A Shark Attack and a Terrorist Bombing: This Is a Love Story
There's a reason the man and woman sitting on the mangy couch hold hands.
坐在肮脏的沙发上的男人和女人手牵手是有原因的。
They've endured what you and I have not, and what they’ve endured has led them to question whether to live.
他们经历了你我没有经历过的事情，而他们所经历的事情让他们开始质疑是否要活下去。
You see it in their faces, in their bearing, in the shared glances before speaking, a weighted maturity that slumps their shoulders and draws into sharper contrast their youth: he with his shaggy reddish-brown hair and childlike freckles, she with her olive complexion and taut cheekbones and tattoos up and down her arms.
你可以从他们的脸上、他们的举止、在说话前共同的眼神中看到这一点，一种沉重的成熟感使他们的肩膀塌下来，与他们的青春形成鲜明的对比：他有着蓬松的红棕色头发和孩子般的雀斑，她有着橄榄色的肤色和绷紧的颧骨，手臂上下都有纹身。
When a catastrophe happens, they say, you can choose to see it as random, as they each have.
他们说，当灾难发生时，你可以选择将其视为随机事件，就像他们每个人所做的那样。
Randomness, though, is “a hard thing to come to terms with,” she says.
不过，她说，随机性“是一件很难接受的事情”。
A random life is a chaotic one, a meaningless one, ultimately a hopeless one.
随意的生活是一种混乱的生活，一种毫无意义的生活，最终是一种绝望的生活。
On the other hand, to view catastrophe as fated, which they have each done as well, is no better.
另一方面，将灾难视为命中注定（他们也都这么做过）也好不到哪儿去。
“You ask, ‘Why me?
“你问，‘为什么是我？
What have I done to deserve this?’ ” the man says.
我做了什么值得这样？’”该男子说道。
A fated life is a guilt-stricken one, an angry one, ultimately a shameful one.
命中注定的生活是一种愧疚的生活，一种愤怒的生活，最终是一种耻辱的生活。
There’s a way out of this paradox.
有一种方法可以摆脱这个悖论。
Finding the way out is the point of their story, they say.
他们说，找到出路是他们故事的重点。
Finding the way out has given them a wisdom about life that haunts them.
找到出路给了他们一种困扰他们的生活智慧。
It is also a wisdom they would never trade.
这也是他们永远不会交易的智慧。
It explains why they’re sitting next to each other, on a ratty couch in a tiny rental a continent away from everything they know, and, yes, still holding hands.
这解释了为什么他们坐在彼此旁边，在一个远离他们所知道的大陆的小出租屋的破烂沙发上，而且，是的，仍然手牵着手。
He remembers the moments just before.
他还记得之前的情景。
Water lapped against Colin Cook's legs as he straddled his surfboard a hundred yards from the shore of Leftovers Beach, on Oahu.
当科林·库克 (Colin Cook) 跨在距离瓦胡岛剩菜海滩 (Leftovers Beach) 海岸一百码处的冲浪板上时，海水拍打着他的双腿。
He remembers the sun’s warm glow in the east, a little after 10:00 a.m., and that he had been out some two hours already.
他记得上午 10:00 刚过，太阳温暖地照在东方，而他已经出去了大约两个小时。
He remembers being exhausted but happy—the dopamine high that rushes the system after a long workout.
他记得当时很疲惫，但很高兴——长时间锻炼后，多巴胺会刺激身体系统。
He looked the part of a seasoned surfer that October morning in 2015.
2015 年 10 月的那个早晨，他看起来就像一位经验丰富的冲浪者。
Broad shoulders, lithe build, his V -shape frame snug in board shorts and wet-suit top.
宽阔的肩膀，轻盈的体格，V 形的身材在沙滩短裤和潜水衣上衣中显得十分舒适。
He’d moved here for moments like this.
他搬到这里就是为了这样的时刻。
Drifted farther west from his childhood home in Rhode Island for the waves and natural charm of the islands, all the schools of fish and Hawaiian sea turtles he saw beneath his board that morning.
从儿时家乡罗德岛向西漂流，欣赏海浪和岛屿的自然魅力，那天早上他在冲浪板下面看到了鱼群和夏威夷海龟。
Out here, at age twenty-five, he could live life slowly.
在这里，二十五岁的他可以慢慢地生活。
Back east everyone lived at the frenetic pace of achievement.
在东部，每个人都以追求成就的疯狂步伐生活。
Almost as an act of defiance, Colin had first come out to Oahu and rented a literal walk-in closet for a living space.
几乎作为一种反抗行为，科林首先来到欧胡岛，租了一个真正的步入式衣柜作为居住空间。
The closet was close to a master bedroom in a two-story house owned by the guy Colin worked for, a manufacturing entrepreneur and surfer himself.
壁橱靠近科林工作的老板所拥有的一栋两层楼的主卧室，他本人也是一名制造业企业家和冲浪者。
The closet was four feet wide and fifteen feet long—with the cot Colin bought to sleep in, there was no room to maneuver.
壁橱有四英尺宽，十五英尺长——加上科林买来睡觉的小床，没有回旋的余地。
But the closet was steps from a front door that opened onto the beach and the ocean.
但衣柜距离通往海滩和大海的前门仅几步之遥。
He owned fifteen surfboards but just four shirts back in 2015.
2015 年，他拥有 15 个冲浪板，但只有 4 件衬衫。
He acted like a pro surfer even though he wasn’t one.
他表现得像一名职业冲浪者，尽管他不是职业冲浪者。
He told himself in those days he didn’t want to turn pro.
那时他告诉自己他不想成为职业球员。
He thought competitions would taint what he loved.
他认为竞争会玷污他所热爱的事情。
Instead he glassed, the slow, careful process of fiberglassing and sealing surfboards.
相反，他进行了玻璃化处理，即玻璃纤维化和密封冲浪板的缓慢而仔细的过程。
It was not at all the job his dad lived as a sports-apparel executive and not the life his sister had created as an Ivy League graduate.
这根本不是他父亲作为运动服装高管的工作，也不是他姐姐作为常春藤盟校毕业生创造的生活。
Many times a month, Colin tormented himself amid the beauty of Oahu with questions about why he didn’t have his father’s ambition or his sister’s intelligence.
每个月，科林都会在欧胡岛的美景中折磨自己很多次，问自己为什么没有父亲的野心或妹妹的智慧。
The questions made him feel smaller than his five-foot-ten-inch frame.
这些问题让他感觉自己比自己五英尺十英寸的身材还要矮小。
The only answer that quieted his mind, he had found, lived in the barrel of the next wave.
他发现，唯一能让他平静下来的答案就存在于下一波浪潮的桶中。
I’m just gonna get a couple more in, he thought that morning in 2015.
2015 年的那天早上，他想，我还得再买几个。
A couple more waves before paddling in to get ready for work.
在划船准备工作之前，还要再挥手几下。
The force felt like an eighteen-wheeler.
这种力量感觉就像一辆十八轮车。
He was instantly underwater and disoriented from the impact and then above water desperate for breath and then pulled under once more, even more violently.
他立即陷入水下，因撞击而迷失了方向，然后又浮出水面，拼命呼吸，然后再次被拉入水中，甚至更加猛烈。
Colin opened his eyes and saw the flash of a tiger shark, twice as long as he was, biting down on his left leg.
科林睁开眼睛，只见一头比他长一倍的虎鲨一闪而过，正朝着他的左腿咬去。
He punched the shark on its nose.
他一拳打在鲨鱼的鼻子上。
Once, twice, again and again and again.
一次，两次，一次又一次。
Its skin felt like sandpaper against his fist.
它的皮肤在他的拳头上感觉就像砂纸一样。
The shark thrashed from the blows, butted Colin, then pulled away.
鲨鱼遭受重击，猛烈撞击科林，然后挣脱开来。
Colin rose to the surface.
科林浮出水面。
Panicked, panting, he grabbed his surfboard to try to paddle to shore.
他惊慌失措，气喘吁吁，抓起冲浪板试图划向岸边。
He looked behind him to trace the shark but saw something else.
他回头寻找鲨鱼的踪迹，但看到了别的东西。
His left leg: no longer attached to his body.
他的左腿：不再附着在他的身体上。
His left leg, just above the knee: gone.
他的左腿，就在膝盖上方：不见了。
Blood reddened the blue waters.
鲜血染红了蓝色的海水。
Two surfers nearby looked toward him and began to swim frantically to shore.
附近的两名冲浪者看向他，开始疯狂地游向岸边。
Already the shark was on him.
鲨鱼已经向他袭来了。
Its eyes, its nose, good Lord its teeth .
它的眼睛，它的鼻子，上帝啊，它的牙齿。
Colin pushed and punched, pushing and punching for his life, and somehow the beast turned from him again.
科林不断推搡、猛击，为了保住性命，猛烈推搡、猛击，不知怎的，那头野兽又转身离开了他。
But now the first three fingers of Colin’s left hand hung at nauseating backward and sideways angles—
但现在科林左手的前三个手指以令人作呕的角度向后和向侧倾斜——
The leash, a thin cord that looped around his left foot and connected him to his surfboard, was now hooked around the shark’s teeth, while the other end of it remained tied around Colin’s left ankle.
皮带是一条细绳，环绕着他的左脚，将他与冲浪板连接起来，现在已经挂在鲨鱼的牙齿上，而另一端仍然绑在科林的左脚踝上。
The shark thrashed its head side to side, trying to rid itself of the leash, ripping the ocean’s surface.
鲨鱼左右摆动头部，试图挣脱皮带，撕裂海面。
At last the shark freed itself of the leash and Colin scrambled back up onto his board.
最后，鲨鱼挣脱了皮带，科林爬回了冲浪板上。
The open wound of his left stump shot out blood in time with his heartbeat.
左残肢的开放性伤口随着他的心跳及时喷出鲜血。
A pool of it now, twelve feet around him.
现在，他周围十二英尺处有一个水池。
Suddenly a large Polynesian man stood near him on his own surfboard.
突然，一个高大的波利尼西亚男子站在他自己的冲浪板上。
The man clubbed the shark with a paddle he held in both hands until the shark swam away.
该男子用双手握着的桨击打鲨鱼，直到鲨鱼游走。
The man tossed his own surfer’s leash to Colin, but Colin couldn’t grab it for his mangled hand and the blood that dripped from the rope, slickening it.
那人把自己的冲浪者皮带扔给科林，但科林无法抓住他受伤的手和从绳子上滴下来的血，使它变得光滑。
Then the water, the waves.
然后是水，波浪。
The shark returned, its dorsal fin parting the water even faster than it had the first two times, the beast more furious than ever.
鲨鱼回来了，它的背鳍分开水面的速度比前两次更快，这头野兽比以往任何时候都更加愤怒。
They, too, remember the moments before.
他们也记得之前的时刻。
Celeste and Kevin Corcoran and their daughter, Sydney, were watching runners sprint and jog and hobble toward the finish line on that April afternoon in Boston, an overcast spring day in 2013 that carried a biting wind.
四月的那个下午，2013 年春天的一个阴天，凛冽的寒风，塞莱斯特·科克兰 (Celeste Corcoran) 和凯文·科克兰 (Kevin Corcoran) 以及他们的女儿西德尼 (Sydney) 正在波士顿观看跑步者冲刺、慢跑、一瘸一拐地冲向终点线。
Sydney, seventeen at the time, wore a tank top, T-shirt, sweatshirt, and down jacket.
西德尼当时十七岁，穿着背心、T 恤、运动衫和羽绒服。
It was 47 degrees but a party there on Boylston Street.
气温为 47 度，但博伊斯顿街上正在举行派对。
The Boston Marathon, held on Patriots’ Day, was always a citywide party: The Red Sox had played their annual morning game at 11:00 and beaten the Tampa Bay Rays 3–2, and now the crowd migrating from Fenway Park to the marathon’s finish line about a mile away was jovial and beery.
在爱国者日举行的波士顿马拉松比赛一直是全市范围内的聚会：红袜队在 11:00 进行了一年一度的早场比赛，并以 3-2 击败了坦帕湾光芒队，现在从芬威公园涌向大约一英里外的马拉松终点线的人群充满了欢乐和啤酒。
Celeste and Sydney inched between the revelers and the metal fencing the city had erected along the sidewalk.
塞莱斯特和悉尼在狂欢者和城市沿人行道竖起的金属围栏之间缓慢移动。
The mother and daughter got looks—they always did.
母女俩受到了注视——她们总是这样。
Celeste had the raven hair and coiffed appearance of a woman who’d been in the beauty industry.
塞莱斯特有一头乌黑的头发，梳着整齐的发型，就像一位从事美容行业的女性。
For fifteen years she worked at a hair salon a block over, on fashionable Newbury Street.
她在一个街区外时尚的纽伯里街的一家发廊工作了十五年。
Sydney had her mother’s flawless complexion and dark hair.
悉尼拥有她母亲完美无瑕的肤色和深色的头发。
Celeste’s sister, Carmen—Sydney’s aunt—was running her first marathon, and they all planned to celebrate when she finished.
塞莱斯特的妹妹卡门（西德尼的阿姨）正在参加她的第一次马拉松比赛，他们都计划在她完成比赛后庆祝。
Around 2:45 p.m.
下午 2:45 左右
Celeste and Sydney jostled their way even with the yellow finish line and peered down Boylston Street, waiting for Carmen to come into view.
塞莱斯特和西德尼尽管有黄色终点线，但还是挤着走，沿着博伊斯顿街往下看，等待卡门出现。
In that delay, amid the noise and energy around them, it was hard not to cheer for themselves a bit, too.
在这段延迟的时间里，在他们周围的喧嚣和活力中，我们很难不为自己欢呼雀跃。
It had been just three years since Sydney, then fifteen, crossed a pedestrian walkway near a relative’s beach house on Massachusetts’s North Shore and was struck by a car.
距离当时十五岁的悉尼穿过马萨诸塞州北岸一位亲戚的海滨别墅附近的人行道并被一辆汽车撞倒仅三年。
Sydney flipped up and bounced off its windshield and hit the pavement so hard that her older brother, Tyler, was sure she was dead.
悉尼翻了个身，从挡风玻璃上弹了起来，重重地撞到了人行道上，以至于她的哥哥泰勒确信她已经死了。
Well after Sydney awoke in the hospital, well after she was released, even, the brain bleed and swelling caused such headaches that she could attend her public high school in Lowell, Massachusetts, only every other day.
悉尼在医院醒来很久之后，甚至在她出院很久之后，脑出血和肿胀引起了头痛，以至于她只能每隔一天去马萨诸塞州洛厄尔的公立高中上学。
By the time she bunched close to Celeste at the finish line that April afternoon, Sydney had worked through three years of physical pain, anger, guilt, and depression.
那个四月的下午，当她在终点线挤到塞莱斯特身边时，西德尼已经经历了三年来的身体疼痛、愤怒、内疚和抑郁。
She finally felt peace.
她终于感受到了平静。
They waited for Aunt Carmen to come into view, waited to celebrate not just Carmen’s achievement but Sydney’s.
他们等待着卡门阿姨出现，不仅等待着庆祝卡门的成就，还等待着庆祝西德尼的成就。
The worst, Celeste said, was behind them.
塞莱斯特说，最糟糕的时期已经过去了。
A noise loud enough to go unheard and blow out Celeste’s eardrums.
声音大到听不见，震破了塞莱斯特的耳膜。
She felt as if she’d been flipped in the air.
她感觉自己好像被抛到了空中。
She looked around.
她环顾四周。
Black smoke clouded Boylston Street, blown-out plated glass was scattered across the sidewalk, and blood—blood everywhere.
博伊斯顿街笼罩着黑烟，人行道上散落着炸裂的镀金玻璃，到处都是血。
Celeste tried to sit up and couldn’t.
塞莱斯特试图坐起来，但做不到。
Tried to locate Sydney and couldn’t.
试图找到悉尼但找不到。
Kevin came into her vision and told her he was going to cinch her legs with a belt.
凯文进入了她的视野，告诉她他要用皮带勒紧她的双腿。
She looked down and saw that her legs dangled by the skin around her knees.
她低头一看，发现自己的双腿被膝盖周围的皮肤悬垂着。
The blood pumped out in time with Celeste’s heartbeat.
血液随着塞莱斯特的心跳而及时涌出。
Kevin tied the belt tight, then tighter still, hoping to stanch the flow of blood.
凯文把皮带绑紧，然后绑得更紧，希望能止住血流。
It pumped onto his hands, so he cinched the belt tighter, and the pain was so excruciating Celeste thought she wanted to die.
它涌到了他的手上，所以他把腰带勒得更紧，疼痛是如此难以忍受，塞莱斯特以为她想死。
Out of Celeste’s line of vision lay Sydney.
塞莱斯特的视线之外就是悉尼。
A pressure cooker, part of the detonation mechanism in the homemade bomb that had just exploded, had rocketed across the finish line, through Sydney’s right quadriceps, and snicked the femoral artery of her upper thigh, then lodged near her hamstring.
刚刚爆炸的自制炸弹引爆装置的一部分高压锅迅速冲过终点线，穿过悉尼的右侧股四头肌，击中了她大腿上部的股动脉，然后卡在了她的腿筋附近。
Sydney could feel something was wrong.
西德尼感觉有些不对劲。
Her right leg wouldn’t move the way her brain was telling it to.
她的右腿不会按照大脑的指令移动。
There was too much smoke to make sense of why.
烟雾太多，无法理解原因。
Too much smoke to locate her parents.
烟雾太大，找不到她的父母。
People ran around her.
人们围着她跑。
Their faces looked terrified.
他们的脸上露出惊恐的表情。
Some were covered in blood.
有些人浑身是血。
The ringing in her ears.
她的耳边嗡嗡作响。
The smell of burning flesh.
肉烧焦的味道。
The smoke all around.
四周烟雾缭绕。
She needed to leave this scene.
她需要离开这个场景。
Sydney focused her attention, and as she put pressure on her right foot to stand, she passed out.
西德尼集中注意力，当她用力右脚站起来时，她昏倒了。
She came to.
她醒悟了。
Two men hovered about Sydney now.
现在有两个人在悉尼附近徘徊。
One was a Marine who was tying a tourniquet made of T-shirts and fastening it tight around her leg—she gasped from the pain.
其中一位是一名海军陆战队员，她正在用T恤制成的止血带将其紧紧地绑在她的腿上——她痛得喘不过气来。
The Marine then told another guy, Matt, a gray-haired guy in a plaid shirt, to put pressure on the wound in her leg.
海军陆战队员然后告诉另一个人马特，一个穿着格子衬衫、头发花白的人，对她腿上的伤口施加压力。
Matt did.
马特做到了。
This was worse: the pressure and pain of fingers gripping her flesh.
更糟糕的是：手指紧握肌肤的压力和疼痛。
Matt pinched her femoral artery to try to stop the bleeding.
马特捏住她的股动脉试图止血。
Then the men worked to fasten the tourniquet tighter still.
然后，人们努力将止血带系得更紧。
Excruciating.
令人难以忍受。
Matt and later a third man, Zach, wearing a gray New Balance T-shirt, were removing her shoe; there was blood coming from her left foot.
马特和后来的第三个人扎克穿着一件灰色的 New Balance T 恤，正在脱掉她的鞋子；她的左脚有血流出来。
Sydney’s thoughts moved beyond the pain.
西德尼的思绪已经超越了痛苦。
Are there more bombs?
还有更多炸弹吗？
Will I survive them?
我能活过他们吗？
Matt pressed his forehead to hers.
马特将额头抵在她的额头上。
“Just squeeze my hand, keep talking,” he said.
“握紧我的手，继续说话，”他说。
She nodded, but time warped.
她点点头，但时间却扭曲了。
When she came to, she was in a medical tent, erected for marathon runners and now for survivors of the bombing.
当她苏醒过来时，她正身处一个医疗帐篷里，这个帐篷是为马拉松运动员搭建的，现在是为爆炸幸存者搭建的。
A battlefield triage unit where people took scissors to cut off her pants and said to each other, as if she couldn’t hear them, “Her eyes are white!
战地分诊分队，人们拿着剪刀剪掉她的裤子，互相说道：“她的眼睛是白色的！
Lips are purple!
嘴唇是紫色的！
Get her in an ambulance!” She wanted to say how much this talk scared her, but the exhaustion.
把她送上救护车！”她想说这个谈话让她有多害怕，但疲惫。
She couldn’t speak.
她说不出话来。
She was so cold.
她好冷。
She wished her family were here.
她希望她的家人都在这里。
Why was her family not here?
为什么她的家人不在这里？
She was in an ambulance and a tourniquet—the one from the street?
她在一辆救护车里，身上还缠着止血带——街上的那个？
a new one?—was tied tighter still and pain pulsed through her leg with every pothole and corner while someone hovered in and out of her vision and everything turned white and fuzzy.
一个新的？——绑得更紧了，疼痛随着每一个坑洼和角落而传遍她的腿，同时有人在她的视野中进进出出，一切都变得白色和模糊。
A spreading serene sensation.
一种平静的感觉蔓延开来。
Still the low rumble of tires over Boston’s streets, still the syncopated movements of a person, or people, carrying out tasks with urgency, but now a warmth of care emanated from these others, mirroring the warmth that spread inside Sydney.
波士顿街道上仍然传来轮胎低沉的隆隆声，仍然是一个人或一群人在紧急执行任务时的切分动作，但现在这些人身上散发出温暖的关怀，反映了悉尼市内蔓延的温暖。
This is one of the most peaceful moments I have ever known, she thought.
这是我所知道的最平静的时刻之一，她想。
A hospital bed, the next day, where Colin Cook looked around the white room at Queen’s Medical Center in Honolulu and remembered snippets of the lost hours.
第二天，在医院的病床上，科林·库克环顾檀香山皇后医疗中心的白色房间，回忆起了逝去的时光的片段。
The large Polynesian surfer, his chest to his board, and Colin sure he’d die.
这位身材高大的波利尼西亚冲浪者，胸口贴着冲浪板，科林确信他会死。
Words that floated in a fever dream .
发烧梦里飘来的话语。
.
。
.
。
“two inches above the left knee.” The need to repair the fingers of his left hand mangled by the shark.
“左膝上方两英寸。”需要修复被鲨鱼咬伤的左手手指。
And now this moment, the second day, coming off heavy medication and the pain at the sites of the surgeries and a serene sensation that spread through his body.
现在，第二天，此时此刻，他已经摆脱了大量的药物治疗和手术部位的疼痛，一种平静的感觉蔓延到他的全身。
My God, I am alive, he thought.
天哪，我还活着，他想。
His dad, Glenn, and older sister, Cassie, arrived first.
他的父亲格伦和姐姐卡西最先到达。
When Glenn got the news the day before about the attack and Colin’s emergency surgery, he knelt down to pray and instead a scream rushed out.
当格伦前一天得知袭击事件和科林接受紧急手术的消息时，他跪下祈祷，却听到一声尖叫。
“You are not going to take him!
“你不会带走他的！
You’re going to take me!” And now to see his Colin, maimed by the shark but having beaten it back.
你要带我去！”现在，他看到了他的科林，他被鲨鱼咬伤了，但又把它击退了。
And alive— alive .
并且还活着——活着。
Pride surged through Glenn as he blinked back tears.
格伦眨着眼睛忍住泪水，自豪感涌上心头。
A doctor knocked and entered and said he was here to check Colin’s vitals.
一名医生敲门进来，说他来这里是为了检查科林的生命体征。
Colin took the occasion to peek at his phone.
科林趁机看了一眼手机。
Watching a live feed of the North Shore’s waves, Colin said.
科林说，正在观看北岸海浪的实时直播。
Colin's mother arrived next.
科林的母亲随后也到了。
He and Mary Beth had always been close.
他和玛丽·贝丝一直很亲密。
Before his parents’ divorce, when Colin was little, Glenn traveled a lot for work and Mary Beth had to find ways to play to Colin’s strengths.
在父母离婚之前，当科林还小的时候，格伦经常出差工作，玛丽·贝丝必须想办法发挥科林的优势。
That meant dirt bikes for the son who thrilled to danger, as well as carpentry lessons from Mary Beth’s father because Colin could not sit through a school day, much less excel there the way Cassie could.
这意味着为那些对危险感到兴奋的儿子提供越野车，以及玛丽·贝丝父亲的木工课，因为科林不能在学校里坐着，更不用说像卡西那样在学校表现出色了。
His ADHD diagnosis didn’t resolve his troubles in school.
他的多动症诊断并没有解决他在学校的问题。
His school life wrecked his confidence.
他的学校生活摧毁了他的信心。
Always shy, Colin became anxious as the years progressed.
科林一向害羞，随着岁月的流逝，他变得焦虑起来。
He had a few friends but no large social circle, no long-term girlfriend.
他有几个朋友，但没有很大的社交圈，也没有长期的女朋友。
Mary Beth became his confidante, his center.
玛丽·贝丝成了他的红颜知己，他的中心。
She soothed his frustrations as he did his homework.
当他做作业时，她安抚了他的沮丧情绪。
While she made dinner, she answered his questions and gave him advice.
当她做饭时，她回答了他的问题并给了他建议。
She watched him surf, even in Rhode Island’s frigid winters, when the waves were gnarliest, he in a bodysuit, she in her car in a winter coat.
她看着他冲浪，即使是在罗德岛寒冷的冬天，海浪最汹涌的时候，他穿着紧身衣，她穿着冬衣在车里。
The only life that made sense to Colin involved surfing.
对科林来说唯一有意义的生活就是冲浪。
Surfing quieted the story he told himself: that he was not good enough.
冲浪让他平静地告诉自己：他不够好。
The truth is, he’d never thought he was good enough to be like his big-time executive dad or his sister.
事实是，他从来没有认为自己足够优秀，可以像他的高级执行官父亲或他的妹妹一样。
Just like he’d never thought he was good enough to turn pro.
就像他从来没有想过自己有足够的能力成为职业选手一样。
He had the proficiency; other elite surfers in Oahu said as much.
他有能力；欧胡岛的其他精英冲浪者也这么说。
But Colin couldn’t get himself to say it.
但科林却无法让自己说出这句话。
The same went for dating.
约会也是如此。
He’d never found a girlfriend despite his chiseled build and kind manner because any conversation with a girl turned awkward: He constantly overanalyzed what he was saying and not saying until he was barely saying anything at all and she walked away.
尽管他身材轮廓分明，举止友善，但他从未找到过女朋友，因为与女孩的任何谈话都会变得尴尬：他总是过度分析自己所说的话，直到他几乎什么也没说，她走开了。
Only Mary Beth and surfing could pull him from his most vulnerable, most self-lacerating thoughts.
只有玛丽·贝丝和冲浪才能把他从最脆弱、最自我撕裂的想法中拉出来。
Only Mary Beth and surfing could answer the question that plagued him now in the hospital room.
只有玛丽·贝丝和冲浪才能回答现在在病房里困扰他的问题。
He drew her close.
他把她拉近。
“Mom, when do you think I’ll be on a board?”
“妈妈，你觉得我什么时候能加入董事会？”
What hope can I give here?
我能在这里给予什么希望？
she thought to herself.
她心想。
How do I break it to him he’s never going to surf again?
我该如何告诉他他再也不会冲浪了？
But his exhausted and sedated body, his gray-white complexion from the blood loss: She couldn’t destroy him when he was this weak.
但他疲惫而镇静的身体，因失血而变得灰白的肤色：在他如此虚弱的情况下，她无法摧毁他。
“One day,” she told him.
“有一天，”她告诉他。
“You’ll be back on your board one day.”
“总有一天你会回到董事会的。”
Colin ate the meals his family ordered in.
科林吃了家人点的饭菜。
Friends came to visit him, and then surfers he didn’t know, men and women who had seen the reports of the attack on TV news—and then the surfer who’d lived through it, too.
朋友们来看望他，然后是他不认识的冲浪者，在电视新闻中看到过袭击事件报道的男男女女，然后是经历过这次袭击的冲浪者。
One day in that week Colin was in the hospital the large and muscular Polynesian man knocked on his door.
那一周的一天，科林在医院里，一位高大、肌肉发达的波利尼西亚男子敲了敲他的门。
He said his name was Keoni Bowthorpe.
他说他的名字叫基奥尼·鲍索普。
He was thirty- three, with the square jaw and stubbled chin of an action-movie star and a family lineage that stretched back a century on the islands.
他三十三岁，有着动作电影明星的方下巴和胡茬下巴，家族血统可以追溯到一个世纪前。
He said he’d clubbed the shark on the nose numerous times, more than Colin remembered.
他说他曾多次用棍棒打鲨鱼的鼻子，比科林记得的还要多。
He and Colin were way out there, Keoni said, some 150 yards from shore—almost beyond the breakers.
基奥尼说，他和科林就在很远的地方，距离海岸大约 150 码，几乎超出了海浪。
When Colin gasped, “Tell my family I love them,” Keoni knew Colin was about to die and, out of desperation, ditched his paddle, the only weapon he had, the only thing saving them, and heaved Colin onto his back and lay chest down on his surfboard and swam for it.
当科林喘息着说：“告诉我的家人我爱他们”时，基奥尼知道科林快要死了，出于绝望，他扔掉了他的桨，这是他拥有的唯一武器，也是唯一能拯救他们的东西，他把科林推到背上，胸部朝下放在冲浪板上，向它游去。
The shark followed the whole way, bumping against them.
鲨鱼一路尾随，撞在了他们身上。
Keoni’s muscles burned, but they were still so far from shore.
凯奥尼的肌肉在燃烧，但他们距离海岸还很远。
Keoni leveled with Colin in the hospital room.
科尼在病房里与科林平起平坐。
God was in the ocean, he said.
他说，上帝就在海洋里。
Keoni had three small kids and a wife.
科尼有三个小孩和一个妻子。
In the months prior to the attack, he had been tempted by a job on the mainland that would provide for his family.
在袭击发生前的几个月里，他一直想在大陆找到一份可以养家糊口的工作。
Yet some force had told him to stay on the islands.
然而，有某种力量告诉他要留在岛上。
Not just stay there but grow stronger as a surfer and swimmer.
不仅仅是呆在那里，而是作为一名冲浪者和游泳者变得更强。
“God prepared me to save your life,” Keoni told Colin.
“上帝让我准备拯救你的生命，”科尼告诉科林。
“And God has been preparing to save your life, too.”
“上帝也一直在准备拯救你的生命。”
Colin wanted to believe what Keoni said, wanted to believe that he could will his life back to its old existence, but when Keoni left, and later still when Colin was alone in the hospital room, he searched on his phone for surfers who’d lost a limb above the knee and returned to surfing.
科林想要相信科尼所说的话，想要相信他可以让自己的生活回到原来的状态，但是当科尼离开后，当科林独自一人在病房里时，他在手机上搜索了那些失去膝盖以上肢体并重新开始冲浪的冲浪者。
He found a few people—in the world.
他在世界上找到了几个人。
None with a prosthetic that allowed them to surf the way they once did.
他们都没有安装假肢，可以像以前那样冲浪。
Beneath the glare of fluorescent lighting, amid the beeps of the machines tracking his vitals, Colin bawled.
在刺眼的荧光灯下，在追踪他生命体征的机器发出的嘟嘟声中，科林嚎啕大哭。
A new thought arose.
一个新的想法出现了。
A fate worse than the attack itself moved through Kevin Corcoran’s mind as doctors rushed Celeste into the emergency room at Boston Medical Center.
当医生将塞莱斯特送往波士顿医疗中心的急诊室时，比袭击本身更糟糕的命运浮现在凯文·科科伦的脑海中。
They would have to amputate, doctors told Kevin.
医生告诉凯文，他们将不得不截肢。
He knew Celeste’s life would always be cleaved now into before and after—but that was not the worst of it.
他知道塞莱斯特的生活现在总是被分成前后——但这还不是最糟糕的。
Why hadn’t he been able to find Sydney at the finish line?
为什么他没能在终点线找到悉尼？
He had been a few feet behind Celeste and Sydney when the bomb exploded.
炸弹爆炸时，他就在塞莱斯特和西德尼身后几英尺处。
He’d seen its force blow Sydney back.
他亲眼目睹了它的力量将悉尼击退。
Upend her.
颠覆她。
This article appeared in the October/November 2024 issue of Esquire subscribe
本文发表于《Esquire》2024 年 10 月/11 月号订阅
Obliterate her?
抹杀她？
Was that why he couldn’t locate Sydney amid the smoke as he fastened the tourniquet around Celeste’s legs, ignoring the lacerations on his own?
这就是为什么他在用止血带绑住塞莱斯特的双腿时，在烟雾中找不到西德尼的位置，而忽略了自己身上的伤口？
Celeste had kept asking where Sydney was, and Kevin hadn’t been able to see her anywhere on Boylston Street and didn’t have the courage to tell her what he feared.
塞莱斯特一直在问悉尼在哪里，凯文在博伊斯顿街的任何地方都找不到她，也没有勇气告诉她他害怕什么。
Now, at Boston Medical, with Celeste in surgery, Kevin bawled.
现在，在波士顿医疗中心，塞莱斯特正在接受手术，凯文大哭起来。
He and Tyler, Sydney’s big brother and best friend, asked and asked and two hours later received word: Sydney was alive and here at the hospital.
他和悉尼的哥哥兼最好的朋友泰勒问了又问，两小时后收到消息：悉尼还活着，在医院里。
Doctors had to remove veins from her left leg to create, in essence, a new artery in her right, and even then blood pooled at the site of these repairs and physicians had to slice open her right calf to relieve the pressure.
医生必须从她的左腿上切除静脉，以便在她的右腿上创造一条新的动脉，即使如此，血液仍然会聚集在这些修复部位，医生必须切开她的右小腿以缓解压力。
But soon Sydney was conscious and recovering and, eventually, put in the same room as Celeste.
但很快悉尼就恢复了意识并康复了，并最终被安置在与塞莱斯特同一个房间里。
Celeste, still groggy from her own surgery, was taken into the recovery room and saw her daughter: matted hair, a gray complexion from the blood loss.
塞莱斯特因自己的手术而仍然昏昏沉沉，她被带进康复室，看到了她的女儿：头发乱蓬蓬的，因失血而脸色灰白。
Celeste looked down at her own legs and what wasn’t there, then reached across the bed stand to grip what was.
塞莱斯特低头看着自己的腿和不存在的东西，然后把手伸过床架去抓住那里的东西。
Colin took his prosthetic leg in his hands and shimmied and grimaced and pulled until, at last, it was on.
科林手里拿着他的假腿，摇晃着，做了个鬼脸，拉着，直到最后，它戴上了。
He was back in his childhood home, a ranch-style on Seapowet Avenue in Tiverton, Rhode Island, where the saltwater estuary just beyond the Cooks’ backyard wended to the Atlantic.
他回到了儿时的家，位于罗德岛州蒂弗顿 Seapowet 大道上的一座牧场风格的家，库克家后院外的咸水河口就在那里流入大西洋。
His dad lived here now, and while Colin recovered, Mary Beth rented a place nearby to help out.
他的父亲现在住在这里，科林康复期间，玛丽·贝丝在附近租了一个地方帮忙。
Colin’s new leg was a heavy, cumbersome, ill-fitting thing, and when he rose in the living room to try to walk, he stumbled to the floor.
科林的新腿笨重、笨重、不合身，当他在客厅站起来试图走路时，他绊倒在地板上。
The nerve endings at the edge of the residual limb were causing him pain.
残肢边缘的神经末梢让他感到疼痛。
The skin needed to callous over the limb and help desensitize the nerves.
肢体上的皮肤需要结痂，帮助神经脱敏。
No matter the attempts, Colin couldn’t figure out how to walk on a prosthetic that felt to him always like some awful ski boot, its rigidity unforgiving.
无论如何尝试，科林都无法弄清楚如何在假肢上行走，他感觉假肢总是像一双糟糕的滑雪靴，其刚性令人难以容忍。
This leg seemed to offer such a poor imitation of the knee’s flexion: how the knee grounds and balances movement.
这条腿似乎对膝盖弯曲的模仿很差：膝盖如何接地和平衡运动。
Surfing felt further and further away.
冲浪感觉越来越远了。
Doctors told him it would take time to get comfortable with the prosthetic, but time passed and the situation did not improve.
医生告诉他需要一段时间才能适应假肢，但时间过去了，情况并没有改善。
The nerve endings, the electric pain shooting up his leg when he stood on the prosthetic, how he could not walk more than a few paces before the pain and exertion overwhelmed him and he stumbled again to the floor.
神经末梢，当他站在假肢上时，腿上传来电击般的疼痛，他走不了几步，疼痛和用力就淹没了他，他再次跌倒在地板上。
The question of a fate worse than the attack haunted him.
比这次袭击更糟糕的命运问题困扰着他。
Nothing, not swimming at the Y or doing push-ups in the basement, alleviated it.
除了在 Y 型游泳或在地下室做俯卧撑之外，没有任何办法可以缓解这种情况。
The burgeoning reality of a diminished life followed him and his mother onto a flight to Florida in February 2016.
2016 年 2 月，他和母亲搭乘飞往佛罗里达州的航班，面对生命日益减少的现实。
When they arrived in Orlando, Colin relied on crutches to get around, and his dread trailed him right up to their destination: the twenty-three-thousand-square-foot Prosthetic & Orthotic Associates.
当他们到达奥兰多时，科林依靠拐杖四处走动，他的恐惧一直伴随着他到达目的地：占地 23000 平方英尺的假肢和矫形协会。
With its darkened glass entrance and a rehab facility that stretched for a city block, POA billed itself as different from other prosthetic centers.
POA 拥有深色玻璃入口和延伸至一个街区的康复设施，自称与其他假肢中心不同。
Its founder, Stan Patterson, a burly buzz cut of a dude who shook Colin’s and Mary Beth’s hands, had roughly a dozen patents and an on-site fabrication lab where a silicone cast of a residual limb formed the outline of, eventually, the perfect prosthetic, he said.
它的创始人斯坦·帕特森（Stan Patterson）是一个身材魁梧的矮个子，曾与科林和玛丽·贝丝握手，拥有大约十多项专利和一个现场制造实验室，他说，残肢的硅胶模型最终形成了完美假肢的轮廓。
Colin scoffed.
科林嗤之以鼻。
Gave a faint smile.
淡淡一笑。
He hadn’t walked since the shark, and now—what?—Stan from Orlando would succeed where the prosthetists up north, with their Ivy League affiliations, had failed?
自从鲨鱼之后他就再也没有走路过，而现在——什么？——来自奥兰多的斯坦将在北方的常春藤盟校假肢师失败的地方取得成功？
Patterson sensed Colin’s doubt.
帕特森感觉到了科林的怀疑。
He took Colin and his mother to the vast rehab room.
他带着科林和他的母亲来到宽敞的康复室。
Among the dozens of amputees trying out new legs, Patterson led Colin and Mary Beth to a middle-aged woman with pearls and diamond bracelets wrapped around the ankles of her two prosthetics.
在数十名尝试新腿的截肢者中，帕特森带领科林和玛丽·贝丝找到了一位中年妇女，她的两个假肢脚踝上缠着珍珠和钻石手镯。
Her name was Celeste Corcoran.
她的名字叫塞莱斯特·科科伦。
She said she was a patient here.
她说她是这里的病人。
Her accent was all Massachusetts all day long, which made Colin and Mary Beth feel at home.
她整天都是马萨诸塞州的口音，这让科林和玛丽·贝丝有宾至如归的感觉。
Colin had learned in the past few months the joke among amputees.
科林在过去的几个月里了解到了截肢者的笑话。
When asked how they lost their leg, many said, as casually as possible, “It got bit off by a shark.” When Celeste asked Colin what happened, he deadpanned, “Shark attack.” It took a moment, but when she saw the truth she cackled.
当被问及他们是如何失去一条腿时，许多人尽可能随意地说：“它是被鲨鱼咬掉的。”当塞莱斯特问科林发生了什么事时，他面无表情地说：“鲨鱼袭击了。”过了一会儿，当她看到真相时，她咯咯地笑了。
She started calling him Shark Boy.
她开始叫他鲨鱼男孩。
Celeste told Colin and Mary Beth about the bombing and the shared hospital room with her daughter and not just the hand-holding but the despair when Celeste looked at her body.
塞莱斯特向科林和玛丽·贝丝讲述了爆炸事件以及与女儿共用病房的情况，不仅是握着女儿的手，还有塞莱斯特看着她的尸体时的绝望。
Her legs ugly and short and bruised purple and red at the lines of amputation.
她的双腿又丑又短，截肢处有紫色和红色的淤青。
What was missing mocked her.
所缺少的东西在嘲笑她。
She felt a sharp physical pain in the lower legs that were no longer there, a condition known as phantom- limb syndrome.
她感到小腿上出现了剧烈的身体疼痛，但现在已经不存在了，这种情况被称为幻肢综合症。
What was there atrophied, shriveled before her just like her future.
那里的一切在她面前萎缩、枯萎，就像她的未来一样。
She was sure of it.
她对此深信不疑。
At night in the hospital, when she thought her daughter in the bed next to her was asleep, Celeste sobbed.
晚上在医院，当她以为旁边床上的女儿已经睡着时，塞莱斯特抽泣起来。
One day at POA she showed Colin and Mary Beth a photo of Sydney.
有一天，她在 POA 给科林和玛丽·贝丝看了一张悉尼的照片。
Mary Beth remembered seeing Celeste and Sydney in an interview on the Today show after the bombing.
玛丽·贝丝记得在爆炸发生后接受《今日秀》采访时见过塞莱斯特和西德尼。
Sydney’s voice was hoarse from her being intubated days earlier, but in that interview they refused to be victims.
西德尼的声音因几天前插管而变得嘶哑，但在那次采访中，他们拒绝成为受害者。
“If you have the spirit and you know that you want to do it—I can absolutely achieve it,” Celeste said.
“如果你有勇气并且知道自己想要做到这一点，我绝对可以实现它，”塞莱斯特说。
Celeste told Mary Beth and Colin that POA granted her first new legs and then a new spirit—and that Sydney was now just as resilient and mature.
塞莱斯特告诉玛丽·贝丝和科林，POA 赋予了她第一条新腿，然后赋予了她新的精神，而悉尼现在也同样有弹性和成熟。
Her classmates at Lowell High had named her prom queen weeks after she was released from the hospital, and reporters had camped outside, waiting her out like paparazzi.
她出院几周后，洛厄尔高中的同学们任命她为舞会女王，记者们在外面扎营，像狗仔队一样等待她出去。
Sydney chose a strapless, cream-colored dress, walked in on crutches, and wore her crown when the TV cameras and photographers asked to see it.
西德尼选择了一件奶油色的无肩带连衣裙，拄着拐杖走进来，当电视摄像机和摄影师要求观看时，她戴着王冠。
As Celeste flipped through to more recent photos of Sydney, without her prom crown, her beauty still had an almost regal air.
当塞莱斯特翻阅悉尼最近的照片时，虽然没有戴上舞会王冠，但她的美丽仍然有一种近乎帝王般的气质。
At the end of Colin's week at POA, Patterson helped him into a new, custom prosthetic.
科林在 POA 的一周结束时，帕特森帮助他安装了新的定制假肢。
Because of the company’s patented process of using the silicone cast to shape a prosthetic rather than fitting a generic one onto an amputee’s leg, Stan’s prosthetic fit snugly around Colin’s knee, felt made for him, with some give to it but without the pain at the nerve endings of his limb like he’d had with others.
由于该公司的专利工艺是使用硅胶模型来塑造假肢，而不是在截肢者的腿上安装通用假肢，斯坦的假肢紧紧地贴在科林的膝盖上，感觉是为他量身定做的，虽然有些许用处，但不像其他人那样，他的肢体神经末梢会感到疼痛。
With an above-the-knee amputation like Colin’s, Patterson demonstrated how to swing his hip to move his leg.
在像科林那样进行膝盖以上截肢手术时，帕特森演示了如何摆动臀部来移动腿部。
Hip swing, step forward.
臀部摆动，向前迈出一步。
He walked alongside Colin.
他和科林并肩走着。
Hip swing, step forward.
臀部摆动，向前迈出一步。
Patterson drew back.
帕特森退后一步。
Colin took his first steps, tentative, unwieldy, still painful steps—but moving, my God, walking again.
科林迈出了他的第一步，试探性的、笨拙的、仍然痛苦的脚步——但是，我的上帝，他又开始行走了。
He smiled and let loose a yip of a laugh, the way he used to out on the water.
他微笑着，发出一声大笑，就像他以前在水面上那样。
Taking it in, Mary Beth cried and looked to Celeste.
玛丽·贝丝明白了这一点，哭着看着塞莱斯特。
She was crying, too.
她也哭了。
Celeste and Mary Beth became more than friends.
塞莱斯特和玛丽·贝丝不再只是朋友。
They became coconspirators.
他们成了同谋。
In the weeks after POA, after they’d returned to their respective homes, they’d phoned and texted and settled on a goal: somehow get Colin and Sydney in the same room.
在 POA 结束后的几周内，当他们回到各自的家后，他们打电话、发短信并确定了一个目标：以某种方式让科林和西德尼住在同一个房间。
Colin was oblivious to all this.
科林对这一切浑然不觉。
Preoccupied.
心事重重。
The success at POA, that new and refined leg, had refined his obsession, too.
POA 这条新的、精致的腿的成功也增强了他的痴迷。
Somehow he had to surf again.
不知何故，他不得不再次冲浪。
The demand for surfing prosthetics was limited, and those limited offerings all assumed the same thing: The surfer had lost a leg below the knee.
对冲浪假肢的需求是有限的，而这些有限的产品都假设了同一件事：冲浪者失去了膝盖以下的一条腿。
No above-the-knee prosthetic was on the market, perhaps because it was too hard to fashion one.
市场上还没有膝上假肢，也许是因为制作假肢太难了。
How would a company mimic the ball joint and solidity of the knee and then the equally individualized curvature of any one person’s calves and their quite individualized feet on the board?
一家公司如何模仿膝盖的球形接头和坚固性，然后模仿任何人小腿的同样个性化的曲率以及他们在滑板上相当个性化的脚？
That was why an above-the-knee surfing prosthetic didn’t exist.
这就是为什么膝上冲浪假肢不存在的原因。
It was too hard to manufacture.
制造起来太难了。
It was too hard to scale what was manufactured.
规模化制造的产品太难了。
From his childhood living room, then, Colin sketched on drafting paper what his individualized surfing leg might look like.
然后，科林在童年的客厅里在草稿纸上勾勒出他个性化的冲浪腿的样子。
Less a metal rod, stiff like a wooden leg out of a pirate movie, than the curved blade that some Paralympic sprinters now favor.
不再是像海盗电影中的木腿一样坚硬的金属杆，而是一些残奥会短跑运动员现在青睐的弯曲刀片。
Its flexion allowed for people to run as hard and, for some, as fast as they once did, which meant it could allow Colin to be athletic on the board—to squat and pivot.
它的弯曲让人们能够像以前一样努力奔跑，对某些人来说，可以跑得那么快，这意味着它可以让科林在板上保持运动能力——蹲下和旋转。
What he needed was a curved-blade prosthetic that connected to a ball-socket knee, and then Stan Patterson’s upper-leg prosthetic that fit snugly to Colin’s limb.
他需要的是一个连接到球窝膝盖的弯曲刀片假肢，然后是斯坦帕特森的大腿假肢，它可以紧贴科林的肢体。
Colin had two childhood friends, Brendan Prior and Max Kramers, who were engineers in Rhode Island.
科林有两个儿时好友，布伦丹·普赖尔和马克斯·克莱默斯，他们都是罗德岛州的工程师。
He asked them about the carbon fiber they used on manufacturing projects and whether it might be used to create his new surfing leg.
他询问他们在制造项目中使用的碳纤维，以及是否可以用它来制造他的新冲浪腿。
The trio’s first iteration of an above-the-knee, surfing-ready prosthetic was fine for standing and walking—like the leg from POA—but the blade was too long for Colin to squat on his board.
三人组的第一款膝上冲浪假肢非常适合站立和行走，就像 POA 的腿一样，但刀片太长，科林无法蹲在冲浪板上。
The next try had a blade of the right length, but the knee joint wasn’t sturdy.
接下来的尝试有一个长度合适的刀片，但膝关节不坚固。
When Colin pivoted hard, the knee joint buckled and flew out behind him.
当科林用力转动时，膝关节一弯，飞出了身后。
How would any manufactured knee ever withstand the rush of water against it?
人造的膝盖如何能承受住水流的冲刷呢？
That wasn’t the only problem.
这不是唯一的问题。
As they went on making leg after leg, the trio noticed that the carbon-fiber tip of the bladed lower leg—Colin’s new foot—provided little balance when he pivoted laterally.
当他们继续制作一条又一条腿时，三人注意到带刀片的小腿（科林的新脚）的碳纤维尖端在他横向旋转时几乎无法提供平衡。
They tried to fit the blade inside a sneakered foot they manufactured, but it sucked.
他们试图将刀片安装在他们制造的运动鞋脚内，但效果很糟糕。
The sneaker slid off wet surfaces.
运动鞋从潮湿的表面滑落。
What about a foamed composite foot?
泡沫复合脚怎么样？
they thought.
他们想。
Something to which the carbon-fiber blade attached—something that at the foot’s sole worked almost like a sponge in the waves, absorbing water but not sliding off the surface of the board.
碳纤维刀片附着在脚底上的东西几乎就像海浪中的海绵一样，吸收水分但不会从板子表面滑落。
Within days, the three friends set about creating a foamed foot working with the same composite materials used in high-end sailboat racing that support a whole industry in Rhode Island.
几天之内，这三个朋友开始使用高端帆船比赛中使用的相同复合材料来制造泡沫脚，这些材料支持罗德岛州的整个行业。
Soon these foamed composite feet littered the floor of Colin’s house.
很快，这些泡沫复合脚就散落在科林家的地板上。
He wanted something sticky enough to pivot on a wet surface but not so sticky it felt glued down.
他想要一种足够粘的东西，可以在潮湿的表面上旋转，但又不会粘得让人感觉被粘住了。
No foot did exactly what Colin needed.
没有一只脚能完全满足科林的需要。
Five feet became ten.
五英尺变成了十英尺。
They piled throughout the house.
它们堆满了整个房子。
Glenn Cook watched the feverish work and smiled.
格伦·库克看着这狂热的工作，笑了。
This was who Colin was and always had been.
这就是科林，而且一直都是。
“OCD,” he said.
“强迫症，”他说。
Colin sketched small changes.
科林勾勒出一些小的变化。
Jotted down thoughts.
记下想法。
Tried to will the clock at home to 5:00 p.m.
试图将家里的时钟调到下午 5:00。
so he and Prior and Kramers could begin work on that night’s improvements.
这样他和普赖尔以及克莱默斯就可以开始研究当晚的改进工作。
His mom kept nagging him about some charity event up in North Chelmsford, Massachusetts, but it barely registered.
他的妈妈一直在向他唠叨马萨诸塞州北切姆斯福德的一些慈善活动，但他几乎没有注意到。
For weeks Colin kept his focus on his designs, right up until the literal hour his dad told him they needed to leave for the event.
几周来，科林一直专注于他的设计，直到他父亲告诉他他们需要出发去参加活动。
The night was a fundraiser for 50 legs, a nonprofit that helped cover the cost of prosthetics.
当晚是为 50 条腿举办的筹款活动，这是一家帮助支付假肢费用的非营利组织。
After the marathon bombing, Celeste Corcoran received her own prosthetics from 50 Legs.
马拉松爆炸事件发生后，Celeste Corcoran 收到了 50 Legs 提供的自己的假肢。
She’d be there tonight as an honored guest, and Colin’s parents told him that her daughter would be there, too.
今晚她将作为贵宾出席，科林的父母告诉他，她的女儿也会在那里。
Colin threw on an old flannel and a pair of pants he rolled up on the prosthetic side.
科林穿上了一条旧法兰绒布，并把一条裤子卷在假肢的一侧。
He’d rather get this event over with and get back to his designs.
他宁愿结束这次活动并回到他的设计中。
Glenn drove him.
格伦开车送他。
Mary Beth, encouraged by Colin’s improvement, was back in Georgia, where she now lived, but gave Glenn strict orders based on the plan she’d hatched with Celeste Corcoran: Whatever it took, get Colin and Sydney together.
玛丽·贝丝受到科林进步的鼓舞，回到了她现在居住的佐治亚州，但根据她与塞莱斯特·科科伦制定的计划向格伦发出了严格的命令：无论如何，让科林和西德尼聚在一起。
A big event, too many people, almost two hundred, with hors d’oeuvres, a full bar, and a band.
这是一场盛大的活动，人太多了，几乎有两百人，还有开胃小菜、完整的酒吧和乐队。
Oh, man, Colin thought as he walked into the hall.
哦，天哪，科林一边走进大厅一边想。
This is gonna be awkward.
这会很尴尬。
Colin could double- and triple-think his every move in a space this loud and cavernous.
在如此喧闹和空旷的空间里，科林可以对自己的一举一动进行双重和三重思考。
Could get so self-aware and ill at ease he’d go mute.
可能会变得如此自我意识和不安，他会变得沉默。
And now here came Celeste—fast-talking, high-energy Celeste—shaking Colin’s hand and introducing herself to Glenn and already ceding the floor to what she hoped would be the night’s main attraction, Sydney Corcoran.
现在塞莱斯特来了——语速快、精力充沛的塞莱斯特——握着科林的手，向格伦介绍了自己，并把席位让给了她希望成为当晚主要景点的西德尼·科科伦。
She wore a black dress cut above the knees.
她穿着一件膝盖以上剪裁的黑色连衣裙。
She was twenty-one now, three years after the marathon bombing, and her dress made no attempt to hide the surgical scars that ran along her toned right leg.
她现在二十一岁，距马拉松爆炸事件已经过去三年了，她的衣服并没有试图掩盖她健美的右腿上的手术疤痕。
The tattoos up her arms and around her back told the story of how she had learned to own her life.
她手臂和背部的纹身讲述了她如何学会掌控自己的生活。
You saw in her eyes what she’d told her mother: She was tired of the immature “boys.” She hoped to meet a man, someone who’d been tested by life and was now confident for having endured those tests.
你从她的眼神中看到了她对母亲说的话：她厌倦了不成熟的“男孩”。她希望遇到一个男人，一个经历过生活考验，现在对经受住这些考验充满信心的男人。
The way she’d become.
她变成了这样。
She sought out Colin’s gaze, and what Colin mustered was .
她向科林的目光望去，科林凝起的却是……。
.
。
.
。
“Nice to meet you.”
“很高兴见到你。”
The moment stretched out.
这一刻被拉长了。
Got awkward.
变得很尴尬。
Colin was taken by Sydney, sure, but mostly flustered by her beauty, her maturity, above all his ever-nagging sense that whatever he said would be wrong and he wasn’t good enough to say what would be right.
当然，科林被西德尼迷住了，但主要是对她的美丽、她的成熟感到慌乱，最重要的是他总觉得无论他说什么都是错的，而且他不够好，无法说出什么是正确的。
So he said little at all.
所以他几乎没说什么。
Sydney had nothing to work with.
悉尼没有什么可做的。
Later, Sydney and Celeste talked to stragglers and each other but not Colin, still across the room, cutting eyes at Sydney but not approaching her.
后来，悉尼和塞莱斯特与掉队者和彼此交谈，但没有科林，科林仍然在房间的另一边，用目光看着悉尼，但没有走近她。
Glenn could hear his ex-wife’s voice in his head and knew he had to intervene.
格伦可以在脑海中听到前妻的声音，知道他必须介入。
He walked over to Sydney.
他向悉尼走去。
“Hey, listen,” Glenn said.
“嘿，听着，”格伦说。
“This is how he’s always been.
“他一直都是这样。
If you want to try to connect, you need to get his number.”
如果你想尝试联系，你需要得到他的号码。”
She nodded.
她点点头。
Her mother told her what had happened at POA, how Colin came to trust that he could walk again.
她的母亲告诉她在 POA 发生的事情，以及科林如何相信自己可以再次行走。
Maybe he’d understand her, like why she’d enlisted her whole family to try group psychological therapy.
也许他会理解她，比如为什么她会邀请全家人来尝试团体心理治疗。
Maybe he’d get why she had a tattoo of a lion across her back and the words choose to live across her wrist.
也许他会明白为什么她的背上有一只狮子的纹身，而这些文字却选择留在她的手腕上。
“Hey,” she said when she got to Colin.
“嘿，”她走到科林身边时说道。
“If I gave you my number, would you ever text me?”
“如果我给你电话号码，你会给我发短信吗？”
The traffic was god-awful, and Sydney was so late to their first date that she and Colin had to wolf down their dinner.
交通太糟糕了，悉尼第一次约会太晚了，她和科林不得不狼吞虎咽地吃完晚餐。
Colin could barely eat anyway because of his nerves, convinced he’d say something stupid.
无论如何，科林因为紧张而几乎吃不下东西，他确信自己会说一些蠢话。
He kept excusing himself to the bathroom, sure he was about to puke.
他不停地借口去洗手间，确信他快要吐了。
They barely talked.
他们几乎没有说话。
Then they went to a movie where they couldn’t talk at all.
然后他们去看了一场根本无法说话的电影。
The Huntsman: Winter’s War was somehow a sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman and was as bad as you’d imagine.
《猎人：冬季之战》在某种程度上是《白雪公主与猎人》的续集，而且正如你想象的那样糟糕。
Colin walked Sydney back to her Volvo SUV and didn’t try to kiss her, didn’t think he deserved to.
科林送西尼走回她的沃尔沃SUV，并没有试图吻她，认为他不应该这样做。
He watched her drive away and got back on the highway to Rhode Island.
他看着她开车离开，回到了通往罗德岛的高速公路上。
His phone rang.
他的电话响了。
She asked if he was still in the parking lot.
她问他是否还在停车场。
When he said no, she said that was too bad.
当他拒绝时，她说那太糟糕了。
If he were, she’d drive back and give him a kiss.
如果他是，她会开车回来给他一个吻。
They agreed to a second date, which led to more dates and, for Colin, a sense of unease that he’d somehow screw up a good thing.
他们同意进行第二次约会，这导致了更多的约会，而对于科林来说，他感到不安，因为他不知何故搞砸了一件好事。
About a month into their relationship, his anxiety peaked when he drove to the Corcorans’ place north of Boston near the New Hampshire border, where Sydney and her parents moved after the bombing, a large house that’d been configured for the wheelchair Celeste used when the pain in her legs became unbearable.
他们交往大约一个月后，当他开车前往波士顿以北靠近新罕布什尔州边境的科科兰家时，他的焦虑达到了顶峰，悉尼和她的父母在爆炸后搬到了那里，这是一所大房子，是为塞莱斯特在腿部疼痛变得难以忍受时使用的轮椅而配置的。
Colin tried to be lighthearted with Celeste and Kevin—Celeste still liked to call him Shark Boy—but in a moment when it was just Colin and Sydney in the living room, he turned to her.
科林试图对塞莱斯特和凯文表现得轻松一些——塞莱斯特仍然喜欢叫他“鲨鱼男孩”——但当客厅里只剩下科林和西德尼时，他转向了她。
He went on: “Isn’t it weird that I’m an amputee?” As in, How many amputees do you need in your life?
他接着说：“我是一个截肢者，这不是很奇怪吗？”例如，您一生中需要多少截肢者？
He saw the green expanse of the front yard, set a full acre back from the road, on a bright summer day.
在一个阳光明媚的夏日，他看到前院一片绿色，距离道路整整一英亩。
Colin laughed, and she did, too.
科林笑了，她也笑了。
She told him his experience didn’t burden her.
她告诉他，他的经历并没有给她带来负担。
She liked it.
她喜欢它。
She painted the fake toenails of her mom’s prosthetics all the time.
她一直涂着她妈妈假肢的假脚趾甲。
His life was one she understood.
他的生活是她所理解的。
She’d been that close to death, too.
她也曾如此接近死亡。
Now she was here, with him.
现在她在这里，和他在一起。
In the days ahead, Colin called and texted, more play ful in these messages with Sydney than he’d been with any other girl.
在接下来的几天里，科林打电话发短信，在与西德尼的信息中比与其他女孩在一起时更加有趣。
Meanwhile, he and his buddies kept adjusting his surfing leg and foamed foot.
与此同时，他和他的伙伴们不断调整他的冲浪腿和起泡沫的脚。
One day he told his dad he was heading out, too excited and nervous to say where.
有一天，他告诉父亲他要出去，他既兴奋又紧张，说不出要去哪里。
He went to the beach and, for the first time, tested his surfing leg.
他去了海滩，第一次测试了他的冲浪腿。
Out among Rhode Island’s low and lolling waves, the knee buckled beneath him.
在罗德岛低沉的波浪中，他的膝盖在他身下弯曲。
The joint couldn’t withstand his body weight and the water rushing against it.
关节无法承受他的体重和冲刷它的水流。
The foamed foot kept slipping off the board.
起泡沫的脚不断从板上滑落。
The experiment didn’t go well at all.
实验一点也不顺利。
As he swam back, something happened inside him, though, or rather failed to happen.
然而，当他游回来时，他体内发生了一些事情，或者更确切地说，没有发生。
No well of despair rose within him, as it once would have.
他内心不再像以前那样感到绝望。
Was this Sydney’s influence?
这是悉尼的影响吗？
Some surge of trust she’d given him?
她给了他某种信任？
He didn’t know.
他不知道。
He just redoubled his efforts back on shore.
他回到岸上只是加倍努力。
He and Prior and Kramers tightened the flexion of the knee joint, hoping that a more rigid knee would support him on the board.
他和普赖尔以及克莱默斯收紧了膝关节的屈曲度，希望更坚硬的膝盖能够支撑他在板上。
Days later, Colin made a second trek to the beach.
几天后，科林第二次长途跋涉来到海滩。
The many months of fittings and adjustments to this surfing leg had been both frustrating and at times painful.
对这条冲浪腿进行了数月的安装和调整，既令人沮丧，有时又令人痛苦。
His left limb was not fully desensitized, and Colin had to rest, recuperate, between strapping the leg on and trying again.
他的左肢还没有完全脱敏，科林必须在绑住腿和再次尝试之间休息、恢复。
On this new day, though, he felt like he was close to creating not only a prosthetic that no one else in the world had but also something like a new self.
然而，在这新的一天，他觉得自己不仅即将创造出世界上其他人没有的假肢，而且还即将创造出一个新的自我。
He felt he was creating a new Colin.
他觉得自己正在创造一个新的科林。
At the beach, he did the arduous work of attaching his surfing leg.
在海滩上，他完成了安装冲浪腿的艰巨工作。
He lifted his board and swam out.
他举起冲浪板游了出去。
On the first big wave, he pushed up—
在第一个大浪中，他向上推——
—and the foot stuck.
——脚被卡住了。
He maneuvered on the board, pivoted, water crashed against him and .
他在板上操纵，旋转，水冲向他，然后……。
.
。
.
。
When he got back to land, Sydney was the first person he told.
当他回到陆地时，悉尼是他告诉的第一个人。
The more he surfed, the better he felt, until he reached a decision that shocked even him.
他冲浪得越多，他的感觉就越好，直到他做出了一个连他自己都感到震惊的决定。
I want to win competitions with my new leg.
我想用我的新腿赢得比赛。
I want to turn pro.
我想转职业。
It was crazy: Colin Cook, competitive surfer.
这太疯狂了：科林·库克，一位竞技冲浪运动员。
And yet that’s what he wanted now, and maybe always had.
但这就是他现在想要的，也许一直都是。
Maybe he’d always been unable to admit a desire to himself for fear of failing at it.
也许他一直无法承认自己的愿望，因为害怕失败。
To surf as a pro, though, meant that the puny waves off Rhode Island or Massachusetts wouldn’t do.
然而，作为一名职业冲浪者，罗德岛州或马萨诸塞州附近的微弱海浪是不行的。
Hawaii was great, sure, but the rents: Sydney knew the story of Colin living in that walk-in closet.
夏威夷当然很棒，但租金：悉尼知道科林住在那个步入式衣柜里的故事。
So Sydney and Colin decided to move to southern California, where Colin had extended family and Sydney’s administrative job had an office and work in the surfing industry—almost every pro needed a day job—was plentiful.
因此，悉尼和科林决定搬到南加州，科林在那里有一个大家庭，悉尼的行政工作有一个办公室，而且冲浪行业的工作机会很多——几乎每个职业选手都需要一份日常工作。
Colin found one designing surfboards in Ocean side, the beach town an hour south of L.
科林 (Colin) 在海滨小镇奥申赛德 (Ocean Side) 找到了一块设计冲浪板，这座海滩小镇距离 L. 南边一小时车程。
A.
A.
Sydney and Colin got a place near the water in Laguna Niguel.
西德尼和科林在尼古湖的水边找到了一个地方。
And bit by bit, their lives fell apart.
渐渐地，他们的生活崩溃了。
It was the distance from Sydney’s family.
这是与悉尼家人的距离。
Her mother was her inspiration and her brother her best friend.
她的母亲是她的灵感来源，她的兄弟是她最好的朋友。
Her family on both sides had lived for generations in New England, and though Sydney had thought she would live elsewhere, she didn’t feel nearly as poised and confident now as everyone had always assumed she was.
她两边的家人世世代代都生活在新英格兰，尽管西德尼曾以为她会住在其他地方，但她现在并不像每个人一直认为的那样镇定和自信。
She knew the truth.
她知道真相。
There was the bombing, and then the days, months, and—she should be honest—years when she relived it.
经历了爆炸事件，然后是几天、几个月，甚至——她应该说实话——几年，她都重温了那场爆炸。
When she felt uneasy in any new situation.
当她遇到任何新情况感到不安时。
The Vietnamese American writer Viet Than Nguyen once wrote, “All wars are fought twice: The first time on the battlefield, the second time in memory,” and Sydney knew it to be true.
越南裔美国作家 Viet Than Nguyen 曾写道：“所有战争都会打两次：第一次是在战场上，第二次是在记忆中。”悉尼知道这是真的。
The war never ends with the war’s end.
战争永远不会随着战争的结束而结束。
In fact, she began to wonder in California if she had ever been poised and confident.
事实上，她开始怀疑自己在加利福尼亚是否曾经保持过平静和自信。
Because the dread had begun almost immediately after the bombing.
因为恐惧几乎是在爆炸发生后立即开始的。
Sure, she had projected strength for the Today show and The Boston Globe, but she was also (mostly?) a scared young woman who had nearly been killed in a car accident and then found herself at the finish line of the Boston Marathon and thought as she recovered from this, her second near-death experience, The universe doesn’t want me here.
当然，她为《今日秀》和《波士顿环球报》展现了力量，但她也是（主要是？）一个害怕的年轻女性，在一场车祸中差点丧命，然后发现自己站在波士顿马拉松的终点线，当她从第二次濒死经历中恢复过来时，她想，宇宙不希望我在这里。
Death was following her.
死亡正在追随她。
She had been sure of it.
她对此深信不疑。
When she and her mother had shared that hospital room, Sydney stared at what the bomb had taken from Celeste.
当她和母亲共用那间病房时，西德尼盯着炸弹从塞莱斯特身上夺走的东西。
What had Sydney done wrong in her life to do that to her mother?
悉尼一生到底做错了什么，才会这样对待她的母亲？
She thought this all the time.
她一直这么想。
Then her thoughts turned suicidal.
然后她的想法变成了自杀。
The part of Sydney that still wanted to live held fast to the one thing she could still control: what she ate.
悉尼仍然想要生活的部分坚持她仍然可以控制的一件事：她吃什么。
She would limit it at any meal or, just as often, skip the meal entirely and work out like a fiend.
她会限制每顿饭的摄入量，或者经常不吃正餐，像魔鬼一样锻炼身体。
The physical therapists who attended to her in Boston, the news-camera crews that trailed her for follow-up stories—they all kept saying how committed she was to her rehab, walking and already regaining full mobility despite the massive stitching up and down and round her legs, tying her forever to that spring day on Boylston Street.
在波士顿照顾她的物理治疗师，跟踪她进行后续报道的新闻摄制组——他们都一直在说她对康复有多么投入，尽管她的腿上下和周围有大量的缝线，但她已经完全恢复了行走能力，这将她永远与博伊尔斯顿街的那个春日联系在一起。
What bullshit.
胡说八道。
The thoughts spun blacker in the weeks and months after the bombing, and so the workouts ran longer and the anorexia took a still stronger hold.
爆炸发生后的几周和几个月里，我的想法变得更加糟糕，因此锻炼时间更长，厌食症也更加严重。
Then the nightmares began.
然后噩梦就开始了。
In one, the most vivid, Sydney crawled through a U.
其中最生动的是，悉尼爬过美国大学。
S.
S。
Army obstacle course, down in the mud, avoiding the barbed wire above, and then jumped to her feet and ran.
陆军障碍赛，倒在泥里，避开上面的铁丝网，然后跳起来就跑。
All around her she saw and heard explosions and gunfire and, now, tracking her, gaining ground on her, mere feet from her, the Boston Marathon bombers, homemade explosives in their hands and hatred in their eyes.
在她周围，她看到并听到爆炸和枪声，现在，波士顿马拉松轰炸机在追踪她，逼近她，离她只有几英尺远，他们手中拿着自制炸药，眼中充满仇恨。
She woke yelling and drenched in sweat.
她大叫着醒来，浑身是汗。
She tried therapy for the PTSD and anorexia.
她尝试治疗创伤后应激障碍和厌食症。
It helped.
这有帮助。
But the dark thoughts returned, or the nightmares did, or the desire to control it all did.
但黑暗的想法又回来了，或者噩梦回来了，或者控制一切的欲望又回来了。
She couldn’t focus at Merrimack College and had to drop out.
她无法在梅里马克学院专心学习，不得不退学。
She met Colin Cook and he offered an answer.
她遇到了科林·库克，他给出了答案。
After his attack, he said he was never scared of sharks.
袭击发生后，他说他从不害怕鲨鱼。
That astounded her.
这让她很惊讶。
He even convinced Sydney about six months into their relationship to travel to Hawaii with him, return to the very waters that had taken his leg, and swim with the sharks there.
他甚至说服西德尼与他交往六个月后，与他一起前往夏威夷，回到夺走他腿的水域，并与那里的鲨鱼一起游泳。
She was so nervous that day—but Colin wasn’t.
那天她非常紧张，但科林却一点也不紧张。
With local shark experts guiding their swim, including Keoni Bowthorpe, the guy who’d saved his life, Colin got in the ocean miles from the shores of Oahu and swam right next to the Galapagos and reef sharks.
在当地鲨鱼专家的指导下，包括救了他一命的科尼·鲍索普 (Keoni Bowthorpe)，科林进入了距离欧胡岛海岸数英里的海洋，在加拉帕戈斯群岛和礁鲨旁边游泳。
He let them swim around him.
他让它们在他周围游动。
They were close enough to touch.
他们离得很近，触手可及。
Back on land he shrugged it off.
回到陆地后，他耸了耸肩。
“The ocean is their home,” he said.
“海洋是他们的家，”他说。
It amazed her.
这让她很惊讶。
Inspired her.
启发了她。
He made her feel good.
他让她感觉很好。
Strong.
强的。
Especially when his own insecurities—like a searing self-doubt about making it as a surfer—rose up.
尤其是当他自己的不安全感——比如对成为一名冲浪者的强烈自我怀疑——出现时。
Sydney from the start intuited how to buoy him and soothe him, in the way that “Look for all the fucks I give” had made him laugh at her parents’ place and relaxed him.
西德尼从一开始就凭直觉知道如何鼓舞他、安抚他，就像“看看我给的所有操蛋”让他嘲笑她父母的住所一样，让他放松下来。
She felt useful around Colin, in other words, as the relationship deepened.
换句话说，随着关系的加深，她觉得在科林身边很有用。
She knew him better than he did.
她比他更了解他。
She felt loved.
她感到被爱。
And this led her to love him all the more.
这让她更加爱他。
She agreed, then, to create a new life in Laguna Niguel but now in California saw how war was indeed fought twice, and the uneasiness, the dread of new places and situations—they returned.
当时，她同意在尼古湖创造新的生活，但现在在加利福尼亚州，亲眼目睹了两次战争，以及对新地方和新情况的不安和恐惧——他们又回来了。
She realized she had been able to help Colin only because of how well her mother and father and brother had helped her back in Massachusetts.
她意识到她之所以能够帮助科林，只是因为她的父母和兄弟在马萨诸塞州为她提供了很好的帮助。
In California she felt malnourished again.
在加利福尼亚州，她再次感到营养不良。
Her homesickness wasn’t a homesickness at all.
她的思乡根本不是思乡。
It was the severing of an identity.
这是身份的切断。
It didn’t matter how many times a day Sydney called home.
悉尼每天给家里打电话多少次并不重要。
Calling home five times a day made it worse.
每天给家里打五次电话让情况变得更糟。
It didn’t matter that their neighbors were friendlier than people on the prickly East Coast or that their cozy two-bedroom apartment in Laguna Niguel sat atop a hill whose sunsets from their window turned the whole neighborhood a soft and inviting gold.
不管他们的邻居比多刺的东海岸的人更友好，还是他们在尼古湖的舒适的两居室公寓坐落在一座小山顶上，窗外的日落将整个社区变成了柔和而诱人的金色，但这并不重要。
Sydney felt unmoored in California, leading an existence that was as quietly bleak as it had ever been after the bombing.
悉尼感觉自己在加州失去了锚定的感觉，过着与爆炸发生后一样平静凄凉的生活。
What made it harder still was how Colin thrived out here.
更困难的是科林在这里如何茁壮成长。
He had his job, California’s big waves, an ever-expanding group of bros to surf with.
他有自己的工作，有加州的大浪，有不断扩大的兄弟一起冲浪。
With Sydney’s encouragement he’d found Paralympic-style surfing competitions and was about to unleash his New Colin on them, he said.
他说，在悉尼的鼓励下，他找到了残奥会风格的冲浪比赛，并准备在其中释放他的新科林。
The usefulness she offered no longer felt good.
她所提供的用处不再让人感觉良好。
She cried every night, and most mornings, and a good chunk of each afternoon.
她每天晚上都哭，大多数早晨，还有每个下午的大部分时间都哭。
They never settled on a plan for their future.
他们从未为自己的未来制定计划。
They continued to live their shared present, a loving and day-by-day-improving present but one where the past intruded, for both of them.
他们继续过着共同的现在，对他们来说，这是一个充满爱和日益进步的现在，但过去却侵入了他们的生活。
By 2019, Colin had competed in many adaptive-surfing competitions and won the U.
到 2019 年，Colin 参加了许多自适应冲浪比赛并赢得了美国冲浪锦标赛冠军。
S.
S。
Nationals twice but faltered both times at the World Championship in California.
两次参加全国比赛，但在加州举行的世界锦标赛上两次都表现不佳。
At Worlds, it was as if he were back in that cavernous hall in North Chelmsford, Massachusetts, meeting Sydney: The stage seemed too big, with too many other great surfers, too much searing self-doubt.
在世界赛上，他仿佛回到了马萨诸塞州北切姆斯福德那个巨大的大厅里，与悉尼相遇：舞台似乎太大了，有太多其他伟大的冲浪者，太多灼热的自我怀疑。
The past’s intrusiveness and the way Sydney and Colin could help each other focus on the here and now bound them, deepened their love.
过去的侵扰以及西德尼和科林帮助彼此专注于此时此地的方式将他们束缚在一起，加深了他们的爱。
Sydney reminded Colin as he prepared for the 2020 Paralympic championships—first a statewide competition, then nationals, then, if he qualified, Worlds—that he himself talked of how he wanted to be more than the victim of his attack.
西德尼提醒科林，在他准备 2020 年残奥会锦标赛时——首先是全州比赛，然后是全国比赛，然后，如果他获得资格，则参加世界赛——他自己也谈到过，他希望自己不仅仅是袭击的受害者。
Winning Worlds would serve as evidence of a man who had not only bested that day but moved beyond it.
赢得世界冠军将成为一个人不仅击败了那一天，而且超越了那一天的证据。
“You’ll win when you can believe it,” she told him.
“当你相信时，你就会赢，”她告诉他。
He took regionals and then nationals again, and in mid-March 2020, in what would be the last days before Covid-19 shut everything down, Colin stepped onto the beach of the International Surfing Association’s World Para Surfing Championships, held north of San Diego, on the shores of La Jolla.
他参加了地区比赛，然后再次参加全国比赛。2020 年 3 月中旬，也就是 Covid-19 导致一切关闭之前的最后几天，科林踏上了在圣地亚哥北部拉霍亚海岸举行的国际冲浪协会世界残疾人冲浪锦标赛的海滩。
A packed stretch of sand: 131 surfers from twenty-two countries.
一片拥挤的沙滩：来自 22 个国家的 131 名冲浪者。
Colin paced the beach on the opening day of the five-day competition.
在为期五天的比赛开幕当天，科林在海滩上踱步。
He couldn’t silence the voice that seared him and demanded perfection, but when he got in La Jolla’s waters for his first heat at Worlds, the inner critic did what it had always done: quieted enough so Colin could focus on winning the heat and advancing to the next round.
他无法压制那个让他感到灼热和要求完美的声音，但当他进入拉霍亚水域参加世界赛的第一场预赛时，内心的批评者做了它一直在做的事情：足够安静，这样科林就可以专注于赢得预赛并晋级下一轮。
It went like this for four days.
就这样过了四天。
Colin won and won.
科林赢了，赢了。
In fact, he performed so well in each heat, with the judges back on the shore grading him on the quality of the wave and how he rode it, that he was the favorite heading into the finals.
事实上，他在每场预赛中都表现出色，岸上的评委们根据海浪的质量和驾驭海浪的方式对他进行评分，因此他是进入决赛的热门人选。
On that morning, the fifth and last, he thought about how he shouldn’t screw this up but would anyway because that’s what he always did at Worlds.
那天早上，第五个也是最后一个早上，他想到自己不应该把事情搞砸，但无论如何都会这么做，因为这就是他在世界赛上一直做的事情。
Sydney heard it: in the hotel room, on the beach.
悉尼听到了：在酒店房间里，在海滩上。
The self-talk that he mumbled before the previous two Worlds and, frankly, at so many points throughout their four-year relationship.
他在前两届世界赛前喃喃自语，坦率地说，在他们四年的关系中，他多次自言自语。
I’m not sure I can do this.
我不确定我能做到这一点。
I’m not sure I want to.
我不确定我是否愿意。
Why am I even here?
我为什么会在这里？
She approached and looked deeply into his eyes.
她走近，深深地看着他的眼睛。
It stopped the talk and Colin’s closed-loop pacing.
它停止了谈话和科林的闭环节奏。
“You are a great surfer,” she said.
“你是一位出色的冲浪者，”她说。
“Do this for the love of surfing.”
“出于对冲浪的热爱而这样做。”
Soon the three finalists hit the water: Colin, Eric Dargent of France, and Naomichi Katsukura of Japan.
很快，三名决赛选手就下水了：法国的科林、埃里克·达金特和日本的胜仓直道。
In the eyes of his loved ones—Mary Beth and Sydney holding hands on the beach, his dad watching the finals live stream from Rhode Island—Colin seemed to be the same Colin he’d always been.
在他所爱的人眼中——玛丽·贝丝和悉尼手牵着手在海滩上，他的父亲在罗德岛观看决赛直播——科林似乎还是原来的那个科林。
He waited and waited, letting the other finalists take waves, waiting for the perfect one that he alone could ride.
他等了又等，让其他决赛选手乘风破浪，等待着只有他一个人能驾驭的完美赛车。
Demanding perfection from himself.
对自己要求完美。
But out on the water, what his loved ones couldn’t see, what the surfing judges couldn’t even score, was everything fading away.
但在水面上，他所爱的人看不到的东西，冲浪裁判甚至无法评分的东西，一切都在消失。
The competitors, the stress.
竞争对手，压力。
The world narrowed until there was only Colin and the waves and Sydney’s mantra.
世界变得狭窄，直到只剩下科林、海浪和悉尼的咒语。
And now the perfect wave crested and he rode it.
现在，完美的波浪达到了顶峰，他乘势而上。
Then another perfect one.
然后又是一个完美的。
He rode that, too.
他也骑过那辆车。
When he reached the shore the evidence from the judges was irrefutable.
当他到达岸边时，法官提供的证据是无可辩驳的。
They married in April 2023 in a civil ceremony on the beach of Oahu’s North Shore, she in a lace wedding gown and he in shorts and a Hawaiian floral shirt.
他们于 2023 年 4 月在瓦胡岛北岸的海滩上举行民事仪式结婚，她穿着蕾丝婚纱，他穿着短裤和夏威夷花卉衬衫。
Not just the location but the date held significance, April being the month they met and 2023 being the tenth anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing, a day that, ultimately, led them to each other.
不仅地点很重要，日期也很重要，4 月是他们相遇的月份，2023 年是波士顿马拉松爆炸案十周年，这一天最终让他们走到了一起。
Getting married ten years later “claims the date for ourselves,” Sydney said.
悉尼说，十年后结婚“是我们自己的日子”。
They live in Hawaii now, on Oahu, in a tiny rental on the North Shore, and when they talk about their experiences and how the way out of the paradox of life is love for someone greater than that for yourself, Sydney and Colin often look at each other and hold hands on their small couch.
他们现在住在夏威夷欧胡岛北岸的一间小出租屋里，当他们谈论自己的经历以及如何摆脱生活悖论的出路是爱一个比爱自己更伟大的人时，西德尼和科林经常在他们的小沙发上互相看着对方，手牵手。
It was a risk, moving still farther west from Lowell, but Sydney has found here what Colin has always cherished.
从洛厄尔向西移动是有风险的，但悉尼在这里找到了科林一直珍视的东西。
On their afternoon hikes to the top of one of Oahu’s lush mountain peaks, taking in the Pacific, or on their morning walks for coffee in sandals, Sydney likes the island’s slowed-down life that dwells on the moment before them, which they’ve learned is all they really have.
下午徒步登上欧胡岛郁郁葱葱的山峰，欣赏太平洋美景，或者早晨穿着凉鞋散步喝咖啡时，悉尼人喜欢岛上的慢生活，沉浸在眼前的这一刻，他们知道这就是他们真正拥有的一切。
She’s better.
她好多了。
The dread and, in particular, the severing of self are things of her past.
恐惧，尤其是自我割裂，已经成为她的过去。
She’s also taken the advice she gives Colin.
她也采纳了她给科林的建议。
She ignores the fear that rises when pursuing the life she wants.
她忽略了追求自己想要的生活时产生的恐惧。
Her journal entries have morphed into writing she’s looking to publish.
她的日记已经变成了她想要发表的文章。
She’s quit her nine-to-five—she never liked the corporate life—to make candles she ships to an ever-burgeoning list of mainland clients.
她放弃了朝九晚五的工作——她从来不喜欢公司生活——转而生产蜡烛，并将其运送给不断增长的大陆客户。
Surfing was an Olympic competition in this year’s summer Games, and adaptive surfers could compete in future Paralympics.
冲浪是今年夏季奥运会的奥运会比赛项目，适应性冲浪者可以参加未来的残奥会。
Colin is looking toward a future in which he might be Colin Cook, Olympian.
科林正在展望未来，他可能会成为奥运选手科林·库克。
Even he laughs at how big his dreams have become.
就连他也嘲笑自己的梦想变得如此之大。
Sydney still shapes them.
悉尼仍然影响着他们。
She has to.
她必须这样做。
Colin wakes in the morning now wanting to surf but is sometimes terrified a shark will bite him.
科林早上醒来想要冲浪，但有时害怕鲨鱼会咬他。
The war’s return: Something about actually moving out here, something about Hawaii being permanent now, has also reanimated for Colin how the sharks never left either.
战争的回归：关于实际搬到这里的事情，关于夏威夷现在永久存在的事情，也让科林重新认识到鲨鱼从未离开过。
The PTSD took six years to surface, and these days, on the worst days, it keeps him from riding the waves.
创伤后应激障碍花了六年的时间才浮现出来，而如今，在最糟糕的日子里，它让他无法乘风破浪。
The only thing that saves him is Sydney.
唯一能拯救他的是悉尼。
When his panic is a physical pain in his chest, she guides him to the beach.
当他的恐慌变成了胸部的身体疼痛时，她带他去了海滩。
She watches while he latches on his surfer’s leg.
她看着他抓住冲浪者的腿。
Most days she says nothing.
大多数时候她什么也不说。
Then he breathes out and after a nod from her tiptoes his way into the water.
然后他呼了一口气，在她点点头后，他踮起脚尖进入了水中。
“Just knowing she’s back there .
“只是知道她回来了。
.
。
.” he’ll later say but not be able to finish for how much her presence on shore means to him in the water.
”。他稍后会说，但无法说完她在岸上的存在对他在水中意味着什么。
When he comes in, she’s still there, and the two of them, holding hands, walk home.
当他进来的时候，她还在那里，两个人手牵着手，走回家。