<span style="font-weight: 400;">Breaking My Own Silence</span>
It makes sense that I’m a writer, which allows me to draft, hesitate, then rewrite many times before I say anything that I can live with for good.
我是一名作家，这是有道理的，这让我可以起草、犹豫，然后重写很多次，然后才能说出我可以永远忍受的事情。
In 1976, my mother, father and two sisters and I immigrated to the United States.
1976年，我和我的母亲、父亲以及两个姐妹移民到了美国。
I was 7.
我当时7岁。
We moved from Seoul to New York, and Dad enrolled my sisters and me at P.S.
我们从首尔搬到了纽约，爸爸给我和我的姐妹们报名了 P.S.
102 in Elmhurst, Queens.
102 位于皇后区埃尔姆赫斯特。
None of us girls knew how to speak English.
我们女孩都不知道如何说英语。
Even back in Seoul, I was a quiet child who fidgeted and had attention issues.
即使回到首尔，我也是一个安静的孩子，坐立不安，注意力不集中。
I found school and friendships difficult, and it got worse when I moved to a new country.
我发现学校和友谊都很困难，当我搬到一个新的国家时，情况变得更糟。
The first few weeks in America were tough.
来到美国的最初几周很艰难。
There was one other Korean girl in the class.
班上还有一位韩国女孩。
Like me, she had small eyes.
和我一样，她的眼睛也很小。
Unlike me, she knew English and had friends.
与我不同，她懂英语并且有朋友。
She wanted me to stay away.
她想让我远离。
One day in class, I needed to go to the bathroom, and I didn’t know what to do.
有一天上课，我要去洗手间，我不知道该怎么办。
The Korean girl grimaced when I approached her, but mercifully, she told me to raise my hand and say, “Bassroom.”
当我走近那个韩国女孩时，她做了个鬼脸，但幸运的是，她让我举手说：“浴室。”
I said this foreign word, and the kids laughed.
我说了这个外来词，孩子们笑了。
The teacher handed me a well-worn, wooden block, which served as a hall pass.
老师递给我一块破旧的木块，作为通行证。
I rarely spoke in school again except for when I needed permission to go to the bathroom.
我很少再在学校说话，除非我需要得到许可才能去洗手间。
The years that followed were not very different.
接下来的几年并没有太大不同。
I did my work and looked forward to being with my sisters, who protected me.
我完成了我的工作，并期待着和保护我的姐妹们在一起。
I learned to read English and made my way through shelves of borrowed books from the Elmhurst Public Library.
我学会了阅读英语，并浏览了从埃尔姆赫斯特公共图书馆借来的书架。
In our first year in America, my father ran a newspaper stand in the lobby of a dingy office building.
在美国的第一年，我父亲在一栋肮脏的办公楼大厅里经营了一个报摊。
Then later, my parents had a tiny wholesale jewelry store in Manhattan that sold costume jewelry to peddlers and gift shops.
后来，我的父母在曼哈顿开了一家小型珠宝批发店，向小贩和礼品店出售人造珠宝。
They worked six days a week.
他们每周工作六天。
At Junior High School 73 in Maspeth, N.Y., I had a wonderful teacher named Mr. Sosis, who taught law, and he selected me as a classroom monitor.
在纽约州马斯佩斯的 73 号初中，我有一位很棒的老师，名叫索西斯先生，他教法律，他选我作为课堂班长。
He allowed his monitors to eat lunch in his classroom, and I don’t know if he knew this, but he rescued me from the terror of the middle school lunchroom and from the reality that I did not know how to act around children my age.
他允许班长在他的教室里吃午餐，我不知道他是否知道这一点，但他把我从中学食堂的恐惧中解救出来，也把我从不知道如何对待同龄孩子的现实中解救出来。
I had other fine teachers there, and I started to talk a little more.
那里有其他优秀的老师，我开始多说一点。
I did production work for the school play, and when an actor dropped out, I was given her role because I’d already memorized all the lines.
我为学校戏剧做制作工作，当一个演员退出时，我得到了她的角色，因为我已经记住了所有的台词。
For my law class, I did a mock trial, and I was not awful.
在我的法律课上，我做了一次模拟审判，结果还不错。
I got into the Bronx High School of Science, where my older sister went, and I made up my mind that I had to learn how to talk well.
我进入了布朗克斯科学高中，也就是我姐姐就读的学校，我下定决心，我必须学会如何好好说话。
As a child immigrant, I had read straight through Lois Lenski, Maud Hart Lovelace, Beverly Cleary, Judy Blume then through Dickens, Hemingway, Austen, Sinclair Lewis and Dostoyevsky — books recommended by good-hearted librarians and teachers.
作为一名儿童移民，我直接阅读了洛伊斯·伦斯基、莫德·哈特·洛夫莱斯、贝弗利·克利里、朱迪·布鲁姆，然后又阅读了狄更斯、海明威、奥斯汀、辛克莱·刘易斯和陀思妥耶夫斯基——都是由好心的图书管理员和老师推荐的书籍。
In Western books, heroes spoke well and could handle any social situation, not just through action, but also through argument.
在西方书籍中，英雄能言善道，能够处理任何社会情况，不仅通过行动，还通过争论。
In Korea, a girl was virtuous if she sacrificed for her family or nation, but in the West, a girl was worthy if she had pluck and if she could speak up even when afraid.
在韩国，如果一个女孩为家庭或国家做出了牺牲，那么她就是有道德的，但在西方，如果一个女孩有勇气，即使在害怕的时候也能说出来，那么她就是有价值的。
As a kid, I’d watched Koreans criticizing a man for being all talk and no work.
小时候，我见过韩国人批评一个男人光说不做。
In America, a man was considered stupid or weak if he couldn’t stand up for himself.
在美国，如果一个人不能为自己辩护，就会被认为是愚蠢或软弱的。
Both things were true: I didn’t want to talk, and I didn’t want anyone to think I was stupid.
这两件事都是真的：我不想说话，我不想让任何人认为我很愚蠢。
My freshman year, I joined the debate team.
大一那年，我加入了辩论队。
I could hardly manage group conversations with my peers, but I reasoned it was necessary to learn how to argue.
我几乎无法与同龄人进行小组对话，但我认为有必要学习如何争论。
Debate felt almost impossible.
辩论几乎是不可能的。
I was a terrible debater, but that was better than nothing.
我是一个糟糕的辩手，但这总比什么都没有好。
I did it for one year before quitting.
我在放弃之前做了一年。
One day, I noticed a poster in the hall for summer classes at the Hotchkiss School, which offered electives that Bronx Science didn’t have.
有一天，我注意到霍奇基斯学校暑期课程的大厅里贴着一张海报，其中提供了布朗克斯科学学院没有的选修课。
I sent away for a catalog and found a class on public speaking.
我寄去一份目录，找到了一门公开演讲课程。
I asked my parents for the money so I could take this class, and they gave it to me even though it must have been a lot for them.
我向父母要钱，这样我就可以上这门课，他们给了我，尽管这对他们来说一定是很多。
At Hotchkiss, the teacher gave us assignments like tell a long joke, explain a piece of art, and persuade the listener to an unpopular position.
在霍奇基斯，老师给我们布置了一些作业，比如讲一个长笑话、解释一件艺术品、说服听众采取不受欢迎的立场。
I told a long joke and no one laughed.
我讲了一个很长的笑话，没有人笑。
I was not very good, but I was starting to understand rhetoric.
我的水平不是很好，但我开始理解修辞学了。
For the following summer, I mailed away for another brochure, this time for Phillips Exeter Academy, and I took another public speaking course.
接下来的夏天，我邮寄了另一本小册子，这次是为菲利普斯埃克塞特学院，并且我参加了另一门公开演讲课程。
When I went to Yale for college, I felt outclassed by my peers who had attended the private schools I had visited during the summers.
当我去耶鲁大学上大学时，我感觉自己被那些在我暑假期间就读过的私立学校的同龄人所超越。
They spoke with ease about music, art, and faraway places and wrote beautiful papers about books I had not read.
他们轻松地谈论音乐、艺术和遥远的地方，并写了关于我没有读过的书的漂亮论文。
Some knew Latin and Greek.
有些人懂拉丁语和希腊语。
I stumbled through my classes and ill-advised romantic relationships.
我在课程和不明智的恋爱关系中跌跌撞撞。
I majored in history, and without a clear plan, I went to law school at Georgetown.
我主修历史，在没有明确计划的情况下，我去了乔治城大学法学院。
Not once did I consider being a litigator because that seemed like professional debating.
我从来没有考虑过成为一名诉讼律师，因为那看起来像是专业辩论。
I thought I’d be better suited as a corporate lawyer.
我认为我更适合担任公司律师。
I figured I should try to be financially better off than my parents who worked throughout the year without breaks in an underheated store, scrimping to pay their greedy landlord, who refused to kill the enormous rats that roamed in the basement.
我想我应该努力在经济上比我的父母更好，他们全年不间断地在一家气温较低的商店里工作，省吃俭用地支付贪婪的房东的钱，而房东拒绝杀死在地下室里游荡的巨大老鼠。
After my first year at Georgetown, I went to the career services office because I needed to learn how to do a job interview.
在乔治敦大学的第一年结束后，我去了职业服务办公室，因为我需要学习如何进行工作面试。
The career counselor, an older white woman, said to me in the gentlest way, “You need to boast about how great you are.
职业顾问是一位年长的白人女性，她以最温和的方式对我说：“你需要吹嘘自己有多么伟大。
You’re an Asian girl, and when you boast, you’re playing against the stereotype of the meek Oriental.
你是一个亚洲女孩，当你吹嘘的时候，你就违背了东方人温顺的刻板印象。
Your interviewer will never think you’re bragging.
你的面试官永远不会认为你在吹牛。
I don’t give this advice to pushy white men.”
我不会向咄咄逼人的白人提出这个建议。”
She was telling me how the world might see me.
她告诉我世界会如何看待我。
I had to talk, and I had to build myself up, because others might see less than there was.
我必须说话，我必须增强自己，因为其他人可能看到的东西比我看到的要少。
Though I couldn’t really do what she said, I never forgot her words.
虽然我不能真正按照她说的去做，但我从未忘记过她的话。
When I sold my first novel I was no longer a lawyer.
当我卖掉第一本小说时，我不再是一名律师。
I was 38 years old.
我当时38岁。
In preparation for a small book tour, my publisher hired a media trainer to coach me for two hours.
为了准备一次小型售书活动，我的出版商聘请了一位媒体培训师来指导我两个小时。
The trainer had written a book, so I read it.
培训师写了一本书，所以我读了它。
I learned that each event is about the audience.
我了解到每个活动都是关于观众的。
This idea helped because no matter how insecure I felt, I could forget myself and focus on everyone else.
这个想法很有帮助，因为无论我感到多么不安全，我都可以忘记自己并专注于其他人。
I write novels, and now and then I give lectures.
我写小说，偶尔也做演讲。
I come from many tribes — immigrant, introvert, working class, Korean, female, public school, Queens, Presbyterian.
我来自许多部落——移民、内向、工人阶级、韩国人、女性、公立学校、皇后区、长老会。
Growing up, I never knew that people like me could write books or talk in public.
在成长过程中，我从来不知道像我这样的人可以写书或在公共场合演讲。
To this day, I worry that if I mess up, others like me might not be asked or allowed.
直到今天，我仍然担心如果我搞砸了，像我这样的人可能不会被要求或被允许。
This is how outsiders and newcomers feel.
这是局外人和新人的感受。
It is neither rational nor fair.
这既不合理也不公平。
I know.
我知道。
I am 50 years old, and after more than four decades of living in the West, I realize that like writing, talking is painful because we expose our ideas for evaluation; however, like writing, talking is powerful because our ideas may, in fact, have value and require expression.
我今年50岁了，在西方生活了四十多年，我意识到说话和写作一样是痛苦的，因为我们暴露自己的想法以供评价；然而，就像写作一样，谈话也很强大，因为我们的想法实际上可能有价值并且需要表达。
As a girl, I did not know this power, yet this is my power now.
作为一个女孩，我不知道这种力量，但这就是我现在的力量。
Min Jin Lee is the author of the novels “Free Food for Millionaires” and “ Pachinko .”
李敏珍是小说《百万富翁的免费食物》和《弹珠机》的作者。
Now in print : “ Modern Ethics in 77 Arguments ,” and “ The Stone Reader: Modern Philosophy in 133 Arguments ,” with essays from the series, edited by Peter Catapano and Simon Critchley, published by Liveright Books.
现已出版：《现代伦理学的 77 个论点》和《石头读者：现代哲学的 133 个论点》，以及该系列的文章，由彼得·卡塔帕诺和西蒙·克里奇利编辑，由 Liveright Books 出版。
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《泰晤士报》致力于发表多样化的致编辑信件。
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我们想听听您对这篇文章或我们的任何文章的看法。
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这里有一些提示。
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这是我们的电子邮件：letters@nytimes.com。
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