Mark Warren: My Father's Last Words

My father said some words.

父亲说了几句话。

These are some of the words my father said.

这是我父亲说过的一些话。

My father at twenty, a kind face that became something else at home.

我二十岁的父亲，一张慈祥的面孔在家里变得与众不同。

REPROBATE My father did a lot of shift work at the plant, on his feet, got heavy and angry, and enjoyed life to the smallest extent possible.

斥责 我的父亲在工厂做了很多轮班工作，他站着，变得沉重和愤怒，并尽可能地享受生活。

He took pleasure from neither the ridiculous nor the sublime, and in fact never once had to consider what sublime might have meant.

他既不从荒谬的事物中获得乐趣，也不从崇高的事物中获得乐趣，事实上，他从来没有考虑过崇高的含义。

Sublime was definitely not one of J.

Sublime 绝对不是 J 之一。

D.

D .

Warren's words.

沃伦的话。

Reprobate , now, that was one of my father's words.

弃绝，现在，这是我父亲的话之一。

He had six children he didn't much care to know, was without hobbies, passions, or pastimes, and had a job making plastic that found him answering to people who were softer and dumber than him — reprobates, all of them.

他有六个孩子，他不太想认识，没有爱好、激情或消遣，而且有一份制造塑料的工作，这让他不得不向那些比他软弱和愚蠢的人负责——他们全都是恶棍。

So he took his joy where he could find it, and in small doses, usually at 3:00 A.M., as his offspring slept and couldn't bother him.

因此，他把快乐带到了他能找到的地方，而且是小剂量的，通常是在凌晨 3:00，因为他的后代正在睡觉，不会打扰他。

But since enjoyment of things was counter to my father's natural state of being, his stabs at pleasure didn't really ever work out for him.

但由于享受事物与我父亲的自然存在状态背道而驰，他对享乐的尝试对他来说并没有真正奏效。

For instance, there's my father now, sitting on the couch in the living room, 3:00 A.M., stark naked, glass shattered everywhere.

例如，现在凌晨 3:00，我的父亲坐在客厅的沙发上，赤身裸体，玻璃到处碎裂。

Glass covered the couch, glass spilling onto the floor.

玻璃盖住了沙发，玻璃洒到了地板上。

Son of a bitch!

王八蛋！

my father bellowed from deep in his belly, which is what he did.

我父亲从他的肚子深处吼叫，他就是这么做的。

Lean and handsome when he was young, he'd gotten fat and intimidating by the time I came along.

他年轻时又瘦又英俊，当我来的时候，他已经胖得令人生畏了。

He had big steely paws and a belt like a bullwhip.

他有钢铁般的大爪子和一条像牛鞭一样的腰带。

He'd hit you in the back and you'd feel it clear through to the front.

他从背后打你，你从前面都能清楚地感觉到。

High-and-tight, black horn-rims, gritted teeth.

高而紧，黑色的角缘，咬紧牙关。

It took nothing to set him off, and you did not want to tangle with that.

不需要什么就能激怒他，而你也不想纠缠于此。

And now he had an ass full of glass.

现在他的屁股里装满了玻璃。

My parents had an oval coffee table that had an oval glass top that had been chipped, and so Dad ordered a new piece cut, and it had come in that day.

我父母有一张椭圆形咖啡桌，其椭圆形玻璃桌面已经破损，所以爸爸订购了一块新的切割片，当天就到了。

For some reason, it hadn't been placed on the table but on the couch, and so when he'd gotten home from a long shift, double overtime, and had decided to relax on the couch with my brother's Playboy, he'd plopped himself down on this big sheet of glass, which had gone into a million pieces under his weight, which is exactly how glass is supposed to behave.

由于某种原因，它没有放在桌子上，而是放在沙发上，所以当他结束了长时间的轮班和两次加班后，决定在沙发上放松一下，看看我哥哥的《花花公子》时，他一屁股坐在了这块大玻璃上，这块玻璃在他的重量下变成了一百万片，这正是玻璃应该有的表现。

But not to my father.

但对我父亲来说不是。

Not much living happened in our living room, and we generally weren't allowed or trusted in there, but word got around on the underground channel that some shit had gone down on the living-room couch the night before, right smack next to the shrine to the Virgin Mary, and we all had a chance to swing by and survey the devastation, as not a shard had been cleaned up, the crime scene had been preserved well into the morning of the next day.

我们的客厅里没有太多的生活发生，而且我们通常不被允许或不被信任在那里，但地下通道里传出消息说，前一天晚上客厅沙发上掉了一些东西，就在圣母玛利亚神社旁边，我们都有机会顺便过去看看破坏情况，因为没有任何碎片被清理干净，犯罪现场一直保存到第二天早上。

I was nine years old and couldn't picture what Dad could have possibly been doing in there the night before, but seeing the debris field up close I thought that it was a miracle that there wasn't blood everywhere mixed with the glass.

我当时九岁，无法想象爸爸前一天晚上可能会在那里做什么，但近距离看到碎片场时，我认为玻璃中没有到处都是血迹，这真是一个奇迹。

I was at the time an unbearably pious altar boy and decided that the Virgin must have interceded to keep Dad alive.

当时我是一个极其虔诚的祭坛侍童，我认为一定是圣母玛利亚的介入才让父亲活了下来。

The scene wasn't made absolutely hilarious, though, until Daddy issued the official line on the incident.

不过，直到爸爸就这一事件发表官方声明之前，这一幕并没有变得绝对搞笑。

"Defective glass," he pronounced that day.

“玻璃有缺陷，”他那天宣称。

"Reprobates," he added for good measure.

“恶棍，”他补充道。

In Russia, Leonid Brezhnev was calling up down and black white , and in Highlands, Texas, the tyrant of South Sixth Street was calling glass that couldn't stand the full weight of his fat ass "defective."

在俄罗斯，列昂尼德·勃列日涅夫（Leonid Brezhnev）大声疾呼，黑白分明，而在得克萨斯州高地，南六街的暴君则称无法承受他那肥屁股全部重量的玻璃是“有缺陷的”。

So it was that defective took its place as one of Dad's classic words, among other imperious pronouncements that had the weight of law and something much heavier than even that — existential condemnation for the Warren boys.

因此，“缺陷”一词成为了父亲的经典用语之一，与其他具有法律分量的专横言论一起，甚至比“对沃伦男孩的存在主义谴责”还要严重得多。

But in this way, my brothers and I learned many interesting words and a great many useful concepts, a glossary through which to understand the funny world.

但就这样，我和我的兄弟们学到了很多有趣的单词和很多有用的概念，这是一个了解有趣世界的词汇表。

A handbook for when we ourselves would become fathers.

我们自己何时成为父亲的手册。

Reprobate was my first complex word, and it had a wholly alien sound.

Reprobate是我第一个复杂的词，它的发音完全陌生。

I have known the word from my first memory, and in my mind it is the word I most closely associate with my father, and it may be the first sound I remember him making.

我从最初的记忆中就知道这个词，在我的脑海里，这是我与父亲联系最紧密的词，这可能是我记得他发出的第一个声音。

It is an unbeautiful sound, as if it meant only to do harm.

这是一种不优美的声音，仿佛它只是为了造成伤害。

In that, it was the perfect signature for my father.

从这一点来说，这是我父亲的完美签名。

It was his portal on the world, his shield, his armor, his worldview.

这是他通往世界的门户、他的盾牌、他的盔甲、他的世界观。

And it became my worldview, too.

这也成为了我的世界观。

Its first known use was in the fifteenth century, according to Merriam-Webster.

据韦氏词典记载，它的首次已知用途是在十五世纪。

What Merriam-Webster doesn't say is that my father has spoken the word more than any other human since then.

《韦氏词典》没有说的是，从那时起，我父亲说这个词的次数比任何其他人都多。

Because the world is lousy with reprobates, and it was his fatherly duty to give us the eyes to see, and the words to speak.

因为这个世界充满了恶棍，而他作为父亲的责任就是给我们一双可以看的眼睛和可以说的话语。

There was old Mr. Lambright, who owned an asphalt truck and drove around town paving and repairing driveways.

有一位老兰布赖特先生，他拥有一辆沥青卡车，在镇上开着车铺路和修理车道。

He came by our house one day when I was about ten, having been commissioned by my dad to replace the old shell driveway we'd always had with a fancy new blacktop.

有一天，我十岁左右的时候，他来到我们家，受我父亲的委托，用一条漂亮的新柏油路取代我们一直拥有的旧贝壳车道。

Look at this fancy new blacktop, I thought to myself when I came home from school that day.

那天我放学回家时，我心里想，看看这新奇的柏油路。

You might say it was a little discordant with my family's self-image, as if we all knew goddamn well that underneath this smooth perfect new skin remained our true selves.

你可能会说这与我家人的自我形象有点不一致，好像我们都清楚地知道，在这光滑完美的新皮肤下仍然是我们真实的自我。

My father immediately began to complain about it, such was his discomfort with the fancy blacktop and the message it must be sending — constantly — to the world.

我父亲立即开始抱怨，因为他对花哨的柏油路感到不舒服，而且它必须“不断地”向世界发送信息。

Nonetheless, we would glide silently from the road to the garage without so much as a pop or a crack or a shell splitting under the tires, just like rich people.

尽管如此，我们还是会像富人一样默默地从道路滑行到车库，没有任何爆裂声、裂纹或轮胎下的贝壳裂开的声音。

Then a few months into our life with pavement, there came a heavy rain, one of the soaking rains of southeast Texas that last for forty days.

然后我们开始铺路几个月后，一场大雨降临了，这是德克萨斯州东南部持续四十天的大雨之一。

And when the sun finally came out again, we all blinked outside to discover that the fancy blacktop had buckled under the deluge, and right there in the middle was a big depression that now and forever would hold a lake.

当太阳终于再次出来时，我们都在外面眨了眨眼，发现漂亮的柏油路在洪水中已经弯曲了，而中间有一个大洼地，现在和永远都会容纳一个湖。

From that day forward, the asphalt would be broken and uneven.

从那天起，柏油路就会破碎且凹凸不平。

Well, God's own driveway couldn't have withstood that monsoon, we kids reasoned.

好吧，上帝自己的车道无法承受季风，我们这些孩子认为。

Lambright could fix it for us.

兰布莱特可以为我们解决这个问题。

But we learned early in life that it's not a no-fault world.

但我们从小就知道这不是一个无过错的世界。

Someone is always to blame.

总要有人受到指责。

J.

J。

D.

D .

Warren sternly corrected us: Old Mr. Lambright was a goddamn reprobate.

沃伦严厉地纠正我们：老兰布赖特先生是个该死的恶棍。

A weaker man would have just gotten a new blacktop.

一个较弱的人可能会得到一个新的柏油路。

But our driveway would remain unrepaired, a withering and eternal testament to Lambright's evil incompetence.

但我们的车道仍然没有得到修复，这是兰布赖特邪恶无能的枯萎和永恒的证明。

Take that, world.

接受这个，世界。

Not that anybody ever noticed — this kind of retribution is like drinking poison and waiting for the other guy to die.

没有人注意到，这种报应就像喝毒药等别人死一样。

But that didn't stop us boys from deploying the same lesson in our own little orbits.

但这并没有阻止我们男孩在自己的小轨道上应用同样的课程。

When I went to school, there in my class was little Lambright, and I finally had a word to call him, too.

当我上学的时候，班上有小兰布莱特，我也终于有话可以打电话给他了。

Of course, my father numbered his boys among the reprobates and never missed an opportunity to let us know it.

当然，我父亲把他的孩子们列为恶棍，并且不放过任何一个让我们知道这一点的机会。

He resented that we just assumed that we'd have stuff, like food and clothes.

他对我们只是假设我们拥有食物和衣服等东西感到不满。

In the great ledger of material things, my family didn't merit a mention.

在物质财富的大账本上，我的家人不值得一提。

We had little to speak of, and as the youngest I got everything we did have last.

我们没什么可说的，作为最小的我，我们拥有的一切都是最后的。

It was just life and nobody complained.

这就是生活，没有人抱怨。

But compared with some of the boys I went to school with, we were absolutely prosperous.

但与我一起上学的一些男孩相比，我们绝对是富裕的。

In my town, you showed yourself to be truly poor by showing up at school barefoot.

在我的镇上，你光着脚出现在学校就表明自己真的很穷。

And there were so many kids without shoes that we really didn't think much of it.

而且有很多孩子没有鞋子，我们真的没有多想。

I remember one kid from my street vividly.

我对街上的一个孩子记忆犹新。

Aiken was a fully muscled man at ten.

艾肯十岁的时候就已经是一个肌肉发达的男人了。

Aiken was weathered at ten — steel-calloused hands, deep-set, weary eyes — looked like he punched a clock as a longshoreman just in time to make it to Mrs. Norris's fifth-grade class every morning.

艾肯十岁了，饱经风霜，手上长满了钢铁般的老茧，眼睛深陷，疲惫不堪，看起来就像是码头工人，每天早上都准时赶到诺里斯太太的五年级班级。

Aiken had no shoes, and he wore the same clothes every day of the week.

艾肯没有鞋子，一周中的每一天都穿着同样的衣服。

You'd see his mama out in the yard doing the wash on Sunday, and they'd start out clean on Monday, and by Friday they'd have fresh holes and be pretty ripe.

你会看到他的妈妈周日在院子里洗衣服，周一它们就会干净起来，到周五它们就会有新的洞并且已经相当成熟了。

But Aiken walked through the world unfazed by this, and even though we didn't have a pot to piss in, either, I felt sorry for him all the same.

但艾肯走遍了这个世界，却没有对此感到困扰，尽管我们也没有可以撒尿的盆子，但我仍然为他感到难过。

In Aiken's grim acceptance of the world and its privations, my father saw a lesson for me.

在艾肯对世界及其匮乏的严峻接受中，我父亲给我上了一个教训。

When my brothers and I asked for extravagances, like shoes, Daddy would say, "You girls better marry rich wives, you've got expensive tastes." Now, you're probably saying to yourself, surely this was meant affectionately!

当我和兄弟们想要鞋子之类的奢侈品时，爸爸会说：“你们女孩子最好嫁给有钱的妻子，你们的品味很昂贵。”现在，你可能会对自己说，这肯定是深情的！

A little ribbing, to make men of us.

一点开玩笑，让我们成为男人。

But just to make sure that we knew he wasn't joking in the slightest, he'd quickly add: "You'll never amount to anything."

但为了确保我们知道他根本没有开玩笑，他很快补充道：“你永远不会有任何成就。”

That was the line that came at us in a steady bombardment for the duration of life with father.

在与父亲共度一生的过程中，这句话不断地轰炸着我们。

But I was a kid, and I had no conception of what life was, much less what I was supposed to amount to.

但我还是个孩子，我不知道生活是什么，更不知道我应该做什么。

I looked around my town and nothing sounded about right.

我环顾了我的城镇，没有什么听起来不对劲。

I made my peace with it.

我对此表示了平静。

That's when I really began to listen and learn.

那时我才真正开始倾听和学习。

So when he'd come at me with "I could give you the Taj Mahal on a silver platter and you'd back up and shit on it," my first thought wasn't "Man, that's incredibly harsh." It was "What's the Taj Mahal?"

因此，当他对我说“我可以把泰姬陵放在银盘上送给你，而你却会退缩并在上面拉屎”时，我的第一个想法不是“伙计，这太残酷了。”这是“泰姬陵是什么？”