In Sickness, in Health, in White Castle
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Your mutual love for White Castle goes back to when you were dating.
你们对白色城堡的共同喜爱可以追溯到你们约会时。
Were you even dating yet?
你们还约会过吗？
It was so long ago it’s hard to remember if there was an exact moment things became official.
已经是很久以前的事了，很难记得是否有一个确切的时刻事情变得正式了。
You’ve always just referred to it as “the beginning.”
你总是把它称为“开始”。
Photo by Travis, courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons The beginning was that awkward dance you did around each other, quickly becoming best friends but too terrified to say you were in love, not wanting to fuck everything up.
摄影：Travis，由 Flickr Creative Commons 提供 一开始，你们在彼此周围跳着尴尬的舞蹈，很快就成为了最好的朋友，但又不敢说你们恋爱了，不想把一切搞砸。
You were too young and stupid to realize that being best friends is the point, the part that would still be there during the times when there is no passion or magic but just pain and fear and dirty dishes.
你太年轻、太愚蠢，没有意识到成为最好的朋友是重点，在没有激情或魔法，只有痛苦、恐惧和脏盘子的时代，这一点仍然存在。
The part that would keep you two together.
让你们两个在一起的部分。
Every Friday night you would drive over to the White Castle on Fort Hamilton and 42nd, right next to that mess of an intersection where ambulances and car services and Yeshiva buses would battle to navigate through the darkness under the train that hovered above New Utrecht Avenue.
每个周五晚上，你都会开车前往汉密尔顿堡和第 42 街的白色城堡，就在那个混乱的十字路口旁边，救护车、汽车服务和 Yeshiva 巴士会在盘旋在新乌得勒支大道上空的火车下面的黑暗中奋力穿行。
You’d grab a Crave Case: 30 steamed, oniony cheeseburgers, widely considered as either the single greatest, or most terrible, creation in the history of food.
你会买一个 Crave Case：30 个蒸洋葱芝士汉堡，被广泛认为是食品史上最伟大或最可怕的创造。
You consider them to be firmly in the former category, calories and additives and occasional gastrointestinal upset be damned.
你认为它们绝对属于前一类，卡路里和添加剂以及偶尔的肠胃不适都该死。
Sometimes you’d grab two cases, if you were feeling up to the challenge.
有时，如果您准备好迎接挑战，您会抓住两个箱子。
Surviving a night of White Castle is more than just ecstasy.
在白色城堡度过一夜不仅仅是欣喜若狂。
It’s victory.
这是胜利。
Back at your apartment, the rest of your crew would be setting up Cranium and unpacking two cases of Budweiser, waiting for you to arrive with the large cardboard box of burgers.
回到你的公寓，你的其他工作人员将设置 Cranium 并打开两箱百威啤酒，等待你带着大纸板箱的汉堡到达。
You’d find your seat at the table and begin the ritual: drinking and smoking and making dirty jokes, pretending you weren’t thinking about him, checking the clock every minute until he'd come through the door after his restaurant shift, just in time to watch your friend drunkenly try to sculpt a duck-billed squirrel out of PlayDoh.
你会在餐桌上找到座位，开始例行公事：喝酒、抽烟、开黄色玩笑，假装你没有在想他，每分钟都看一下时钟，直到他下班后从门口进来，正好看到你的朋友醉醺醺地试图用培乐多（PlayDoh）雕刻一只鸭嘴松鼠。
White Castle and shit beer are not the best things to have in your stomach when you get butterflies, but you got used to it.
白色城堡和狗屎啤酒并不是你得蝴蝶时胃里最好的东西，但你已经习惯了。
Eventually you enjoyed it.
最终你很享受它。
He’d head to the kitchen for his allotment of the Crave Cases, ice cold by that point but still worthy of excitement.
他会前往厨房领取他分配的渴望盒，那时已经冰冷，但仍然值得兴奋。
Beers and burgers in hand, he’d squeeze himself onto a team halfway through a game you were winning.
手里拿着啤酒和汉堡，他会在你赢球的比赛中途挤进一个球队。
(You did every week.) He never sat next to you, which you hated, until he told you he did that so he could stare at you all night.
（你每周都这样做。） 他从不坐在你旁边，这是你讨厌的，直到他告诉你他这样做是为了可以整晚盯着你。
He liked you because he thought you were beautiful.
他喜欢你是因为他觉得你很漂亮。
He loved you because you were smart, and funny, and the kind of girl who would not apologize for eating ten White Castles.
他爱你，因为你聪明、有趣，而且是那种不会因为吃了十个白色城堡而道歉的女孩。
You loved him for seeing you like that.
你爱他就是因为他看到你这个样子。
He’d spend the night.
他会过夜。
He was battle-tested like you were.
他和你一样，都经过了战斗考验。
You’d survived stage four cancer.
您已经从第四期癌症中幸存下来。
He'd been a paramedic, assigned to the firehouse a few blocks from the World Trade Center.
他是一名护理人员，被分配到距离世贸中心几个街区的消防站。
You both recovered from your injuries and became chefs.
你们都从伤病中康复并成为了厨师。
You thought he’d run when you told him the chemotherapy made you infertile.
当你告诉他化疗导致你不孕时，你以为他会竞选。
He didn’t.
他没有。
He thought you’d run when he showed you the screws that held his knees together, or when the whispers began that some of the guys who’d been first responders to 9/11 were starting to get sick.
当他向你展示将他的膝盖固定在一起的螺丝时，或者当有传言称一些 9/11 事件的急救人员开始生病时，他以为你会逃跑。
You didn’t.
你没有。
When you got married the next fall you had White Castle cater the wedding.
当你第二年秋天结婚时，你让白色城堡为你举办婚礼。
That same one on Fort Hamilton and 42nd.
汉密尔顿堡和第 42 街也是如此。
They laughed when you asked.
当你问的时候他们笑了。
They thought you were nuts, just like your parents and your friends did.
他们认为你疯了，就像你的父母和朋友一样。
He loved you for being the kind of broad who came up with that idea in the first place.
他喜欢你，因为你是第一个提出这个想法的女人。
The district manager made the delivery himself, and said you were the first couple in New York City to have a White Castle wedding.
地区经理亲自送货，并说你们是纽约市第一对举办白色城堡婚礼的夫妇。
He took lots of pictures of you in your beautiful wedding dress to show the boys upstairs in corporate.
他给你拍了很多穿着漂亮婚纱的照片，给楼上的男孩们看。
Over the years you lost all the copies.
多年来，您丢失了所有副本。
The children the doctors said you’d never bear came immediately.
医生说你永远无法生育的孩子很快就出生了。
He didn’t drive, but occasionally he took three trains to White Castle to surprise you with a sack of ten.
他不开车，但偶尔会乘坐三趟火车前往白色城堡，一袋十辆火车会给你带来惊喜。
Sometimes you were so happy you’d cry.
有时你高兴得会哭。
Sometimes you’d scream at him for not psychically knowing you were nauseous.
有时你会对他尖叫，因为他在心理上不知道你恶心。
You’re amazed that he never once—back then and in all the years that followed—stopped trying to make you happy.
你感到惊讶的是，无论是在当时还是在随后的岁月里，他从未停止过让你快乐的努力。
It’s only days that pass, but it feels like you’re eons from who you two were when you’d drink cheap beer and see your friends every Friday well into Saturday.
虽然只是几天的时间，但感觉就像你们两个从每个周五到周六喝着廉价啤酒、见朋友的样子已经过去了很久。
You don’t go to White Castle much anymore; you don’t want the kids to eat fast food, since they beg for it all the time.
你不再经常去白色城堡了；你不希望孩子们吃快餐，因为他们总是乞求。
You need to set a good example.
你需要树立一个好榜样。
The two of you fight a lot.
你们两个经常吵架。
You love him a lot, too, but goddamn those times you fight are tough and getting worse.
你也很爱他，但该死的，你们吵架的时候很艰难，而且越来越糟。
You used to brag to other couples how you guys never fought.
你曾经向其他情侣吹嘘你们从不吵架。
You were such fucking idiots.
你们真是个该死的白痴。
He gets sick sometimes.
他有时会生病。
His GI tract is a mess from all that air the government assured us was “perfectly safe.” The first years you’d coddle him.
他的胃肠道因政府向我们保证“完全安全”的空气而变得一团糟。头几年你会溺爱他。
Then you’d deal with it.
然后你就可以处理它。
Now you’re tired of it.
现在你已经厌倦了。
You knew very well what you had signed up for at the very beginning, but it’s wearing on you.
你一开始就很清楚自己注册的是什么，但它让你感到疲惫。
There are times he doesn’t sleep for weeks, and he becomes perpetually short, often nasty.
有时他会连续几个星期不睡觉，而且他会变得永远矮小，而且常常很讨厌。
You find yourself tired of forgiving.
你发现自己厌倦了宽恕。
They give him pills that fix one thing but break another.
他们给他的药丸可以解决一件事，但却破坏另一件事。
You yell at him because he’s too scared to go to the doctor, scared they’ll tell him he’s dying.
你对他大喊大叫，因为他太害怕而不敢去看医生，害怕他们会告诉他他快要死了。
His lung scans come back clean, his blood comes back perfect; they say that aside from the chronic “annoyances,” he’s perfectly healthy.
他的肺部扫描显示干净，血液显示完美；他们说，除了长期的“烦恼”之外，他非常健康。
You remember those nights in bed talking about the future.
你还记得那些躺在床上谈论未来的夜晚。
Your infertility turned out to be a lie, so maybe he’ll be fine, too.
你的不孕症原来是个谎言，所以也许他也会没事的。
You say that maybe him getting badly hurt on the day the towers collapsed was a blessing, because he couldn’t go back down into the pit.
你说也许他在双塔倒塌的那天受了重伤是一件幸事，因为他不能再回到坑里了。
It makes him angry, because his best friend, along with seven of his “brothers,” are dead.
这让他很生气，因为他最好的朋友和他的七个“兄弟”都死了。
You knew this would be your life, and you love him so much you chose it.
你知道这将是你的生活，你是如此爱他，所以你选择了它。
You hate yourself for being tired, for being angry, for some days hating him for the way his pain makes you feel.
你恨自己累了，恨自己生气，有几天你恨他，因为他的痛苦让你感受到。
You know it’s not even that bad now, but eventually—maybe in ten years, maybe fifty—it will become intolerable.
你知道现在还没有那么糟糕，但最终——也许十年后，也许五十年后——它会变得难以忍受。
Until death do us part means you are promising your best friend that, one day, you will bury him.
直到死亡将我们分开意味着你向你最好的朋友承诺，有一天，你会埋葬他。
He’s wanted out of Brooklyn forever, to leave the constant reminder in the skyline, but you refused.
人们希望他永远离开布鲁克林，在天际线上留下不断的提醒，但你拒绝了。
You know your stubbornness has put as much strain on this marriage as his illnesses do, so you realize that it’s finally time to go.
你知道你的固执给这段婚姻带来的压力和他的疾病一样大，所以你意识到终于到了离开的时候了。
While searching for your new home, it strikes you both to figure out the location of the closest White Castle.
在寻找新家时，你们俩突然想到要找出最近的白色城堡的位置。
It's an hour drive from the place you’ve chosen, and you joke you need to rethink your decision.
距离你选择的地方有一个小时的车程，你开玩笑说你需要重新考虑你的决定。
You sit close together, open Google Maps, and work on finding the fastest route.
你们坐在一起，打开 Google 地图，并努力寻找最快的路线。
You start to pack, and he gets sick, again.
你开始收拾行李，他又病了。
You're tired of listening to the complaining so you dismissively tell him to go to the hospital.
你厌倦了听他的抱怨，所以你不屑地告诉他去医院。
He calls a few hours later to say he’s being admitted to the cardiac ICU.
几个小时后，他打电话说他被送进心脏重症监护室。
Something about his heart.
一些关于他的心的事情。
The doctors tell you the membrane around his heart is inflamed and filling with fluid, and they don’t know why.
医生告诉你他心脏周围的膜发炎并充满液体，但他们不知道原因。
There's not much they can do except give him Motrin, send him home, make him rest.
除了给他服用莫林、送他回家、让他休息之外，他们无能为力。
He is in pain and cries a lot, and you want to make it stop, but you have children and a business and a million people who need you.
他很痛苦，经常哭，你想让这一切停止，但你有孩子、有生意，还有一百万人需要你。
You leave him on his own because you know if he sees you breaking it will make him worse.
你让他独自一人，因为你知道如果他看到你打破它会让他变得更糟。
He gets worse anyway.
无论如何，他会变得更糟。
You see a new doctor, who listens to his heart and calls an ambulance.
你去看了一位新医生，他会倾听他的心脏并叫救护车。
You go to a different hospital, where doctors run test after test.
你去了另一家医院，那里的医生进行了一次又一次的检查。
The infection has worsened and spread.
感染已经恶化并蔓延。
They move him to a room upstairs and strap and IV of antibiotics to his arm.
他们把他转移到楼上的一个房间，并在他的手臂上绑上抗生素并静脉注射。
The doctors assure you he is in no danger of dying—he is just going suffer.
医生向你保证他没有死亡的危险——他只是会受苦。
You tell the kids over the phone that everything is okay.
你通过电话告诉孩子们一切都好。
They know you're lying and want their dad home.
他们知道你在撒谎并希望他们的爸爸回家。
You joke we all know Daddy has been stressed out lately, so everyone should think of Maimonides as a spa with bad food .
你开玩笑，我们都知道爸爸最近压力很大，所以大家应该把迈蒙尼德想象成一个食物不好的水疗中心。
It doesn’t work on them.
这对他们不起作用。
You leave close to midnight so he can rest.
你在接近午夜时离开，以便他可以休息。
He says you're a distraction, because you are so goddamn sexy that he’ll never be able to sleep.
他说你让人分心，因为你太性感了，他永远无法入睡。
He can barely speak, but still says it.
他几乎不能说话，但还是说了。
You roll your eyes and smile, kiss his forehead, and head home.
你翻白眼，微笑，亲吻他的额头，然后回家。
You remember the butterflies.
你还记得那些蝴蝶。
Photo by Michael Marmarou It’s Friday night, and four blocks away from the hospital is White Castle.
摄影：Michael Marmarou 现在是周五晚上，距医院四个街区远的是白色城堡。
Your White Castle.
你的白色城堡。
More than ever you need that place in the same way you used to need cigarettes.
你比以往任何时候都更需要那个地方，就像你以前需要香烟一样。
You buy a sack of ten, but tell yourself you’ll only eat four.
你买了一袋十个，但告诉自己你只会吃四个。
You come to that scary intersection, the one with the buses the crazy drivers and the darkness, and turn left onto New Utrecht instead of going straight to head home.
你来到那个可怕的十字路口，那里有公交车、疯狂的司机和黑暗，然后左转进入新乌得勒支，而不是直接回家。
You drive into the darkness underneath the D tracks, searching for moments from your South Brooklyn childhood, when things like cancer and terrorism weren’t part of reality.
你驶入 D 轨道下的黑暗，寻找南布鲁克林童年的时光，那时癌症和恐怖主义等事情并不属于现实。
Past the old Imperial Terrace, now a pharmacy, where your aunt got married in an explosion of guido finery, big hair and rhinestones and all.
经过旧的帝国露台，现在是一家药店，你姨妈在那里结婚了，穿着吉多的华丽服饰、大头发和莱茵石等等。
Past the tuxedo shop where you took Brian before prom and he gave the owner a blow job, then showed up at the Waldorf in a gratis Armani.
经过舞会前你带布莱恩去的燕尾服店，他给店主口交，然后穿着一件免费的阿玛尼出现在华尔道夫酒店。
Past the subway stop your husband got off every day during that winter your grandmother was dying from a lung infection just like the one he has now, to keep her company.
那个冬天，你的丈夫每天都在地铁站下车，你的祖母正因肺部感染而死去，就像他现在一样，为了陪伴她。
Past the old Rispoli’s where Grandma would buy you cremolata ices during the summer.
经过老里斯波利店，夏天奶奶会在那里给你买克雷莫拉塔冰块。
You pull into the driveway in the pitch black and gather your things.
你在一片漆黑中把车开进车道，收拾东西。
You realize while you were driving, you ate all ten cheeseburgers.
您意识到在开车时，您吃了全部十个芝士汉堡。
You collapse over the steering wheel, your body heaving in uncontrollable sobs.
你倒在方向盘上，身体因无法控制的抽泣而起伏。
Your lungs hurt.
你的肺部受伤了。
His lungs hurt.
他的肺部受伤了。
You cry more.
你哭得更厉害了。
The next day brings more tests.
第二天会有更多测试。
He asks if you went to that White Castle the night before, you say no. He calls you on your bullshit.
他问你前一天晚上是否去过那个白色城堡，你说没有。他会因为你的胡言乱语而打电话给你。
You said you didn’t want to make him jealous.
你说你不想让他嫉妒。
He says he is.
他说他是。
The doctor comes in: They’re going to insert a tube to drain the fluid around his lungs, but the heart isn’t so easy.
医生进来了：他们要插入一根管子来排出他肺部周围的液体，但心脏就不那么容易了。
They'll keep on with the IV antibiotics and you will cross your fingers.
他们会继续静脉注射抗生素，你会祈祷的。
You go to back to White Castle that night.
那天晚上你就回白色城堡了。
You get phone calls from the school that your oldest son is acting up.
您接到学校打来的电话，称您的大儿子表现不佳。
Your mom says she catches him looking as if he’s going to cry but then chokes it back.
你妈妈说她发现他看起来好像要哭，但又忍住了。
You know where he picked that one up.
你知道他是从哪里捡到这个的。
You tell him that daddy’s lung is fixed and his heart is starting to look better.
你告诉他爸爸的肺已经好了，他的心脏也开始好转了。
The doctors even say he could be out the day after tomorrow.
医生甚至说他后天就可以出院。
You make the spa joke again.
你又开温泉玩笑了。
It still doesn’t work.
还是不行。
He comes home with a sack of pills, and your children hug him for what feels like days.
他带着一袋药回家，你的孩子们拥抱他，感觉就像好几天一样。
You stay cool, as if it's an ordinary, average Tuesday.
你保持冷静，就好像这是一个普通的、普通的星期二。
You know that this specifically might not happen again, but that something will.
你知道这种情况可能不会再次发生，但有些事情会发生。
Something always does.
有些事总是会发生。
You need all three of them to know to never be scared, that you will keep them safe.
你需要他们三个都知道永远不要害怕，你会保证他们的安全。
It used to take every iota of strength you could pull together to pretend that you were fine, but as time marched on it’s become organic and involuntary.
过去，你需要竭尽全力才能假装自己没事，但随着时间的推移，它变得自然且不自觉。
Everything is okay.
一切都好。
Four weeks later you’re out running errands, just the two of you, and find yourself at a traffic light a few blocks away from your White Castle.
四个星期后，你出去办事，只有你们两个人，发现自己站在离你的白色城堡几个街区远的红绿灯处。
You’ve heard it’s closing soon.
你听说它很快就要关门了。
They're tearing it down for condos, just like everything else in this fucked up city.
他们正在把它拆掉建公寓，就像这个该死的城市里的其他一切一样。
“You’re not supposed to be eating that.
“你不应该吃那个。
You want to end up in the hospital again?”
你还想再进医院吗？”
“We’ll only have one and keep the rest in the fridge.
“我们只吃一份，其余的都放在冰箱里。
We’ll have a romantic dinner tonight.
今晚我们将享用一顿浪漫的晚餐。
You, me, White Castles, the cats, HBO, talking dirty, me passing out on the couch before I can follow through...”
你、我、白色城堡、猫、HBO、说脏话、我还没来得及说完就在沙发上昏倒了……”
I roll my eyes and smile, as always.
我像往常一样翻白眼，微笑。
He says I don’t find him cute anymore.
他说我不再觉得他可爱了。
He has no idea.
他不知道。
We pull up to the drive thru and order a sack of ten.
我们把车停在得来速餐厅，点了一袋十块。
We decide to make the left and drive down New Utrecht Avenue.
我们决定左转，沿着新乌得勒支大道行驶。
We eat all the burgers in the car.
我们把车上所有的汉堡都吃了。
We’ve joined forces with Tillamook to support All For Farmers—a coalition benefiting farmers across the nation—with a special market that gives back.
我们与 Tillamook 联手支持“All For Farmers”——一个造福全国农民的联盟——并设有一个回馈特殊市场。
Featuring Shop all-stars and a limited-edition Five Two apron, a portion of proceeds from every purchase supports American Farmland Trust’s Brighter Future Fund.
以商店全明星和限量版五二围裙为特色，每次购买的部分收益都会支持美国农田信托基金的光明未来基金。