, saved my life.
可以毫不轻描淡写地说，我结交的朋友，以及我与陌生人的经历，有时，他们真的把我的衬衫脱下来，救了我的命。
I owe a great debt to the through-hiking community that welcomed me with open arms, that showed me what I could be and helped me when I faltered.
我非常感谢徒步旅行社区，他们张开双臂欢迎我，向我展示了我的能力，并在我步履蹒跚时帮助了我。
There is no impossible, they taught me: only good ideas of extraordinary magnitude.
他们告诉我，没有什么不可能：只有非凡的好想法。
Rahawa Haile ( @rahawahaile ) is an Eritrean American writer whose work has appeared in Pacific Standard, Brooklyn Magazine, and Buzzfeed.
Rahawa Haile (@rahawahaile) 是一位厄立特里亚裔美国作家，其作品曾出现在《太平洋标准》、《布鲁克林杂志》和 Buzzfeed 上。
She lives in Oakland.
她住在奥克兰。