Suzanne Takes You Down to Her Place Near the River
You can hear the boats go by, you can spend the night beside her And you know that she’s half-crazy but that’s why you want to be there And she feeds you tea and oranges that come all the way from China
你可以听到船驶过的声音，你可以在她身边过夜你知道她有点疯狂，但这就是你想去那里的原因她给你喂从中国远道而来的茶和橙子
S uzanne Verdal told me she could make me famous.
苏珊娜·维达尔告诉我她可以让我出名。
“Be ruthless, be ambitious.
“要无情，要有野心。
For both of us,” she urged, her onyx-colored eyes not just big, but almost manic in their largeness.
为了我们俩，”她催促道，她那双玛瑙色的眼睛不仅很大，而且大得近乎狂躁。
If I did her tale justice, Suzanne said, I could put us both on the map.
苏珊娜说，如果我公正地讲述她的故事，我就能让我们俩名声大噪。
And that’s how I found myself sitting in a diner in a forgotten mountain town along the California/Oregon border, trying to convince Suzanne to let me record our conversation.
这就是我如何发现自己坐在加州/俄勒冈州边境一个被遗忘的山区小镇的一家餐馆里，试图说服苏珊娜让我录下我们的谈话。
She eyed my phone with suspicion, then waved her hands over me like some kind of enigmatic clairvoyant and promised that if I stick with her, only great things could come my way.
她怀疑地看着我的手机，然后像神秘的千里眼一样向我挥动双手，并承诺如果我坚持和她在一起，只有伟大的事情才会发生。
Mesmerized, I thought, Where do I sign up?
我着迷地想，我在哪里注册？
When my father played Leonard Cohen’s music for me as a child, Suzanne — the inspiration behind Cohen’s indelible song of that name — was who I wanted to be.
当我小时候父亲为我演奏伦纳德·科恩的音乐时，苏珊娜——科恩不可磨灭的同名歌曲背后的灵感——就是我想成为的人。
She was my first understanding of what it meant to be a “muse,” and she imbued the role with a rare kind of power.
她是我第一次理解“缪斯女神”的含义，她为这个角色注入了一种罕见的力量。
In the song, she’s a force to be reckoned with, leading an entranced Cohen to a place of deeper understanding by illuminating the grace in the wreckage that’s all around them.
在这首歌中，她是一股不可忽视的力量，通过照亮他们周围的残骸中的优雅，带领着迷的科恩达到了更深层次的理解。
Cohen depicts her as a woman whose beauty, mystery, and joie de vivre drive him to some of his greatest artistic heights.
科恩将她描绘成一个女人，她的美丽、神秘和生活乐趣驱使他达到了他最伟大的艺术高度。
That ability struck me as enviable and romantic; I wanted to hold that kind of sway.
这种能力让我感到羡慕和浪漫。我想保持这种影响力。
Long before I knew what Suzanne looked like, I identified her with the woman depicted in the illustration on the back of the 1967 record Songs of Leonard Cohen .
早在我知道苏珊娜长什么样之前，我就认出了她就是 1967 年唱片《伦纳德·科恩之歌》背面插图中描绘的那个女人。
Dark haired and nude, she was emerging from violent flames and wearing chains around her wrists.
她黑发、赤身裸体，正从猛烈的火焰中走出来，手腕上戴着锁链。
It was a stunning, startling image that fused beauty with captivity.
这是一幅令人惊叹的、令人震惊的画面，将美丽与囚禁融为一体。
At the time, I didn’t question that equivalence: I dreamed of being in the spotlight, and I used to fantasize about what it would be like to pose for the image.
当时，我并没有质疑这种等同性：我梦想成为聚光灯下的人，我曾经幻想过为这张照片摆姿势会是什么样子。
As I got older, there was a shift in the way I understood Suzanne: I longed to be the artist instead of the inspiration, and wondered if she was actually a prisoner of someone else’s success.
随着年龄的增长，我对苏珊娜的理解发生了转变：我渴望成为艺术家而不是灵感来源，并想知道她是否实际上是别人成功的囚徒。
It was a friend’s father who first told me about the real Suzanne.
是一位朋友的父亲第一个告诉我真实的苏珊娜的。
A photographer, he’d met Suzanne when he took pictures of her dancing at a drum circle in Venice Beach in the early 2000s.
作为一名摄影师，他在 2000 年代初期为苏珊娜在威尼斯海滩的鼓圈跳舞的照片时认识了她。
He described how her life had a taken a bleak turn, how her dream of being a famous dancer had never materialized.
他描述了她的生活如何变得黯淡，她成为一名著名舞蹈家的梦想如何从未实现。
Before that, I had no idea Suzanne even had artistic aspirations; I hadn’t really thought about her life outside the song.
在此之前，我根本不知道苏珊娜还有艺术抱负。我并没有真正想过她在歌曲之外的生活。
But Suzanne’s story, as my friend’s father told it, felt depressingly familiar.
但正如我朋友的父亲所讲述的那样，苏珊娜的故事让人感到令人沮丧的熟悉。
Despite the powerful spell she cast on Cohen, Suzanne seemed to be one in a long line of women who had been defined by a man.
尽管苏珊娜对科恩施加了强大的魔力，但她似乎是一长串被男人定义的女性中的一个。
I didn’t want to believe it.
我不想相信。
So I spent months tracking Suzanne down, trying to convince her I was the person to set the record straight.
所以我花了几个月的时间追踪苏珊娜，试图让她相信我就是那个澄清事实的人。
I told her that I wasn’t interested in Cohen, but in what she had gone through — and that I hadn’t seen anything written or made about her by another woman who could understand the weight of what she carried.
我告诉她，我对科恩不感兴趣，而是对她所经历的事情感兴趣——而且我没有看到任何其他女人写或制作的关于她的任何东西可以理解她所承受的重量。
I imagined I could help unshackle her from the complications that come with being a famous muse and reveal the real person beneath the myth.
我想象我可以帮助她摆脱作为著名缪斯女神所带来的复杂情况，并揭示神话背后的真实人物。
It turned out that that was the last thing she wanted.
事实证明，这是她最不想看到的事情。
It’s May 2019 when I meet Suzanne at a Black Bear Diner in Yreka, CA, a downtrodden town best known for its association with the California Secession Movement.
2019 年 5 月，我在加利福尼亚州怀里卡的一家黑熊餐厅遇见了苏珊娜，这是一个饱受蹂躏的小镇，因与加州分离派运动有联系而闻名。
The diner is a chain restaurant catering to both families with small children and truckers looking for something better than Burger King.
这家餐厅是一家连锁餐厅，既适合有小孩的家庭，也适合寻找比汉堡王更好的东西的卡车司机。
Suzanne’s long hair is dyed a matte black, and she wears it piled loosely atop her head, held together with a bright blue scarf.
苏珊娜的长发被染成了哑光黑色，她将头发松散地盘在头上，并用一条亮蓝色的围巾固定在一起。
Her matching taffeta coat has a petaled collar that blossoms around her face, making her look like an Elizabethan lady with a neck ruff.
她搭配的塔夫绸外套有一个花瓣领，在她的脸周围绽放，让她看起来像一位有颈圈的伊丽莎白时代的女士。
Still so beautiful, it’s hard to gage exactly how old she is, and she refuses to divulge.
仍然那么美丽，很难判断她到底有多大，而且她拒绝透露。
“I never tell my age,” she says, with a dramatic wave of her hand.
“我从不透露自己的年龄，”她一边说，一边戏剧性地挥了挥手。
“Not even to my cats.” At her elbow is a man she calls her “agent.”
“甚至对我的猫也不行。”在她身边的是一个她称之为“经纪人”的男人。
David Nigel Lloyd wears a white linen suit of the same shade as his long beard, and a bolo tie with a turquoise stone at the center.
大卫·奈杰尔·劳埃德 (David Nigel Lloyd) 穿着一套与他的长胡须颜色相同的白色亚麻西装，打着一条中央镶嵌着绿松石宝石的波洛领带。
On his head is a large cowboy hat.
他的头上戴着一顶大牛仔帽。
He tells me he’s an adjunct professor at the local community college.
他告诉我他是当地社区大学的兼职教授。
“You might mistake it for a prison,” he says jovially, chuckling a bit at his own joke.
“你可能会误认为它是一座监狱，”他高兴地说，并为自己的笑话咯咯地笑起来。
I realize that more than anything, Suzanne wants a witness: Lloyd is there in case I’m not who I said I was.
我意识到，最重要的是，苏珊娜想要一个证人：劳埃德就在那里，以防我不是我所说的那个人。
Suzanne is mistrustful of me, and it’s taken a lot to get to this diner in the first place.
苏珊娜对我不信任，一开始就花了很多功夫才到这家餐馆。
Months before, as I put my pitch in the mail to her as she had requested, I’d thought about why I was so determined to meet and write about her, despite her skepticism.
几个月前，当我按照她的要求通过邮件向她表达自己的想法时，我想到了为什么我如此坚定地要见她并写下她的故事，尽管她对此表示怀疑。
Mostly, I was driven by anger.
大多数情况下，我是被愤怒驱使的。
Anger that arose from feeling dismissed by the male artists I knew — in grad school workshops, at parties where they talked right past me, even in my dating life.
愤怒源于我认识的男性艺术家的忽视——在研究生院的研讨会上，在他们在我身边说话的聚会上，甚至在我的约会生活中。
Like Suzanne, I had a history of getting involved with powerful, older men whose success I desired, even if my desire for them was on shakier ground.
和苏珊娜一样，我也有与有权有势、年长的男人交往的历史，我渴望他们的成功，即使我对他们的渴望并不稳固。
Suzanne would be my equalizer: Her story would help me become a peer of these men, rather than just another lit girl in black tights hanging on their every word as they dissected the latest issue of Harper’s .
苏珊娜将成为我的平衡者：她的故事将帮助我成为这些男人的同辈，而不仅仅是另一个穿着黑色紧身衣的明亮女孩，在他们剖析最新一期的《哈珀》时，紧盯着他们的每一句话。
In Suzanne, I saw the possibility not only of reckoning with what muses might be owed, but the chance to strike a blow for all the women who have inspired men’s art while struggling to be recognized for their own.
在苏珊娜身上，我不仅看到了思考缪斯女神的可能性，而且看到了为所有启发男性艺术同时努力让自己的艺术得到认可的女性带来打击的机会。
Almost immediately after we introduce ourselves at the diner, Suzanne launches into a rant, listing a set of grievances against those who have done her wrong, starting with her dance community in the ’60s.
几乎在我们在餐厅自我介绍后，苏珊娜就开始咆哮，列出了一系列对那些对她做错事的人的不满，从 60 年代她的舞蹈社区开始。
“When I was doing very avant-garde modern dance, other dancers would steal my ideas,” she says.
“当我跳非常前卫的现代舞时，其他舞者会窃取我的想法，”她说。
“Although they would laugh at me at first, or say ‘Oh, you’re doing that weird dancing now.’ I felt very betrayed.”
“尽管他们一开始会嘲笑我，或者说‘哦，你现在跳的舞很奇怪。’我感觉自己被背叛了。”
As she continues, it becomes clear that Suzanne believes much more than her choreography has been taken from her, that she’s been robbed of her story and her name, and maybe even her sense of self.
随着她的继续，很明显，苏珊娜相信，不仅仅是她的编舞被剥夺了，她的故事和名字，甚至可能是她的自我意识被剥夺了。
Poached, by every journalist hoping to gain more insight into Cohen’s psyche.
被每个希望更多地了解科恩心理的记者挖走。
By every Montreal establishment that still uses Suzanne’s myth to lure in tourists (one, Bar Suzanne, boasts a “Cohen Daquiri” on its cocktail menu).
蒙特利尔的每一家酒吧仍然利用苏珊娜的神话来吸引游客（其中一家苏珊娜酒吧，在其鸡尾酒菜单上夸耀“科恩达基里”）。
By the woman who, Suzanne tells me, once claimed to be Suzanne and then sang her namesake song with Peter Gabriel in France.
苏珊告诉我，这个女人曾经自称是苏珊，然后在法国与彼得·加布里埃尔一起演唱了她的同名歌曲。
Perhaps even by Cohen himself — and by extension, I imagine, all the men who were intoxicated by Suzanne but never really saw her.
也许甚至是科恩本人——我想，推而广之，所有被苏珊迷倒但从未真正见过她的男人也是如此。
Suzanne recalls being introduced to Leonard Cohen in the mid-sixties by her then-boyfriend, the sculptor Armand Vaillancourt.
苏珊娜回忆起六十年代中期，她当时的男友、雕塑家阿曼德·瓦扬古 (Armand Vaillancourt) 向她介绍认识了伦纳德·科恩 (Leonard Cohen)。
She was seventeen years old, just out of high school; Vaillancourt and Cohen were both in their thirties.
她十七岁，刚刚高中毕业。瓦扬古和科恩都三十多岁了。
Cohen and Suzanne shared a platonic attraction to one another, and spent days walking up and down the St. Lawrence River in Montreal, waxing philosophical about life and art.
科恩和苏珊娜对彼此有着柏拉图式的吸引力，他们花了几天时间在蒙特利尔的圣劳伦斯河上漫步，对生活和艺术产生了哲学思考。
Their relationship was never romantic, but as Suzanne remembers it, Cohen was fiercely protective of her, even having words with Vaillancourt about his indifferent, at times cold, behavior towards his younger girlfriend.
他们的关系从来都不是浪漫的，但正如苏珊娜所记得的那样，科恩对她非常保护，甚至与瓦扬古谈论他对年轻女友的冷漠，有时甚至冷漠的行为。
When Suzanne tells me about Montreal in the sixties, she paints a portrait of a city at the dawn of a cultural revolution, awash in creative happenings.
当苏珊娜向我讲述六十年代的蒙特利尔时，她描绘了一幅文化革命初期的城市肖像，充满了创造性的事件。
Bordering tenuously on the cusp of adulthood herself, Suzanne believed back then that art meant something, while money meant nothing at all.
苏珊娜当时正处于成年的边缘，她相信艺术有意义，而金钱则毫无意义。
With a body that was lean and strong, and a back she could bend in an arch as round and as dangerous as a bow, Suzanne’s dancing and choreography skills were the only currency that really mattered to her.
苏珊娜的身体精瘦而强壮，背部可以弯曲成弓形，像弓一样危险，她的舞蹈和编舞技巧是对她来说唯一真正重要的货币。
A fixture on the bohemian scene, she describes constantly fielding invites to the best, most elite clubs: the Pam Pam, Le Vieux Moulin, and Le Bistro, styled to look like a Parisian cafe.
她是波西米亚场景中的常客，她描述自己不断收到最好、最精英俱乐部的邀请：Pam Pam、Le Vieux Moulin 和 Le Bistro，其风格看起来像巴黎咖啡馆。
In her first big break, she was booked to dance on national television.
在她的第一次重大突破中，她被安排在国家电视台跳舞。
She performed in silver lamé as an homage to Marlene Dietrich, whom she had once seen in the flesh while working at the front desk at the Ritz Carlton Hotel.
她身穿银色金属丝面料表演，向玛琳·黛德丽致敬，她曾在丽思卡尔顿酒店前台工作时亲眼见过她。
Almost six decades later, Suzanne’s face lights up with a mixture of awe and pride as she recounts how Dietrich had walked down the stairs of the hotel, decked out in furs that trailed to the ground and holding a small, yapping dog in her arms.
大约六十年后，当苏珊娜回忆起迪特里希如何走下酒店的楼梯时，她的脸上充满了敬畏和自豪，她穿着拖到地面的毛皮，怀里抱着一只吠叫的小狗。
Meeting Suzanne’s gaze, Dietrich looked her up and down, and for a split second it was like Suzanne glimpsed her own future.
与苏珊娜的目光相遇，迪特里希上下打量着她，那一瞬间，苏珊娜仿佛看到了自己的未来。
Later Suzanne choreographed at Expo 67, Montreal’s international fair, where she instructed her dancers to paint their faces in white makeup and wear black unitards with white stripes down the arms and bodies.
后来，苏珊娜在蒙特利尔国际博览会第 67 届博览会上编排了舞蹈，她指导舞者在脸上涂上白色的化妆品，并穿着黑色紧身衣，手臂和身体上有白色条纹。
In photos, the dancers look uncannily like a Keith Haring painting — though this was years before Haring burst on the scene.
在照片中，舞者看起来不可思议地像基思·哈林的画作——尽管这是哈林突然出现的几年前。
It’s not entirely clear if it happened months or years after she and Cohen first met, but eventually the musician would create an enduring myth around Suzanne — who, in spite of her dancing and her ambitions, was also half Cohen’s age, soon to be pregnant with Vaillancourt’s baby, and living on the edge of poverty in a studio near the river.
目前还不完全清楚这件事发生在她和科恩第一次见面后的几个月还是几年后，但最终这位音乐家会围绕苏珊娜创造一个不朽的神话——尽管苏珊娜擅长跳舞、雄心勃勃，但她的年龄也只有科恩的一半，很快就怀上了瓦扬库尔的孩子，住在河边的工作室里，生活在贫困的边缘。
Cohen first wrote “Suzanne” as a poem, and had no intention of turning his ode into a song.
科恩最初将《苏珊娜》写成一首诗，并无意将他的颂歌变成歌曲。
In fact he didn’t think of himself as a singer/songwriter at all; he was an author on the brink of publishing his second novel, Beautiful Losers .
事实上，他根本不认为自己是一名歌手/词曲作者；他是一名歌手。他是一位作家，即将出版他的第二部小说《美丽的失败者》。
It was through the encouragement of his good friend, Judy Collins, that he began looking at the poem as lyrics, and it was Collins who first recorded it, on her album In My Life .
正是在他的好朋友朱迪·柯林斯的鼓励下，他开始将这首诗视为歌词，而柯林斯首先将这首诗录制在她的专辑《In My Life》中。
One year later, in late 1967, Cohen’s rendition appeared on his own breakthrough record, the release of which transformed him almost immediately from middling writer to full-blown folk god.
一年后，即 1967 年末，科恩的演绎出现在他自己的突破性唱片中，该唱片的发行几乎立即使他从中等作家转变为成熟的民间神。
Yet, in a contract he didn’t have the wherewithal to read, Cohen signed away the rights to “Suzanne,” ensuring he would never make any money from the song.
然而，在一份他没有足够资金阅读的合同中，科恩签下了《苏珊娜》的版权，确保他永远不会从这首歌中赚钱。
“The rights of it were stolen from me,” he says in a video of an early performance.
“它的权利被偷走了，”他在早期表演的视频中说道。
But he claimed the theft didn’t bother him: “I felt that was perfectly justified because it would be wrong to write this song and get rich from it too,” he explains, as the audience vigorously applauds.
但他声称盗窃事件并没有困扰他：“我觉得这是完全合理的，因为写这首歌并从中致富是错误的，”他解释道，观众热烈鼓掌。
In the end, though, Cohen did get rich.
但最终，科恩确实致富了。
By the time he died at age eighty-two, the day after the 2016 election, some sources estimated his net worth at forty million dollars.
2016 年大选后的第二天，82 岁的他去世时，一些消息来源估计他的净资产为 4000 万美元。
Suzanne, on the other hand, has spent nine years of her life homeless, living out of a caravan-like truck that she built with her son, Kahlil.
另一方面，苏珊娜已经九年无家可归，住在她和儿子卡利尔一起建造的一辆类似大篷车的卡车里。
Currently, she resides in a one-bedroom shack only a few miles from where we meet at the diner.
目前，她住在一间只有一间卧室的小屋里，距离我们在餐馆见面的地方只有几英里。
She struggles to find the couple hundred dollars she needs to pay rent every month.
她每个月都很难筹集到支付房租所需的几百美元。
“I need to find a way out,” she tells me from her perch on the vinyl-sided diner booth, hands scrunched into fists.
“我需要找到一条出路，”她坐在乙烯基餐厅的摊位上告诉我，双手紧握成拳头。
“The concrete floors are terrible for my back.”
“水泥地板对我的背部来说很糟糕。”
She also wrestles with the consequences of her distinct gift: her flair for divining greatness in other young artists.
她还努力应对自己独特天赋所带来的后果：她在其他年轻艺术家身上发现伟大的天赋。
This ability, she tells me, has been her best asset as well as her heaviest burden; in return, she forfeited her own ascent.
她告诉我，这种能力是她最好的资产，也是她最沉重的负担。作为回报，她放弃了自己的攀登。
“I would say, ‘Oh my gosh, you’ve got so much talent, why don’t you think about doing that?
“我会说，‘天哪，你有这么多的天赋，你为什么不考虑这样做呢？
Lo and behold, five years later, they’re doing it, and ten years later, they’re famous,” she says.
你瞧，五年后，他们做到了，十年后，他们出名了，”她说。
“I seem to have that insight, but the cobbler has no shoes.
“我似乎有这样的洞察力，但鞋匠没有鞋子。
I’m not always good for myself.”
我并不总是对自己好。”
It’s not only Cohen whom Suzanne understands she has inspired.
苏珊娜认为她启发的不仅仅是科恩。
Armand Vaillancourt has had a long and prolific art career; his publicly commissioned Vaillancourt Fountain is displayed prominently in San Francisco, and Suzanne thinks it was her influence in the early days of their relationship that helped Vaillancourt grow into the artist he is now.
Armand Vaillancourt 有着悠久而多产的艺术生涯。他公开委托制作的瓦扬古喷泉在旧金山的显着位置展出，苏珊娜认为正是她在他们关系初期的影响力帮助瓦扬古成长为现在的艺术家。
When I exchange emails with Vaillancourt though, he doesn’t mention this — or Suzanne’s dancing, or even the child they had together.
不过，当我与瓦扬古互发电子邮件时，他没有提到这一点，也没有提到苏珊娜的舞蹈，甚至没有提到他们一起生的孩子。
He simply writes, “Suzanne was a beautiful woman, you know.”
他只是简单地写道：“你知道，苏珊娜是一位美丽的女人。”
In the late seventies, while Suzanne was dancing on the renaissance festival circuit in Minnesota, she became good friends with a woman whose eleven-year-old daughter would grow up to be the writer Cheryl Strayed.
七十年代末，当苏珊娜在明尼苏达州的文艺复兴音乐节巡回演出时，她与一位女士成为了好朋友，这位女士十一岁的女儿长大后成为作家谢丽尔·斯特雷德。
Suzanne showed me her copy of Strayed’s memoir, Wild , which had a thoughtful inscription from the author inside.
苏珊娜给我看了她的斯特雷德回忆录《狂野》，里面有作者深思熟虑的题词。
In an email, Strayed remembered Suzanne as “magical and powerful.” “Her vibrancy took my breath away,” Strayed wrote.
在一封电子邮件中，斯特雷德回忆起苏珊娜“神奇而强大”。 “她的活力让我惊叹不已，”斯特雷德写道。
“She struck me as a very strong woman and her creative approach to life reminded me of my mom (even then).
“她给我的印象是一位非常坚强的女性，她创造性的生活方式让我想起了我的妈妈（即使在那时）。
My sister and I were utterly enchanted by her.
我和姐姐都被她迷住了。
Years later, when I learned she’d inspired the song, I could imagine exactly how that could happen.”
多年后，当我得知这首歌的灵感来源于她时，我可以准确想象这会如何发生。”
Strayed sends me a photograph of herself with Suzanne.
斯特雷德给我发了一张她和苏珊娜的照片。
In it, Suzanne’s eyes glitter and her hair is like a giant halo; her collarbones glisten beneath a heap of silver necklaces.
画面中，苏珊娜的眼睛闪闪发光，她的头发就像一个巨大的光环；她的锁骨在一堆银项链下闪闪发光。
Sitting next to her at the diner, David Nigel Lloyd is the latest in a long line of men Suzanne has trusted to protect her: many of them do so more than willingly.
在餐厅里，大卫·奈杰尔·劳埃德（David Nigel Lloyd）坐在她旁边，他是苏珊娜信任的一长串男人中最新的一个，他们中的许多人都非常愿意这样做。
I see Suzanne’s effect in action later that afternoon when she meets my boyfriend.
那天下午晚些时候，当苏珊娜遇见我的男朋友时，我看到了她的作用。
“Well aren’t you just a strong American hero,” she says, putting her hand on his arm.
“你不就是一个坚强的美国英雄吗？”她把手放在他的手臂上说道。
His eyes light up.
他的眼睛亮了起来。
If men have been Suzanne’s greatest necessity, they’re also the driving force behind her physical deterioration.
如果说男人是苏珊娜最需要的人，那么他们也是她身体恶化的推动力。
Suzanne relates her accident, one of her most traumatic experiences, back to a man — an experience that marks a before and after in her life.
苏珊娜将她的事故（她最痛苦的经历之一）讲述给一个男人——这段经历标志着她生命中的前后经历。
She holds back tears when she talks about it.
当她谈到这件事时，她强忍着泪水。
But then she puts it bluntly.
但随后她就直言不讳地说了。
“It’s like dying,” she says.
“这就像死一样，”她说。
“You’re never the same after that.”
“从那以后你就不再一样了。”
When it happened, Suzanne had been living in the US, teaching movement to actors in the same LA studio where Marilyn Monroe took her first classes.
事情发生时，苏珊娜一直住在美国，在玛丽莲·梦露上第一堂课的同一家洛杉矶工作室里向演员教授动作。
She also had a nice side gig going as a massage therapist.
她还兼职做按摩治疗师。
But she wanted to come to Hollywood to try her hand at choreographing and dancing in music videos.
但她想来好莱坞尝试在音乐录影带中编舞和跳舞。
Back in Montreal, Suzanne had had her own dance studio, but she had longed for something bigger, something a bit more center stage, and so she had packed up and moved to Hollywood to see if she could make it on the small screen.
回到蒙特利尔后，苏珊娜拥有了自己的舞蹈工作室，但她渴望拥有更大的、更中心的舞台，所以她收拾行装搬到了好莱坞，看看是否能在小银幕上崭露头角。
Though she was then already in her fifties, most people thought she looked much younger.
尽管她当时已经五十多岁了，但大多数人都认为她看起来年轻得多。
From photographs she showed me of that time I can see why.
从她给我看的照片中我可以看出原因。
She shacked up with a man who she knew in her gut was a bad guy.
她和一个她内心知道是坏人的男人同居了。
He bullied her constantly, but he also made her feel safe.
他不断地欺负她，但也让她有安全感。
While living together, she called him her “roommate” though sometimes he was also her “boyfriend.” He was paying the rent.
住在一起时，她称他为“室友”，尽管有时他也是她的“男朋友”。他正在付房租。
He was mad that other people connected with her, that he couldn’t have Suzanne all to himself.
他很生气其他人与她有联系，他不能完全拥有苏珊娜。
Suzanne claims that he said he had repaired the ladder on her truck.
苏珊娜声称他说他已经修理了她卡车上的梯子。
But when she climbed up, the ladder came loose, throwing her backwards toward the concrete.
但当她爬上去时，梯子松动了，把她向后扔到了水泥地上。
She put her hands out to break her fall.
她伸出双手，阻止跌倒。
Without that catch, the doctors said she would have been paralyzed.
医生说，如果没有这个捕获，她就会瘫痪。
But in protecting herself, she sacrificed her wrists, breaking both of them, one in three places that required the insertion of a metal rod.
但为了保护自己，她牺牲了自己的手腕，双腕都折断了，其中三个地方需要插入金属棒。
A bone in her lower lumbar broke, causing her vertebra to slip forward, eventually affecting all her organs.
她下腰椎的一块骨头断裂，导致她的椎骨向前滑动，最终影响了她的所有器官。
Talking about it, Suzanne puts her head in her hands, near tears.
说起这件事，苏珊娜双手抱头，泪流满面。
“Concrete has no bounce, no mercy; it’s completely unforgiving.”
“混凝土没有弹性，没有怜悯；它是完全无情的。”
As her tale turns, she stiffens, and her words become almost monotone.
随着故事的发展，她的表情变得僵硬，言语也变得几乎单调。
After the accident, Suzanne’s boyfriend put her out on the street.
事故发生后，苏珊娜的男朋友把她赶到了街上。
He didn’t care that she couldn’t work, she says, or that she’d never dance again.
她说，他不在乎她无法工作，也不在乎她再也不会跳舞了。
The hospital bills mounted, and suddenly she had absolutely nothing: no man, no apartment, and no money.
医院的账单不断增加，突然间她一无所有：没有男人，没有公寓，也没有钱。
Thankfully, she still had her camper, in which she’d spend most of the next decade driving up and down the coast looking for safe places to sleep.
值得庆幸的是，她仍然带着她的露营车，在接下来的十年里，她大部分时间都开着露营车沿着海岸行驶，寻找安全的睡觉地点。
Years ago, while parked in a Santa Monica parking lot late at night, Suzanne heard her cat Pookie hissing.
几年前，深夜，苏珊娜把车停在圣莫尼卡的停车场，听到她的猫普基发出嘶嘶声。
When she got up to investigate, she saw the dirty fingers of a wild-looking man trying to push her window down.
当她起身查看时，她看到一个看上去很狂野的男人用肮脏的手指试图把她的车窗推下来。
Suzanne jammed the keys into the ignition and got the hell out of there.
苏珊娜把钥匙插进点火开关，然后离开了那里。
She found another parking lot, and double-checked all the locks.
她找到了另一个停车场，并仔细检查了所有的锁。
Suzanne wanted to believe she was safe, but it was only another parking lot.
苏珊娜想要相信自己是安全的，但这只是另一个停车场。
Since then, Suzanne has tried to make every day a fresh one: clean linens, tidy hair, nice clothes.
从那时起，苏珊娜就努力让每一天都焕然一新：干净的床单、整洁的头发、漂亮的衣服。
She never wanted people to know the depth of her situation.
她从来不想让人们知道她的处境有多深。
“The stigma of being homeless is no joke.
“无家可归的耻辱可不是开玩笑。
People look down on you and think you must be a drug addict or a hopeless loser to be in such a situation,” Suzanne says.
人们瞧不起你，认为你一定是个吸毒者，或者是一个无可救药的失败者才会陷入这种境地，”苏珊娜说。
“It was very tough on my honor and my dignity.” She wanted them to watch her dancing on the beach as she moved to the beat of the drum circle — to take photographs of her, the way my friend’s father had, enchanted by her vivacity.
“这对我的荣誉和尊严来说非常艰难。”她希望他们在海滩上看着她随着鼓圈的节奏跳舞——为她拍照，就像我朋友的父亲那样，被她的活力所迷住。
Suzanne Verdal in an undated photo.
苏珊·维达尔（Suzanne Verdal）在一张未注明日期的照片中。
Provided by Suzanne Verdal.
由苏珊娜·维达尔提供。
After about an hour, Suzanne suggests we leave the diner and go back to the hotel where I’m staying.
大约一个小时后，苏珊娜建议我们离开餐厅，回到我住的酒店。
She wants to show me her old photographs and clippings, and doesn’t feel comfortable displaying all her mementos in a restaurant.
她想给我看她的旧照片和剪报，并且不愿意在餐厅里展示她所有的纪念品。
Suzanne is wary of people overhearing us, or the waitress spilling drinks on her portfolio.
苏珊娜很警惕别人偷听我们的谈话，或者女服务员把饮料洒在她的文件夹上。
I say sure, makes sense to me, and grab my purse.
我说当然，对我来说有道理，然后拿起我的钱包。
As we walk out, Suzanne clutches my hand tightly.
当我们走出去时，苏珊娜紧紧地握住我的手。
She looks closely at my face and asks if I have any Roma blood in me.
她仔细地看着我的脸，问我身上是否有罗姆人的血统。
She herself has been deemed an “unofficial Roma Gypsy” because of her devotion to learning the cultural folk dancing, she explains.
她解释说，由于她致力于学习民间舞蹈文化，她本人被视为“非官方的罗马吉普赛人”。
When we get to her camper, she hoists herself up into the driver’s seat, and turns around to shut the heavy door.
当我们到达她的露营车时，她坐进驾驶座，转身关上沉重的门。
With her green painted fingernails clasped on the door handle, she tells me again that writing about her will bring me the success I want.
她涂着绿色的指甲紧扣在门把手上，再次告诉我，写下她会给我带来我想要的成功。
“I could be your key,” she says.
“我可以成为你的钥匙，”她说。
Then she backs up the camper and waits to follow me to my hotel.
然后她倒回露营车，等着跟着我去酒店。
During the short drive, I watch Suzanne in my rearview mirror and wonder how she was able to put her finger so squarely on my desires.
在短暂的车程中，我从后视镜中看着苏珊娜，想知道她是如何能够如此直接地满足我的愿望。
I’d told myself — and explained to Suzanne — that I wanted to write a feminist defense of her, arguing that she deserves credit she has so long been denied.
我告诉自己——并向苏珊解释——我想为她写一篇女权主义辩护书，认为她值得赞扬，而她长期以来一直被否认。
Yet I can feel my eagerness betray me, in the way I lean in just a little too far when she offers predictions about my future.
但我能感觉到我的渴望背叛了我，当她对我的未来做出预测时，我的态度有点过分了。
Like all the others, I want something from her.
和其他人一样，我想从她那里得到一些东西。
I want some of her story, some of her mythological magic, to wear off on me.
我希望她的一些故事，她的一些神话魔力能够在我身上消失。
Behind me Suzanne is maneuvering her unwieldy camper at fifteen miles an hour.
在我身后，苏珊娜正以每小时十五英里的速度驾驶着她笨重的露营车。
It’s a sight to behold: There’s a kind of wooden house that sits atop the flatbed, complete with windows and shingles, like a giant birdhouse on wheels.
这是一个值得一看的景象：有一种木屋坐落在平板上，配有窗户和木瓦，就像一个带轮子的巨型鸟舍。
Suzanne has to steer slowly and carefully, making sure to keep the center of gravity directly over the middle — one sharp turn and she could lose everything she has left.
苏珊娜必须缓慢而小心地驾驶，确保重心保持在中间正上方——一个急转弯，她可能会失去剩下的一切。
When we get to the hotel, I hold on to Suzanne’s elbow and help her up the one flight of stairs from the parking lot to my room.
当我们到达酒店时，我抓住苏珊娜的肘部，帮助她爬上一段楼梯，从停车场到我的房间。
In spite of her difficulty walking, she’s wearing high heels, character shoes actually, the kind with an ankle strap and chunky heel that Broadway dancers wear on stage.
尽管走路有困难，她还是穿着高跟鞋，实际上是个性鞋，就是百老汇舞者在舞台上穿的那种带有踝带和粗跟的鞋。
I recognize them from my own days as an aspiring actor, the seven unbearable years I spent auditioning in New York and getting nowhere.
我从我自己作为一个有抱负的演员的时代就认识到了这些，那是我在纽约试镜却一事无成的难以忍受的七年。
Staring at her feet, I’m aware that while I no longer harbor ambitions of being a professional ingenue, I’m still after that elusive feeling of having “arrived.”
凝视着她的脚，我意识到，虽然我不再怀有成为一名职业天真少女的野心，但我仍然在追求那种难以捉摸的“到达”的感觉。
Suzanne and I sit next to each other on a love seat and she takes out a big black book full of laminated reference letters, personal correspondence, and photographs of her as a young woman in various costumes and leotards.
苏珊娜和我坐在双人沙发上，她拿出一本黑色大书，里面装满了层压的推荐信、私人信件，以及她年轻时穿着各种服装和紧身衣的照片。
There are pictures from a commune in the south of France, and more of her dancing at various renaissance fairs in the Midwest.
有法国南部一个公社的照片，还有更多她在中西部各种文艺复兴集市上跳舞的照片。
In some she wears long brocade gowns that make her look like a medieval princess, and in others her hair is voluminous, spilling over bare shoulders that shimmer in peasant tops.
在一些照片中，她穿着锦缎长袍，让她看起来像中世纪的公主；在另一些照片中，她的头发浓密，披散在裸露的肩膀上，在农家上衣中闪闪发光。
There are two photos taken right before her accident.
有两张照片是她出事前拍摄的。
In one, she’s wearing a top hat and an army jacket, flashing a peace sign.
其中一张照片中，她戴着高礼帽，穿着军装夹克，手上闪着和平的手势。
“I think this one would be good for Rolling Stone ,” she says.
“我认为这对滚石乐队来说是件好事，”她说。
“On account of the hat.” I move toward it but she put her hand out to stop me: “Time to talk.”
“因为帽子。”我朝它走去，但她伸出手阻止我：“该说话了。”
Suzanne wants me to pay her for the rest of the interview.
苏珊娜要我付她剩下的采访费用。
For her story, she demands either a thousand dollars, or that I take her to Walmart to buy her a “starter computer.” From our previous correspondence, I already know Suzanne doesn’t have a smart phone, an email address, or even understand how to text.
对于她的故事，她要么要求一千美元，要么我带她去沃尔玛给她买一台“入门电脑”。从我们之前的通信中，我已经知道苏珊娜没有智能手机，没有电子邮件地址，甚至不懂如何发短信。
It’s possible she’s never used the internet.
她可能从未使用过互联网。
I feel queasy.
我感到恶心。
Part of me wants to give her the money — she obviously could use it, and don’t I want to help her?
我的一部分想给她钱——她显然可以用它，我难道不想帮助她吗？
— though I don’t actually have a thousand dollars in my bank account.
——尽管我的银行账户里实际上没有一千美元。
I wonder briefly if she’d accept a couple hundred instead, before I recall, relieved, that I have neutral principles to fall back on.
我短暂地想知道她是否会接受几百个，然后我松了口气，想起我有中立的原则可以依靠。
But when I tell Suzanne it’s unethical for journalists to pay their sources, she tries negotiating.
但当我告诉苏珊娜，记者向消息来源付费是不道德的，她尝试进行谈判。
She asks for less money, then for me to help her build a website, then for a cheaper computer.
她要的钱少一些，然后要我帮她建立一个网站，然后要一台更便宜的电脑。
The more she tries to haggle, the more I understand how much Suzanne believes she is owed — an eternal debt incurred when Leonard Cohen wrote a song that wouldn’t exist without her, and for which she got nothing.
她越是试图讨价还价，我就越明白苏珊娜认为自己欠了她多少钱——这是一笔永恒的债务，因为莱昂纳德·科恩写了一首没有她就不会存在的歌曲，而她却一无所获。
The last time Suzanne saw Cohen was in the early eighties in Montreal.
苏珊最后一次见到科恩是八十年代初在蒙特利尔。
She was standing on the sidelines of his gig and curtsied to him.
她站在他的演出场边，向他行屈膝礼。
“You gave me a great song, girl,” he said.
“你给了我一首很棒的歌，女孩，”他说。
But that recognition was never enough for Suzanne.
但这种认可对苏珊娜来说还不够。
She believed Cohen had the financial means to make her life easier.
她相信科恩有经济能力让她的生活更轻松。
He could at least have helped her when she was homeless.
当她无家可归时，他至少可以帮助她。
I ask Suzanne if she had reached out to Cohen during that time: She hadn’t, but insisted he must have known about her situation because of an interview she’d done with the CBC.
我问苏珊娜在那段时间是否联系过科恩：她没有，但坚称他一定知道她的情况，因为她接受了 CBC 的采访。
That segment, she said, went on to win a Gemini Award, Canada’s version of the Emmys.
她说，这个片段后来赢得了双子座奖，这是加拿大版的艾美奖。
Suzanne harbored a bitter grudge against the journalists who made it because, as she told me, they hadn’t invited her to the awards ceremony.
苏珊娜对参加颁奖典礼的记者心怀怨恨，因为正如她告诉我的那样，他们没有邀请她参加颁奖典礼。
Later I searched for that award-winning interview on YouTube.
后来我在 YouTube 上搜索了那篇获奖采访。
I turned up only a short clip with Suzanne, from a German production that was part of a series on women who influenced pop music.
我只找到了一段与苏珊娜的短片，来自德国制作的一部关于影响流行音乐的女性系列的一部分。
In it, Suzanne reiterates that Cohen should have helped her financially.
苏珊娜在其中重申科恩应该在经济上帮助她。
“It was beneath me to ask Leonard for anything,” she says.
“向伦纳德提出任何要求都是我的失格，”她说。
“It seems to me he could have offered.” When I reached out to the CBC, they were confused about what I was looking for, then sent me a twenty-minute audio story about Cohen’s song.
“在我看来，他本可以提供。”当我联系加拿大广播公司时，他们对我要找的内容感到困惑，然后给我发了一段关于科恩歌曲的二十分钟的音频故事。
In the audio recording, journalist Paul Kennedy narrates Suzanne’s legend: “But what about the woman behind the lyrics?
在录音中，记者保罗·肯尼迪讲述了苏珊娜的传奇：“但是歌词背后的女人呢？
It speaks of a beautiful young woman, an artist in her own right, who inspires an up-and-coming young poet to write an immortal love song.
它讲述了一位美丽的年轻女子，她本身就是一位艺术家，她激励一位崭露头角的年轻诗人写出一首不朽的情歌。
They inevitably part ways.
他们不可避免地分道扬镳。
His career takes off.
他的事业起飞了。
Her life falls slowly apart.”
她的生活慢慢崩溃了。”
Often while Suzanne and I talk, she cuts herself off mid-sentence.
当我和苏珊娜谈话时，她常常会说到一半就打断。
She can’t go into further details, she says, because she’s saving the material for her own memoir, titled Rags and Feathers , a line taken from Cohen’s song.
她说，她无法透露更多细节，因为她正在为自己的回忆录保留这些材料，题为《破布和羽毛》，这句话取自科恩的歌曲。
“He stole from me,” Suzanne says, blank-faced.
“他偷了我的东西，”苏珊面无表情地说。
“So, I’m going to steal from him.”
“那我就去偷他的东西吧。”
Next to me on that love seat in my hotel room in Yreka is a woman so overshadowed by the work of art she inspired — or at least her own concept of it — that she seems to have no other identity.
在我位于怀里卡的酒店房间里，坐在我旁边的双人沙发上的是一位女士，她的灵感——或者至少是她自己的艺术观念——让她的艺术作品黯然失色，以至于她似乎没有其他身份。
Even now Suzanne has no idea how to be anyone other than the young bohemian who sees “heroes in the seaweed,” as Cohen wrote, though that way of life is also slowly killing her, and it’s hard to know where to place the blame.
即使现在，苏珊娜也不知道如何成为除了科恩所写的那个看到“海藻中的英雄”的年轻波西米亚人之外的任何人，尽管这种生活方式也在慢慢地杀死她，而且很难知道该归咎于哪里。
Is it the misogyny inherent in the position of muse, or her own willful narcissism, or some combination of the two?
是缪斯地位中固有的厌女症，还是她自己的任性自恋，还是两者的某种结合？
Does my attention only make things worse?
我的关注只会让事情变得更糟吗？
“I don’t want to be a footnote in someone else’s story,” she tells me.
“我不想成为别人故事中的脚注，”她告诉我。
It’s a line she repeats often throughout our time together, like some kind of mantra.
我们在一起的时候，她经常重复这句话，就像某种咒语。
Yet in carrying Cohen’s projection of her around for so long, Suzanne has disappeared under the weight of “Suzanne.”
然而，在这么长时间里带着科恩对她的投影，苏珊娜已经在“苏珊娜”的重压下消失了。
Later that night after our interview, Suzanne leaves three voicemails, begging me to scrub the record of some poems she had written and read aloud to me.
那天晚上，我们采访结束后，苏珊娜留下了三封语音邮件，恳求我擦掉她写的一些诗的记录，并大声朗读给我听。
She’s fixated on the idea that her work hasn’t been copyrighted, and terrified that someone might plagiarize her writing.
她坚信自己的作品没有受版权保护，并担心有人可能抄袭她的作品。
Unsettled, I call back and tell her I’ll redact them from the transcript, but that’s not enough.
我心神不宁，回电话告诉她我会从笔录中删掉这些内容，但这还不够。
She wants me to deliver a handwritten statement declaring that I will never quote from her written work.
她要我提交一份手写声明，声明我永远不会引用她的书面作品。
The next morning, I do as she asked and stop by her place.
第二天早上，我按照她的要求去了她的住处。
It is the first and only time I see where Suzanne lives, a small derelict house with a porch covered in dusty succulents and other overgrown plants.
这是我第一次也是唯一一次看到苏珊娜住的地方，一座废弃的小房子，门廊上长满了灰尘的多肉植物和其他杂草丛生的植物。
No one answers when I knock.
我敲门时没有人回应。
As I wait, swatting away flies and watching cats climb in and out of the windows, I wonder if Suzanne is testing me.
当我等待时，一边赶走苍蝇，一边看着猫爬进爬出窗户，我想知道苏珊娜是否在考验我。
Earlier, I had tried to assuage her fears and reassure her that copyrighting her poems wasn’t necessary.
早些时候，我曾试图减轻她的恐惧，并向她保证没有必要为她的诗歌提供版权。
But maybe what she was really worried about was me pilfering her words.
但也许她真正担心的是我窃取了她的话。
After five minutes, I pin my note beneath a small clay pot and leave.
五分钟后，我把纸条钉在一个小陶罐下面然后离开。
Now, Suzanne takes your hand and she leads you to the river She’s wearing rags and feathers from Salvation Army counters And the sun pours down like honey on our lady of the harbor And she shows you where to look among the garbage and the flowers
现在，苏珊拉着你的手，带你到河边 她穿着救世军柜台上的破布和羽毛 阳光像蜂蜜一样倾泻在我们的港口女士身上 她告诉你在垃圾和鲜花中该往哪里看
Over the next few months, I expected to get more of these anxious messages, but Suzanne never calls.
在接下来的几个月里，我预计会收到更多这些焦虑的信息，但苏珊娜从来没有打电话过来。
Finally, wanting to fact-check a quote, I reach out to her.
最后，为了核实报价的事实，我联系了她。
After sounding confused about who I am, she starts to scream at me.
在听起来对我是谁感到困惑后，她开始对我尖叫。
She’s angry that I hadn’t offered her a glass of water during our interview.
她很生气我在采访期间没有给她一杯水。
She says that I “lacked any insight and maturity as a woman.” She tells me that I’m nothing but opportunistic.
她说我“缺乏作为一个女人的洞察力和成熟度”。她告诉我，我只不过是机会主义者。
Maybe she’s right.
也许她是对的。
In a photo my boyfriend took of her and I together in my hotel room, we look like we could be related.
在我男朋友为我和她在酒店房间里拍的一张照片中，我们看起来像是有亲戚关系。
We share the same dark hair, though I’m letting mine go gray.
我们有着同样的黑发，但我让我的头发变白。
We have the same black arched eyebrows, the same large eyes.
我们有同样的黑色拱形眉毛，同样的大眼睛。
Suzanne always reflected to others what they needed to see in order to fulfill their own destiny; as Cohen succinctly put it so many years ago, “Suzanne holds the mirror.”
苏珊总是向别人反映他们需要看到什么才能实现自己的命运；正如科恩多年前简洁地说的那样，“苏珊娜拿着镜子。”
Near the end of our meeting, Suzanne listed the names of big glossy magazines where she thought a profile of her should be published.
在我们的会议即将结束时，苏珊娜列出了她认为应该发表她的简介的大型杂志的名称。
When I demurred, she once again started to cry.
当我提出异议时，她又哭了起来。
I reached out and patted her hand.
我伸出手，拍拍她的手。
I tried my best to tactfully relay that magazine publishing today is a whole different ballgame than it used to be.
我尽力巧妙地传达这样的信息：今天的杂志出版与以前完全不同。
I suspect Suzanne hopes getting into Rolling Stone would mean some kind of payout for her, so I’m gentle when I tell her that the most I’ve ever been paid by a publication like that was a far cry from a dollar-per-word.
我怀疑苏珊娜希望加入《滚石》杂志对她来说意味着某种报酬，所以当我告诉她，我从这样的出版物获得的最高报酬与每字一美元相差甚远时，我很温柔。
She looked up at me through wet, ink-rimmed lashes.
她抬起头，透过湿润、沾满墨水的睫毛看着我。
“Maybe I’m just not relevant anymore,” she said.
“也许我已经不再重要了，”她说。
My heart sank.
我的心沉了下去。
I think back to the woman in the painting on the back cover of Cohen’s record, the one I believed was Suzanne when I was a child.
我回想起科恩唱片封底画中的那个女人，我相信那个女人就是我小时候的苏珊娜。
That image is actually a popular Catholic icon: the Anima Sola, or lonely soul, which depicts a woman in purgatory.
该图像实际上是一个流行的天主教图标：Anima Sola，或孤独的灵魂，描绘了一个炼狱中的女人。
The flames that surround her represent the eternal wait to be released to heaven.
她周围的火焰代表着对被释放到天堂的永恒等待。
In a 1971 interview, Cohen had a different interpretation; he believed the woman was breaking free from her chains and leaving the blazing, raging prison behind.
在 1971 年的一次采访中，科恩有不同的解释；他相信那个女人正在挣脱锁链，离开熊熊燃烧的监狱。
“It is the triumph of the spirit over matter,” he said.
“这是精神对物质的胜利，”他说。
Whether trapped or transcendent, maybe I was right in sensing some kind of kinship between that solitary woman and Suzanne.
无论是陷入困境还是超越，也许我正确地感觉到那个孤独的女人和苏珊娜之间有某种血缘关系。
But my desire to liberate her was probably doomed from the start: I could not know her, much less save her.
但我想要解放她的愿望可能从一开始就注定了：我无法认识她，更不用说拯救她了。
What I wanted for Suzanne was always attached to what I wanted from her.
我对苏珊娜的期望总是与我对她的期望联系在一起。
I think she understood that from the beginning.
我想她从一开始就明白这一点。
As she was gathering her belongings to leave my hotel room, she turned to me one last time.
当她收拾行李准备离开我的酒店房间时，她最后一次转向我。
Grasping at my wrist, she implored me again.
她抓住我的手腕，再次恳求我。
“Be ambitious,” Suzanne said.
“要雄心勃勃，”苏珊娜说。
“Burn for it.
“为之燃烧。
We can both benefit.” She held the mirror, and saw right through me.
我们双方都能受益。”她拿着镜子，看穿了我。
At Guernica , we’ve spent the last 15 years producing uncompromising journalism.
在格尔尼卡，我们在过去 15 年里一直致力于制作毫不妥协的新闻报道。
More than 80% of our finances come from readers like you.
我们 80% 以上的资金来自像您这样的读者。
And we’re constantly working to produce a magazine that deserves you—a magazine that is a platform for ideas fostering justice, equality, and civic action.
我们一直在努力制作一本值得您阅读的杂志，它是促进正义、平等和公民行动的思想平台。
If you value Guernica ’s role in this era of obfuscation, please donate .
如果您重视《格尔尼卡》在这个混乱时代所扮演的角色，请捐赠。